Sweat covers my limbs and beads on my forehead.
My breathing comes out rugged and out of control.
The leather creaks underneath me.
It’s too dark behind my closed eyes.
“Do you see the steps?” Dr Khan asks from across from me.
“It’s those same dark stairs. There’s an old wooden door in view. It looks like something you see in those World War Two films or something.”
“Go on,” he urges.
My shoulders snap upright, but I don’t stop to focus on the fear.
Fear is temporary in front of my thirst for the truth.
Now more than ever, I need to know what’s in that basement.
I told Dr Khan that I’m not blocking myself anymore. That this time, I’ll remember.
I’ll remember Eli and my parents.
I’ll remember everything.
My breathing slows as I take the steps down.
The light becomes dimmer with each step I take. The shadows darken, forming a black fog around me.
I can feel those monsters whispering on my skin and clawing at my back.
Return where you came from.
You don’t belong here.
No. This is my home and exactly where I belong.
With a deep shaky breath, I keep going. All I focus on is the old basement door.
There’s something important there.
Something like the truth.
Don’t they say the truth sets you free?
“Slowing down and shutting down,” Dr Khan’s voice lowers in volume. “Slowing down and shutting down. Slowing down and shutting down… shutting down completely.”
I stand in front of the door, only it’s not me. I bring my hands up to my face and they’re small, little hands. My feet and body are also small. The top of my head barely reaches the handle.
The seven year-old version of me.
The one who erased everything.
Keys dangle from my right hand and a small lamp from the other.
I stole them keys from Ma.
She put on red lipstick and went to bed, so she won’t be coming here.
The keys jingle and my breathing trembles with it.
This is the first time I steal them keys from Ma. She’ll be mad, but I’ll give her a red rose so she stops being mad.
I glue my ear to the door.
It’s here again. The whimpering.
Hmmm.
Hmmm…
Hmm…Hmm…
Pain slashes through my heart like them monsters are squeezing it.
Since the one who shall not be named went to heaven, I hear them voices like this in the basement.
Dad told me to never come back here again.
Uncle Reg told me it’s for ‘my sake’. Dunno what ‘for my sake’ means.
Last month, Ma found me lurking here and hit me on the back with her horsewhip.
I didn’t tell Dad about it because he’ll fight with Ma and I don’t like it when they fight.
So I stopped coming here. I don’t want Ma mad at me. I don’t want Dad mad at Ma.
But today is different.
Before, them whimpers and moans only stayed for a day before they disappeared. These whimpers have been going on for three days.
Three whole days.
Them monsters must be doing something like they did to the one who shall not be named.
They’re pulling someone else into the dark waters and not giving them back.
“Eli,” I whisper and watch my surroundings.
Ma doesn’t like me saying his name. She takes me to the lake when I do. Even after I stopped, she still takes me to the lake sometimes.
I hate that lake water and them monsters in the lake.
I miss Eli.
We used to play together but then he became the one who shall not be named.
When I’m alone at night, I murmur his name so I don’t forget about him.
Dad said Eli went to heaven.
Sometimes I hate Eli. He said we’ll always go to places together, but he didn’t take me with him.
When I told Ma I wanted to go to heaven to Eli, she took me to the lake and made me swim.
I hate swimming.
I hate them monsters in Ma’s eyes when she’s all in white.
With one last glance behind me, I tiptoe and put the key into the hole then turn it.
The door squeaks and my heart stops beating.
Stop squeaking, little idiot.
I slip inside, gripping the lamp tighter.
The whimpering stops.
Everything stops.
I stay glued at the door and cover my nose with the back of my hand.
Smells like pee and throw up.
Eww. Who made a mess?
Using the lamp, I move it around the basement. I’ve never been in here before. All the walls are stone with no windows like a cave.
Something clinks in the far right corner.
Gasping, I direct the light in that direction.
I stop in my tracks. My hands tremble, causing the light to shake.
In the corner stands a boy as tall as Eli. He has dark hair like Eli, too. His shirt and trousers have dirty smudges. A cuff surrounds his ankle, attached to a chain that’s dangling from the wall.
Silver duct tape covers his mouth so tightly, it appears painful.
He squints at the light from the lamp, then slowly, too slowly, opens his eyes.
Dark eyes.
Metal eyes.
They look like Eli’s eyes.
With slow movements, I approach him. “Are you Eli?”
He doesn’t say anything.
I stop a small distance away, watching him closely.
He’s not Eli, but he looks so beautiful. I want to become friends with him.
His face is smudged with dirt. I reach into my dress’s pocket and retrieve a napkin. It’s a present from Daddy that I always keep on me, but it’s okay.
I can wash it later.
I approach the boy. My heart squeezes at the red marks surrounding his ankle from the cuff.
He flinches back when I’m within arm’s reach.
I wipe the side of his eyes where there’s a beautiful mole.
He remains still, watching me intently as if he’s about to snap any second.
“I’m Elsa. What’s your name?” I frown “Wait. You have tape.”
Slowly, I remove the duct tape from around his mouth.
He winces then licks his dry lips. His eyes meet mine for a second as I wipe the side of his face with the handkerchief.
He grabs my hand harshly. I gasp and the handkerchief falls to the dirty ground.
Eli’s look-alike whispers in a scratchy, haunted voice, “Help me.”
