Sitting across from Sterling in this small booth is an interesting experience. Part of me doesn’t feel like this is real life. There were many years where I was close to him because he was always around when I was with his sister. That was until he got older and we were too immature and just annoying to be around.
I was always his little sister’s best friend, but right now, it doesn’t feel quite like that. Don’t get me wrong, everything about this situation is awkward and strange. He checked up on me because of Stella. She wasn’t the reason why he brought me here. I’m still not sure why he extended the invitation but something in that moment made him offer us sharing a meal.
It’s nothing more than that—just like it’s always been.
I had the biggest crush on him when I started to get into boys, but that’s all it was. Just a silly little crush. He was older, mysterious, and one hundred percent off-limits. Those three factors made him very compelling. He was popular in our school and all of the girls wanted him. Sterling always had a different girl with him.
I guess it comes with the territory, being a hotshot hockey player from our small town. That part of him was never what sucked me in. It was the way that Sterling could be gentle and caring, of course while no one else noticed. He gave me the cold shoulder when anyone else was around, but there were a few moments when it was just the two of us.
In those moments, he wasn’t my best friend’s asshole brother. He was more like a peer, like we were equals. Dare I even say… friends? It was one thing that always messed with my head because I couldn’t question him on it. Sterling wouldn’t hesitate to shut it down, to make it seem like I was the one being delusional.
And maybe I was being delusional. One side of Sterling was a lie and I can’t pinpoint which one it was. The one side who found me repulsive and annoying or the side who wanted to make sure that I was safe. The side that actually listened to me and cared.
“Thanks for bringing me here,” I tell Sterling as we both look over the menus in front of us. He seems to be absentmindedly staring at his, as if he’s not actually looking at the words. “I would have probably just ended up in the dining hall again, since I haven’t figured out the lay of the land here yet.”
Sterling lifts his gaze to mine as he folds his menu closed and sets it on the table. “You don’t have to thank me, Olivia.”
I stare back at him for a moment, waiting for him to say something else, but his lips close and I know that he’s done. Of course I have to thank him. He didn’t have to do this for me tonight, but he did anyway. And I know that he could have been doing a million other things. He’s always seemed disgusted and annoyed with me so I’m sure this isn’t on the top of his to-do list.
“Well, hey, handsome,” a girl’s voice breaks through the silence between us. I glance over at our server, reading her name tag as she stares at Sterling like he created Earth. She places her hand on his shoulder as she opens her mouth again. “I wasn’t sure when I would see you again.”
Sterling’s gaze lingers on mine for a moment, a shadow passing over his face. I feel the heat creeping up my neck and spreading across my cheeks. Tearing my eyes away from his, I stare back at the words on the menu, unable to focus on any of the words in front of me. This is beginning to feel like an intimate moment and I’m most definitely an outsider.
“Hey, Hannah,” Sterling responds, directing his attention to her. I don’t miss the shift in him. He’s still the same grumpy asshole, but he knows how to be charming. He’s cold and standoffish, but it does nothing to send girls running in the opposite direction. “Can we get two waters?”
“You can get whatever you want, baby,” she murmurs, pushing her ass out as she purposely leans over the table. Her boobs look like they’re going to spill out of the top of her low-cut shirt. I swallow back the bile that rises in my throat and fight the urge to vomit at how forward she is with him. It’s nothing new, watching girls throw themselves at him, but Jesus Christ. He must have his claws in deep.
I meet Sterling’s gaze. Something sinister plays in his irises as he looks back at Hannah, a smirk tugging on the corners of his lips. I don’t belong here. If I knew this was what I was walking into, I would have gladly eaten some ramen noodles that I had stashed in my room.
“What are you doing later tonight?” he asks her, his voice as smooth as silk.
“That depends.” Hannah stands up straight, her dark brown hair spilling down her back. She glances at me, her mocha eyes meeting mine. “Who’s the girl?”
I stare back at Sterling. A storm brews in the depths of his pupils as his jaw clenches. “She’s just my little sister’s friend.”
His words are like a punch to my gut and a painful reminder.
I will never be anything more than that in Sterling Barrett’s mind.
Tuning the two of them out, I wish that the ground beneath me would open up and swallow me whole. Sterling makes plans with the girl that he’s obviously been involved with before, before she disappears to get our waters. The uncomfortable silence is back and my appetite has vanished.
“She seems nice,” I practically choke on the words as I force them out. My mind doesn’t tolerate silence well and if I’m stuck here with Sterling until he takes me home, then there’s no way it can continue to be this awkward.
A soft chuckle rumbles in Sterling’s chest. The sound sounds foreign to my ears, like a distant memory. And if I wasn’t paying attention, it was quiet enough to go unnoticed. “You’re a terrible liar, Davis.”
There’s a playfulness in his tone, a glimmer in his eyes that dances as he watches me with a smile threatening to consume his lips.
“I mean…” My voice trails off for a moment before a giggle slips from me. I shrug for good measure. Now is my chance to recover from the awkwardness, from seeming to be affected by their interaction. “She’s pretty and didn’t seem like she’s mean.”
Sterling raises an eyebrow. “She’s no different than the rest.”
“What does that mean?”
We’re interrupted by Hannah as she returns with our waters, setting them down in front of us. She flirts with Sterling again, laying it on thick. It takes her longer than it should to get our order before she disappears from the table again.
“They’re all the same, Olivia,” Sterling says, his voice soft as he stares through me. “There’s always a mutual agreement and they’re just looking for the same thing as me. None of them will ever really matter.”
“Why not?” I question him, unable to stop the words before they come out. He has my curiosity piqued. It isn’t often that Sterling reveals any of his cards and his comment has me wondering what really goes on inside of his mind. I want to know everything that he will give me, even if it’s little breadcrumbs.
Sterling continues to stare at me, a wave of something indistinguishable passing through his eyes. “Because they’re—” He pauses for a moment, his jaw tightening as he swallows roughly. “Just because, Olivia.”
He’s practically saved by the bell, as if he secretly called for Hannah and she just so happens to show up at our table at the perfect time with our food. Swallowing back the rest of my questions, I drop it. I already pushed him too far by bothering to ask why. None of it makes sense to me, but maybe that’s the way it’s supposed to be.
Sterling doesn’t want to let me in and I have no choice but to accept that.
Even if it is a bitter pill to swallow.
