I’m in the middle of gathering all the copies of the diary printed in one big stack when my phone rings.
“What’s up?”
“Ali, is that how you say hi to your fucking father?”
Oh fuck. I should’ve checked the name on the screen.
I sigh. “Hi, Pops.”
“Can you sound any more uninterested?”
“Sorry, I’m kinda busy,” I reply.
“Busier than me?” He bursts out into laughter. “I doubt it. With all these cases I’ve been handling lately. Especially the one about the dude with black curly hair stealing some shit at a local shop.”
Oh boy.
“You got anything to do with that by any chance?”
“No, so what did you want?” I ask.
“Sure.” He clears his throat. “Anyhow, is there any chance you can speak with that Caruso kid for me?”
“What did he do?” I ask.
“Nothing, I only need him for a … side job.”
Oh fuck me. He’s trying to enlist me in his off-the-books schemes again, and I don’t like it one bit.
“Caruso gave part of his business dealings to his wife, so I made a deal with that woman, that Jeon … Jan … Jon …”
I roll my eyes. “Jeong-Suk.”
“Yeah, that’s the one. I can’t ever fucking remember her name.” He laughs like it’s no big deal.
“It’s Korean.”
“Of course,” he adds, like he knew all along, and it makes me want to stab myself in the ear because it’s so annoying to listen to. “Anyhow, I’ve been trying to reach her, but I can’t seem to get in touch, so if you could just tell your boy to call his mom and tell her to contact me, that’d be amazing, kiddo.”
“Okay, but I’m not your fucking errand boy. You know that, right?”
“You’re my son, Ali,” he spits back. “You think I’d ask just anyone? You’d better start showing a little respect for the hustle, Ali.”
“I respect your job as chief of police. Not the other part.”
“Says the guy who steals to have fun.”
He knows me too well.
“I got that part from you, you know,” I reply.
“I know. So what’s it going to be, then?”
I roll my eyes and sigh out loud. “Fine, I’ll do it.”
I don’t want to deal with this, but my dad always makes his business my business.
“That’s my boy. Tell her I’ve got the goods, and I just need a drop-off point and date. That’s it.”
Goods. Nice euphemism for drugs and guns. Very inconspicuous.
“I can’t guarantee anything, but I’ll try,” I say.
“Good boy,” he says.
Ugh. I hate that.
“I’m gonna go back to studying now. See ya.”
“Of course, son. Good luck.”
I hang up the phone before he can ask me anything else and immediately call Felix.
“Hey. I’ve got it all copied like you asked.”
“Good. You know what to do with them.”
I grind my teeth. “Are you sure this is the right move? She’s gonna hate us even more.”
“Do it,” he retorts. “I’ll deal with her after.”
“Okay,” I say. “You’d better be sure about this because there’s no way back when I’m done.”
“I don’t do regrets,” he replies. “Just get it done.”
He hangs up the phone.
Fine.
I grab the stack of papers and ring Dylan. “Yo. Hey, two questions. One, my dad called, and he wants your mom to call him. I don’t know why.”
“Oh, Dad’s been wanting to push some of the more illicit stuff to my mom so he doesn’t get caught up in another scandal with the university. She’s using her maiden name.”
“Right.” I don’t really care. “Second question: Wanna help me spread these fucking pages around today?”
“Ugh, do I have to? There’s a party at the Nu Sigma Delta sorority all fucking day, and I don’t wanna miss a minute.”
Him and his parties.
“It’ll only take an hour,” I say.
“Fine, fine, I’ll do it.” Dylan sighs. “But you owe me.”
I already know what he wants. “I’ll hook you up with my dad’s guys.”
“That’s what I’m talking about. All right, bro, see you later.”
“Thanks for the help.” I hang up the phone.
Everything I do, everything I need … it’s all an exchange.
Whether it’s money, goods, or merely their time, nothing is free.
Not in this world.
And if we want to make it, it’s best to learn early on not to give a fuck.
Even when your fucking heart bleeds.
This stack of papers stares at me, but instead of getting to work right away, I sit by the window and grab my pen and paper, then start to draw.
On the grass outside, the girl with the purple hair sits with her friends, pretending to be blissfully unaware of the dangers that lurk around every corner.
But we both know that’s a lie.
Underneath her unabashed veneer hides a scared little girl, looking for something to hold on to.
Safety.
I notice it all.
I don’t need to feel her anger when she catches me stealing to know she’s afraid.
Afraid of what she might discover if she digs any deeper.
I draw her wavy hair drifting in the wind, her pink cheeks, her brazen lip color. Painstakingly, I make a portrait of a girl who’s captured my imagination as well as those of my friends.
Everything about her is ours.
Shared.
Consumed.
But this drawing … it’s mine and mine alone.
Penelope
I try my best to focus on my group of friends. I really needed a calm-down period after getting so wound up in the library.
But my mind constantly veers off track to what happened in the library. Those fucking boys. I can’t ever get away from them, can I?
I made a deal with them, but something tells me they’re not gonna keep their end of our bargain.
Fuckers.
I should’ve known better than to trust them to help me find the one responsible for my sister’s misery. I should just go and find Nathan myself.
In fact, they’re probably hiding him somewhere in that goddamn frat house themselves, just so they can use me for a few days longer. I mean, I haven’t seen a sign of Nathan’s face anywhere, not since that note was shoved under my door, so where the fuck else could he be?
Unless he’s part of a different frat house than the Skull & Serpent Society.
“Pen? What do you think?” Kayla asks, pulling me from my thoughts.
“Huh, what?” I mutter, confused.
She frowns. “Do you prefer Italian or Chinese?”
“Uh, Italian?” I reply. “Sorry, what’s this about?”
“We were discussing where we were going out to dinner tonight. You know. A little get-together.”
Oh man, I really missed a lot of the conversation.
“Are you okay?” Crystal asks. “You seem a little distracted.”
Calvin rolls his eyes and rubs his lips together. “I know what she’s thinking about.”
Jeremy quickly jabs him in the side with his elbow.
“Is it those boys again?” Kayla asks, side-eyeing Calvin and Jeremy. “I swear to God, if y’all are hiding something—”
“Don’t make us the bad guys,” Jeremy quips, adjusting his glasses.
“I’m fine, guys, honestly,” I say.
“Are you sure?” Kayla asks. “You ran off so quickly after you told me about that ‘thing’ that happened in the woods.” She makes air quotes with her fingers. “But I never got the chance to ask you all about it.”
“It was my choice …” I rub my lips together. “I don’t do regrets.”
She frowns. “Well, they’d better not hurt you. I’ve seen them with girls. They don’t treat anyone right, but especially girls.”
“Yeah, like goddamn throwaway fuck dolls,” Calvin says.
“I don’t care what they do to me,” I say. “I know what I want from them, and I’m not going to stop until I get it.”
Crystal looks at me intently, trying to decipher what the words really mean. But I don’t want them to get too close to the danger … too close to me.
Suddenly, someone walks past us carrying a piece of paper, and from the corner of my eyes, I spot a picture I recognize.
I immediately stand and run toward the person, snatching the paper from their hands.
“Hey!”
But I’m not paying attention to her.
All I can look at is Nathan’s photo enlarged across the paper, the one that was also in my sister’s diary … Along with a note.
Chills run up and down my spine.
“I was trying to read that,” the girl in front of me says, annoyed.
“Sorry, I just need to see,” I say, quickly scanning the rest.
There’s a request for contact at the bottom, along with a phone number.
Fuck.
“Where’d you get this?” I ask.
She points at the biggest building in the university. “They’re all over the bulletin boards. So can I have mine back now?” She snatches the sheet from my hands. “Thanks.”
She walks off, but my eyes are already set on the building up ahead.
“Pen? What happened?” Kayla asks, but I’m far too focused to even stop walking.
Everywhere I look, people are walking around with these posters, but not all of them show Nathan’s face. But they are all pictures I recognize … pictures taken from my sister’s private diary.
The worst of them all is a poster with my sister’s face on it with a radiant smile. A smile I miss so very much today.
And now it’s right here in front of me, being degraded, used, disgraced.
I pull the picture off the first bulletin board I find, staring at it with tears staining my eyes. There’s a note underneath her face. The note my sister wrote the night she died.
Fuck.
Why? Why would they do this?
Every step I take inside the building feels like I’m sinking deeper into the fires of hell.
People walk past me and even look at me when I pass them.
That’s when I spot a poster with my actual fucking face on it.
I rip it off the wall.
There’s a note on it too.
Innocent? Or fucked-up whore? You decide.
The note crumples in my hand, a fire blazing inside me that won’t be easy to quench.
My eyes search the area, and I stop by every fucking bulletin board I find and rip off each and every one of the posters, dumping them all in the trash bin where they belong.
How dare they exploit my sister’s diary like this?
To use her name, her photo, with these words …
Shameful.
I’m burning up with rage, but the volcano inside only really explodes the moment I spot Dylan slapping the posters all over the wall to my left.
I’m not gonna let this fucking slide.
