OCTOBER 31ST 2001
JOEY
MOLLOY WAS a distraction to me on a normal day.
Throw in a sexy angel costume, and a belly full of booze, and the girl was a recipe for disaster.
I had found myself watching her for most of the night for two reasons.
The first reason being that she was a fucking delight to look at. All long legs, curved hips, blonde hair, and braless tits barely contained beneath that scrap of white silk she called a dress, as she danced like nobody was watching – which brought me to the second reason why she owned my attention.
Everyone was watching.
Well, everyone with a dick and a penchant for pussy.
I wasn’t the only one to notice the attention she’d been receiving, either.
I’d always thought she was too good for him, and I’d been proven right by the way he conducted himself tonight. Stamping his feet like a fucking toddler because his girlfriend was garnering more male attention than his ego could handle.
Ricey’s behavior didn’t exactly vouch for his faith in Molloy – or their relationship when he bulldozed onto the dancefloor like he was the fun police and spat the proverbial dummy in epic fashion.
I knew that Molloy was far from a wilting flower, and could handle herself up against just about anyone, but when I saw the way her asshole boyfriend manhandled her on the dancefloor, I had lost my shit.
I knew it wasn’t my place to intervene, I had no business sticking my nose into their relationship, but I physically couldn’t stop myself from doing exactly that.
I did what I always did, dived in headfirst and to hell with the consequences.
And just like always it backfired on me.
Because I had come this close to fucking everything up.
And in all honesty, if it hadn’t been for Shane and the lads pulling up, I wouldn’t have given it a second thought.
I would have done a lot more than kiss those pouty red lips of hers. I would have taken from her, something I had no right to have.
In the end, it was just as well that we had been interrupted, because when I came back to the Pavilion after settling up with Shane, she was with him.
After that, my mood had darkened to the point of no return.
Only Jesus Christ himself knew how irrationally jealous and hopeless I’d been feeling when I crushed and snorted the oxy that I’d scored from Shane, but it had given me exactly what I’d wanted.
An escape.
Higher than Everest, I swayed from side to side, as my mind drifted in and out of reality. The fantastic fucking feeling of nothing claiming my consciousness, taking me to a place I never wanted to leave.
Was I breathing?
I couldn’t tell.
I couldn’t care if I wanted to. And I didn’t.
I just wanted to stop feeling.
To stop caring.
To stop, period.
“You’re so gorgeous.”
Eyes closed, I leaned heavily against the cool concrete at my back, with my hands hanging limply at my sides, as a stranger’s hands pulled at my flesh.
“Your six-pack is insane.”
Tonight, I wanted to float away, to just disappear, and have nobody depend on me for a few short hours, but then the voice kept talking in my ear, and dragging me away from oblivion.
“Joey…are you with me?”
No, I wasn’t with her.
“I thought you were into this?”
I was floating the fuck away.
“Joey.”
Nothing.
“Joey.”
Numb.
“Joey.”
Let me go.
“Joey, isn’t that your mother?”
“Oh my god, what’s his mam doing here?”
“Hey – snap out of it, fucker.”
A hard smacking noise vibrated through my thoughts, bringing with it a burning sensation to the side of my face.
“What’s wrong with him?”
“Nothing, he’s grand.”
“Grand? Look at him. He’s out of his mind – get away from my son.”
“Get it together, Joe.”
“Joe, lad, your mam’s here.”
“Joey, wake up, I need you.”
Mashing my lips together, I forced my eyes to blink open, and watched as a familiar face drifted in and out of focus.
‘What did you take?’ I heard my mother demand, as she held my face between her small hands. “What did you take, Joey!” Releasing a pained grunt, she breathed hard and fast for minute or two before turning her attention back to me. ‘What did you do to yourself?’
Fuck if I could remember.
‘I’m grand,’ I slurred, reveling in the fucking fantastic feeling of warmth rushing through my body. “Where are ya…Mam, you’re here.”
“Yes, I’m here,” she snapped, catching ahold of my hand like I was a small child. I hadn’t been one of those in a very long time. “I came to get you because I need to go to the hospital,” she choked out, as she pulled me along after her. “I wanted you to look after your brothers, so Shannon could be with me, but it’s clear that you can’t even look after yourself.”
Freewheeling, I allowed her to lead me wherever she had decided I needed to be.
It didn’t matter to me where that was.
Nothing mattered now.
“Are ya having the baby, Mam?” I asked, mashing my lips together, as I tried and failed to brush the hair out of my eyes. “Another one?”
“Yes, Joey, I am.” The sound a car door opening filled my ears, and then I was being pushed inside, landing on my face in the back seat. “You’re a disgrace.”
“I know,” I agreed drowsily, feeling her slide into the seat alongside me. “I’m sorry, Mam…”
“Don’t speak,” she snapped before she instructed who I presumed was a taxi-driver to take us to the hospital.
‘Stop crying, Mam.’ Dragging myself into a sitting position, I attempted to pull at my seat belt before giving up entirely and letting her do it for me instead. “I’ll, ah, it’s all grand…”
‘You’re breaking my heart.” Her voice cracked. ‘You’re killing yourself.’
The feelings I knew I should have, weren’t present inside the gaping hole in my chest. I was fucked. There was no point in denying it. No point in fighting it, either. Not when my own mother didn’t have faith in me.
“You’re just like him. In every way.”
What was the point in fighting my DNA?
This was who I was, and I had a horrible feeling that I couldn’t be fixed or put back together again.
I couldn’t reset my life. I was paralyzed and trapped in a body that resembled the person I despised most of all.
Well, almost.
I was starting to despise myself just that little bit more these days.
It killed me to know that I was hurting my mother, though.
To think that I was making her feel the way he did.
“Yeah.” Closing my eyes, I dropped my head on her shoulder and sighed. “Okay, Mam.”
