“Hey, have you seen Chase this week?” Maggie asked.
I shook my head. “He hasn’t come by for his weekly updates. I emailed our progress report to him.”
I hadn’t seen him or heard from him since our date. Since I had to leave him in his bed. I hated having to leave him the way I did, half asleep, warm and naked. I wanted to stay curled up against him, running my fingers through the hairs of his chest. Touching his skin.
I wanted something that I couldn’t have yet. Time with him.
I still answered to my mom. I had to be responsible for Amelia. Spending the night in his arms was off the table. What was on the table? Were we a couple now? Could I let my team know I was seeing the boss?
But I couldn’t say that, couldn’t confess that I had basically thrown myself at our boss. I couldn’t tell if I had scared him off, or if he was mad at me. I didn’t know what I had done, and I was afraid to ask.
“No, something must have come up.”
Yeah, hopefully that something hadn’t been a mistake between us. Guilt surged through my veins. What if I ruined the entire campaign because I couldn’t keep my raging hormones in check? I couldn’t believe I slept with Chase. Again. It was spectacular. More intense and satisfying than the first time, and that time had been the culmination of all my years of hard crush and being in love with him. Not that I exactly knew what I was doing this time— after all my experience with men was limited to Chase, and now Chase again— but this time had been so much better.
Maggie stood in my office door nodding her head.
“You look distracted,” I finally said. I had to stop thinking of myself and my mistakes.
“Yeah, no. Actually, I wanted to confirm your move to social media. I want to make an offer to one of my old colleagues. We have a lot to do and not much time to get it done.”
“Preaching to the choir,” I responded. “So, you really liked that idea?”
“Having you focused on building our social media platform will give us a base to roll this outreach program on. Without it, I don’t think it will take off. I have a friend who left the job at the same time the last marketing director walked out. He’s interested in coming back if we have an opening. I can have him in here by the end of the week.”
“The job openings exist, so why not do it?” I asked. “Do I need to officially interview for the position or put in any paperwork?”
“I’ll give HR a call. Congratulations you are now the Social Media Manager. It will be nice not to have to get you up to speed.”
“What about these other things?” I asked, gesturing to the stacks on my desk, as if Maggie understood my organizational process.
“Get them wrapped up and be ready to hand everything over. I’m going to give Brian a call and see if we can get paperwork started. The sooner he’s here the sooner you can focus.”
I smiled a fake smile but laughed a real derisive laugh. As if I could focus, stuck in this mire of guilt and stupidity I got myself into oversleeping with Chase.
I couldn’t think about that. I had a job to do, and I needed my focus. I managed not to succumb to my guilt and fears once, when I found out I had gotten pregnant after the first time with Chase. I could rally and do it again this time. Of course, last time I had an ocean to separate us, and now I worked with him. A few floors and attitudes were all that separated us now.
I did my job and managed to get myself home, all the while half of my brain still constantly fought back thoughts of Chase. Maybe he was busy? Why couldn’t I text him? What was stopping me from reaching out and telling him I had a good time? Because I really didn’t want him to think I was as desperate as I was.
“Are you going to see that man again?” Mom asked during dinner.
I spooned food into Amelia’s mouth as she tried to shove a handful of ground meat into it. Feeding her was always a messy task.
“I don’t know,” I said with a shrug.
I wanted to. I needed to. Amelia needed me to make an effort with her father.
Half of the food in her little fist made it to her mouth. Unfortunately, half the food in her mouth fell out in the process. Good thing she was adorable with those big dark eyes and eyelashes a mile long. She smiled and shoved another fist full of food in.
“Well, I think you need to tell him he’s dating a single mother if you do. The last thing you need is to get attached to him only to have him run off once he finds out there’s a baby involved.”
She was wrong. The last thing I needed was to fall in love all over again with Amelia’s father and have him completely ignore me, just like he had for my entire life.
I was already not telling Chase so much, like who I really was, and who my brother was. Mom was right, Amelia should not be one of my secrets.
“If he asks me out again, I will be certain to tell him,” I said.
“Good,” Mom replied. “You deserve to be happy. I can’t imagine how hard the past few years have been for you. I’m so glad you came home.”
“I’m glad I came home too,” I said. “Staying away seemed like the right choice to have made. Until I came home, and then it seemed like maybe staying in Europe, hiding from you, had really been the coward’s way out.”
“Nonsense. We both know why you did it. John can be very vocal regarding his judgmental opinions. He would have been particularly hard on you. It’s not as if he’s accepting now.”
“No, he isn’t,” I said with a sigh.
“That’s why it’s important you let your date know. You don’t want to end up with someone like John. He’s a catch on paper, but in person…” she trailed off with a chuckle.
“I hear you, Mom. I’ll be sure to tell this guy.”
I picked Amelia up from her highchair and brushed all the food particles off her front. “Did any of that go in your mouth?”
Amelia began making her almost talking babble sounds. “Nah, nan, nan.”
“Nanna is going to be her first word,” Mom said with a hint of pride.
“Followed by ‘Nanna I want,’” I teased.
Mom’s personal assistant walked into the kitchen and the informal dining area where we had dinner. “Is everything okay here?”
“I think there’s more food on the floor than in Amelia,” I said.
“Don’t worry about it, I’ll take care of it,” Yana said. Yana helped Mom run things. She did everything from help cleaning, to cooking, and handling the grocery shopping. Mom had other part time staff in and out during the week. Yana was the only full-time employee we had, and she had traveled with us from Orchard View.
“Thanks. We’re off to bath and bedtime,” I announced before we left the kitchen.
Getting Amelia ready for bed always took time. She was my world and worth every second. But it was still time that I could easily get lost in my head during. Talking constantly to Amelia through the bath and then reading several stories to her helped me not to get bogged down with my thoughts and worries.
When I returned to my room, my phone buzzed with text messages and a voice mail.
I thumbed through the text messages first. My stomach dropped. There were two, and they were from Chase.
“Gem, need to talk,” followed with, “Call me.”
Apparently, I had left my phone in my room for hours, so I checked the time stamp. The first text had come in during my commute home, but I hadn’t noticed.
I listened to the voicemail, also from Chase. “Gem, we need to talk. Call me, no matter what time. I understand it’s been a few days, but we need to talk.”
I sat on the bed with a heavy heart. He was going to tell me the other night had been a bad mistake.
I pressed the call back number.
“Gem?” I wanted to sink into his voice, instead tears pricked my eyes.
“Sorry, I left my phone in my room and only now saw all your messages.”
“Come over, we need to talk,” he said.
I wanted to see him, but I didn’t need an in-person performance to get dumped.
“It’s kind of late, is this something you can say over the phone?” I kept all emotion from my voice, afraid he would hear the second I started to cry of a broken heart.
“I know I haven’t been around the past few days. I need to see you before I leave town.”
