COLTON
The door closes, and I lean my back against the wall. I just stay here, not moving. My body is tense, all my muscles rigid, and shivers run down my spine. Not the ones I get from excitement, but the ones that remind me of spiders running up and down my skin. A sticky and unwelcome feeling settles in my chest, and I have no idea how to deal with it.
Music is booming. Laughter and people’s voices drift to me, but I don’t hear anything; it’s no more than white noise. I concentrate on the closed door, and the gnawing starts.
Why did he take her to the bathroom? He could have waited outside while she collected herself. Why did he go inside with her?
I shut my eyes tightly and grit my teeth. I shouldn’t be here. It’s just that my drunk ass doesn’t want to do what is right. It’s like I’m dead set on making myself miserable. I’m not her boyfriend. I’m the guy she hates. But she called me Colt, and I finally said her name aloud.
What the hell is wrong with me? I remind myself of a coward.
“You’re a way better person to deal with all this, my ass,” I hiss under my breath, balling my fists. I hate when girls cry, and I never know what to do, but with her… With her, it was different.
The longer they stay in the bathroom, the harder it is to control my thoughts. The sounds from the party are too loud, and it’s impossible to hear anything happening inside the bathroom. Yet I know what I might hear if I press my ear to the door. I bang the back of my head against the wall. It doesn’t even hurt, and it doesn’t replace the ache in my chest either.
I’m a loser, nothing less.
Pushing myself from the wall, I storm back to the living room. I don’t know how to explain what I feel. As if every fucking bone in my body hurts. She’s not mine, but all I want is to have her. Is it jealousy I feel? If it is, it fucking sucks. I’ve never felt this way about anyone.
I grab a beer bottle from the table and gulp down as much as I can. My plan to stay sober is getting flushed down the toilet with each passing second. A girl saunters over to me, talking and talking while I barely listen. My gaze is glued to the hallway I just came from. I’m waiting for them to come out. My anger rises, and I’m ready to set this place on fire. And it’s so fucking unusual, it confuses the hell out of me. What is so fucking special about her?
I turn my head just slightly and see Benson and her strolling to the front door. A beast in my chest roars, and a poisonous feeling fills my lungs. He has what I want. Obsessively. It’s definitely not healthy, and it makes me want to do stupid things. Things I’m going to regret later for sure.
Suddenly, our eyes lock, and her lips part. There is something in her gaze I can’t explain. She’s the most confusing girl I have ever met. I have no idea what she thinks of me most of the time, and it irritates me to no end. Just like watching her leave the party with him.
Finishing my beer, I put the empty bottle back on the table and focus on the girl in front of me. She has curly jet-black hair, and her body is very feminine.
“My roommate left and…” She trails off as I look her up and down.
I might as well use sex as a distraction, as I often do. It will help take my mind off what I just witnessed—hopefully it will make me forget it. On the other hand… No. No, I shouldn’t even think like that. I want her out of my system, and if this will do the trick, then I’m all for it.
“What did you say?” I ask, stepping closer.
The girl shifts a little, arching her back more. My gaze falls on her body, and her full breasts catch my attention.
“My roommate left, so maybe you would be interested in going to my place?” She bites her bottom lip, waiting for my answer. Fuck it. She’s exactly what I need right now.
I tip my head, placing my palm on her cheek. Her skin is warm as she looks up and gazes at me with her big blue eyes. “I’m interested.”
I tilt her face up and kiss her lips. She opens her mouth, eager to taste me. We kiss, and I slowly wrap my arm around her waist, pulling her closer.
I have kissed a lot of girls, and this kiss doesn’t stand out from the others. Did I expect fireworks? Definitely not, but I would have loved to feel something different. At least something that would make me remember it.
Taking a step back, I keep her in my embrace. Her eyelashes flutter as she finally opens her eyes and stares at me. “I’ll go anywhere with you if you promise to kiss me like that again.”
I chortle, shaking my head in disbelief. I always say how fussy I am, how I try to maintain a certain distance between me and my one-night stands. Tonight proves otherwise. I just need someone. Someone who can make me laugh, make me want to protect them, make me feel…dammit. I’m thinking about the freshman again, and I don’t want to.
Plastering a smile on my face, I drop my hands from the girl’s sides and hold out my hand. “Ready for a walk?” I ask, and she nods.
We leave the house together, and I feel people’s eyes on us. It doesn’t bother me, but the girl is timid and struggles to deal with it. She tells me her name—Dylan—and I start asking questions about her major, and little by little words start pouring out of her. I sigh in relief, inwardly congratulating myself. My job here is done. All I need to do is listen to her. As simple as that.
“Can I ask you something?” Dylan stops near her dorm room, leaning on the wall and not hurrying to let me in.
Did I come here to talk to her or to fuck her? Pressing my fingers to my temples, I massage them slightly. I have never had so much trouble getting laid—like, ever. All my problems connect to one person, to the girl who is making me hate my last year in college with every bone in my body.
My agitation rises, and I lick my lips to keep from saying anything rude or stupid to Dylan. She has nothing to do with this storm in my chest.
“What is it?” I try to sound polite, and thankfully she doesn’t notice my sarcasm.
“Why did you decide to leave with me?”
What kind of question is that? “Because I love sex.”
“I saw you looking at the girl who left the house with Drake Benson. You were dancing with her before.” I tune her out as I come to realize that I was more obvious than I’d hoped. Does everyone know I want a girl who doesn’t want me?
“She has nothing to do with me being here,” I grit through clenched teeth.
“Look, I want to open the door and invite you in. I want you to fuck my brains out. I want that.” Dylan takes a deep breath. “But I don’t want to be a fix. I don’t want to be a girl you fuck because you couldn’t have the one you wanted.”
I’m silent for a moment, holding her gaze and saying nothing. Either I admit I like the freshman, or I prove that I don’t by sleeping with a girl I just met. I close my eyes for a brief moment, allowing my mind to drift back to the party, to me dancing with her, to Benson taking her to the bathroom, to them leaving the party together. Fuck it. I’m tired of it. I’m not in the mood for sex anymore.
I force a smile. “You know, this was a mistake. I shouldn’t be here.” Her face pales as I take a step back. “I’m going home, but not because I like that girl from the party. I just don’t want you.”
Tears form in her eyes. I don’t fucking care. I never do. All these emotions and feelings are foreign to me, and I prefer they stay that way.
“Colton, I—”
“Bye, Dylan.” I whirl around and slowly head to the exit. I don’t have any regrets. I should just focus on getting rid of my stupid ideas about the freshman. I need to forget about her. I’m not even thinking about her anymore…or am I?
I’m the King of Stupidity, nothing less.
