TRINITY
THIRTEEN YEARS OLD
I waited until I was sure the house was empty before leaving my room. Roy was here for his winter break, but Tabitha had taken him to church with her. Dad always went when Roy was here too. I had to be careful what I got from the kitchen to eat though because Tabitha kept track of everything. I had to get things she couldn’t be sure of exact amounts on, like peanut butter, shredded cheese, dry cereal, that kind of thing. Also small amounts. I usually got a little of everything I could.
She’d told Dad that I wasn’t feeling well and didn’t want to join them for breakfast. I was standing at the door, listening for him to enter the kitchen so I would be safe to go eat. But she’d stopped that. It smelled so good, and I almost went out there anyway just so I could have some. My fear of punishment later was all that kept me from it. I’d wanted some bacon, but not bad enough to be forced to eat it until I vomited, then forced to eat my vomit.
I took a spoon and filled it with peanut butter, then stuck it in my mouth. Turning to get a bowl for the cereal, I almost screamed when my eyes landed on Roy standing in the doorway, watching me. Why was he here?
I swallowed the peanut butter, but it went down like cement. “You aren’t at church,” I said as the dread coiled in my stomach.
He smirked. “Nope. Seems I wasn’t feeling well. Needed more sleep.”
Did my dad stay home then? Hope sprang in my chest. If Roy hadn’t gone, then Dad wouldn’t go. I wasn’t going to be locked in the closet in the basement for hours, sitting in my urine.
“Tabitha and Benjamin went on without us,” he said menacingly, as if he knew what I was thinking.
I decided to get back to my room, and luckily, Roy didn’t stop me. However, he was behind me. Following me. I tried not to show panic or concern.
Keep it cool. This is okay. I am fine.
When I reached my door, I turned to close it quickly, but his hand shot out and stopped it.
“Not so fast,” he said, shoving it open and making me stumble backward.
“What are you doing?” I asked, glancing around for some kind of weapon.
Sure, Tabitha would punish me if I hurt him, but sitting in a dark basement closet with bugs and peeing on myself because she wouldn’t let me out to use the bathroom was better than Roy being in my room.
“Mom is going to be pissed when I tell her about the peanut butter,” he said with a smile curling on his cruel face.
I would not beg him not to tell her. I refused to ask him for anything. I lifted my chin in defiance.
“Act like you don’t care. I know you do. I was already planning on offering you something to eat before I found you in there, helping yourself.”
Sure he was. I rolled my eyes.
He snarled at me then. “Do you like sitting in the basement?”
I said nothing. I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction.
“Take off your shirt and unwrap your tits for me. Let me see what my mom is so determined to keep hidden.”
I shook my head and backed up to put more space between us. He closed that space and more as he continued toward me.
“What? You enjoy eating your vomit? Starving? Pissing on yourself in a dark closet?”
He knew I didn’t, but I wasn’t showing him my boobs either. They had started growing two years ago, and now, I was glad for the wrap that Tabitha wanted me to put around them. I didn’t want anyone seeing how big they were. She had said it was because I ate too much, but she didn’t let me eat most of the time.
Roy reached for my shirt and grabbed it, then ripped it open, making the buttons pop off and fly around the room. “You want me to see them. Touch them. I’ll even suck on them. You’ll love it,” he said, grinning like a crazy person.
I slapped at his hands and pushed him back, but he was stronger than me. The slap that landed across my face was so hard that my vision blurred and I lost my breath for a moment. Those few seconds was all it took for him to unhook the fabric wrapped around me and let it unravel and loosen enough for him to jerk it down.
My boobs sprang free, and I screamed, kicking and hitting him. He didn’t seem to care. His awful, horrid gaze was locked on my chest as he licked his lips, then grabbed handfuls of them and squeezed hard.
“They’re so big,” he groaned.
Tears were streaming down my face as I pushed at his chest, begging him to stop. He didn’t look at my face or even act like he had heard me. His hands moved to my shoulders, and he shoved me down hard until my knees buckled and I fell to the floor.
I watched in horror as he pulled his penis out of his pants. I shook my head and scrambled, trying to get away from him and up onto my feet. He made a sick sound in his throat and kicked me so hard in my ribs that I couldn’t breathe. Grabbing my side, I gasped for air.
Roy straddled me and began rubbing his penis over my boobs. I was in so much pain that all I could do was cry and beg him to stop. I tried to get up, but it was impossible. He began moving his hand up and down his erection as he pressed it to my breasts. I felt like I was going to be sick. The peanut butter was coming back up my throat.
“Stop! PLEASE! STOP!” I cried out, holding my side and trying once again to get up from the floor.
Roy began grunting and calling me names. Talking about my demons, my being dirty, and how I loved this. I cried harder, wishing I were locked in the basement closet. At least there, I was safe from him.
He let out an awful grunt, and a stream of white shot all over my bare breasts. When he stood up, he was smiling again. I heard the front door close, and Roy jerked his sweatpants up and gave me one last evil grin before turning to see his mother standing in the doorway of my room.
She looked at me on the floor, holding my side with my breasts bare, and I thought she might throw up. I was about to, so that would make two of us.
“What have you done?” she asked me.
I shook my head. I was hurt, lying on the floor, my shirt had been ripped open, and there was semen on my boobs. What had I done?
“She called me in here,” Roy said to his mother. “Jerked open her shirt and showed me her bare breasts. I’m sorry. I’m a guy, and I couldn’t help myself.”
She looked at her son with a look that was normally directed at me. “Men are so weak,” she spit. “Go to your room and pray for forgiveness.”
Roy hurried out of the room as Tabitha leveled her hate-filled eyes at me.
“You fucking whore. Tempt my son with your disgusting obesity. You knew how he’d react to your bare breasts. You want to show them off. It’s disgusting. You are filthy!”
I held my side and hoped she didn’t touch me. If she jerked me up right now, I was going to black out or vomit. I wasn’t sure which one.
“Go wash my son’s sin from your body. I don’t want to see the proof of his earthly desires. God will punish you for what you’ve done to him. That is meant for his future wife and to produce children. Not to be wasted on you and your horrible body!”
I was going to have to stand up. How was I going to do that? I leaned forward until the pressure wasn’t completely on my side. Then, I used one hand to balance myself and put my feet under me carefully.
“GET UP! GET IT OFF OF YOU!” she yelled at me. “Benjamin will be back any minute with lunch. He doesn’t need to see the filthy whore his daughter is. You’ve always been possessed by a demon, but it is getting worse. None of us are safe in this house with you here.”
Closing my eyes and holding my breath, I forced myself to my feet. A cry tore from my chest as the pain seared through my side. My eyes met hers, and I swore then that I’d never waste one more tear. I wouldn’t be weak. I would find a way out of this hell. This was going to end.
