Come Wednesday, midterms are in full effect and caffeine is the food of choice. Most of those on campus are hunkered down with study groups, essays, and a million other things that keep all of us busy and on the go. I’ve seen Cameron twice all week, talked to my brother once outside of a few texts, and while I haven’t seen Noah either, we’ve both found the time to respond to each other’s messages.
Except for today.
Today, I didn’t hear back from him, but they traveled all day yesterday, and this morning played their first early game. I’m not sure what his game day routine is, so I figure he likes to stay busy and focused, and maybe he’d text me later, but then the game ended. Badly.
His receiver fumbled with three minutes on the clock, and the opposing team picked it up, running it back to score a touchdown. If that weren’t bad enough, he was sacked twice in the next drive, and the coach pulled him out of the game when he hopped up limping.
Mason got to go in as his backup, but it was already third down. There wasn’t enough time left, and the Sharks took the loss.
Noah was okay, though, because I watched him walk off the field after interviews.
I tried to text him after the game, but he didn’t answer then either, so I think he might be the sit back and reflect after a defeat type, which is why I’m sitting here staring at Cameron, unsure of what to do.
She cocks her hip. “Well? Are you coming or not?”
“You said they just got home two hours ago. Are you sure they’re partying? Shouldn’t they, like, sleep?”
She scoffs, as she moves to my desk and snags a pair of dangly earrings. “Please, they had midterms just like the rest of us. They’re pissed, tired, and in need of a pick-me-up.”
“Who called?”
“Brady. He said he left you a message too.”
Frowning, I pick up my phone, and sure enough, I have a voicemail from Brady and one from Mason. “They must have called when I was taking out the trash.”
I look at her, and she folds her hands in front of her in a prayer-like motion.
“What if he doesn’t feel like hanging out? Or what if he’s busy?”
“Honey, he will get unbusy when you show up. Trust that.” She stomps like an excited child. “Come on, please! You’re already looking fine, fresh face, hair did, so let’s go!”
Biting my lip, I push to my feet. “Okay, hurry before I change my mind.”
Cameron squeals, throws her arm around my shoulders and we’re out the door.
Less than an hour later, we’re walking up the porch to the football house.
Mason spots us the second we step inside—I’d swear he had GPS trackers on us, if I didn’t know any better.
He steps up, wrapping me in a hug and lifting me off the ground a moment. “My baby fucking sister came to party! Finally!” He smiles, drunkenly, steering us toward the keg in the corner.
I grin up at him, patting him on the back while he fills up a few cups, passing them over.
“How you feeling?”
“Pissed off.” He laughs with a shrug. “But ready to get back out there.”
“Yeah, sucks to be a loser,” Cameron teases, and he playfully flinches her way.
Cameron gets the familiar giggle she always does when Mason shows her attention, but she quickly swallows it.
He pulls his phone from his pocket with a frown. “Be back, my buddy’s here, needs help carrying shit in. Stay away from all these fuckers ‘til I get to tell ‘em you’re my sister.”
I salute him with my middle finger and he smirks, but Cam and I find ourselves two cups deep and still, Mase hasn’t returned.
“I’m beginning to think his friend was a girl.”
“His friend was totally a girl. Oh, shit. Okay hurry, tell me how you want to play this.” Cam squeezes my arm.
“Play what?”
“Bitch—” she hisses.
“I spy Trey.”
She whips around, her grin instant. “Okay, fine. I’m going, but run away or cry and you’re so dead.”
“Wait, what?”
She points two fingers at me as if to say she’s watching me and skips off.
With a laugh, I spin around, and as I face forward, my spine jerks straight. I did not pick up what she was putting down.
Shit is right.
Chase stands not ten feet away, and he’s headed right for me.
A lump instantly forms in my throat, but I force myself to swallow past it.
This is his house, of course he would be here.
Why didn’t I think of that?
“Hey,” he steps up, but before I can respond, he’s wrapping his arms around me in a hug.
My body goes stiff, but only for a moment, and I find myself hugging him back.
I can’t help but inhale as my face buries into his chest, and I’m immediately hit with the warm familiar scent seared into my memory. Suddenly, images of our night on the beach are front and center.
The gentleness of his touch as his hands slid over me. The softness of his lips when he bent to kiss me. The way he held me, the things he whispered. His soft eyes looking down at me like I was… more.
Like I was worth something.
Tears spring behind my eyelids and my fingers grip onto him before I can stop them.
The sad part?
He grips me right back, pressing into my skin like he’s missed our friendship as much as I have, like he needed this. To hold me, to feel me close, when he was the one who pushed me away to begin with.
“Arianna…” he whispers.
His voice, it’s so low and gentle that I tear myself away, placing a few steps between us. It takes effort, but I bring myself to look up at him, and it’s as if he’s confused as to why I’d pull away.
He steps toward me again.
“Chase, I—” My eyes are pulled over his shoulder, my words dying in my throat.
That’s when I see him.
Noah.
He’s standing next to the gorgeous girl from the barbecue, Paige. His shoulder’s perched against the wall, a water bottle in hand while she leans her back against it, staring up at him with admiration.
He says something and she laughs, her hand lifting to shove him lightly and he smiles down at her.
A sudden sense of heavy falls over me, as if a weight has been dropped on my chest, forcing me to work harder for air.
Chase says something else, reaches out, but I don’t feel his hand if it’s touched me. I don’t hear his words, though his mouth moves in my peripheral.
I see Noah and all I can hear is Paige’s laugh echoing through my mind. Something stirs in my gut, low and repetitive. It doesn’t stop.
Chase follows my line of sight, landing on the frame-worthy couple not twenty feet away. His head yanks my way once more. “Are you serious?” he spits.
My eyes flash toward him, and his glare flits across my face in flustered snaps.
Chase jerks right, to block my view, but my arm shoots out, stopping him. His lips press into a firm line, his nostrils flaring.
I look back to Noah.
The moment I do, he glances over his shoulder. He spots me and he doesn’t turn away. He doesn’t glance toward Chase or the hand that’s still touching my arm. He doesn’t return his attention to Paige when her palm falls to his chest, creating heat in my own.
Why is she touching him?
Noah does, however, hold a hand out, those eyes never leaving mine as he excuses himself, and heads right for me.
I can’t keep my lips from twitching or my gaze from growing soft.
The tension in my muscles eases, but then Chase is gripping my arms, forcing me to face him. He stares, glares, and then he shakes his head, tearing his hands away.
Chase’s jaw clenches, and he focuses on everything, or anything, but me. “Find one of us when you’re… done here. Don’t walk around alone.”
“I know,” I say, but he’s already gone, and Noah is stepping beside me.
“Hi.”
“Hi.” He looks from where Chase disappeared to me, a tenderness in his gaze that has me smiling. “You didn’t come find me.”
“I didn’t know if you were home.”
The corner of his eyes crease. “Mason said he texted you for me, telling you I lost my phone.”
“I probably should have read those.” I chuckle. “I stopped looking after the fifth or sixth one came through.”
A small grin forms on his lips. “I was waiting around a bit in case Cameron showed. Figured it was better to ask her to call on her phone than it would be to ask Mason.”
“And if she didn’t show?”
“Then you’d be opening your door for me when I knocked on it.”
A low laugh slips from me, and I sway slightly on my feet, giving myself a moment to take him in, as if in search of a change in him from the last time I saw him. His hair is a perfect, silken mess of dark strands with freshly trimmed sides, and he’s ever flawless in a T-shirt and jeans.
No effort looks good on him, especially with the way his tattoo peeks from beneath the fabric around his bicep. It’s the textbook tease—not enough to show you what’s to be found, but just enough to lead you on the hunt.
I’ve never seen the full image, how far the dark markings travel, and I kind of want to.
I’m tempted to push his sleeve up now.
The hand on my lower back spans out, pressing into me more firmly as he nods, a tangled, yet contented expression blanketing his face.
“I thought for sure I’d have to head your way.” He speaks in a curious, husky whisper, his eyes imploring. If the spark that flickers within his gaze tells me anything, it’s that he’s pleased.
My gaze slides past him then, toward the doorway he slipped from, where Paige still stands alone and staring our way.
I try to turn back quickly once I realize where my gaze has subconsciously pointed, but Noah catches me regardless.
He slides in front of me, and I tip my head back to look up at him.
“I was talking to Paige about her students. They’re giving her some trouble, and since I was in youth groups as a kid, she thought I’d have some advice.”
“Oh, I wasn’t…”
Wasn’t what, Ari? Jesus.
My face heats, and I attempt to avert my gaze, but Noah doesn’t allow it.
His fingers come up to skim under my chin, and my lips part for a shallow breath as he guides my attention right back to him.
He says nothing, but it’s as if he doesn’t have to. It’s all right there, written along his handsome face, and in the way his thumb feathers over my jaw. It’s brief, unnoticeable, but it’s felt. Everywhere.
My god I’m in trouble.
Once he’s satisfied, his hand falls. “I can’t let Paige leave by herself, it’s not safe.”
I nod and go to step back, but he doesn’t allow that either.
I don’t know why I’m acting like this.
Chase must have thrown me off.
“Her friend bailed on her, so I need to take her home—”
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” I shake myself out of the weird fog I’ve fallen into. “Go. I didn’t mean to keep you, do whatever you need to.”
His eyes narrow.
“Seriously, enjoy your night, you don’t have to babysit me. Cameron and the others are around here somewhere; I’ll be fine. I won’t roam around alone if that’s what you’re worried about.”
Noah’s stance widens a bit, and his tongue comes out, rolling along his lips. “I’m gonna lay this out for you, so pay attention, because I need you to hear me.” His response is instant and strong, and he steps closer, holding my eyes hostage. “I don’t want you to think Paige is here with me tonight. She’s not, but she is my friend, and I need to make sure she makes it home safely. I don’t want you to stay here because I’m thinking you came here for me tonight, and if I’m completely honest with you right now, I don’t want to share you with the person who I’m damn sure has just realized that. So, if you came for me, come with me.” He pauses, but only for a second. “Because I was on my way to you just the same.” Noah takes a deep breath, nodding to himself. “I’m coming off a loss today, make my night feel like a win. Come with, Juliet.”
“Okay.”
He scowls, his head tipping slightly as if he’s surprised. “Okay?”
“Yeah… okay.”
Noah chuckles, subconsciously rubbing at the back of his head. “That was easier than I thought.”
I shrug, smiling at him. Before, I might have paused and thought about it, but I don’t want to. I don’t need to.
Noah is face value, and he takes me just the same. As I am.
“Let me tell Mason I’m leaving so he doesn’t flip out.” I stop. “Well, he may still flip out, but at least he’ll know where I am.”
Noah grins, taking backward steps. “I’m going to grab my keys.”
We part, and I only have to spin, take a single step right, and my brother’s within sight, as always, with Brady and Chase at his side.
I head for them.
Brady spots me first, and a low whistle slips from him as he turns to face me fully.
“Ari Baby!” Brady holds his arms out, and I slip into his embrace.
He attempts to lift me in the air, but Mason shoves his shoulder down, making him laugh.
“What’s up, sister?” Mason raises a brow, cutting a quick glance in the direction I came from. “You look like you got something to say, and I bet it’s not hello.”
“Hi again. Missed you for the last hour. Sorry a second time about the game.” I chuckle when he gives me a playful roll of his eyes, jerking forward to kiss my temple.
I smile. “I’m just letting you know I’m riding with Noah to take his friend home. I’ll be back later. I think.”
He lifts his beer bottle to his lips, staring over the brim as he takes a drink. “Just you?”
“Just me.”
“You can’t take Cam with you?”
“She’s with Trey.”
“Right.” He nods, eyeing me.
My brother knows I’ve been hanging out with Noah alone and I’m standing here alive and well today. He didn’t throw a fit when I went with Noah before, but this is different. It’s night; people are drinking; he’s drinking, which makes him more protective and paranoid, but he knows where Noah lives, likely has a plan of kicking his ass already mapped out in his head should he feel a need to do so. I guarantee that is the only reason he doesn’t press me more. “Answer your phone if I call you.”
“I will—”
“Why can’t you wait here?” Chase pushes off the wall. “Why do you need to go with him to take some girl home?”
Mason’s head yanks toward his friend, and Brady coughs, turning to the side to hide a laugh.
I force myself to meet Chase’s stare. “I want to go.”
“Why?”
My pulse jumps into my throat, and I shake my head. “Why do you care?”
His eyes narrow, and he steps closer… and my brother follows.
Chase shakes his head, pushing past me. “Whatever. I’m going for a refill.”
Mason points his frown at me. “What’s his problem?”
“He’s your friend. Ask him.”
“He’s our friend.”
“Right.” I’d almost forgot. “I have to go. Noah’s waiting.”
“Yeah, all right.” Mason nods and I spin, annoyed as I head for the door, where Noah waits, but the annoyance slips away as I find him waiting there for me, a hoodie in his hand.
“Ready?” he asks.
I nod, turning to Paige with a smile. “Hi again.”
“Hey, I’m glad you made it.” She beams, slipping out the door. “Noah was about to have a pity party.”
I look to Noah, and he winks down at me.
I don’t know why, but my whole body heats, so I quickly slip out the front, welcoming the cool air.
As we reach Noah’s truck, Paige pulls the door open, but she steps back, nodding her head for me to go in first, so I do. We head toward the opposite side of campus, and surprisingly, it’s not awkward.
Paige picks up with the conversation Noah said they were having, asking my opinion, and I do my best to offer a solution that might help. It’s kind of cool, being included in a discussion they could have cut short or picked up at another time.
Once at her building, she climbs out, turning back to us with a wave, and we watch as she disappears inside it. Noah waits for the door to close behind her completely, and then we’re pulling out of the parking lot.
He pulls into a gas station, and we both choose Icees, despite the chilly air. We climb back into the truck, but when I take the seat by the door, Noah looks over, jerking his chin the slightest bit, his lips curved at the corners. So, with my stomach threatening to tangle into a thousand knots, I slide over until we’re thigh to thigh.
“Can I take you somewhere?” he asks.
I nod, pulling my straw between my lips, and his eyes follow the movement.
It’s with a deep breath that he faces forward and off we go.
We drive with the radio off for a little over thirty minutes, before Noah pulls off the main road, parking on the shoulder.
I unbuckle my seatbelt and lean forward to try and see beyond the darkness.
“This looks like a good place to bury a body.”
“I don’t know about burying, but definitely to lose one at sea.”
My head jerks toward his and he laughs, pushing open his door.
He grabs the hoodie he carried out of the house and waits for me to slide out his way.
Taking the half gone Icee from my hand, he sets it on the hood, tugging the sweatshirt over my head.
I laugh, slipping my arms through, the cuffs hanging well over my hands. It’s soft, fresh cotton on the inside and smells like Noah.
“Thank you.”
He smirks, handing me my drink. “Welcome.”
“You planned this, didn’t you?”
“I figured you’d be up for a little road trip.”
I pull my lips to one side.
“Come on.” He nods.
We walk side by side up a small hillside that leads to a wide trail, and beyond it, nothing but ocean.
My smile is instant.
“Holy shit,” I whisper, stepping ahead of him toward the extended peak of cliffside in the center.
The moon bounces off the sea the way I love, but it’s even better as we’re up higher than I’ve ever been before, so it shines like ice below us. I laugh, glancing back at Noah as he slowly steps up beside me.
“You like it?”
Nodding, I face forward again. “It’s amazing.”
“Come here.” Noah takes my hand, leading me left a few feet, where there’s a slight dip in the rock, allowing us to sit and dangle our feet, another flat stone a few feet below to catch our fall, should we scoot too far over the edge.
I can’t help but laugh again, nudging him in the shoulder. “This is crazy.”
“It’s called Sunset Cliffs.”
“Man, we have to come back to watch the sun go down. I love the moon over the water, but the sunset is definitely a sight I have to see from right here.”
I look to him.
“You want to come back, I’ll bring you back,” he tells me.
“Say you swear.”
Laughing, he faces forward. “I swear.”
“When I was little, my parents would drive us to the coastline every Sunday for a picnic dinner. My dad would set up a little tent, you know the kind that’s all netting?” I smile. “My mom would put up a table and lay out the food, while me and Mase set up chairs and piled them high with blankets. We’d eat, play board games and then when the sun would start to set, our parents would tell us stories about when they were young, or when we were babies. It was always something new, something we hadn’t heard yet.” I loved those nights.
“Your family means a lot to you.”
“My family means everything to me. I want to be everything my mom is. Strong and independent in my own way, a solid example, but human in my mistakes. I want to be proud and encouraging, accepting but firm, even when it hurts. Even when it’s hard. I want to make chicken and dumplings when my daughter feels like her world’s falling apart like teens think and I want to bake cupcakes with stupid sweet frosting when my son’s too hard on himself for a bad grade or dropped pass.” I laugh, lowering my head. “Clearly I have some work to do to get there, but… ”
I look to Noah.
He runs his hand over his forearm, a look of reverence adorned along his face. “You want to be a mom.”
My lips spread wide. “Of course I do.”
He shakes his head, and a slight frown builds along my brow.
“No,” he begins. “That’s it. That’s why you didn’t care where you went to school. That’s why you had no opinion when it came to choosing and that’s what you didn’t tell me when I guessed there was more to it.”
My throat grows thick, but I nod.
“You said it was embarrassing,” he reminds me. “It’s not.”
“Telling you is.”
He almost looks offended, and an anxious laugh escapes me.
“Noah, you’ve worked your entire life toward a goal, and you’re on your way to achieving it. You’re about to have the world at your fingertips, and it’s a tribute to what you’ve dedicated your life to. Here I am, dreaming of being a housewife, and I haven’t even figured out how not to burn a loaf of French bread yet.”
I go to laugh it off, but Noah frowns, shaking his head.
“Don’t sell yourself short. What you want is to give yourself over to the happiness of others. That’s selfless.”
“Some would call it selfish to want to stay home and raise a family while my partner busts his ass outside of it.”
“A good man would disagree.”
I blink up at him and his chest inflates.
“Yeah, maybe you’re right.” A sigh pushes past my nostrils, and I shake my head. “My dad would like you,” I tell him. “Someone who loves his mom, plays football like a boss, and cooks like a badass.”
Noah glances away, far too humble to face me while I boast about him, but his smile is evident in the creases framing his features.
After a moment of silence, he says, “I went on a picnic once.”
My jaw drops. “Once?!”
He laughs, looking down. “Yep. Once. My mom worked a lot, but on my birthday one year, she picked me up early from school, had lunch packed up in a mini-laundry basket and off we went.”
“Where did she take you?”
He meets my eyes. “She took me here.”
And my heart melts. “Here?”
He nods. “She gave me my present, a football.” He laughs, remembering, and I trace every line of his face. “It was the same every year. She’d ask what I wanted, and I’d say a football. She’d tell me to pick something else, but I’d hold strong.”
“You can never have too many.”
“That’s exactly what I’d say.” He peeks at me. “Mason?”
“Yep. My grams didn’t have a lot of money, so he always asked for a ball. He knew she’d get him something regardless, so he wanted to be sure it wouldn’t cost her much.”
“Exactly.” He stares, and it hits me.
That’s why he did it. He knew his mom couldn’t do much more, but would die trying, so he made it easy on her.
There’s no doubt in my mind she knew. It must have been so hard to have only one parent. One person period.
If she worked a lot, was he alone often?
Does he feel alone now?
I clear my throat. “What did she pack for lunch?”
“Ice cream.”
A laugh bubbles out of me and Noah’s follows.
Together, we turn to the ocean listening to the sound of crashing waves until the chill gets too strong, and then we head back to campus.
Once we’re pulling up in front of my dorm, I’m not ready to climb out, so I turn to him and pull my knees up to my chest. “Tell me something.”
“What do you want to know?” he rasps, a hidden grin on his lips.
I drop my head against the seat and whisper, “Everything.”
