TEN MONTHS AGO
Hayes’s hand held mine tightly as we left my father’s gravesite. Everyone else had already gone. Including Tabitha. I hadn’t been able to move from that spot, looking down where they had lowered his casket into the ground. It was so strange that my heart ached like it did.
Not once in my life had I felt like my father loved me. He was never my safe place. I’d never had a safe place. Yet, now, we would never get that chance to have a relationship. There would be no apologies. We wouldn’t hug each other and say I love you. Knowing that left a hole in my heart. He was the only parent I had ever known, and he hadn’t loved me.
Growing up with that knowledge had twisted and shaped me into the person I was today. If your own parent couldn’t love you, then could anyone?
I hadn’t had boyfriends when I was in high school. Tabitha didn’t allow me to go anywhere but to school and home. When a boy showed interest and dared to call our house, I was punished. Eventually, I did everything I could to be invisible wherever I went. The baggy, unattractive clothing Tabitha had supplied for me helped me fade into the background. There was no young love, first love, nothing of the sort. By the time I was out of the house, I’d grown accustomed to being alone. I never managed to form any relationships.
Truly being loved was a foreign thing to me. Hayes hadn’t said he loved me, but he showed me more compassion and understanding than anyone in my life. He was the only person to put in the energy to get down my walls. He was patient and kind, yet I knew I wasn’t in love with him. I’d read books and heard other girls talk. Hayes didn’t cause butterflies in my stomach or make my heart race. Don’t get me wrong; I did love him. I would do anything for him. He gave and thought about others, never once worrying about what he wanted. I loved him in a way I had never loved anyone. I could trust him. He’d become my best friend—my only real friend.
“Where would you like to go?” he asked me as we reached his car.
I shrugged. I had no idea. Tabitha hadn’t kicked me out yet, but my father had only been dead for five days. There was a good chance I would find my bags waiting on the front porch when I got home. Sure, she had been nicer since Hayes had begun taking me out and giving me attention. However, I doubted she would want to keep me in the house that my father had left solely to her.
“Okay, let me ask this another way. Do you want to go watch back-to-back movies at the theater until we are so full of popcorn that we are sick, or do you want to head to the beach and watch the waves in silence until it’s too dark to see them?”
How could you not love someone like that? Hayes was the perfect human, and although I had tried to tell him I wasn’t good, he’d refused to listen to me. We did not belong together, and deep down, I was sure he knew it too. If he didn’t, he would figure it out. My chest ached at the thought of not having him. With Hayes, I didn’t feel alone anymore.
“Beach,” I said.
“We’ll stop and buy unhealthy snacks and eat those,” he replied.
My lips curled into a smile as he opened the car door for me. Turning to him, I placed a hand on his cheek and kissed him. I’d never kissed anyone. Not even a relative on the cheek. But I was too emotionally wrung out to find the right words. I owed him so much. I wasn’t sure I could have survived this had he not stood by my side the entire time.
Hayes’s left hand touched my waist, and he returned the kiss. It wasn’t passionate, and no new feelings emerged within me as I slipped my tongue inside his mouth. This was safe. It was comfortable. I enjoyed the connection with another person. Perhaps I should have tried this sooner with other guys. It was pleasant, and although it wasn’t true affection, it stood in for the emptiness. I could pretend it was more.
PRESENT DAY
I was pulling the biscuits from the oven when Gage walked into the kitchen. Glancing at the clock, afraid I was running past the time Huck had said I was to have breakfast ready, I realized Gage was early. With a sigh of relief, I placed the biscuits on the island.
“Can I get you a cup of coffee?” I asked him.
Gage looked at the food I had already prepared before grinning. “Damn, girl. You even made French toast,” he drawled, then walked over to study the other items. “What’s that? It smells fucking amazing.”
“It’s sausage and gravy breakfast lasagna,” I replied feeling anxious.
He then pointed to another item. “And that?”
“Breakfast fried potatoes. I just added some onions, peppers, and seasoning.”
He shook his head, still grinning. “Where’re the fucking plates? I’m gonna want to come back for seconds and thirds. I need to start now.”
Relieved that I had made someone in this house happy, I hurried over to grab the plates and set them on the end of the island.
He picked up a plate and then groaned. “Please tell me that’s homemade cinnamon rolls.”
“It is,” I replied.
He looked up at me seriously now. “Listen, if Huck pisses you off and you want to leave, then come see me. I love the man, but I have priorities. He’s not gonna mess this up for us. And if Levi proposes, say no. He’d make a terrible husband.”
I laughed, surprising myself. I hadn’t wanted to laugh in a very long time. I turned to get the sausage from the stove and bring it over, then headed to the fridge for butter and jelly. Remembering I still hadn’t gotten Gage’s coffee, I turned to see him walking to the table with a plate piled high with food.
“How do you like your coffee?” I asked him.
“Black,” he replied. “Could I have a glass of milk too?”
“Of course,” I replied and hurried to start making his drinks.
I tried to relax since he was pleased but he still needed to taste it first. Although I was pretty confident in my cooking skills. There wasn’t much I felt good at. Cooking was something I had taught myself to do to fill the time. It was good therapy. I rarely had anyone to cook for, which was why my butt was larger than it needed to be.
“What the fuck is this?” Huck’s deep voice filled the kitchen.
I turned around so quickly that the hot coffee sloshed over the cup and burned my hand. I winced, but said nothing. My attention was locked on Huck. He was scowling at the food like it offended him.
“Br-br-breakfast,” I managed to reply.
He waved a hand at it and looked at me like I was insane. “I said to cook breakfast, not a fucking buffet. There is just the three of us. Who the hell is gonna eat all this?”
I opened my mouth and closed it again.
“Shut the fuck up!” Gage called out from the table. “I’ll eat it. No one asked your ornery ass. If you’re gonna bitch over this, then go eat at the big house.”
What was the big house? I didn’t ask that though.
Levi walked into the room then, and his eyes went from me to Huck to the food. When they widened and a smile spread across his face, I felt somewhat better. Two against one. That was good odds.
“Holy shit, I’ve died and woken up in heaven when I was sure hell had a room ready for me,” Levi said, then walked past Huck to grab a plate. He looked back at me. “You did all this?”
I nodded, afraid to look back up at Huck, who was still standing there.
“I think I fucking love you,” he said and began filling his plate.
I picked up a plate and held it out to Huck. “Try it at least. You need to eat.”
He looked down at the plate as if it were disgusting. “I don’t like wasting food,” he said to me.
I swallowed. “I wasn’t sure how much y’all would eat,” I replied honestly.
Huck pointed at the food. “No one eats that much.”
“Excuse me! I do. Stop bitching,” Gage barked. “Ignore him, sugar. I’ll worship at your feet if you feed us like this every morning.”
Huck muttered a curse and snatched the plate from my hand.
Levi put a cinnamon roll on his plate. “Sweet mother of God. I’m gonna propose. I swear it. Just let me get the ring.”
“Told you. Ignore him,” Gage told me with a mouth full of food.
Huck put food on his plate with more force than necessary. I tried not to worry about it and asked Levi what he’d like in his coffee. When I took Levi’s cup to him, he grabbed my hand and kissed it.
Huck said nothing, and I noticed he had his own cup of coffee when he sat down. He also had a lot less food than the other two men. I tried not to let that bother me.
“Fuuuuck,” Levi groaned loudly. “This is better than getting sucked off.”
Gage laughed out loud, and I found myself smiling again.
“Must be putting your cock in the wrong mouths,” Huck said in a tone that made it clear he was not impressed with my cooking.
Why did this man hate me? Because I’d let him touch me? I hadn’t asked him to. He had started it. I’d just not stopped him. My mistake. It wouldn’t happen again.
“You going into the shop?” Gage asked Huck.
“If I want to keep it open.”
Levi chuckled, and I glanced over to see if Huck was at least enjoying his breakfast.
“Ray-Ray coming in today?” Gage asked over a mouthful of food.
“Keep your dick out of Ray-Ray.” Huck’s response sounded annoyed. “She’s my fucking secretary.”
Gage leaned back and smirked. “So, she gets to suck your cock when you want it sucked, but the rest of us don’t get the goods when we come in to work?”
My face heated as I turned away from them and went to cleaning up the things I’d used to make breakfast.
“She begs to suck his cock,” Levi said. “Bitch has a thing for Prince Albert.”
What did that mean? Had he named his penis?
I wished I could unhear all of this.
