COLTON
Two weeks have passed at lightning speed. It’s Thursday, and tomorrow everyone is going to leave for winter break. Except me. Usually I don’t mind. I’m happy to spend my time alone, with no one bothering me, demanding my attention. Now? I fucking hate the idea of her leaving. It’s probably going to be the longest two weeks of my life.
Between exams and hockey, Ava and I have barely seen each other. We hooked up twice after our moment in the library, and that’s definitely not enough for me. I miss talking to her, watching movies with her, doing anything with her, because she makes even the shittiest things better. But we have been texting a ton. We joke, we flirt, we talk about school, the books she reads, the shows and movies we both want to watch, new songs to listen to. I feel carefree and happy when she’s around, and I talk. I really talk. I tell her things I usually keep to myself.
“Thompson, ready to go?” I turn my head and stare at Benson as if I’m seeing him for the first time in my life.
“What?”
He fixes the bag draped over his shoulder. “I asked if you’re ready to go. Everyone left already.”
I look around the locker room, and my eyes go wide. I was so lost in my own head I didn’t even hear the other guys leave. Ava’s presence in my life has screwed up my mind. Or is it her absence? I stand and pull up the hood of my hoodie. I pick up my bag from the floor, zip it, and walk over to Drake. He smirks, pushes the door open, and I follow him outside. I have a very strange feeling, like he stayed behind on purpose because he wants to talk.
“What are your plans for winter break?” Benson asks as we stroll down the hallway to the exit.
“No plans. I’m staying here.”
“Must be lonely.”
“I’ve gotten used to it. Summer breaks are the only ones when I go home.”
He glances at me, looking me up and down. There is no need for his pity. I’m totally fine with not seeing my family. I actually feel way more content when I’m alone. Or when I’m with Ava, but that’s not going to happen. She already told me how much she misses her dad, and how happy she is to finally go home for longer than a weekend.
I open the door, and cold air hits my face. I shiver, and goosebumps spread all over my skin. It’s too fucking cold.
“Colton?”
I stop in my tracks and spin to my right, looking at Benson.
“Listen, I’m not the prying type, and I’m most definitely not a fucking gossip, but I’m attentive. I see things, hear things, and make assumptions.” Benson shifts, suddenly becoming serious. “Is something going on between you and Ava?”
The honesty of my answer depends on one thing only. What does he want to know? “Maybe.”
“No matter what you think right now, she’s just my friend,” he says, straightening his back and squaring his shoulders. “We had sex, but that’s in the past. I have no feelings for her. I’m asking you this because I care about her, and I don’t want her to get hurt.”
“Why would I hurt her?”
“Um, because it’s you. Thompson, I’ve known you since our first year here, and your reputation precedes you. Have you ever had a girlfriend? Or any type of committed relationship?”
“What does that have to do with anything?” I ask, feeling perplexed.
“Everything. Two years ago, her ex did a number on her, and she hasn’t had a boyfriend since.” Benson licks his lips, looking away and staring at something behind me. “She was ready to lose herself in that guy, but now she refuses to be with anyone. So if she lets you get close to her, it means something. And I don’t want you to fuck her up even more than her ex did.”
“I’m not going to hurt her.” He opens his mouth, but I don’t let him interrupt me. “She’s different, and I—I like her.”
Benson is silent for a moment. Then he breaks into a smile. “Good to know.”
Shoving my hands in my pockets, I hold his gaze. A question lingers on the tip of my tongue. “What did he do?”
“Ask her yourself. We’ll see if she trusts you.”
“Great,” I huff, my fingertips itching. I suddenly want to smoke, badly—I haven’t done that in months. But the possibility of her not trusting me scares the shit out of me.
“Look, that breakup affected her way more than she thinks. Ava naively believes she’s over it, but she’s not.” Benson takes a deep breath. “Her refusal to be on the ice proves it.”
“Wait. She told me that she and the ice rink aren’t friends anymore. Is it because of her ex?”
He nods. “Ava loved being on the ice. You have no idea how many times she and Layla would play against me when we were kids. Helping me practice, skating with me, or just dancing and singing, having fun and being her usual easygoing self. That idiot ruined it for her. Games are the only times she gets close to the ice.”
We both fall silent, looking at each other and saying nothing. The wheels in my head work fast, and only one possible conclusion comes to my mind. “Is he a hockey player?”
“You are quick.” Benson grins, chuckling. “He plays for the Gladiators.”
Our worst rivals. I know every guy from that team. “Who is he?”
“Jefferson,” Benson snarls, grimacing. “He’s a fucking douche.”
“If he hurt her, he’s more than just a douche.” I vaguely remember him since he’s two years younger than me, but I will make sure he remembers me after our next game.
“Oh, I know that look, and I don’t feel sorry for him.”
“You shouldn’t.” I laugh quietly, step closer, and extend my hand to Drake. He takes it and pulls me in, hugging me briefly before stepping back.
“Thank you for being honest, Colt.”
“You too.” I give him a smile. “Now I know something new about the girl I like.”
“You make it sound as if she’s…” Benson’s jaw drops, and he eyes me like I’ve turned into Shrek. “Is she the first girl you’ve ever liked?”
I fix my hood in annoyance, furrowing my brow and looking away. “Yes.”
“Dude. Are you for real? That’s amazing.”
“It’s embarrassing.”
“No, you dumbass. It means she’s special. Maybe even the one.”
I blink. Is he fucking serious?
“I’m done with this conversation.” I turn on my heel and storm away from Benson, who is choking on his laughter. Unlocking my car, I toss my bag in the backseat and slide in behind the wheel. Only now do I realize I’m smiling.
As I start the engine, I think about her last text. She’s leaving as soon as her classes end, and I won’t have a chance to see her at all.
Two weeks without Ava? I’m doomed.
What time is it? I breathe heavily; my whole body is covered in sweat. Being alone isn’t good for me. This is the third time this week I fell asleep watching Sherlock and woke up because I dreamed about my past. The image of pregnant Helen talking to my mom pops into my head, and a nauseating feeling forms in my throat. I’m getting dangerously close to memories I want to forget, ones that I tried to erase, to destroy because they bring only pain and sorrow.
I grab my phone from my bedside table and stare at the screen. Four a.m. It’s earlier than the last time. I climb out of bed and head to the kitchen. I need a glass of water to chase away this sticky feeling of hopelessness.
Things have started to come back, and I’m not okay. I’m not ready to face the demons of my past, not when Christmas Eve is in four days. Not when I need to be at my father’s stupid party next month. If I survive it without punching him in his face, it will be a miracle. He shouldn’t have asked her to call me.
He would have made things more tolerable if he’d called me himself. I would have argued, would have cursed, but I would have come and played the role of the perfect son. But after Helen’s call? I’m ready to kill him with my bare hands and kick her out of his company. He shouldn’t have kept her close, not after everything. He could support her, give her money, anything—just put her in her place. But that’s not what the great Eric Thompson does. Pathetic douche.
After chugging two glasses of cold water, I drag myself back to my bedroom. I’m yawning, so maybe if I hide under the covers, I will fall asleep? That would be great, because I’m having headaches almost daily now, all because of my lack of sleep. My apartment is dark, and hardly any sounds from the street reach it. I feel so alone, more alone than I have ever felt in my life. Because now I know the difference. What it means to have someone who makes my days brighter. Someone who makes me feel alive, who makes me smile a thousand times a day, even if usually I’m grumpy and hate everyone.
Ava isn’t compelled to like me. She isn’t tied to me by any bonds except her own desire to spend time with me. It’s something that turns my world upside down, giving me hope and filling me with happiness and warmth. I only pray I won’t fuck it up.
Back in bed, I close my laptop, put it on the floor, and slide under the covers. Her scent is no longer here, and I miss it. I miss everything about her, and it is driving me crazy. I can’t touch her, kiss her, or be with her. Winter break chose the worst time ever to start.
I unlock my phone, intending to turn off the alarm I had set for eight a.m., but I have two unread messages. They came in after midnight, when my “do not disturb” mode started. One is from Ava, the other is from…Benson? What the fuck?
I open her message first and freeze when I read it. Then I open Drake’s text. I quickly type responses to both of them, put my phone on the bedside table, and close my eyes. Drifting off to sleep happy and hopeful isn’t something I’m used to, but it feels amazing.
