“SEE? Some of these questions are random, but then others are way too personal.”
I peer at Sebastian’s laptop. On the screen is a list of questions the reporter from The Sportsman, Zoe Anders, sent over to “get him thinking” ahead of their interview. It’s an odd mix. The first one asks if he’s a Reds fan, or if he switched to the Mets or Yankees after years of living on Long Island, but then directly underneath it, she wants to know if he’s had any contact with relatives of his father and mother.
The moment I see it, my mind starts mulling over the possibilities. I guess it makes sense that the reporter would wonder about it too, but it’s his past. He doesn’t have to share it with anyone, especially not a magazine. “You could decline to answer, right?”
He swipes his hand through his hair, then settles his baseball cap back on his head, backwards. “I guess so. The short answer is that no, I haven’t.”
I look at him sideways. I’m curious too, but that feels like a question I don’t have the right to wonder about, considering the fact we’re just friends. This is what I wanted, after all, even if it’s getting so hard to remember why. “Just tell her you’re only going to answer questions that are directly about baseball.”
“I guess.” He grimaces. “I don’t want her to do digging on her own and make up a story, though. My mom’s relatives didn’t want to adopt me because they hated my dad. It’s not that deep.”
I can’t help myself. “Why?”
“He got her pregnant before they got married. They thought she was settling, that she could have done better.” He puts his hand on my knee, squeezing lightly. He laughs shortly. “And then she died, and they really thought she could have done better.”
“That’s awful.”
“I don’t want anything to do with them anyway.” He shuts his laptop firmly and puts it on the coffee table next to mine. “Haven’t heard from them in years. I love baseball, but the rest of it is already too much. According to Izzy, those stupid photographs are all over Instagram.”
“That is something nice about astrophysics,” I say dryly. “No one is going to ask me for an interview.”
He winds his arm around my waist and pulls me into his lap. I straddle him, adjusting my skirt so it still covers my butt.
“I have some questions,” he murmurs, kissing my neck. His hands stroke down my bare thighs, making me shiver. “They’re of a personal nature.”
“Oh?”
He pushes up my skirt a couple inches. “Maybe a demonstration would be more effective.”
My stomach clenches at the sensation of his fingertips on my sensitive skin. The last time we fucked was over the phone a few days ago; he called me from his hotel room during the Albany trip. I still feel bad about it, but I distracted him rather than give him the truth I owe him, first with the moon and a confession I didn’t mind making, and then, when I got back to the house, with some long-distance dirty talk. It was the coward’s way out, but I couldn’t bring myself to talk about why I ghosted him.
“It would need to be fast. Penny said they’d be back soon.”
He bites my jaw lightly before working his way up to a proper kiss. He traces over the lacy edge of my underwear. “I can be quick.”
I want to ride him on the couch. I want his hands on my ass, digging in, and to feel just how deep he can get from this angle. I haven’t had it that way in months, and I know he’s been holding back.
I pull my shirt over my head and let it fall to the floor. I’m wearing his favorite bra of mine, the lime green one with a tiny bow in between the cups. He groans at the sight, burying his face in them. He slips one strap down my arm, then the other.
“It’s been so long since you fucked my pussy,” I can’t help but murmur as he sucks my nipple through the thin fabric.
He muffles a moan against my skin.
I drag my nails down his back. “I’d be so good for you, babe, please.”
“I know you would,” he rasps. He slips his hand underneath my skirt and spanks me. He doesn’t do it hard enough to hurt—although the tease is enough to make me want that. “You make the prettiest goddamn noises when I’m inside you. Angel, I remember them all.”
I rock against him. I smile when his breath hitches; I can feel the growing bulge in his pants. I keep rocking gently as I knock the baseball cap off his head, wind my hands through his hair, and tug. “You could use a toy in my ass, too.”
“You’re gonna kill me.”
My smile widens as I kiss him. He’s close to giving in. “If it’s too much, I can stop.”
“Don’t you dare.”
I pull up his t-shirt, running my fingers over the hard lines of his abs. “Oh yeah? You sure you can handle it, Callahan?”
He throws his t-shirt onto the floor next to mine. His eyes glitter as he unhooks my bra. I let it fall. He rolls one nipple between his thumb and forefinger, lowering his head to capture the other in his mouth. I clench my core from the sensation. My body is yearning for more; my panties are damp already. If I need to finally share the truth that I owe him to get him inside me the way I’ve been dreaming about, I’ll do it. I scratch his scalp, letting my head fall back.
“Always for you, Mia Angel.” His voice might be teasing, but his eyes betray a deeper seriousness. “Even if you refuse to just tell—”
The front door opens.
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.
“Oh, come on,” I hear Cooper say. “Not again.”
PENNY INSPECTS me up and down as she crosses her arms over her chest. She has a slight sunburn on her face, and her hair, braided back, is frizzy. She’s wearing a Grand Canyon t-shirt and I see a tattoo on her wrist, but I don’t dare ask about it. The last time I saw her this indignant was… well, it was when she tried to talk to me after she and Cooper realized that Sebastian and I were more than friends. The moment she got to the hotel in Florida, where the Frozen Four was happening, she called me, and I couldn’t bring myself to get into it all. I knew right then that I was going to stand Sebastian up, and the last person I wanted to admit that to was the girlfriend of his brother. No one tells you how much it sucks, sometimes, when your best friend falls in love.
I clear my throat. The moment everyone processed the situation—the situation being me and Sebastian, shirtless, making out on the living room couch like total idiots—and I managed to get my shirt back on, she dragged me upstairs. Penny has seen me shirtless before, thanks to the perils of roommate life, but I could have lived without flashing Cooper.
Now I’m sitting on the end of Izzy’s bed, feeling like I just got called to the headmistress’s office. And I should know, because I went to Headmistress Donnelly’s office way too often in high school. I’m still amazed that I didn’t get expelled after the accidental fire in the chemistry lab.
I can feel myself wilting under Penny’s gaze the longer she stares at me, so I just start blathering. “You have to tell me all about the road trip. What happened to that poem you wrote for your mom?”
“How long, Mia?”
I try for a smile. “You look good, Pen.”
“Mia. How long?”
“The pictures you posted on Instagram are so pretty. You actually got matching tattoos? Was it your idea? I thought you said you were too scared of needles to get one.”
“Mia—”
I swallow, pressing forward. “I missed you. I didn’t want to bother you while you were getting alone time across the country with your hockey player, but I didn’t realize until you were gone just how much we talk. I have a funny story about Tangerine to—”
“Maria Daphne di Angelo!” she exclaims.
I blink. “Um, rude.”
“I’m sorry.” She unwinds her hair from the braid and shakes it out, taking a deep breath. She flops down next to me. “But you told me I’m allowed to use your full name in emergencies.”
“Is this an emergency, Penelope Ann Ryder?”
Her mouth drops open. “Rude!”
“You were rude first.”
“I would say this definitely constitutes an emergency,” she grumbles. “Are you with Sebastian?”
To be honest, it was so easy to pretend that summer break would last forever, and that I’d never have to talk to anyone about my kind-of-sort-of relationship with Sebastian, that I didn’t come up with a plan for this exact moment. I should have, but instead I let myself get caught up in the balance we struck with each other, and now, just like in April, I’m left floundering. And this time, I can’t run down the stairs and leave everyone behind. I wouldn’t even have anywhere to run to, since this is where I live right now.
“Fine, yes,” I admit. “We’re sleeping together. Happy?”
She blinks. “Well, yes. Ecstatic, actually, but that’s beside the point. Why didn’t you tell me? When did you start up again?”
“A couple days after I started staying here.”
“Oh, wow. So basically the whole time we were away.”
“I guess,” I say helplessly.
She lurches forward and hugs me. “This is amazing!”
I spit out a bit of her hair and hug her back automatically. Penny is pretty much the only person I never mind hugs from—although I suppose Sebastian is on that list too now. “We’re not dating.”
“Wait.” She pulls back. “But I thought…”
“It’s just… it’s like before.” I grimace. “We’re just friends, but with sex.”
“Oh,” she says with a frown. “Mia… are you sure about that?”
“I’m not forcing him into anything,” I say quickly. “It was his idea, actually.”
She waves her hand impatiently. “I mean, is it actually what you want?”
I look to the side. The last time I made Izzy’s bed, I arranged the pillows in a tower, but it must have been off-balance, because half of them are on the floor now.
When Sebastian had that nightmare before he went to Albany, it was impossible to pretend that it didn’t mean anything. There was nothing casual about soothing his panic or holding him in my arms.
I stayed awake long after he fell asleep again, petting his hair, focusing on the way my heart thudded in my chest and imaginary butterflies did swooping dances in my belly. I played a game with myself. Would I rather be in the dorm room I was supposed to have right now? Definitely not. Would I rather be at the University of Geneva? Maybe eventually, but not right then. I was glad I was there for him and that he didn’t have to suffer through yet another nightmare alone.
If it happens again, I want to be the one who is there, ready to help.
There’s nothing casual about that. Nothing friendly. But helping him through a difficult night isn’t the same thing as dating. Feeling something twist in my chest at the sight of him using my stomach for a pillow doesn’t mean I should risk everything changing.
And I can’t explain all that to Penny, so I just shake my head. “Tell me about the trip.”
“I think we should talk about this.”
“I don’t want to,” I snap. I hate the way my tone makes her face fall. “There’s nothing to talk about,” I add, softer. “We’re friends. We’re sleeping together. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“I didn’t say there was. Just that…” She trails off, shaking her head. “Whatever. The road trip was amazing. He’s… he’s it, Mia. He’s it for me.”
She holds out her wrist. There’s a short phrase inked in black on the inside, but I don’t recognize the language. “Is this from Lord of the Rings?”
She nods, biting back a smile. “‘I love you’ in Sindarin. I wanted to do something special with him—something to bind us together before things change. I know we have two more semesters, but still, our lives are going to be a lot different when he’s in the NHL.”
I swallow. Penny is lucky to be so invested in Cooper’s passion. She was a serious athlete herself, so she knows what it takes, and her father is Cooper’s coach, so there’s no way she’s surprised by the level of commitment. I’m sure she’s going to have no problem working her life around his career, just like Sebastian’s mother did for his father. She’s even luckier that she’s a writer. She can bring her future career anywhere. If Sebastian and I tried to make a relationship work while he was playing baseball and I was in a graduate program, we’d never see each other. Forget pining over him during a three-day jaunt to Albany. I’d be alone and guilty, instead of just alone.
I manage a smile. “It’s beautiful, Pen.”
“Are you sure that you and Seb—”
I stand, smoothing my skirt. “Let me see if he needs help with dinner. I think he planned on making something for us.”
“You cook with him?” she calls as I hurry downstairs. “I thought you hated cooking!”
I bite my lip as I resist the urge to reply. When Penny strong-armed me upstairs for our little chat, Cooper and Sebastian were in the living room, sitting across from each other awkwardly. Now, I hear voices coming from the kitchen.
I’m about to tiptoe upstairs when I hear Cooper say my name.
