OCTOBER 31ST 2001
JOEY
“ONE MORE STREET, JOE,” Ollie begged, hands clasped together, as he stared up at me with those big brown eyes that usually made me cave in and give him whatever he wanted.
Not tonight.
There was an underage disco happening at the GAA pavilion tonight to celebrate Halloween, and as soon I got these two fuckers home to bed, I had every intention of attending – and getting shitfaced.
It was the only thing that was keeping me going; knowing that there was a naggin of vodka, and a joint with my name on them, waiting for me across town.
“You’ve a carrier bag full of sweets, lad.” Leaning against someone randomer’s garden wall, I played another mindless round of snake on my phone, ignoring the hordes of trick or treaters running up and down the street. “You have plenty.”
“Tadhg gots more than me,” Ollie whined. “He gots a whole bag more than me – see, Joe!” He pointed at our brother, who was carting around an overflowing plastic bag of sweets in one arm, and an equally overflowing pillowcase thrown over his shoulder. “It’s not fair.”
“Give it a rest, ya big moaner,” Tadhg shot back with a snicker. “Maybe if you stopped trying to have a conversation with every old biddy that answers the door to ya, then you’d have gotten more houses done.”
“I was being nice,” Ollie shot back, tone hurt. “I was using my manners.”
“And I was using my brain,” Tadhg countered. “So quit complaining.”
“But he gots more than me,” Ollie complained again. “Look, Joe, look…”
“That just means that Tadhg’s going to be a whole lot fatter than you,” I replied, distracted, and then muttering a string of curses under my breath when I got killed in my game.
“Yeah, well, my costume is better than his,” Ollie grumbled, gesturing to the makeshift cape and mask that Shannon had made for him. “I’m Robin.”
“Don’t get carried away with yourself, Ols,” Tadhg shot back. “You’ve a black bin bag wrapped around your shoulders. You look more like a bag of shit someone dragged out of a wheely bin than Robin.”
“Tadhg,” I warned. “Pack it in. He’s only small.”
“Yeah, well, I look better than you,” Ollie huffed, folding his skinny arms across his equally skinny chest. “You’re a crappy Batman.”
“Maybe, I am,” Tadhg agreed. “But I still got more sweets than you.”
“Right,” I said, shoving my phone into my pocket. “Come on, lads, we’ve been out for almost two hours. Time to get ye home. I’ve things to do.”
“What things?” Tadhg demanded, eyeing me warily, as I herded them across the road, grabbing ahold of Ollie’s hand when he almost ran out in front of a car.
Smirking, I gave him a wink. “A Gard wouldn’t ask that question.”
“Uh-oh,” Ollie grumbled, plodding along beside me. “That sounds like trouble.”
You have no idea, kid.
“I already know where you’re going anyway,” Tadhg huffed. “That disco in the Pav.”
“Then why’d ya ask?”
He shrugged. “Don’t know.”
“Is it fancy dress?” Ollie’s face lit up. “Do you gots a costume?”
“It’s got, not gots,” Tadhg sighed. “Learn how to speak, will you?”
“Tadhg,” I said in a warning tone before answering Ollie. “I don’t know, kid. I suppose some of the girls will dress up.”
“In scary costumes?”
More like as slutty angels and devils. “Some of them,” I offered instead, distracted at the possibility.
Without my brain’s permission, my imagination conjured up a fantastic fucking visual of Molloy; with her long legs on full display in red, fishnet stockings, and her tits pressed together in a skimpy white nurse’s dress with one of those little nurse’s hats perched on top of her long, blonde hair.
Jesus.
But then my imagination went all Judas on me by envisioning Paul the prick all over her on the dancefloor, and I physically balked.
Thoroughly disgusted now, I pushed all thoughts of Molloy to the back of my mind and concentrated on getting the boys home.
When I brought my brothers home after trick or treating, Shannon greeted us at the front door, waiting patiently for her cut of the loot – an agreement she and the boys had shaken on when she agreed to make their costumes.
Leaving them to their arguing, I hurried upstairs to take a shower and change my clothes.
When I walked into the kitchen twenty minutes later, Mam was at her usual perch at the table.
“You smell nice,” she said, nursing a cup of tea. “Are you going out?”
“There’s a disco over at the Pav, tonight. I’m meeting Podge and a few of the lads from school there,” I replied, tone civilized, something that was always easier to do when the old man was out of the house.
A massive blowup last week had sent my father temporarily packing.
“Any sign of him?” I asked, reaching into the fridge for a can of coke. “Did he phone?”
Because let’s face it, we all knew he would.
Once he grew bored of whatever flavor of the week that he’d decided was better than the mother of his children, he’d come crawling back.
He always did.
“No.” Shaking her head, she released a small sigh. “I told you last week, he’s gone—“
“For good this time,” I finished for her, reeling off the same line I’d heard at least half a dozen times a year since I was old enough to remember. “Will you be okay on your own with the kids?” I eyed her swollen belly and a swell of concern gnawed at my gut. “I can stay home if you need me to.”
“No, you should go,” she said, pulling herself to her feet. “I’ll be fine here.”
“Mam, if I go out, I’ll be late.” In other words, I won’t be back if you change your mind and decide you need me. “Are ya sure you’ll be alright?” I frowned, uncertain. “What about the, uh, the baby?”
“I’m not due for another three weeks,” she replied. “And I’ve Shannon here to keep me company.” Smiling, which was a rare sight these days, she added, ”we might get a Chinese and watch a film once the boys go to bed.”
“Yeah, I wouldn’t count on them going to sleep anytime soon,” I told her, thinking about the bags of sweets they’d collected. “Here…“ pausing for a moment, I reached into my jeans pocket and pulled out a twenty euro note. “Get your takeaway with that.”
“No, no, no,” Mam argued, shaking her head. “That’s yours. I have enough money.”
No, she didn’t.
I knew this because I’d watched her put her last tenner in the electric meter earlier.
“It’s grand. I got paid yesterday,” I told her, thrusting the money into her hand. “I still have money for myself.”
She stared at the money in her hand for a long moment before shakily stuffing it into her dressing gown pocket. “Thank you, Joey.”
“It’s grand. Just make sure Shannon eats something, will ya,” I said, grabbing my keys and moving for the front door. “She’s skin and bones these days.” You both are.
“I will, I promise,” Mam replied, following me to the front door, and then lingering awkwardly in the doorway when I stepped outside. “Have a good night.”
“Yeah,” I replied. “You too, Mam.”
“Joey,” she called out when I was standing at the garden wall. Wrapping her dressing gown tightly around herself, Mam hurried towards me.
Frozen to spot, I didn’t move a muscle when she reached up and pressed her small hand to my cheek.
Blue eyes watering with unshed tears, she leaned up on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to my cheek. “Be safe.”
“Yeah,” I replied gruffly, clearing my throat, as guilt filled me for the sins that we both knew I would commit tonight. “I will, Mam.”
