When I wake up next, Aunt and Uncle sit by either side of me.
Aunt’s eyes are puffy as if she’s been crying while she wipes my hand with a soft, damp cloth. It’s soothing, lulling even.
I’m tempted to close my eyes and go back to the void I just came from.
It’s quiet in there. So quiet that I see nothing, smell nothing, and feel nothing.
Here, antiseptic and detergent surround me from every side.
I hate this smell. It’s a reminder of my surgery and how utterly abnormal I am.
I’m about to chase sleep when I notice something on Aunt’s hands. The sleeves of her jacket ride up, revealing scratch marks on her wrist.
My frantic gaze bounces to Uncle. He’s leaning both elbows on his knees and watching me with furrowed brows and a stiff upper lip.
No.
I didn’t.
… right?
The scene is like a flashback from those times I used to have nightmares.
And episodes.
I had an episode in the hospital. I think I hit my aunt again. Those scratch marks are because of me.
I hurt her.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, slowly sitting up.
“Honey.” Aunt stops wiping my arm and lunges at me in a bear hug. “I’m so glad you’re back.”
“I’m sorry for hurting you, Aunt. I’m s-so sorry.” I sob into her neck. “I didn’t mean to. I-I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you, okay?” She pulls back and brushes my hair behind my ears, her expression stern. “You’re just stressed. Right, Jaxon?”
“Yes, pumpkin.” Uncle inches closer and forces a smile as he takes my hand in his. “You just had a panic attack. The doctor said it looked worse than what it actually was.”
“But…” I motion at the scratch marks on Aunt’s wrist, lips trembling. “I h-hurt Aunt and…”
“The doctor said I shouldn’t have stopped you in the middle of a panic attack.” She smiles, stroking my hair like I’m such a good daughter. “So it wasn’t your fault, hon.”
How can she be so easy-going about this? I hurt her.
I did it before, too.
If Uncle didn’t get her out, I don’t know what I would’ve done.
If the doctors didn’t inject me with something just now, I could’ve done much worse than scratches.
Aunt is the only mother figure I’ve ever known. It can’t be normal that I’m hurting her.
“Tell me about what happened at school,” Aunt probes and Uncle inches a little closer.
My lips tighten in a line.
That familiar itch starts under my skin.
The reason I had the panic attack is about to grip me again.
The room starts spinning and my free hand fists in the sheets until my knuckles turn white.
Aiden approached me for revenge. He approached me to hurt me.
To destroy me as he promised.
It was all a lie.
A game.
I was a pawn on his chessboard since the beginning, and I was too naive to notice it.
No. I did notice.
I was just too stupid to take it seriously.
“Pumpkin.” Uncle’s voice hardens. “Stay with us.”
I shake my head, focusing back on their faces. The haze almost disappears as I take in their worried expressions.
Aunt’s face is all flushed as if she’s expecting me to hit her again. Uncle’s body is angled forward as if to stop me if I do.
I can’t put them through the hell that happened earlier again. They abandoned their work to be here. I can’t just burden them more than I already am.
Aunt takes my hand in hers. “The surveillance cameras weren’t working in the pool area for reparation reasons. Do you remember what happened?”
A full-body shudder zaps through my spine and my limbs stiffen.
I was floating and floating and floating.
I couldn’t breathe.
All I sucked were gulps of water and more water.
I can still taste the chlorine on my tongue.
It was cold. So so cold as I floated in there.
For a moment, I thought it was the end. Because that’s how the end feels like, right? It’s endless.
And lonely.
And cold.
Hell isn’t only scorching fire. That water was my special type of hell.
A cold hell.
Someone pushed me.
I think a hand pushed me straight into the pool.
But I can’t be sure if it’s true or a work of my imagination. After all, I was out of it from the car park to the pool. I shouldn’t have gone to the pool in the first place.
If I lost time on the way to the pool and can’t remember the faces I saw, why couldn’t my mind play a trick on me? By thinking that I was pushed, my mind can protect itself from believing that I jumped in there of my own volition.
That’s… a scary thought.
I have nothing to prove that I was pushed and there’s no way I’ll worry Aunt and Uncle when I’m not sure myself.
Sniffling, I smile. “I think I tripped.”
“What were you even doing near a pool?” Aunt asks. “You avoid them like the plague.”
“Blair,” Uncle gives her a knowing look.
“What? She wouldn’t go near a pool out of her own will.” She narrows her eyes. “Did Aiden make you do it?”
My heart squeezes into itself at the mention of his name, but I shake my head.
“He was in practice…” I trail off as a crazy thought barges into my mind.
Was he in practice?
He’s the ace striker and can ditch anytime. He could’ve been at the pool.
My lips tremble.
He couldn’t have been the one who pushed me, right?
I inwardly hit myself. I need to stop making him the saint he’ll never be.
The facts are: Aiden King is capable of drowning me.
After all, he’s the only one at RES who wants to destroy me.
“Stop jumping to conclusions, Blair,” Uncle tells Aunt.
“I’m just trying to find out what happened. She wouldn’t just go to the pool willingly.”
She’s right. I wouldn’t.
But I found myself in the pool area, anyway. No one took me by the hand and led me there, I went by my own feet.
What the hell was my subconscious trying to tell me at the time?
A knock sounds on the door and the three of us perk up.
“Come in,” Uncle says.
I wipe my eyes as a boy dressed in RES’s uniform walks into the hospital room. He appears old enough to be a senior, but I’ve never seen him before.
He’s not the forgettable type either.
He’s tall with broad shoulders and piercing hazel eyes that appear a bit familiar.
His light hair is cut short, almost like a military cut.
It’s as if we’ve met before, but not quite.
“Oh, Knox.” Aunt stands with a bright smile. “Come over.”
Knox? Come over?
I throw a questioning glance between them.
“Hon.” Aunt’s gaze slides from me to the new boy. “Knox is the one who got you out of the pool and called an ambulance. If he didn’t do first aid, you might’ve not been able to breathe.”
“I’m glad you’re okay.” He smiles and his eyes close with the motion.
That’s surprisingly charming.
“Oh,” I say. “I don’t have the appropriate words to thank you.”
“You just did.” He smiles again. “What a way to start in Royal Elite, right?”
“Start?” I ask.
“I just transferred to RES. Today was my first day.”
That explains why I’ve never seen him before.
The door opens again and my breathing catches in my throat.
Aiden strides inside followed by Kim.
My lips tremble as I take him from head to toe. His uniform appears meticulous — aside from the missing tie, as usual. His inky black hair is tousled and the metal of his eyes appears neutral like he’s out for a stroll.
But then again, that’s Aiden; Irresistible as a god and dangerous as a monster.
And the sad part is that I knew it all along.
Just because I refused to hear common sense or to look behind the façade doesn’t mean I was tricked.
Scratch that. I tricked myself into believing that Aiden can be redeemed.
Devils can’t be redeemed.
Devils can only crash and burn.
He said he’ll destroy me, and he did.
It’s time I destroy him back.
I smile at everyone. “Can I talk to Aiden alone?”
Once I’m done, there won’t be anything left of him just like nothing is left of me.
There’s always been darkness inside me.
I fought it.
I denied it.
The time has come to embrace it.
After all, it takes a monster to destroy a monster.
