We got to the humane society just as Dr. Nathan was locking the doors. With a grin, he swung the door open again, but his smile faltered when he saw I had a posse in tow.
“So, I brought extra volunteers tonight.” I began introductions immediately so that he wouldn’t worry. “Ivy’s almost five years old. She has eight more months to go, but she really wants to be a veterinarian when she grows up and loves dogs. Bastian and Cade are, erm, good friends and they’re Ivy’s uncles.”
Dr. Nathan’s shoulders relaxed when he heard that Ivy’s relatives were with her. “Nice to meet you all.”
Technically there was paperwork each person would have to sign to see animals, but Dr. Nathan looked tired and we rarely printed copies of those forms anymore. We had a town of about two thousand people and most of them brought their kids in every now and then just to pet the dogs.
“Dr. Nathan, if you need to get home to your family, that’s fine. We’ll feed the pups and do a walk through. I need to check who needs nails clipped and it was Moonshine who was having some issues right?”
“She just needs some love. She’s young and confused. I would have stayed with her longer, but it’s actually my wedding anniversary tonight.”
“Wonderful. Congratulations.” Was it wrong of me to not ask how many years?
and I had too many thoughts of grandma’s letter running through my head.
She truly wanted to haunt me in some way and that letter with its judgements on my ability to commit was a perfect example of why I couldn’t get on board with marriage.
“Thanks. I like to tell her it’s a feat she’s stayed with me this long, and she likes to tell me that if it weren’t for the humane society taking up a good portion of my day, she would have divorced me a long time ago.”
The candidness had me giggling. Maybe I wasn’t the only one not completely on board with matrimony and yet they were making it work in a way I envied.
He patted my shoulder. “Thanks for stopping by. The animals miss you.”
He shook hands again with Bastian and Cade and told Ivy she could grab some dog treats from the bowl on the counter.
Ivy skipped over to the rounded front desk, ringlets bouncing with her.
“So.” I grabbed two boxes of toys from a side cabinet and shifted. “You guys can play with a couple of the dogs in the visiting area. I just have to do some quick checks on a couple of our rockstar dogs.”
“Rockstar dogs?” Bastian raised his eyebrows.
“They need and get a lot of attention, hence the name. Secretly, I call them our problem children, but most get adopted.” I waved them along so we could get moving. The motion sensor lights flickered on down the speckled tile hallway, setting off the puppies barking and the cats meowing. “This is the visitation room. There’s toys and more treats on that table.”
“Do you know which animal will be best for Ivy to play with?” Cade asked, his eyebrows pulled together. The brothers’ stares were completely serious and I melted as I witnessed two very good looking men unleash their protective dad stances on me.
Inside, my ovaries woke up after being in hibernation for a very long time.
Ivy with her uncles would do that to any female. She was cute and bouncy and had so much positive energy vibrating through her that you just wanted to soak in as much innocent love as you could.
“I have the perfect girl for her to meet. She’s a rockstar, but only because she wants constant love. She’s the one the doc was worried about. He texted me that she’s been really depressed, but I bet it’s only because she’s lonely. She was the last in her litter, we think. The family that owned her…” I hesitated. “They had a rough time after a car accident.”
As I rambled, Bastian and Cade sat in the metal chairs and Ivy bounced excitedly with her little fingers threaded together.
“As long as she’s safe,” Bastian said, his eyes on his niece.
“I’ll be right back.” I rushed to the back kennel and grabbed a sleeping little rottweiler mix. We’d calculated she was probably only seven weeks but she was already chunky. Her short legs, big belly, and sweet brown and black markings, she had us all cuddling her right when she came in.
The pup cuddled into my chest as I brought her into the visitation room.
The moment Ivy saw her, she turned into a different little human. Gone was the jumping and screaming and in its place was a soft spoken girl in love. “She’s so small,” she whispered.
“She is.” The puppy squirmed in my arms at seeing more people. “She’s just a baby who probably misses her mom and dad and brothers and sisters.”
Ivy nodded, a frown on her face. “I’ll be your sister if you want…” Her gray eyes turned up to me. “What’s her name?”
“Right now we call her Moonshine. When a family adopts her, they might change it.”
“That’s not ideal,” Bastian blurted out.
“Seems confusing for the little girl.” Cade waved his hand at me, looking at the pup. “Give her here.”
I held her little pot belly while she perked up and whined. “She’s really hyper and wiggly, okay?”
Cade nodded, but he took the dog like a pro, his tattooed hands gentle on the tiny animal. He petted her and cooed at Moonshine like they were best friends already.
“She likes you, Uncle Cade.” Ivy patted her uncle’s back like she was really proud of him.
I bit my lip. This was the part I loved and hated most about the visitation room. People falling in love with animals I was already in love with, them becoming a part of someone else’s family permanently. I knew this wasn’t the case here, that Ivy and Cade were just playing, but the idea was the same.
I took two steps back. “I’ll just go run through my tasks real quick. You guys enjoy Moonshine.”
My heart hurt too much to look at any of them. Moonshine would go to a great family. She’d be just fine. That dog, though, when I held her, I felt more connected to her than the others. She always calmed in my hands and licked my face way more than anyone else’s.
Dr. Nathan had said, “I think this one might be yours.” But I’d just shook my head. I didn’t need any pets.
“I’ll go with you.” Bastian stood, his suit somehow not at all wrinkled. He undid his jacket and placed it on the back of a chair. Eyes on me, he undid his cuffs and rolled them up his forearms. “An extra set of hands for help, right?”
I cleared my throat, unable to look away from the tattoos on his forearms. He hid his markings from the world so well, I forgot he had tattoos there. The way they snaked up his skin, weaving around the veins that popped up had my mouth dry.
Jesus. I needed to get laid. I grabbed two plastic boxes of equipment, trying to clear my head.
He followed me out of the room.
“It’s really fine to stay with your brother. It’s nice they’re here to visit and I do this by myself all the time.”
He hummed. “Well, tonight, you have me.”
“I feel like this is a 180 from how much time we’ve been spending together,” I grumbled more to myself than him. I couldn’t help that my heart was beating too fast and how hyperaware I was of him walking behind me, probably assessing how I looked from that angle.
I stepped to the side and pointed to the kennels. “Some of the dogs aren’t as friendly.”
“I’ll be fine.” He slid his hands in his pockets and eyed the boxes in my arms. “Can I carry something for you?”
“It’s fine.” I sped forward but he still beat me to the door and opened it for me. The barking drowned out most of my crazy thoughts, and the way the pups leaped onto their wire cage doors had me rolling my eyes. “Oh, don’t act like you’re deprived, you guys. I’ve only been gone for a week.”
There were about 10 dogs that needed my extra care tonight. I pointed to a little white dog. “Tito needs a warm blanket and petting while he eats. Otherwise he won’t touch his food. Can you do that?”
“Is that what’s most helpful?” Bastian asked, completely accommodating.
I didn’t get his newfound desire to help or be a part of my day. I tallied my pups. Most would be a pat on the head and quick fix. “Yes, I have to clip nails, let out Darcy one last time, give a few pups some pills with food. Tito is the most time consuming.”
“I’ll sit with Tito then.”
I pulled keys from my pocket and opened the kennel door, eyeing his suit pants. “Maybe, um, I can get you a chair.”
He tsked and plopped down right on the cement floor next to Tito. “Don’t be ridiculous, Morina.”
I gasped. “Those pants will be ruined.”
“And then I’ll buy more.”
“It’s such a waste of money.”
“Not when I’m helping my new fiancé,” he singsonged without looking up at me.
Was this the new and improved Bastian who had finally decided to commit to this process? Did he expect me to do the same?
Our vows wouldn’t be true. Our marriage would be a sham and our lives would be under some stupid, weird contract. I set a candle from my box on a shelf near one of the windows. Lavender in the candles helped to soothe the animals. I lit it and played some rain music on my phone.
Breathing in the scent, I tried to tell myself I could do this with him. Faking should be easy. Except with him here now, in my space, I wondered if we could handle each other in such close proximity. Why my body reacted to him sitting on a urine-stained cement floor, ready and willing to suddenly make this work after days was a mystery to me. It was one I didn’t want to solve either.
The nails that I hadn’t manicured or painted in months looked much too ragged as I peered down at them, trying to think of something to say to Bastian.
I mumbled a quick thank you as I walked past and got to work on the animals.
Each had a different personality. The kittens sprung up and purred for as long as I would stroke them, some purrs so loud that they shook the kitten’s whole body.
Some of the pups, on the other hand, didn’t even lift their heads when I came in to pet and feed them. Darcy actually pranced away from me. The poodle in her was proud enough to avoid even the little bit of attention she got from me. Still, she wagged her tail when I took her out back to go to the bathroom and threw the ball a few times.
Finally, once the kennels had calmed from our company and all the animals were taken care of, I returned to Tito’s cage. Bastian leaned against the brick wall with Tito curled up in his lap. He rubbed the puppy’s head back and forth. Both had their eyes closed.
Glimpses of what Bastian must have been to those he loved showed through his absence of these past few days. Suddenly, I was warm all over staring at him.
“He needs someone to sit with him, and it seems you don’t mind a pup sitting with you either.” I leaned against the kennel’s metal doorframe.
“He ate all his food,” Bastian murmured, still rubbing the dog’s head. “You’re right though. Wouldn’t continue eating unless I was petting him.”
Why was I more than warm now? Did big, masculine men showing love set off an internal beacon for women?
I stuck my hand in my jean pocket and felt around for the small blue crystal I’d slid in there. This was supposed to push tranquility. I was hoping for more like tranquilizers for my libido. “All pets have their quirks, I guess. Just like all us humans have ours.”
“What’s your quirk, Morina?”
The question shouldn’t have meant much, but Bastian was analyzing me.
“I probably have so many quirks that my quirk is having too many.” I cleared my throat and pushed off the metal frame, picking up Tito. He whined as I set him down in his bed and covered him with a little blanket we’d made for dogs that liked to snuggle in. “We should go get Cade and Ivy. I’m all done here.”
“Why don’t you have a dog?” Bastian still sat on the floor like he was in no rush to move and wanted to chit chat with me all day long.
“Because… I don’t need one. I have all the dogs and cats and pets when I’m here.”
“Sure, but then they go to a permanent family. Do you get attached?” His large hands threaded together and the big gold ring he always wore glinted under the flickering lights.
“I mean, yeah. I like all the animals, but I don’t have enough time to give them a good home like the families who come in here do.”
“You told me the first time we met that you don’t travel.” He managed to rise up from the ground like a god.
My eyes narrowed. “So what?”
“So a dog can be at home for 8 hours while you work the food truck. That’s the norm for a pet, I would think. What do you mean about not having time? Or is there another reason?”
“I…does it matter?” My arms crossed over my chest as I rolled my eyes. His questioning made me itchy for some reason.
“I think it matters, yes. I need to know you if we’re going to live together for six months and I can’t quite figure you out.”
“Well, good thing you’re barely around.”
“Did it bother you that I was gone so long?”
“I told you I don’t feel comfortable in that place.” I threw my hands up and spun on my heel to go back to Cade and Ivy.
He grabbed my elbow. “Wait.”
I turned and looked at him. “What?”
“You said you’re not used to the space and you’re uncomfortable. You didn’t say you wanted me in it with you.”
“Well, I don’t know. You’re the only person there I sort of know, and I don’t like being alone in weird, luxurious places where I feel like I’m going to break something or mess it up. Your dining room table is literally glass. And there’s no spots on it anywhere. I thought about making a shake but the blender looks like it’s made of crystal. I didn’t want to break one of your appliances and–”
“Our.”
“What?”
“Our table, our appliances. You live there with me now. None of it is just mine.”
“Fine. Whatever. You know what I mean.”
“It’s six months, Morina. That’s a long time. You need to get comfortable with the place and that means you need to stop thinking about it like it’s all mine.”
“But it is all yours,” I almost screamed. I ground my teeth together and stepped away from him. Back into my pocket my hand went. “Tranquility,” I murmured.
“What?” he asked.
Sighing, I pulled the crystal from my pants. “I carry crystals sometimes. They’re supposed to help center you.”
“Am I uncentering you, Morina?” His eyes flicked down to my jean pocket but then they trailed up slow. It was torture for me to watch how his lashes lifted and then paused at my lips.
I bit the bottom one before responding. “I don’t think you mean to. I honestly believe that you want us to work through this thing well together. I just don’t think you consider much past yourself.”
He lifted a brow. “That would classify me as a narcissist.”
I blew a raspberry at him trying to be offended in something he knew I hadn’t called him. “We both know that’s not the truth. A narcissist wouldn’t have sat with that puppy and would have been able to say no to Ivy. God knows a narcissist wouldn’t have made me get off as many times as you did on–” I slapped a hand over my mouth and shut my eyes. “Forget I talked about that.”
His response was to tug at a strand of my wavy hair until I dared peek back at him. When he caught my gaze, he smirked. “A narcissist would have made you scream my name that many times though right?”
“Oh, my God.” I backed away and pointed at him. “You’re making jokes about the night now?”
He shrugged. “It was just one night, Morina.”
I crossed my arms and hugged myself. “I know that.”
“We need to be comfortable around one another. I misstepped when I avoided coming home to the penthouse.”
“Okay.” Where was this going?
“We have to put on a show for the world. Might as well be relaxed while we do.”
“Of course.” I rolled the crystal between my fingers as I started back to Ivy and Cade.
“Do you always carry those crystals?” He pointed to the fingers moving in my pockets.
“Why are you asking so many questions?”
“Oh, get used to the questions. I intend to be around a lot more now.”
“Why?” Suddenly, Bastian was too close to me and I was too exposed.
“Because you’re my fiancé, Morina.”
I didn’t correct him because it was no use. To the world, that’s what were.
I snuggled Moonshine close when we returned to the visitation room. Ivy told me how Moonshine was the sweetest dog she’d ever met.
Smiling into Moonshine’s fur, I nodded.
I left them to put Moonshine back in her cage where she whimpered. “You’re fine, little girl. No one’s going to hurt you here. It’s your home and I’ll find you the perfect one just as good as your comfy bed too.”
She turned on her bed twice before plopping down. I blew out the candle at the window and led my fiancé and his little family outside.
As I locked up, Bastian stood next to me. “When you go here to lock up in the future, I need to be with you, okay?”
I stared up at him, cloaked in darkness, hovering over me like a guard.
The idea that I couldn’t do this on my own is just a little stifling. I’ve done this for years, Bastian.”
“You did the food truck for years too. I’m not risking it.”
I hummed and didn’t answer one way or the other. There would most likely be nights he wasn’t home. I’d have to go if they needed me to close.
“Say you’ll listen, piccola ragazza,” he murmured. His voice combed through my body, leaving heat in its wake. Just a few words and he almost hypnotized me into agreeing.
I bit my lip as I stared at him. “I’ll let you know if I have to go. Is that fair?”
He stared at me like he was contemplating a million things before he touched my hair. “Fair enough.”
