CUDDLING.
Cuddling with Sebastian Miller-Callahan.
I’m such an idiot.
I’ve been awake for several minutes, and I need to pee, but I’m wrapped against Sebastian so tightly, I couldn’t move if I tried. My head is tucked against his chest, his broad arms are wrapped around my back, and one hand is cupping my ass. We’re both naked, and I can feel his cock, a little stiff, against my belly. I’m not especially small, but this position makes me feel tiny.
It’s heaven.
It’s hell.
He heard me, and he came to help, and I let him. Maybe it was the quiet night around us that did it, or the dinner beforehand, although the one glass of wine couldn’t have let down my inhibitions all that much. I let him take me to his room. We had sex, and I’d vowed never to experience that with him again. Project GOSMC is crumbling to dust with every moment I spend wrapped up in his ridiculous, lovely, possessive warmth. If it was a NASA mission, they’d declare it a failure and shunt it to the annals of past experiments.
I loved every moment. The way he held me in his lap, his fingers against my teeth. The feel of his cock in my hand, then down my throat. I could barely breathe while he fucked my mouth, and it was exactly how I wanted it. He called me delicate, but he didn’t act like he believed it.
I’m sure he doesn’t. He just enjoys pushing my buttons. By all rights he should be pissed at me, and instead he got me to admit that we’re friends—while in the middle of taking the edge off all the desire I can’t shake. And he had the nerve to smile at me like I was a lovely star, not a black hole.
I scowl against his chest.
At least by tonight, I’ll have somewhere else to stay. I’ll be able to go back to avoiding him, and maybe this time it’ll stick. Then autumn will come, I’ll endure one semester of seeing him when I’m around Penny, and by the time I’m back from study abroad, he’ll have graduated.
Something hooks in my belly and tugs.
I don’t want that. I don’t want him to be a stranger.
But we all want things we can’t have.
Better he learns to hate me now, rather than after I’ve given him my heart. Any future with him would end like my brother and his wife. My grandparents. My parents. We’d stay together, making each other miserable. I know I’d be too stubborn to compromise my career for his, or to leave if it wasn’t working. Sebastian has already proven himself to be an equally stubborn bastard. We’d bite and kick and throw punches until there was nothing left.
I’d ruin him.
The first thing to do is to leave—now. Last night wasn’t supposed to happen, and it sure as hell can’t happen again.
I wiggle out of his arms.
He wakes as I tug on my shorts.
“Morning,” he says with a yawn.
I throw my shirt on, willing my voice to sound flat, even though his own is rough with sleep and sexy as hell. “Hi.”
He squints at his phone. “It’s barely six.”
“I need to get to the lab early.”
“Well, let me make you breakfast.”
I tuck my hair behind my ears, searching for my phone—but that’s still in Izzy’s room, along with the rest of my stuff. I need to pack so I’m ready to go later. “I’m good.”
“You need to eat.”
I dart for the door. “I’ll just grab one of those protein bars.”
“Not a meal,” he says, raising his voice so I still hear him in the hallway.
I grab my bag and start shoving things into it. I’ll just toss it in my car and figure out the rest in the evening.
“Mia.”
I look up despite myself. “What?”
“What are you doing?”
He’s in the doorway again, arms crossed over his chest, wearing underwear and nothing else. His hair sticks up at odd angles, but somehow it doesn’t take away from the attraction that spears through my stomach at the sight of him. I wet my lip, distracted by his chest. He’s so broad, I could cling to him like a ridiculous little koala.
Instead, I grab a pair of jeans and crush them into a tiny ball at the bottom of my bag. “Getting my stuff together.”
“You don’t have to go.”
“Actually, I do.” I straighten, the bag dangling from my hands. “They have a dorm room ready for me.”
The ease in his body disappears. He straightens up, his hands falling to his sides. “What?”
“They emailed me yesterday.”
“And you didn’t tell me?”
“It wasn’t like this was supposed to be permanent.” I take a deep breath. “Thank you for letting me stay here for a few days. I appreciate it.”
“We’re friends,” he says. “You said so.”
“We are. But last night wasn’t… friendly.”
He swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing. It’s easier to focus on those details than the expression on his face.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “If I pushed you to do something you didn’t want to do. I thought—”
“No,” I say, cutting him off. “It wasn’t that. I did want it. It’s just… you deserve…”
“Don’t tell me what I deserve.” He takes a step closer. I hold the bag to my chest like a shield. “I know what I deserve, which is what I want. And what I want is for you to be in my life, whatever that looks like. Don’t you want me in your life too?”
I swallow. His gaze is an inferno. I’m blistering, but I can’t look away.
“Fuck you, Sebastian,” I whisper.
He blinks. His eyes shutter, the emotions swirling in their depths dimming. “Tell me, honestly and completely, that you don’t want me in your life, and I will leave you alone forever. Forget about being friends. We won’t even have to speak.”
“I shouldn’t have said yes to that date.” I turn my head, seeking a distraction, but there’s nothing but Izzy’s desk, cluttered now with my computer, legal pad, and stacks of half-annotated articles. I just need to push through. Continue the lie because it’s for his own good. “I’m sorry that I made you think I wanted more.”
He sighs. “Why do you keep lying to me, Mia? Why do you keep lying to yourself?”
“But I do want to know you.” The words burst out of me like a punch. “I want to be in your life, and for you to be in mine.”
He lurches forward, pulling me into a kiss. As his lips press against mine, my brain short-circuits, but once it’s up and running again, I can’t help but kiss him back.
After a long moment, my chest burns for air. I break off, gasping, “But this isn’t what you wanted.”
“I want to know you, whatever form that takes.”
“If we go back to the way things were before—”
“Yes,” he murmurs roughly. “Yes, fuck, that’s fine. Just stop shutting me out. And stay here. It’s better than a dorm, and you can have all the space you need to work.”
He kisses me again, his hands cradling my face, effectively cutting off any lingering protests. He’s right, this is better than a dorm—and even if it’s a bad idea to stay and let myself get attached even further, it’s too tempting to pass up. I’ll just… figure something out. I’ll find a new way to keep Project GOSMC going.
“Fine,” I bite out.
He pulls back to smile at me, tugging on my hair.
“I’ll pack you lunches for the week,” he says. “No protein bars unless they’re snacks.”
