Making a move in the middle of my freshman year may have been a huge mistake. I did it because of my major and the program that Wyncote offered. It wasn’t my first choice of schools because I wanted to go south. As soon as I was accepted to a university in Florida, that was it. I was finally getting out of the cold from living up north.
I should have put more consideration into which school would have been best for my forensic psychology degree, but I didn’t. Life was something that I tried to live in a careful manner. I was never one who took risks, even though my best friend Stella was constantly living life on the edge. It about gave her family a heart attack with the way she behaved.
It was almost like I was a sounding board for her, someone safe who helped to keep her in line. That went out the window as soon as she decided she wanted to go to California for college. She had no idea what she was majoring in, but she wanted to get as far away from Vermont as I did.
It’s funny how things work out, though, because here I am… back in the damn Arctic.
My first few days of class weren’t as awkward as I imagined they would be. Thankfully, it was the start of a new semester, so it wasn’t like I was coming in after classes already started. That’s the nice thing about college. Even when making a move, there’s not really such a thing as the new kid. I was able to find my place, even with being quiet and not really talking to anyone.
Moving into the dorms was probably the biggest challenge. Again, I was blessed with a roommate who seems relatively cool. I was a ball of anxiety before moving in here but as soon as I met Emery, I knew that it was for nothing. She doesn’t seem like the partying type, but she spends a lot of time with her boyfriend, so I don’t see her often. When I do, she’s nothing but nice to me.
And then there was Sterling Barrett.
My best friend’s older brother and the boy I crushed on for most of my high school years.
He was three years older than us and he’s been at Wyncote the entire time. From what Stella has told me, he’s made a place for himself on the hockey team.
And I know she was behind him texting me over the weekend.
It’s literally been over three years since we last saw each other or talked. There’s no reason why we would have talked after he left for college. We weren’t exactly friends. I just so happened to be his little sister’s best friend who practically lived at their house. Other than that, he was just the enigma that I watched from afar.
After he left, I got over my little crush on him. There was no point in wishing on a star that didn’t exist. And in Sterling’s eyes, I didn’t exist. I had a boyfriend through high school, but we broke up the summer before college. It wasn’t going anywhere and we were both going in separate directions in life.
Now that I’m back in Vermont, attending the same school as Sterling, I can’t help it when my mind wanders to him. It’s not a thought I let myself entertain, but it’s one that tends to pop up every now and again.
When he reached out, he extended the open invitation to let him know if I needed anything, but I know Sterling. He didn’t actually mean it. He’s not the type who wants to be bothered by anyone. God forbid you ever get in his way.
As I walk through the hall after my last class, I adjust my backpack on my shoulders. Most of the other students are already filing out of the building, so I squeeze through a group that is hovering by the doorway. No one bothers to move out of the way, which seems to be pretty typical.
Walking down the steps from the front of the building, someone comes up behind me, bumping my shoulder as they rush past. It’s a sudden moment of panic as I realize that I’ve reached the bottom of the stairs and there aren’t any railings for me to grab onto as I lose my balance. I trip over my own feet, stumbling like a newborn calf in the most ungraceful manner possible.
Just as I’m about to go down, face-first onto the concrete, a pair of hands wrap around my biceps. I’m pulled back upright and I glance up, my eyes meeting Sterling’s dark brown ones as he stares down at me. He holds me steady, until I regain my balance. His hands linger for a moment, my gaze searching his as he lingers in front of me.
“Thanks,” I breathe, still a little shook up from the thought of almost eating shit in front of everyone. “Someone bumped into me and threw me off-balance.”
“Yeah, I saw,” Sterling replies with indifference. He runs his hand through his dark hair. It’s longer than when I last saw him, the soft waves falling just below his eyebrows.
The air leaves my lungs in a rush as I’m practically starstruck by the sight of him. The past few years have been good to Sterling and it’s clear that he’s been working on his physique since he upped his hockey game. Back in high school, he was never scrawny, but he was caught in that awkward stage.
He’s filled out since then and is taller than I remembered him being. Then again, the times that we were this close were few and far between. He’s grown up, aging like a fine wine I wouldn’t mind tasting.
What the hell is wrong with you, Liv?
“Are you good?” he questions me, his hands still lingering on my biceps. I drop my gaze to them, my heart pounding erratically in my chest. Sterling follows my gaze and quickly drops his hands away like I’m on fire.
He clears his throat, shifting his weight uncomfortably on his feet before taking a step away from me. The way he recoils has the pit of my stomach rolling. It’s nothing new, so I shouldn’t be surprised by the way he acts toward me. I’ve always seemed to have this effect on Sterling Barrett. Like something about me disgusts him.
“I’m fine, thanks,” I respond, a smile plastered to my face as I look up at him without showing the pain that he causes me. This is the expectation everyone has always had of me because it’s the only way I know how to act. It’s easier to put on a happy face and not let the world see the ugly inside me.
There’s enough ugliness in the world around us. It just always made more sense to try and add some brightness to everyone’s lives.
Sterling grunts and I’m not sure if he was attempting to respond. Whatever it was, it was completely incoherent and I feel awkward as hell standing here with him right now. I’m still smiling at him as I readjust my backpack.
“Well, I should probably get going,” I tell him as I begin to walk away. “I need to go find something to eat or grocery shop or something.”
Sterling is silent for a moment as I begin to walk away before I hear him call out my name.
“Olivia, wait.”
My breath catches in my throat at the sound of my name on his tongue. Inhaling deeply, I slowly turn around to face him as he stalks toward me. “Yeah?”
His jaw clenches for a moment, his throat bobbing as he swallows hard. “Did you want to go get food somewhere?”
A grin spreads across my face. “I would like that.”
