It’s true; I wanted my husband dead.
It was my plan all along to have him killed.
Planning was meticulous. I had to search for a means to make it as inconspicuous as possible, as to ensure my own safety. I didn’t want to go to jail, even though I was going to commit a heinous crime.
So I searched … and then one day stumbled upon a forum where they discussed these things. An anonymous source gave me the number to an organization who would take care of everything for me. Just one payment was all it took to get the deal done.
Phillip was going to die.
My trophy-wife life would end, and I would get my freedom back.
Not to mention it was adequate payback for him treating me like a vile person. All these years of neglecting my heart … abusing my body … it leaves bigger marks than one can see with the naked eye.
My bruises were on my soul, and they weren’t easily scratched off.
The moment I pressed the send button, I knew his fate was sealed.
I just didn’t know it would involve mine.
Neither did I know that Phoenix would be the one to claim his life.
“Yes, I had him put on a hit list,” I hiss to him.
“You hired us,” he growls.
“No, I hired a company to get rid of my traitorous, abusing, evil husband. And then they sent you.”
“Don’t tell me you didn’t fucking know that I worked for them.”
“I didn’t. I didn’t know what you were up to all these years, and when I saw you at that party my husband and I attended, I couldn’t believe my eyes.”
“Bullshit,” he growls.
“It’s the truth. You wanted it. Now you have it.”
“I came for your husband that night, as instructed, and instead, I found you. Imagine my surprise that it was your husband I was meant to kill.”
I make a face. “I couldn’t believe they sent you, out of all people … you worked for them.”
“Yes, and you wanted your husband dead. After his death, I found out that the call came from you.”
I gasp. “What? You knew the request came from me? And you never told me?”
I smack him on the chest, but he grasps my wrists and pins them to my chest. “You wanted him killed,” he says.
“Yes, I wanted him dead. Yes, I hated his guts. Can you imagine, after being forced to marry him?”
“I can imagine, but what I can’t imagine is you pinning the fucking blame on me.” When I try to push him off me, he shoves me to the ground, banging my head. “You fucking betrayed me!”
“I did what I had to do to survive!” I say, wincing. “Like you’re any different. You had me poison him. You wanted me to go down for this.”
“Yes, well, you have yourself to thank for that. You destroyed my heart that day after prom, and years later, I find you married to the same fucking dude? I mean, it isn’t so hard to imagine my disgust, is it?” he hisses close to my ear. “I wanted you to pay for your own mistakes. You wanted him dead so you should carry the burden.”
“But you made it all happen,” I say. “You were the killer. The hired hitman. I was never supposed to go to jail for it.”
“No. I did. I was the one who was sent to prison, Vanessa. I went to jail because of something you wanted!” He slaps my face. “That is what you deserve.”
“You’re no better than me,” I say.
“I never said that, but are you really that surprised that I came to hate you for it?” he says, cocking his head.
“No,” I say.
“That I came to get your ass and fuck you up?”
“No.” I sniff, turning my head. “I know I had it coming.”
“Yes and still you tried to lie and cheat your way out of it.”
“Just like you,” I say, looking him straight in the eyes again. “Don’t pretend you know better.”
“I don’t. I’m not any better, but that still doesn’t make it all right.”
“What do you want me to say?” I sneer. “Sorry that I lost my soul along the way?”
He laughs. “That’s not an apology.”
“Well, it’s the truth. At least I’m telling you what I’m thinking.”
“At least I’m not a fucking liar,” he repeats.
“No, you’re a bastard who would rather see the love of his life go to jail than free her from her malicious husband.”
He slams the floor beside me. “You are not the love of my life.”
I grind my teeth. “I don’t believe you.”
“How could I ever fucking love a girl like you?”
The way he says it, with such hatred and darkness in his voice, makes me want to cry.
“I say the same thing to myself when I look at you.”
For a moment, we just gaze at each other, not saying a word. I wouldn’t even know what to say. All that needed to be said is out in the world now. Yes, I am a merciless killer. Yes, I had arranged my own husband’s death. Of course, I didn’t want to go down for it. But I didn’t think Miles … Phoenix would be involved. Not like this. If I’d known, if I could anticipate, I would’ve made a different choice.
But it’s too late for regret now.
His muscles relax and he lowers his body on top of me, stopping with holding me down. He just rests on top of me, breathing out heavily from our fight, and so do I. I just lie here, staring at the ceiling, wondering what in the hell we’re doing.
“What have we become?” I murmur.
“Murderers,” he says.
“Killers,” I say. “We aren’t worth a damn thing in this world.”
“I can’t forgive you for what you did.”
“And I can’t forgive you,” I say.
“But you know what’s worse?” he says, leaning up. “The fact that my heart really does want to.”
“What?” I frown. I don’t understand. I thought he hated me. He was choking the life out of me.
“I hate you so much for everything you’ve done. For ruining my life. For taking away everything I wanted. And still, my heart tells me to forgive you and move on.” He laughs. “Because no matter how much I try … I can’t stop loving you.”
I take a deep breath but can’t seem to let it go. I feel paralyzed by what he just said. There is only one thing in my body that still feels alive, and it’s my heart, pulsing for him.
“Fuck …” he whispers. “Do I look like a fucking guy who can love? I mean, honestly, look at me.”
“I am,” I say.
This shuts him up completely for a few seconds.
“We’re fucking wasted on destruction,” I say.
“That we are …” He muffles a laugh.
“This isn’t funny, you know.”
“Oh, I know.”
“You just tried to kill me,” I say.
He tilts his head. “And you just tried to kill me.”
When I try to push him off me, he grabs my wrists again and slams them above my head. “We’re both dirty fucking killers, Vanessa,” he says.
“Let me go,” I say.
“Or what? You’re going to run? You’re going to kill me? I doubt it.”
“You don’t know that,” I say, biting my lip.
“I do because you’re still not telling the truth. At least, not to yourself.”
“What are you talking about?” I say as he crawls on top of me again.
“I’m talking about the fact that you, after everything I’ve done to you, still think of me as someone you could be with.”
I swallow away the lump in my throat. “No.” I shake my head. “Impossible. We’re two different people.”
“Two different people united by the same lust for vengeance. Hate. Murderous tendencies.” He leans in closer. “I know you’re lying, Princess. I can smell it.” He sucks in a breath with his nose.
I shiver underneath him, feeling the sparks alight. “I’m not … I can’t. This just can’t.”
“It can because you want it to. Because I want it to. Stop saying and thinking things that aren’t true. You know as well as I do that it’s unavoidable.”
His eyes are half-mast, sultry, almost seductive, and I can’t help but want to lean in for a kiss.
It’s disturbing, I know. After just wanting to kill him, and him wanting to choke me, I still desire him. Our connection feels stronger than ever now that I’ve spoken the truth, and it’s hard to ignore the growing tension between us. It’s the flipside of deep-seated hatred … love bursting underneath the surface, ready to pop out and grow.
But is it really the right thing?
I press my lips together, and he brings his hand to my face. I expect another slap, and close my eyes, but instead, he surprises me by caressing my cheek. When I open my eyes, he’s smiling.
“I’ll forgive you, if you’ll forgive me,” he whispers.
I blink a couple of times. “How? After all of this?”
“Just say the words,” he muses. “Forgive and forget.”
“I …” I take a deep breath as a single tear runs down my cheek. He catches it with his finger and puts it in his mouth, sucking hard.
“Hmm … Nothing like some tears in the morning.”
I shake my head, chuckling to myself. “You’re one sick bastard.”
“One sick bastard you’re in love with.”
This comment makes me want to look away, but I don’t. I’ve looked away enough. All this time, I’ve turned my head, twisted my own heart, and denied the very truth in order to live a good life. However, this was anything but a good life, thanks to my mother. And I can’t help but wonder how it would’ve been if I’d run off with Miles.
I reach for his face and cup his scruffy jaw, and he leans in to let me feel him. His black hair falls across his face so messily, so crude … just the way I like it.
“I’m sorry,” I say.
He smiles a little, looking down at me.
“I’m really sorry,” I repeat, tears welling up in my eyes.
But then he stops my tears with a kiss so deep it takes my breath away.
His mouth latches onto mine with ferocity, almost wanting to suck the love out of me. I know he can feel it, and I can taste it from his licks. No matter how much we try to hide it, we still crave each other. Need each other.
I wrap my hands around his head, wanting him closer than ever before. No restraints to hold me back, no prison to keep me locked. I am here and I want to be here, with him, by my own choice.
Love pours from my veins as I grasp onto his hair and kiss him deeply, allowing his tongue access. One hand cups my face as the other grabs my waist, squeezing lightly, setting my body on fire.
I want it all, I want it so badly, and I can’t deny it anymore. I’ve stopped fighting, stopped battling the bad. I’ll embrace the darkness in my heart, just like he has, because dammit, I deserve it and so does he.
We deserve each other.
“I love you,” he says. “I really do. No matter how much I want to hate you; no matter how much I despise what you’ve done, I can’t stop,” he murmurs against my red, hot lips.
“I know,” I say, licking my lips. “I have the same problem.”
Sirens are audible throughout the house, which makes me think the cops are closing in on us, although I’m not quite sure we still need them. I guess it’s too late for regret now. It’s all my fault.
He laughs. “So, little liar, are you going to come back on your statement?”
“About what?” I lean back on my elbows.
He squints. “You do fucking love me. You can deny it all you want, but I can see that look in your eyes when you see me, you know … all needy and sparkly.”
I roll my eyes, but secretly I’m smiling. “Fine. I submit. You got me.”
He muffles another laugh and then moves in closer again, hovering just above my lips. “I like it when you say that … submitting?” he hisses, biting his lip. “Yeah, I could get used to that.”
“Oh, stop,” I muse. “You’re so freaking filthy.”
“That’s why you love me,” he murmurs, his tongue darting out to tease me, licking my lip but not allowing me to kiss him. “Admit it,” he says. “Say it, Princess. I want to hear you say it.”
“I love you,” I say.
“Say it again,” he growls, arching over me.
“I do love you. I wasn’t lying.”
“No, you were lying when you said it wasn’t true.”
I shrug. “Sometimes a girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do to survive.”
“You think you have to run to survive?” He grabs my chin. “I’m not gonna kill you unless you ask for it. So it’s pretty safe to say you’ll survive around me. Besides, if you haven’t noticed, I can get rather protective when it comes to things that belong to me.”
I flush from the thought of belonging to him. I’d like that. For once, I should listen to my heart instead of my brain. Throw the rules out of the window. Kick fortune in its back and run away into the wilderness.
Maybe I’d like that.
“So … the cops are here now,” he says.
“Yeah … I’m sorry. I guess this means the end.”
“It doesn’t have to be,” he says, raising an eyebrow.
I admire his optimism, even though it’s a little misplaced.
Phoenix presses a short kiss on my lips, but then he curls his hands underneath my waist and lifts me up from the ground like a knight.
But then, out of nowhere, a loud bang causes him to groan and drop to the ground. I fall to the floor with him and look up in shock at the man standing in the hallway.
“Sorry to interrupt your little rendezvous, but this has gone on long enough.”
It’s Arthur with a gun.
And he’s aiming it at Phoenix.
