I opened my refrigerator door looking for anything to eat. I felt empty in my soul and thought, maybe some food would help. Maybe my problem was physical and not emotional. I refused to believe that breaking up with Gem was affecting me this way.
Front and centre on the top shelf was a small basket of chocolate-covered strawberries. I don’t know how I missed them. I clearly hadn’t opened the refrigerator for a few days. I picked one up and took a large bite. It was sweet and juicy. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the play of flavors on my tongue, the rich fudge, the sweet fruit. They reminded me of Gem, rich, creamy, and delightful. She would love these.
I knew exactly why Tanner had bought them and placed them where I would find them. He thought I had a new girlfriend that I wanted to impress. He was making sure that I had the necessary tools for seduction. I hadn’t told him anything. Of course, leaving rose petals strewn all over the apartment before I left for Europe would have been his number one hint.
Unfortunately, there was nothing to say at this point. Based on my last conversation with Gem, I didn’t have a girlfriend. And I wasn’t going to if I kept acting like some ignorant dick. This wasn’t acceptable.
I was making decisions without exploring my options. I hadn’t even met her child, and I was acting like I was willing to throw away all my feelings for Gem. I wanted her. I wanted her kisses. I wanted her body. I wanted her laughter. I needed her in my life. And if that meant she came with a kid, then I had better step up.
I looked around my apartment, it was empty. Just me and the brick walls. The art, the furniture, none of it held any meaning. This place was nothing but a shell to sleep in. For the right woman, this could be a wonderful home. For Gem, it could be our home.
I looked at my phone and flipped it in my hand a few times. What was I waiting for?
I texted Gem. I owed her an apology and that needed to happen sooner than later.
“Meet me at a coffee shop, neutral ground?” I hit send before I finished my message.
I began typing again. “Apologies need to happen, and I would like to do that in person. The pizza stand where we had our first date?” I immediately deleted that text. The pizza stand where we had our first date was not neutral. That location might have an emotional attachment, no matter how tenuous, for Gem. I needed someplace even more neutral, more central.
I tried the text again, this time I suggested a coffee shop in Greenwich Village. That seemed neutral enough. I waited for her to respond. As I waited rather impatiently, I ate one more of those chocolate-covered strawberries because they weren’t going to last long enough for me to give them to Gem. I would have Tanner buy more. If I had anything to say about it, they would be necessary. Gem would get chocolate-covered strawberries every day of the week if she wanted them. I needed her back. And I needed to figure out why I kept messing up.
My phone buzzed with a text from Gem. “Why can’t we just talk on Monday?”
My thumbs flew as I typed in a response. “Because you deserve a real conversation outside of work.”
Having this conversation over text messaging seemed impossibly drawn out and incredibly long. I wanted to know what she was thinking. I wanted to be able to look at her face and see as she formulated her thoughts and watch her brow crinkle up as her lips pursed together. I wanted to see her smile as she solved a problem and came up with solutions. Instead, I stared at the flat screen of my phone and waited for her to say yes or no, or to change the location.
“Sure.”
“I can meet you there. Tomorrow morning, before lunch.”
“I can do that.” I texted back. “If things go well, have lunch with me.”
“Let’s stick with the coffee for now. I can’t make any promises beyond that.”
Tomorrow morning couldn’t come soon enough.
By the time Gem walked into the coffee shop the next morning I figured I had been too late. She looked tired and listless with dark circles under her eyes. Her eyes should have had flashes of green sparkles. They had no life to them. She looked worn down.
I had been responsible for that.
“Do you know what you want? I’ll go up and order it,” I said as I pulled out a chair for her.
She sat and looked up at me, blinking slowly a couple of times.
“A regular coffee. Nothing special. Black.” She shrugged.
A moment later I was back with a black coffee for her and a green tea for myself. If I couldn’t have caffeine, I saw no point in coffee.
“Thank you for coming,” I said as I returned with our drinks.
She stared at me.
I felt my gut clench. She was giving me the time. I needed to make the most of it and stop messing around.
“I handled the entire situation poorly. When I talked to you in your office, I doubled down and made everything worse.”
She took a sip of her coffee and nodded. “Go on,” She prompted.
“When you told me about your daughter, you caught me off guard and I didn’t respond well. You deserve better from me. I have this friend. He’s highly competitive. And he’s recently gotten engaged and is getting married.”
She nodded. So, I knew she was listening, even though she wouldn’t look at me.
“He’s pressuring me in a very oddly specific way that resulted in me responding negatively to your information.”
She looked up at me, her expression blank. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Let me try to explain this clearly. I responded poorly to you telling me you have a child because I was being pressured regarding expectations from outside sources.” That made sense, I don’t know why she wasn’t following along.
Her brow furrowed, and then she began nodding.
“So, for some reason, you think, because I already have a daughter that I want for you to become some kind of a father figure? Look, Chase, that’s not what any of this was about. So, if you are feeling that pressure, that’s not coming from me. That’s an internalized issue that you’re having with your friend. That’s not on me. That’s on you,” she said.
I nodded in full agreement. “You’re right.”
“That is your problem, Chase, but you ended up making it my problem. And now it’s gotten between us. I’ll accept your apology because we need to be able to work together like professionals.”
“Go out with me again,” I directed.
“Why should I? You’ve made it very clear through your rejection and your lack of communication that there is no reason for us to continue.”
“That’s not true,” I said. “Gem, give me a second chance.”
She blinked up at me. “What does this second chance date look like for you?” she asked.
“It looks like taking you and your daughter out for a day, the park, the zoo.”
“It’s too cold for the zoo.”
“Fine, the Natural History Museum. Would a day at the Natural History Museum be acceptable?” I asked.
“You want to take me and Amelia out for a day at the museum?”
“Yes, and to the finest lunch in New York City,” I said with a grin. My heart sped up with anticipation.
“Okay, a second chance means that we are a package deal. That means your friends are going to see you dating a single mother and her child, and they are definitely going to think that I’m out trying to trick you into becoming a father figure for my daughter.”
“If anyone says anything I’ll shut them down.”
She nodded. “It means that our choices and schedules will be determined by a toddler and that sometimes things will have to change because of her health or mood. Do you think you can handle it?”
“I can handle anything,” I said.
I knew I could handle that. Because when it came down to it, I wanted Gem, and if this is what it took, then I was all in. I needed to call Tanner. I wanted some of those strawberries to give to Gem when I saw her and her daughter for our first date with the three of us.
