I stare down into the vast emptiness of space, wondering how deep the fall must’ve been. If she felt at peace with her decision. If it hurt.
“It didn’t happen like that.”
I take in a deep breath and turn to look at Felix. “Stop lying to me.”
His gaze fixates on the piece of paper from the diary in my hands. “What’s on that paper?”
I read the words out loud.
“I wasn’t given a choice in the matter.
It was either do what I’m told, or quit and leave.
I cried when I said the words.
And they did nothing.
Nothing.
Nothing at all.
I begged them with my eyes, my tears to fight for me.
Instead, we broke up.
And my heart broke into a million little pieces.
303.”
My teeth grind against each other as I can almost hear her scared voice pleading for help. They ignored her. Betrayed her. Made her feel worthless.
“Quit and leave? That’s not—”
“Don’t call my sister a liar!” I yell.
Alistair and Dylan come running out of the forest. “Oh fuck,” Dylan mutters.
“Penelope? Why are you on that ledge?” Alistair asks, approaching us. “You’re not planning to—”
“Why do you even care?” I bark back. “You were all there when she jumped, and you did nothing to stop her.” I’m boiling with rage. “You’re the reason she jumped. And you all lied to me!”
Alistair’s eyes widen. “What?”
Dylan turns to Felix. “What is she talking about?”
“The breakup,” Felix says, swallowing. “She wrote it in her diary and hid the page.”
“Fuck,” Dylan mutters.
“You knew, and you never told me,” I say, clutching the paper tightly. “No wonder she tore it out. She was terrified you would destroy the only evidence of who caused her to jump.”
“Whoa, we didn’t tell her to do that,” Dylan says.
“You didn’t have to! She was distraught!” I yell, my tone fluctuating.
Dylan stares at me, pain seeping into his eyes.
“She pleaded with you! Begged you not to end it!” I rasp.
“It wasn’t just us.” Felix steps forward. “It was a mutual decision.”
What?
My sister ended it?
No, that’s not what this paper says.
She wouldn’t do that.
“Stop lying to me!” I scream.
“It’s not a lie,” Dylan says. “It happened right before the bonfire.”
Alistair looks at me intently, like it hurts him to even admit this. “She told us she couldn’t do it anymore and that we should see other people.”
“So we did,” Dylan says.
“Bullshit,” I growl, tears staining my eyes.
“We didn’t have a choice,” Felix rasps, balling his fist.
No choice? How? Why?
“But if I knew she would jump off that fucking ledge after telling us it was over, I would’ve forced her to stay, Penelope.” His voice is laced with emotion, and it hurts to even listen.
“She begged you,” I mutter.
“Not with any kind of words,” Dylan replies.
“Her heart broke so badly she wanted to end her life,” I say.
The air is thick with tension, and the silence only makes it more difficult.
“We should’ve fought for her,” Alistair says after a while. “But we didn’t because it’s what she wanted.”
“She only confirmed what we knew needed to happen,” Dylan adds.
What needed to happen? What is he talking about?
“All this time, you went on a mad, fake witch hunt with me to find some bullshit bully when it was really you three.”
“It wasn’t fake. We didn’t know she hated her decision,” Dylan says. “We thought someone else drove her to do it by someone else.”
“There was no one else. We searched,” I growl back.
“You don’t fucking know that,” Felix says through gritted teeth. “Don’t blame this on us, Pen.”
There’s more rustling, and I pull out my knife and point it right at them.
“Stay back!” I yelp.
“She’s manipulating the narrative,” Felix barks. “It was Eve’s decision. What if she ripped out more pages with the names of her bully?”
I don’t believe him.
All the fucking clues. All the people telling me those boys were trouble.
Why did I ignore it?
Felix steps closer. “Penelope, I will not allow you to chase your sister into the fucking grave. Do you hear me?”
“I’ll cut you if you touch me,” I growl.
His jaw tightens. “Give me a thousand cuts, and I would still hold you.”
I’m momentarily stunned.
A thousand cuts?
All the pain and blood and it still wouldn’t stop him from being near me?
I swallow.
They’re only doing this because they get a second chance with you.
Your sister tried to warn you.
Don’t let them do this to you.
Don’t trust them.
I put the knife to my own throat instead as I stand and face the edge of oblivion.
Both boys stop moving.
“I swear to God, I’m gonna do it if you come closer.”
“Penelope, put down the knife,” Felix warns.
“Stay. Back.”
But when Felix refuses to walk away, I take a step back.
A wrong one.
My foot slips on a piece of rock, and I tumble backward, shrieking.
But as I fall, a hand grips my wrist.
Felix’s eyes bore into mine.
“Don’t you fucking dare,” he growls.
My heart races in my throat as I stare down at the abyss between my feet.
One wrong move and I splatter into a million pieces, just like my sister.
But I don’t want to die.
The will to live grabs ahold of me, and I reach for the rest of the ledge, desperate to hold on to something.
“I won’t let it happen again,” Felix growls. “Hold on.”
Alistair slides to the edge, offering his other hand as a safety net while Dylan tugs at Felix’s waist to help him pull me up.
They drag me up to the cliff, where we all fall down, me on top of Felix, breathless.
Cathartic.
“Fuck, that was close,” Dylan says, panting wildly.
“We did it,” Alistair says between breaths.
Felix’s hand rises and grabs a strand of my hair, tucking it behind my ear as the back of his hand lingers on my skin.
“You almost died,” he says.
Goose bumps.
No. I can’t let them do this to me too.
I crawl up from the ground and step away from them.
“Where are you going?” Felix barks.
“Away from you,” I retort, walking off.
“Penelope,” Dylan says. “C’mon. Let’s go home together and talk it out there.”
“I don’t want to talk to you,” I say.
“What?” Felix scrambles to his feet. “No, you’re coming home with us.”
“Fuck no,” I retort. “You’re gonna let me fucking leave. And you’re gonna stay away. The end.”
“Penelope …” Alistair sighs.
“Penelope!” Felix growls, his voice thundering through the sky.
I lift my knife and jam it right into the wheel of his motorcycle.
Then I walk to Dylan’s car.
“No, no, no!” he yelps.
Too late.
BANG!
The tire slowly deflates.
I glance at them over my shoulder and grit, “Leave. Me. Alone.”
Felix narrows his eyes at me, but when I walk away, he doesn’t follow like before.
“What are you going to do?” Dylan rasps behind me. “You can’t just let her leave like that.”
But no one takes another step.
Good.
It’s about time they realize this won’t end well for them if they do.
In fact, after the horrible misery they caused my sister, they should be happy I didn’t drag them down that fucking cliff with me.
