I fucking hate being home. The need to go back on missions always haunts me right when I step on American soil. The need to continue to work always consumes me. I can’t help it. I don’t have control over it. It’s my first day home and I already want to go back to Iraq or start the next mission. My job will always be my number one priority. Always.
Being a Navy SEAL is my whole identity. My parents branded that ambition into my head like I was cattle. Nothing else matters but taking out the evil in this world, one deployment at a time.
She was right though… Ari is so compassionate and empathetic, she’s quickly caught onto my demons. That’s what I love most about her. When the flames from the Bonfire caught my attention, it took me back to Damon’s dead body absolutely, catastrophically burning in an unforgiving fire. A soul I couldn’t save. A man I’ve failed.
Watching Ari stare at the crashing waves when I found her… she’s the only reason why I haven’t completely dreaded being home. I’ve looked forward to having her back in my arms since the day I left her sleeping in my barracks room.
She makes being home so worth it. Just being close to her, she makes everything in my fucked up world, better.
She truly is the best thing that could have ever happened to me.
I love her sweet, innocent, soul. Her heart is so pure. I’ve known that about her since the day I first met her. I knew she was different.
She’s my little Angel that I like to break and please the way I want… the way she begs me to.
I love when my Angel cries for me when I fuck her.
She was very naive in the beginning but as time goes by, she’s starting to see who the true monsters are in this world. The kind of monsters that are in this world.
I’m one of them… but not in the way she thinks and she needs to know that.
Alcohol and Ari are the only light that distracts me from the evil that tries to plague my head. The stress of constant death, it’s too much sometimes but I can handle it.
‘I need honesty from you. It’s unfair how you shut down. It’s not fair to me… it hurts me.’ Ari says as her little hands grip the steering wheel.
‘I’m not Shane. I won’t hurt you. At least in the ways you think.’ My kinks are an exception to that. The way I like to fuck, the way I like to scare her to the point that death lurks while I do it. That won’t ever change. Of course, I’m careful to not ever actually harm her. She’s mine and I won’t ever do things she’s not begging me to.
‘But you will hurt me, Danny. Can’t you see that I’ve fallen for you? You’ll hurt me because it’s inevitable. It’s inevitable now that I’m in lo—’ She stops herself and I swear my heart sinks. She was about to say it.
‘Now that I’m totally wrapped up in you.’
Don’t say those three words, Ari.
‘I am honest with you but there’s things you don’t need to know. I’m not a very good person.”
I look out the window, stuck in my thoughts. I like to kill people. Bad people. I enjoy it. I’m a bad person who sometimes does good things.
“I’m going to Hell one day and I’m okay with that. What I’m not okay with is dragging you down with me, I won’t let myself.’ I manage to get my words out and I’m already regretting opening up to her. She does this to me. She doesn’t know what she’s gotten herself into.
She’s quiet and looks lost in thought.
“Just… don’t lie to me, Danny. I want honesty. That’s it. All I’ve known are lies and constant betrayals with Shane. Don’t. Lie.’
I look at her and even through my blurry vision, even through the night, I can see her. She’s so fragile and I’m breaking her but this time it’s not in the way she wants me to.
‘My job will always come first. That won’t ever change. I told you that from the beginning.’
Ari sighs.
‘I know.’
