“D-addy?”
My little feet skid to a halt.
Blood.
A pool of blood and Daddy lies in it.
My ears ring as I approach him. “D-Daddy! You p-promised you won’t leave me like Eli.”
“I need you to do something for me, princess.”
“Anything, Daddy.”
“Run. The fastest you can.”
“No,” I sob. “I won’t leave you.”
“Run!”
“Daddy!”
“RUN!”
A bang comes from behind me and harsh hands pull me by my hair.
He’s not moving.
Daddy isn’t moving.
Open your eyes. Tell me you love me. Don’t go to Eli. I need you more.
“Daddy!”
My eyes shoot open, chest heaving. I’m lying on my side, sweat beading on my brows.
Dad.
Oh, God. Dad.
Didn’t he die from the fire? How come he was surrounded by blood?
Or was that just my imagination?
No. The grief gripping me by the throat can’t be imaginary.
Tears threaten to spill free, but I hold them back when I recognise the weight spooning me from behind.
Aiden’s leg is wrapped around mine and his arm is securely tightened around my stomach.
His free hand draws patterns over my back.
The same patterns he’s always been drawing whenever we’re in the bath or after sex.
I stare at the light coming from the window.
Shafts of the sun peek through.
Sun after the rain.
Beauty after the storm.
The more Aiden touches me, the harder I fall into his warmth.
His unspoken emotions.
His unconditional acceptance.
I don’t turn around for fear that the spell may be broken. I don’t turn around because I can’t face him after yesterday.
For the rest of my life, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fully face him.
Aiden, my bully and my tormentor, is a victim of my parents.
He was just a boy back then. A little boy with tousled black hair and innocent grey eyes.
That innocence was tortured in that basement and killed when he returned to find his mother dead.
There was something abnormal about that basement. Something that makes my skin crawl.
He lost a part of himself in there. Hell, I feel like I lost a part of myself in there, too.
I just don’t remember it.
Aiden isn’t like me. He didn’t erase his memories. He remembers everything.
Every. Fucking. Thing.
A shudder goes through me at the thought of what could’ve happened to him.
Since I left Dr Khan’s office, my heart has been hollow. I’ve been on the verge of a breakdown.
I wanted to go to Birmingham and stand on my parents’ grave and shout at them.
I wanted to kick their dead bodies and tell them to give me back my life.
But that would be useless. No one will give me back what was already stolen.
Just like nothing will bring back what Aiden has already lost.
My heart aches the more he touches me, but I don’t want him to stop. I never want him to stop even if I’m in pain.
Even if I bleed open.
It took me ten years to remember and I don’t even remember everything.
He’s been living with this pain for a decade.
He’s been seeing my face for two years and recalling what Ma did to him.
No wonder he looked at me like he hated me. No wonder he wanted to destroy me.
What Jonathan said makes sense now. My parents did kill Alicia, although indirectly.
She was on her way to search for Aiden after he was kidnapped, but she had an accident and never saw him again.
Aiden lost his mother.
And it’s all because of Ma and Dad.
My breathing deepens and it takes everything in me not to break down in tears.
How could I tell him I loved him yesterday? How could I say that to someone who suffered every time he saw my face?
What the hell is wrong with me?
I focus on the little drawings on my back. It’s like he’s repeating the same pattern over and over again.
Wait. Is that…?
Steel.
He’s writing and re-writing my last name on my back. Is that what he’s been writing all this time?
Tears rush to my eyes and I close them, biting my lower lip.
He releases me and I remain in place, slightly hiding my head in the sheets.
Aiden’s heat leaves my back. The mattress moves as he stands.
“Come on, sweetheart. Wake up,” his voice is wide awake as if he didn’t sleep the entire night — and maybe he didn’t.
I slowly peel my head from the sheets and turn to face him.
He’s smiling down at me with a warm spark. “Happy birthday, sweetheart.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. A thousand words and apologies fight to be set free, but I have nothing to say.
How could he wish me a happy birthday after everything?
Hell. Even I forgot that it’s my birthday.
“Meet me downstairs.”
He doesn’t wait before he walks out of the door.
I watch him with a crushing ache in my chest.
It’s too much.
This pain. This burn.
I place a hand over my scar and dig my nails into the flesh.
It hurts, dammit.
Why did it have to be like this?
After freshening up, I take the steps downstairs slowly as if I’m afraid something will jump me.
I find Aiden putting on his jacket. Upon seeing me, he yanks another Elites Jacket from the sofa and drapes it over my shoulders. The thing swallows me whole, but it smells like him. Clean and warm.
He pulls my band and ruffles my hair, letting it fall loose on either side of my shoulders.
“Hmm. My number looks good on you, sweetheart.” He tilts his head to the side. “But you know what will be better? If you wore it to watch one of my games.”
I stare at him, not knowing what to say. Is he pretending that everything is okay?
No idea how he does that. It must be because of his freedom and assertiveness.
For today, just today, I also want to be free, too. I want to pretend that everything is okay and I’m with Aiden despite the darkness from the past.
It’s my birthday after all.
I grin up at him. “I’m still not persuaded.”
“I’ll come up with something.” He interlaces his hand in mine. “Come on.”
He picks up a large food container and then we’re out of the house through the back door.
His hand is still wrapped around mine as we walk through the trees surrounding the house. It’s a forest, basically.
The entire way, I watch my smaller hand in his bigger one and I can’t help thinking how safe it feels to be with him.
Like in that basement.
Although it was dark and smelled awful, our breathing calmed down the moment we touched each other.
His face appears normal as if yesterday didn’t happen.
We come to a stop in front of a lake with a deck and a few old boats in sight.
My gaze bounces between him and the lake as if he brought me here to drown me.
Wait. Is that why he brought me here?
“W-what are we doing here?”
“Eating.” He tugs me down to sit at the foot of the tree and opens the food container.
I remain rooted in place, shivering. “I don’t like it here.”
He continues pulling toast and juice and loads of food that I have no idea when he had the time to put together.
“Let’s go back,” I plead, avoiding direct contact with the lake.
He motions at the food. “The faster you eat, the faster we go home and I’ll give you your birthday present.”
I finally rip my gaze from the lake to focus on him. “Why are you doing this?”
“This?” He passes me a toast with jam. “I only made you breakfast.”
I take the toast from him and sit carefully on the ground as if expecting it to shift and I’ll find myself inside the lake.
Aiden watches me as I take tentative bites from the toast. It’s hard to eat when there’s a demon in the form of a lake right in front of me.
Eli died in a place like this.
I lost my brother to the monster of the lake.
The need to throw up assaults me.
“Alicia used to read to me here,” Aiden chews on his eggs slowly.
“She did?” I ask.
“She liked it here. It was away from people and interruptions. We spent most of our time in this place.”
“Did Jonathan join you?”
“Sometimes. He doesn’t like being cut off from his business world.”
I swallow the bite of toast and study him closely. “What else did you do with Alicia here?”
“We had picnics and mostly read.” He grins. “Then we’d go for a swim.”
The toast nearly falls from between my hands when he abandons his eggs and stands to his full height.
In a few seconds, he strips, remaining in black boxer briefs.
My eyes widen, and it’s not only because of his sculpted physique.
Tendrils of fear grip me by the gut as he takes a step back in the direction of the deck.
Even the sky darkens. Gone is the sun from this morning. Huge clouds fill the distance.
“W-what are you doing?” I gawk at him.
“Going for a swim.”
“But it’s freezing!”
He grins in that lopsided way. “Fun, huh?”
“Aiden, don’t.” My voice shakes at the end.
“Do you want to join?” He winks.
“No way in hell.”
“Come on, you know you want to.”
I shake my head violently.
“As you wish.” He lifts a shoulder and before I can say anything, he turns around and takes a dive into the lake.
The toast drops from between my trembling fingers.
My muscles lock together every time he disappears under the water. I stop breathing and only take gulps of air when he resurfaces.
“Join me!” He grins, all wet and exotic and… alive.
He’s alive right now.
But what if the monsters of the lake come after him as they went after Eli? What if —
I shut that voice. “Come out, Aiden.”
He takes one dive after the other, swimming on his side and on his back.
The more he remains in the water, the harder I tremble. Sweat covers my brows and beads on my forehead.
“Come out!” I call, the sound echoing all around us.
He’s not Eli. Not Eli.
He can’t drown when he’s such a good swimmer.
“After one more!” he calls back then takes a dive.
Ten seconds pass.
Twenty.
Thirty.
Oh. God.
He’s not resurfacing.
I jump on shaky feet, the jacket falling to the ground.
“A-Aiden?” I slowly approach the edge of the deck, my heart thundering against my ribcage.
“This isn’t funny, Aiden!”
No answer.
Oh, God. No.
Oh, please. Not Aiden, too.
Please. Please.
“Aiden!” I shriek. “Stop playing around!”
He’s not coming out. He’s drowning. Like Eli.
Just like Eli.
No.
I kick off my shoes. My movements are frantic at best, but I don’t stop.
I won’t let him die.
Not Aiden, too.
I don’t care if I die in my quest to find him. Lake water and my phobias be damned.
A hand grips my ankle.
I shriek.
Aiden’s wet face resurfaces as he uses the deck to jump beside me.
I watch him closely, my eyes filling with tears. “Y-You’re here.”
He comes closer, his chest glistening with water and his hair sticks to the side of his face. “What’s wrong —”
I wrap my arms around his waist and hide my face in his chest. “I lost my brother that way! Eli drowned that way!”
“I didn’t know that. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
A sob tears from my throat. “Don’t ever do that again! I thought you were dying. What am I supposed to do if you die?”
His wet fingers stroke my hair and he tugs me closer to him. “That means you’ll be free of me and I don’t like that idea, sweetheart.”
I snort in his chest, breathing him in. “You’re incurable.”
“For you?” He kisses the top of my head. “Always, sweetheart.”
I pull back to look at him.
He’s watching me with a strange gleam. It’s like affection mixed with obsession.
I knew Aiden has been obsessed with me for a while, but now I realise just how much I’m obsessed with him, too.
There’s no way in hell I’ll let him be free of me. Since the moment I saw him in the basement, I always had this feeling that he’s mine.
Only mine.
I reach a hand to stroke his hair back. “Are you going to hurt me, Aiden?”
“Maybe.”
“Maybe?” I choke.
Aiden takes my palm in his and flattens it against his heart. “I already made my choice, Elsa. I chose you. Now, it’s your turn.” He lifts my hand to his face and kisses my knuckles. “Be with me, not against me. Choose me.”
Oh, shit.
I think I’m going to faint.
“You chose me?”
He nods once.
“I meant it last night.” I take a deep breath, the words burning in my throat. “I love you.”
He places a finger in front of my mouth. “Don’t.”
My brows draw together in questioning as I remove his finger. “Don’t what?”
“Don’t say things you don’t mean.”
“I know my feelings well, thank you very much,” I snap.
The dickhead manages to piss me off even when I’m confessing my feelings to him.
“Maybe you don’t.”
“I didn’t ask you to say it in return, but you don’t get to tell me how I feel, arsehole.”
I shove my feet in the shoes, pick up my — his — jacket, and storm in the direction of the house.
I’m so fuming that it takes me some time to find my way through the trees.
Okay. Maybe I was lost. So what?
Aiden catches up to me, his trousers are barely done and his hair is a wet mess. The jacket is open and his shirt is barely buttoned.
He points in the opposite direction. “The house is that way.”
“I know that,” I snap.
He smirks in that infuriating way. “Sure thing, sweetheart.”
I start to push past him, but he grips me by the hips, his fingers teasing.
“Let me go. I’m pissed off at you right now.”
He nuzzles his nose in my cheek. “I told you, we can be mad at each other while I touch you.”
I melt in the way he drags his nose down my throat. My body ignites to life.
“Why do you not want me to love you?” I whisper.
“Loving me is a one-way road, sweetheart. You can never go back. You can never fall out of love or any of that shit. It’s permanent and it’s for life.”
For some reason, those words don’t scare me as they should. It’s almost as if I want all that with him.
“Promise you won’t go back,” he wraps his hand around my neck, stroking my pulse point.
“I promise.”
He presses his lips to mine.
His kiss tastes of sweet, bitter surrender, of pain, and of desperation.
I want all of that. As long as he offers it, I’ll take it.
Loving Aiden didn’t start now. It started at that moment I found him in the basement.
It was put on pause for eight years and resumed when I first saw him at RES. He gripped me from first sight.
Although I hated him during the past two years, I was always aware of him. Of his dark gaze.
Of his silent madness.
It was only at the beginning of this year that the awareness morphed into something more.
The first droplets of rain hit my nose.
I step back, giggling. “Let’s go back.”
“I’m good right here.” He starts to kiss me again.
I stop him with a hand to his chest. “I’ll let you do anything you want inside.”
He raises an eyebrow. “Anything?”
I nod.
“You shouldn’t give me the anything option. Now, you’re well and truly fucked, sweetheart.”
Maybe that’s exactly why I told him he can do anything.
A burst of excitement shoots through me at the thought of what he’ll do.
I take his hand in mine and we run to the house. We go through the back entrance, laughing.
In fact, I’m the only one laughing. Aiden watches me with that intensity.
That intensity used to suffocate me, but right now? Right now, it warms my heart and makes me all fuzzy inside.
Aiden lunges at me when a rustle comes from the lounge area.
Both our attentions turn towards the sound.
Aiden and I freeze at the sight of the two people sitting on the sofa.
Jonathan and Silver.
Jonathan smiles at us, but it’s downright cruel.
“Nice of you to join us. Sit down. We have news to share.”
