It’s Monday and the first thing I notice is that Florence isn’t wearing my present. That does something mean to my heart and even confidence. A million doubts fly through my head when I should be focusing on school.
Did she not like it?
Was it too soon? Too much?
Not enough?
Did it seem like I was trying to stake my claim?
Did it make her uncomfortable?
It wasn’t expensive but it was all I could afford with the last of my savings. I thought Florence wouldn’t mind but maybe she did.
I don’t like my brain sometimes.
Halfway done with our classes this morning, I can’t stand it anymore. I interrupt my girl from reading, as much as I hate to do it. All morning, she hasn’t spoken to anyone. Just a quick ‘Hi’ before she fled into another world.
I tap her knee and notice her sigh before she looks up. Well, I didn’t expect a much more enthusiastic reaction but to say this feels nice would be a lie. Either way, I’m determined not to show her any reaction and lean in to talk to her a bit more privately. She doesn’t try to meet me in the middle but slightly stiffens instead, as if my proximity is making her uncomfortable. I hate to think that but the fear of it almost makes me pull right back. I almost forget what I wanted to ask.
‘What happened to your necklace?’ I finally ask, smiling slightly to diffuse some tension. She doesn’t smile back. Instead, her eyes fill with tears and her bottom lip quivers as she tears her gaze away from mine. My heart starts racing and cracking at the same time. What happened? Why is she crying? What did I do?
‘I’m sorry. It somehow got stuck in my helmet this morning and when I took it off, the necklace ripped. I tried to find the pendant but I think it fell down the street gully. I’m really sorry,’ she whispers, not meeting my eyes. My stomach clenches but not because I’m mad about the gift. Hell no, I’m worried about my girlfriend who can’t seem to look at me.
I get up from my chair until I’m right in front of her hunched body. Then I pull her into a hug, trying to comfort her as best I can and not giving a damn what my classmates think.
Florence slowly melts into the embrace and pulls me tighter by the waist. She’s shaking softly but after taking a few measured breaths, she calms down.
The guys notice, of course, they do, but don’t comment on it. They simply look at my girl worriedly before going back to minding their own business.
‘There you go, no need to cry, pretty girl. It’s okay. If you want, I’ll get you a new one when I can,’ I tell her, trying not to hate the way it sounds. When I can. God, I hate that I’d have to work for a few months until I can get my girlfriend a present. I’d like to spoil her, not that I think she’d let me. Still, being able to surprise her whenever I wanted to would be nice.
‘Yeah, sorry. I haven’t been sleeping well and clearly, it’s taking its toll. And don’t worry about getting me a new one, please. You’re saving up for more important things and I don’t want you to waste it on me because I’m too clumsy,’ she tells me, attempting the smallest of smiles. It doesn’t reach her eyes.
‘It wouldn’t be a waste,’ I protest but she cuts me off.
‘Really, it’s fine,’ she repeats. Somehow, the urgency in her voice shuts me up for good. Only makes my mind reel harder though.
Here are the facts, as I see it; my girl hasn’t been sleeping, she’s been more distant and she insists I don’t spend any more money on her. The question I’m therefore asking myself is does this relationship stress Florence out?
If not, what else is bothering her because something clearly is.
‘When’s the last time you ate?’ I ask quietly enough for only her to hear. She looks so tired as she avoids my eyes and I have my answer right there. I feel sick. ‘Please, Florence, why won’t you talk to me? I really want to help you.’
‘I’m sorry. Everything is fine, I’m sorry,’ she says unconvincingly.
What happened to the bright and happy girl from just a few weeks ago? What could possibly have happened to dim that beautiful light in those green eyes of hers? More importantly, how the hell do I take it away?
‘I feel like we haven’t had any alone time in forever. How do you feel about coming over after school? I’m sure you’ve finished all your assignments already and we don’t have any exams for the next few days. Besides, my parents are taking the twins to my grandparents’ place so they can go to the cinema and my brother is out almost every night. What do you say?’ I ask.
My girl thinks about it for a long beat, her mind obviously racing. Then she bites her cheeks and smiles slightly.
‘I’d really like that. I hope my parents won’t mind too much but they’ll just have to deal with it,’ she tells me.
‘Yeah, what are they going to do?’ I ask jokingly, attempting at making her smile for real. I notice my mistake instantly when Florence’s eyes fly back to the pages of her book, her leg bouncing wildly beneath the table.
Shit, is she thinking about the time her mom tried to get her from my place? The night she was hit by her mother. I’m such an idiot, really! And now my own blood is boiling at the thought of it.
Just after meeting her mother, it’s a bit harder for me to imagine it. She seemed quite nice when I was over but that doesn’t make her actions disappear. She’s making an effort which is nice. Doesn’t mean I will forget she raised a hand on the girl I love though.
‘It’ll be fine. You can just come over after school, maybe tell them you’ll be staying at school late to study in the library or read in the park,’ I say. She nods absently which doesn’t make me feel any better. ‘I won’t let anything happen to you,’ I add. It needed to be said. If Florence is worried her mom will try to hit her again, she shouldn’t be. If she so much as tries, I’m done. Fuck trying to wait for people to change, I won’t let my girlfriend go home with an abusive parent.
She can stay with me. Any of the guys, come to think of it. I think we’d all rather sleep on our cold floors than have Florence in danger and hurt.
‘I know,’ my girl whispers so softly I barely hear. God, I really need to talk to her tonight.
