Bianca is rearranging my desk when I return from the adjoined bathroom after changing into a new shirt, courtesy of my wife for wrinkling and ruining the previous one. I shake my head with a smile, finding it both hot and cute that I make her go wild with maddening lust.
“You don’t have to do that, kitten,” I say, startling her. “Lara would’ve done it.”
She whirls around and cocks her hip. “And let her know we fucked on your desk?”
“Your sweet cries have already made certain of that.”
“I’m never returning here again,” she says dramatically.
“Didn’t take you for a quitter.”
She sticks her tongue out and goes back to arranging my desk. I’m searching for my phone when I notice her gaze lock on a file that is now splayed wide open. My heart drops when I realize the exact document she saw and watch her curiously pick it up to read. I steel my expression when she softly asks, still reading through it.
“You run a charity for a hospital?”
“Yes,” I gruffly answer.
Her eyes connect with mine, bright with intrigue and amazement. Still holding the folder, she questions, “What is it for?”
“It is for the ER departments in all of the hospitals in the city, to serve the poor families who can’t afford the bills, and those who don’t have insurance. The money raised is used as funding for any shortage they may face.”
“Wow, Dash. That’s really amazing,” she says proudly. “You must have saved so many lives with this initiative.”
“I have money. They need it,” I reply simply. She stares at me as though I’m a hero when I’m anything but. A hint of sadness pinches her features but she quickly masks it. They soften like she sees good in my soul that is obviously lost to me.
She doesn’t realize I’m only good to her and no one else.
Her voice is gentle yet firm, leaving no room for argument. “A lot of people have money, Dash, but not everyone has the heart to help others like you are. So don’t downplay the difference you’re making in those families’ lives.”
A pang like no other hits my chest out of nowhere.
Guilt.
It’s the single feeling coursing and burning in my veins. I’m still lying to her and every second that passes is a little too late. Like I’m putting nails in my own coffin. In us.
Fuck. I should just tell her but as I gaze at her ruby-colored cheeks and pouty lips from my rough kisses and her collarbone imprinted with my teeth, the words form but don’t come out. The fear of losing her again glues me in place. I’m still stuck in a war between my heart and mind when she flips to the next page and stills.
“This says you’re hosting a gala next week.”
With measured steps, I cross the distance until she peers at me. “It’s a boring annual gala. Few hours of schmoozing the guests. It’s the only part I hate.”
“So how long will you be gone?”
I read the unspoken question burning in her pupils. That little hope sparkling as she waits for me to ask her to come with me. However, it douses into ashes when I take the folder from her hands and drop it on the desk. I hated myself a little more just then.
There are too many skeletons buried back in my city. The wretchedness of which I don’t want to taint her with.
Tucking one wayward curl behind her ear, I softly murmur, “My flight is this weekend and I’ll be back after four days.”
“Oh, okay.”
“I didn’t think you’d want to come with me, kitten, after everything that happened. So I didn’t ask.”
“Yeah. It’s fine.” She waves her hand, giving a sad smile. “I’m just going to miss you.”
Just like that, my resolve crumbles. The disappointment shadowing her features— which were brimming with happiness a breath ago—becomes my undoing.
“Come with me.”
“What?” She gasps, lips curling to one side.
“It’s time you make new memories. Happy ones with no regrets.” I grab the back of her neck and pull her mouth closer. “And I want to give them to you. Will you let me, kitten?”
“Yes,” she cries out before kissing me on the lips. I deepen it and sink my tongue past the seam of her lips and lick every crevice until it’s her taste I’m drunk on. Our breathing is harsh like we ran a marathon when we part, her hands clutching my shirt like a lifeline.
With a tender smile dancing behind her pretty eyelashes, she confesses, “I lied, Dash. You were never a mistake.”
“I know, kitten.” I kiss her forehead. “The moment I caught you in my bedroom, I knew you’d be mine. No matter how long it took.”
“Even if I’d been a crazy stalker?”
“Especially then.”
She laughs and my lips lift of their own accord. But as I bundle her in my arms tightly and gaze at the skyline before me, the conflicting feelings rise again. I bury the havoc they’re wreaking inside my chest. I ignore the voice screaming in my head, saying I’m making a mistake taking her back home.
Nevertheless, the past never escapes us, no matter how fast we run from it. It’s always faster. Suffocating us like chains. Venomous.
The only way it loses its power and hold over us is to face it head-on.
It’s time I face mine. Because it’s the only path with which Bianca and I can stand a chance. I’ll tell her the whole truth and show her that I’m not the man I once was.
Vindictive.
Reckless.
Heartless.
And maybe, just maybe… I’ll right my wrongs and seek redemption for my sins.
***
Bianca traces her fingers on my abs as we lie on our bed in the middle of the night. The smell of sex and her fruity scent, permeating the air. After I fucked her twice more, once in the kitchen and then on the balcony, we collapsed on the bed in a sweaty mess.
Neither of us are too tired to sleep, so we talk. More like, I listen while she delights me with stories of her childhood. They all revolve around her late grandparents and Rosa, who she has known since kindergarten. The reverence with which she speaks about them makes me obsessed with her even more. Every tiny detail, feeding my obsession for her.
She’s lying halfway over my chest with her soft breasts pressing against my skin. I play with her long hair. The strands are so soft, they almost slip through my fingers. I swear caressing her is my favorite pastime.
Locking her fingers on my abs, she rests her chin on the top and stares up at me shyly. I memorize the shape of her pert nose, the curve of her eyes, and the miniscule birthmark on the corner of her bottom lip.
“You’re the prettiest woman I’ve ever seen, kitten,” I rasp softly and push a curl behind her ear. “It physically pains me when I have to take my eyes off you for even a second.”
Her eyelashes flutter shyly and she leans into my palm, my thumb caressing her cheek. I still when she kisses the inside and speaks so softly that I almost don’t hear what she says. It’s the intensity and sadness behind her words that smacks me in the chest first.
“I stopped believing in love for a long time, Dash,” she murmurs.
The pain reflected in her eyes has me wanting to take it away and burn it to the ground. I don’t spook her as a faraway look darkens her eyes, lost to the memories.
“I thought it only existed in fairy tales. And when Niall broke my teenage heart, it felt like he pierced it with a knife and gouged the little daydreaming girl inside me into pieces.”
“Kitten,” I whisper, my voice raw. Bringing her closer, I tuck her underneath my body while I lean on my elbow.
She smiles brokenly and continues, “I grew up seeing superficial love. The kind that could be bought with money while I ached for the unconditional kind. The one that my grandparents had. For the longest time, I thought I didn’t deserve it. Until I stopped chasing the happily ever after I always yearned. I hate that I allowed Niall the power to make me give up on love, but mostly myself for doing so easily.”
Bianca bares the deepest and darkest parts of her heartbreak. The sorrow she lived through all these years. It’s like a vicious knot tying around my throat because all this time, I thought she had moved on. That she was happy. Instead, she had been hurting and drifting.
Just like I was.
“You’re right, kitten. You don’t just deserve to be loved because you’re the kind of woman who becomes a man’s entire world. The kind where his existence begins and ends with you. The kind where he lays the stars and moon beneath your feet just to glimpse your smile.”
“Isn’t that obsession, Dash?”
“Maybe love and obsession are the same,” I whisper. “Because with you, my wife, I feel both.”
“Until you, it would’ve scared me but you’ve made me brave to fall in love again, Dash. I believe it with every fiber of my being and I’m not scared to wear my heart on my sleeve,” she confesses with tears shining in her eyes. “Because of you, Dash.”
My fingers tighten and I lean until our foreheads touch. Until I can gaze to the depths of her soul. I kiss her lips through the tears and groan, “You make me believe I deserve it too, Bianca. I feel it every second, every breath I take when I’m with you. Because until you, I thought I would die alone and I didn’t care if I did. Now, I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
“I wish I had met you first, Dash.”
“Me too, kitten.” My voice is gruff. “Me too.”
Laying on my back with her soft body cocooning and clinging to my hard one, I watch her fall asleep. However, sleep eludes me and I stay awake the whole night, staring at the woman fate dropped in my path. My entire universe. The love of my life.
I never thought I could feel anything for anyone but goddamnit, I have fallen for her.
I love her.
Yet the weight of my past sits like a log on my chest, like we’re heading for a downfall.
An unstoppable collision.
And I don’t know how to stop it.
