Part 1
If you cling to the memories that broke you, then you’ll miss the beauty in front of you.
TRINITY
PRESENT DAY
Perhaps the word I was looking for was ironic. It seemed a harsh word and made me feel as if I were looking at this with no emotion. That couldn’t be further from the truth. In the past week, I had suffered from every emotion known to man—or at least, it’d felt like it. Regardless, ironic was a good word. One that encompassed all that had happened in the past six months.
The soft whispers, hushed voices, even crying that I could hear on the other side of the wall I was leaning against reminded me that I should be out there. People expected me to be. They wanted to tell me how sorry they were, that they were praying for me, what a good man Hayes had been, and best of all, that it was God’s plan. I, on the other hand, didn’t want to endure listening to it. They knew nothing.
I wasn’t sure how long I could stay in this dark prayer room until someone found me. My stepmom, Tabitha, would come looking soon enough. She wouldn’t want me to embarrass her in front of the church. There had been no one more thrilled than Tabitha when Hayes proposed to me. The minister’s grandson, who would soon be a minister himself. He was loved and respected in town. He should have been. Hayes was one of the most genuine, kindest, warmest people I had ever known. Somehow, he had chosen me.
The door opened, slamming against the wall, and I jumped, startled. My gaze shot up from the handkerchief I had been twisting in my hands, expecting to see Tabitha. My excuses were on the tip of my tongue when I froze. That was not Tabitha.
It was a man. A very large man. A slightly terrifying man. His eyes locked on me, and he studied me. I couldn’t tell much in the darkness other than the silhouette of his face was masculine, defined, most likely attractive. Not that it mattered.
“You must be the missing fiancée,” he said in a deep voice, letting the door close behind him.
I nodded, but said nothing.
He walked over and sat down on a bench across the room. I watched him, wanting to ask who he was and what he was doing in here. His intimidating presence, however, kept me from speaking. He had to be at least six foot three. The suit coat he was wearing seemed tight across his wide shoulders, as if it were ready to rip apart if he simply flexed.
The man reached into the pocket of his coat and pulled out a flask. My eyes went wide as he opened it and took a long drink from it. When he lowered the flask, his eyes met mine again.
“You want a drink? Might help you face that out there,” he said, holding it out to me.
I looked at it for a moment and considered it. The fact that I was even thinking about it reminded me of all that Hayes had never truly known about me.
Finally, I shook my head. “I can’t have the Baptist folks smelling spirits on my breath,” I said softly.
He nodded, then twisted the top back on it before putting it in his pocket. I found myself wishing there were more light in here. The only window was small and made of stained glass. With the dreary day outside, it didn’t shine much light into the room. I was curious about what he looked like. His voice was deep, and there was a drawl to it that was oddly familiar.
“Got to fucking go out there sometime,” he said, shifting his gaze from the colorful window to me.
I knew that. I was going to. As soon as I convinced myself I could survive it.
“He ever tell you about the time he shot the window out of the parsonage?” the man asked with a hint of amusement in his voice.
Was he talking about Hayes?
I shook my head.
The man smirked then, and even in the shadows, I could see the way it curled his lips. I dropped my gaze back to my lap. This was Hayes’s funeral. I would not sit here and appreciate another man’s good looks.
What was wrong with me? Scratch that. I knew what was wrong with me. So much that I didn’t have enough time to list it all.
“He was seven. Damn, he was a strong-willed hothead. Thought he knew it all.” The man chuckled. “Fucker didn’t know shit.”
I was officially intrigued. How did this man know Hayes? They weren’t friends. I had met all his friends. Yet something about him made it clear he was struggling with Hayes’s death as much as I was. He sighed then and stood back up.
The door opened again, and light filled the room. This time, it was Tabitha. Her red hair was styled and sprayed so much that it wouldn’t budge in a windstorm. Her frantic eyes met mine, and then there it was. The fury, the resentment—all the things she had always felt for me were once again bursting wide open. Hayes was no longer here, and she had no use for me. Except for today, and I was letting her down. I wasn’t out there for all the church people to see.
“What do you think you’re doing? Being a selfish brat, like you always are. Get out there right this instant, Trinity. I will not let you embarrass this family,” she spit at me with the disgust and hate in her eyes that I hadn’t seen since the day Hayes had met me at my car after church and asked me out.
I started to stand up.
“She’s not going anywhere until she’s damn well ready to.”
The deep voice startled Tabitha. She hadn’t seen the man in the darkness.
She opened the door further so that the light filled the room and shot her angry glare toward him. “Excuse me, sir,” she said in her haughty voice. “You do not have a say in what she does or does not do. She will go to the sanctuary and stand there like her fiancé would have wanted her to.”
The man stood up, and Tabitha had to tilt her head back to look up at him. “She’s a grown-ass woman. She can do what she wants to do. And you, lady,” he said, nodding his head toward Tabitha, “don’t know shit about what Hayes would have wanted.”
Tabitha’s eyes flared, and her lips thinned. She wasn’t one to be talked down to. Even before she’d married the mayor, my father, when I was ten, she had looked down her nose at the world. Tabitha felt important, but I had no idea why.
“You don’t belong here,” she stated. “I have never laid eyes on you in my life, and I’ve known the minister’s family for over ten years. I’m going to go get Officer Randal to escort you out. You shouldn’t have been in a room alone with a young girl, and language such as yours is not accepted in these walls.”
I wanted to groan and cover my face. I didn’t know this man, but Tabitha was embarrassing me anyway. Being connected to her was just another one of the things to add to why my life had been hell. Bad luck had struck on the day I was born when my entrance into this world had killed my mom, and it never stopped.
“Damn, I sure hope you try,” the man replied with amusement in his voice rather than anger.
I lifted my gaze up to look at him now that the light was illuminating his face. Although I immediately wished I hadn’t. I hadn’t expected him to look like that. Sure, I had noticed the defined angles of his features in the darkness, but good Lord, that man looked like sin. I swallowed hard and thought about praying for forgiveness, then remembered I wasn’t praying anymore. I had given up my belief in God when I got the call that Hayes was dead.
He didn’t look back at me though, and I found myself relieved. I wasn’t sure I could handle seeing his eyes. Not if the rest of him looked like that.
“Trinity, now.” Tabitha’s voice was sharp and clearly near hysterics.
She wasn’t used to being spoken to that way. I, however, would pay money for this to continue.
Hayes wouldn’t want this though, and I knew it. He had wanted me to try and find peace with my stepmom. I stood up and walked over to her, not looking at the stranger, for fear I’d see disappointment in his eyes. He didn’t take orders. He was his own person, and he’d just witnessed how weak I was.
Tabitha grabbed my bare arm so hard that her nails bit into my skin. I winced, but said nothing as I went with her out of the room. Perhaps if she squeezed hard enough, it would hurt bad enough that I could go into the sanctuary with tears in my eyes. Because they would want me crying. They would want to see me completely broken and devastated.
What none of them understood was, I had been broken and devastated so many times in my life that it took more than the death of someone I cared deeply for to make me cry. Tears didn’t come for me anymore. I was twisted inside. Hayes had seen something else in me that I wanted. I truly wanted to be the girl he had thought I was.
Unfortunately, I never had been. There was a darkness in me that I couldn’t flush out. It wouldn’t go away. It called to me and made me think things. Terrible, sinful things. It was no wonder God had never once answered one of my prayers. Hayes had been the only break I’d ever gotten, and God had only allowed me to have that for six months before snatching it away too.
“You are a disgrace,” Tabitha said through her teeth as she dragged me toward the entrance of the church.
I didn’t argue with her because I probably was. She stopped when she saw Officer Randal and dropped her death grip on my arm.
“Officer,” she said in her fake voice. The one she used here at church and in town. The one that made everyone think she was a God-fearing, churchgoing woman who loved the Lord. “There is a man here who doesn’t belong. He went into the prayer room, where Trinity was trying to be alone to grieve. The profanity out of his mouth and disregard for the house of the Lord were awful. You need to get that man out of here. I fear he is dangerous.”
It took every ounce of self-control I had not to roll my eyes. She sounded ridiculous.
“What man? Did you get a name?” Randal asked with concern in his tone.
She opened her mouth, then shut it again. Neither of us knew his name, but even if I had, I wouldn’t have shared it with her. I was a fantastic liar. Her gaze swung to me, and I shrugged. Then, I saw her eyes narrow, as if she thought I was lying, but she wouldn’t treat me bad in front of witnesses that mattered. The man in the prayer room did not matter to her.
“There!” She pointed, and I turned my head to see him walking down toward the sanctuary.
His dark hair was cut short, and I could see from here that his eyes were a lighter color. Not boring brown, like mine. I wasn’t sure though since he wasn’t looking at me. His entire body seemed to flex with each move he made. I wondered if he was one of those built guys that had muscles all over. Hayes’s body had been that of a runner’s, and had been nothing like this man’s.
“Oh,” Randal replied, and his tone dropped. “I’m, uh, sorry, Mrs. Bennett. Uh, I can’t ask him to leave.”
I studied Officer Randal as he shifted on his feet nervously. The large Adam’s apple in his throat bobbed.
“Who is he? Surely, Reverend Darren and his family do not know this man,” Tabitha said, sounding close to losing her cool.
She rarely lost a battle. If she didn’t get the massive, good-looking man kicked out of the church, she’d have lost in her eyes, and that would not sit well with her.
Randal ran a hand over his slightly balding head. “He, uh, does indeed know the family,” Officer Randal said. “That’s Huck Kingston, Hayes’s older brother.”
