Carter
I’ve been sweating all morning about today. Nothing has changed much. I’ve been preparing to give it my best, but I can feel my heart is not in it and my mind is elsewhere. I’m suited up with a pair of matching black heels to show I’m serious about this, even if my body is reacting harshly to it. This is what I’ve always wanted but I can’t help but feel the timing might not be right.
I’m sitting upright with my hands on my lap. Across from me are the three panellist who will interview me. It’s all in their hands.
“Tell me about yourself.” This is how most interviews begin. The first question that will set the tone for the entire interview; the one question that can make or break you. This is the only time where I can talk about myself, my experience, and what I’ve have been up to for the past few years since graduation; my story.
Which isn’t very much but enough to hopefully land me this job. I haven’t worked with many athletes—that’s Jody’s speciality if any of them come into the clinic—I usually work with older people and children because I’m pretty new to the business. I don’t have much say in what clients I want. Where she’s been with the clinic for nearly five years, I’ve only reached two and a half. I interned around in New York for a couple of months and then got a recommendation from my dad to intern with my aunt during summer months before moving out here permanently and interning here too. I was given a shot, and I’ve proved how hard I can work to my bosses, even if it was with a small amount of athletes. I could count them on one hand.
“Um, so, I’m Carter Steel. I’m twenty-three years old, born in New York. I was fortunate enough to attend Keystone Private High School in Manhattan. After that, I went to college in the University of Mississippi—which is a family tradition—and found myself a job after a few years interning around, gaining different skills and experiences in the athletics industry. Then, I landed out here in LA to work for Prime Physical Therapy Clinic. Ever since then, I’ve been living out here working with elderly people and young children coming out for rehab on moderate to serious accidents primarily,” I begin the long process of being a potential candidate for this job. I have rekindled the excitement that I initially had when I received the letter. It was cloaked with nerves before. Now I know, since getting into my momentum, that I really want this job.
“What made you want to move here?” the man in the center of the table with the navy blue tailored suit asks me next. You can tell that these people are paid heavily based on the clothes they are wearing today.
“There is more opportunity out here. It’s a large city with lots of people who need help. I used to come out here sometimes with my family . . .” I begin hesitantly. I wanted to keep that out of the conversation with no mention of my dad or brothers, but I’m not even in here five minutes and I’ve dropped the bomb already. “I’ve always liked the atmosphere out here. It’s inviting and wholesome but a competitive field to work in. I want to be the best I can be, so I want to surround myself with some of the best. I know that out here you have to start at the bottom and work your way up, and I’m doing quite well doing just that,” I say honestly. Working with the best, you will learn a few things throughout your career, and that’s why I’ve always wanted to move out here. For me, I can’t do any better than moving out here and working hard to prove myself so that I can work in the industry I’ve been dreaming of.
Even with the rocky start to the interview and some tough questions, I knew my heart was wholly in it, but they kept asking about my experience with athletes, which I don’t have much of. I’ve been stressed. The past few weeks have turned me into a miserable person, and I hope it’s not reflecting in this interview. I’ve been so miserable that I’ve locked people out and haven’t spoken to anyone since that night. There’s a weight hanging on my shoulders and pulling me down. I’ve been avoiding everyone and preparing for this for weeks.
This is my one shot.
I haven’t answered any calls. All I’ve been doing is going to work and coming home. I’ve been actively avoiding Ted, too, and it’s making me exhausted. I know I have to eventually face the music, I just need my strength for when I do it.
“You haven’t had much hands-on experience with athletes in your working years, why is that?” There’s the one question that I’ve been dreading since walking in here, all the other experience questions have been leading up to this one.
“Usually, athletes stick with the therapists hired by their own teams, but I have had contact with one of your own.” I hate to admit, but I have to mention it. “Nick Jackson had visited our clinic a few weeks ago and has returned a few times for check ups on his shoulder, which is healing nicely from an old tear. I have worked on a program with him to help build it back up to its full potential as he is the first string quarterback for the team. He’s in demand and needs to be playing at a high performance for his games,” I confess to something they look to be unaware of.
“Is that so? We were trying to figure out why he was refusing treatment and where he went for it,” the older man on my right responds while looking at the rest of the panel with a lighthearted giggle. He leans back into his seat and observes me incredulously. “Why do you think he went to you and not our own therapists?” A question I already know the answer to but it’s not appropriate for this time.
“I must assume that he’s been recommended to me thanks to my reputation as a physical therapist. I pay attention to all my clients; I help update their exercise, nutrition schedules, and regimes after every visit as a person’s body can change in a short period of time, especially an athlete’s. I was able to focus on his a little more than normal if he was to come in here,” I reply.
And that I know his body better than anyone else. I know it in detail, I add this last detail in my head.
“Do you think that he will continue to outsource if we hire you?” they ask me.
“No, he’s used to me. I’m good. I have a great attention to detail with everyone that visits me. I love my job, and I enjoy talking to my clients. It would be the same if I worked in here too.” I nod, assuring to them that nothing would change if they were to hire me.
“In all honesty, Ms. Steel, I really shouldn’t be telling you this, but we’ve heard a lot of great things about you from your father and brothers.” I internally groan to myself. This is not what I wanted. I wanted to do this by myself. I wanted to work for it and not have my family put in a word for me, as much as I appreciate it. This is not how I wanted to start off my career in this industry. I don’t need a boost above everyone else pining for this position. It’ll only add fuel to the fire.
If there’s one thing that my parent taught me to be, it’s to be fair in life. If something is meant for you, it won’t pass you by.
“I’m sorry, David, but I don’t want that to give me more of a leg up compared to the others,” I tell him immediately. “I want to be hired if I deserve to be hired. I don’t want other people overwriting your judgement of me, especially people I’m related to and who are very highly respected in this industry.
“I get that you like that they have come and discussed this with you and that you know my family very well because of the industry you’re in, but frankly, I’m not sure how they found out.” I try to think about how my family managed to know this; nothing comes up. “I kept this piece of news to myself, but I’ve never worked with either of my brothers or my dad. Sure, my dad got me an internship, but I’ve never directly worked with him, so they don’t really know how good or bad I am.
“I appreciate them vouching for me, but I want my work to get me the job and not on the fact that I’m a Steel or that I know people in this industry. If I’m good enough, then I should get the job. If I’m not, then I shouldn’t.” I’ve always been fair. It is both the best and the worst thing about me. Being this way, I’ve missed so many opportunities but have also gotten some too. Being a Steel has set me up in life, but I also want to make it on my own. I work hard, and I want people to recognize that. “I know I don’t have much experience in this industry, but I’m willing to start at the bottom and work my way up,” I promise.
The three interviewers nod appreciatively with my closing statement to the interview. I’ve either nailed or blown it, but either way, I was truthful in what I said.
“That’s good to know, Ms. Steel. We appreciate the honesty.” The woman from Hunan resources nods with a gentle smile on her red lips. “If you wouldn’t mind, we’d like to show you our state of the art facilities for the conclusion of this interview. We’d like to show you what it would be like to work with us . . . if given the chance.” She chuckles, remembering what I had just said.
I smile along with them, but I’m nervous about the decision. It feels like the opportunity has passed me by. I was honest, and if there is someone more deserving of this position, so be it, but I can’t deny the sting I feel in my chest when I said it. It’s the truth, but the truth hurts. Maybe I’m not good enough for the position right now. In time, though, I might be.
“I’d love to see the facilities.” I nod in agreement and remove my bag from the floor at my feet and follow the team out of the room.
“Don’t worry, the interview is over. You can now breathe.” The older man of the group chuckles beside me as he holds his black leather-bound notebook in the crevice of his arm. Holding the door open for me, I walk by him and send him an appreciative smile, knowing all too well the interview isn’t over until I leave this stadium.
“The team will be in the middle of practice, so Coach Stanford will be in full focus. Such a fantastic coach . . . well, your father would be the best of the best, but Stanford is on his way.” They all agree with the lead interviewer’s opinion of the Chargers’ coach that has been around for almost four years. Originally, he was the Miami Dolphins’ head coach, but he decided to leave the team due to discrepancies about salary payment and team delivery. The Chargers saw some potential in him and got him as soon as possible. He’s a young coach and is good for his age, but he has a long way to go and a lot to prove to the world.
They push open a door, and I can hear the sound of music pumping through the next room with some chatters and laughing sprinkled in. When the next door is held open, I’m greeted with the sight of half-naked team members. I can feel my cheeks begin to heat up with embarrassment, like I’ve been caught spying on them. I don’t even know where to look.
At their faces, I instruct myself.
“Please.” The older man directs me through the door, allowing me to walk inside.
Nobody has noticed our entrance until I spot my brother with his headphones on and in the zone, midworkout with his the team’s weight trainer. His face is bright red due to the intensity he’s putting himself through, but still very focused nonetheless. Chris has always been serious about his game.
“Thank you,” I say as I pass through the threshold and walk deeper into the room.
They all continue with their work, and I’m glad of it. I’m still invisible; it’s what I’m comfortable with now.
“This is the main floor of the workout center for the team. We like to have it here; it’s next to the clinic we have where they can be treated for any injuries they pick up during training or game day. Usually, they start with work in here and then go down to the field at a later stage when its not too hot in the day and they can give it their all. We have been catering for them with the highest nutritional value we can get in the state, and they have individual programs that they are expected to take home and continue with during the season, but you probably already know all of this,” the woman says as she animatedly explains their system. It’s pretty much the same as any other team in the league; it’s what my brothers have to go through on a daily basis.
“This is an amazing set up you have,” I compliment them.
“We spent a lot to get the best for the team. Over fifty million went into this center.” My own mouth drops a little from the amount they spend on their team. I know that my brother gets paid more than that, and it shouldn’t surprise me, but it always does.
“Well, has she got the job yet, David?” I roll my eyes when I hear my brother’s voice. This is the last thing I wanted, for him to intervene. The interview didn’t go too badly, but I don’t think I landed the job itself. This is a lot of responsibility for a person who doesn’t have the right experience, and for him to saunter over like I nailed it and have it in my hands makes me want to punch him in the throat for being so cocky and obnoxious for me.
“Chris,” I warn him about being careful with what he’s going to say next. He has always gotten the curse of running his mouth too much where it’s not needed. He has gotten into trouble far too many times thanks to it.
He ignores me and wraps me up in a hug, squeezing the life out of me.
“Chris!” I moan after smelling his stench and feeling his sweaty body ruin my new suit.
“Listen, my baby sister is the best of the best in this state.” He’s talking me up and I couldn’t hold another eye roll. I pinch him in his side, making him flinch a little, but it’s not enough for him to stop. “You know it, I know it, and my father knows it. The best,” he continues. I throw my hands to my head in embarrassment. I step on his foot to let him know he needs to shut up before I hit him where it really hurts and making sure Taylor will be his only child.
“You’re not the first one to tell us that, Chris.” They laugh together. I know my dad also said something to them, but I will have a talk with him about it later. Right now, I need to handle my older brother first.
“I’m so sorry,” I say to David. “Don’t you have a workout to do?” I say to my older brother through gritted teeth. Taking the hint, he removes himself from me and nods with a smile on his face.
“Remember, the best.” He points at me while looking at the interviewing panel.
“Goodbye, Chris.” I wave him off so he can leave us alone. This is not over yet; he thinks I have the job.
“Bye, guys!” He returns to his station with the trainer and continues where he left off. No doubt, I will kill him when he gets home and will make him feel every bit guilt for saying that to the people who are judging me. It wasn’t a fair fight for any of the other contenders, if there are any.
***
Nick
“I can’t wait to just veg out with Haley and eat my cheat meal. She’s making my favorite, enchiladas with extra cheese.” TJ licks his lips at the thought of Haley making his favorite meal, ready and waiting for him at home. “What is she making you?” Haley loves to cook for everyone when she gets the chance, it’s why there are so many parties at her house and she makes all the food.
“My nutritional plan,” I say nonchalantly.
“You’re not having a cheat meal?” he asks as we walk towards the front entrance of his house.
“No, I haven’t had one in five years, TJ,” I respond, not being able to get the image of Carter in the gym today out of my head.
“Five years! How the hell have you not eaten your favorite cheat meal in five years?” he exclaims.
“It’s called discipline.” I roll my eyes and he pushes open the door.
“No, it’s called being no fun,” he mutters as Haley greets us at the door with open arms. We throw our gym bags onto the floor of the foyer and Haley glares at us.
“Put them upstairs.” She points at them and we do as we are told before we eat together. “And wash your hands too,” she mutters as she returns into the dining area.
“Serious question though.” I begin to pick up my bag once again to bring it upstairs.
“Shoot.” TJ copies me and follows me up the stairs.
“Which one of you really wears the pants in the relationship?” He starts barking out a laugh. It makes me laugh too.
“I’m not ashamed to admit it, Nick. Obviously, Haley and I wouldn’t have it any other way,” he remarks as he disappears into his room to clean up for his dinner.
As soon as we return downstairs, we were greeted with an empty dining room. We both send each other quizzical looks, wondering what is going on.
“Haley?” TJ calls for her.
“In the TV room!” she calls back. As soon as we follow her voice, we’re greeted by an almighty spread of food that she has cooked for us. Nachos, fajitas, and enchiladas are all laid out on the table for TJ. “I made you the nutritional ones, Nick.” She points at the separate bowl containing my food that has been prepared for me. I walk over and give her a big hug.
“Thank you, Haley. It smells good.” I kiss her on the head before taking my place in front of the TV where she has the NFL Recaps playing for us. “I take it back, Ellie isn’t my favorite,” I say with a grin, only for her to roll her eyes with a smile and throw a Gatorade Zero to me. After today, I needed it.
I did a hard workout and followed Carter’s exercises at my own pace and seeing her only pushed me to get her to notice me. She couldn’t see me; I was behind her in another room, but I kept starting out the window to the main gym while I was practicing in what they call the therapy gym, the one where the physical therapists work with the players. It’s a section where the players can do their own thing, which is what I did.
I could see her in her suit, looking very professional, as well as the recruitment team. I had no idea she applied for the position or that they were taking in more therapists. It would be ideal for her to be on the team; it means I’ll be closer to her when I’m at work.
“Nick!” I see a hand waving in my face to get my attention back. TJ stares at me and waits for an answer.
“Yeah?” I ask.
“You want brown or white tortillas?” he asks, silently quizzing me on where I was for the last few seconds.
“White, easier to wrap,” I mutter as I take a large mouthful of my beverage sitting coolly in my hand.
“Alright, I have both in case you change your mind.” Haley returns with two plates of tortilla wraps in each hand and sets them down on the table in front of us before taking her designated seat next to her fiancé.
I’ll never get used to that.
“Thanks,” we both say as we reach for the tortilla we want to start preparing our meal one at a time. Filling our wraps up one by one leads to clear plates with little to no residue leftover. They were delicious. My sister has my mom’s gift of cooking, but not the baking. She could never make the chocolate cake like my mom and she knows it. It’s my mom’s speciality.
“You full?” She chuckles, staring down at us and watching TJ rub his stomach with so much satisfaction.
“The best kind of full. I could go to sleep right now.” He kisses her as thanks before getting up and cleaning the plates off the table. I help him out but then get cut off by the sound of the doorbell chiming. TJ looks at me for a moment and begins to walk towards the door with his hands full of dirty dishes.
“I’ll get it, you go ahead and set the dishes down in the washer,” I instruct him as he had taken a little more than he can handle. Haley would divorce him before they even got hitched if he drops her dishes on her tiled floor.
“Thanks. If it’s a Jehovah’s Witness, tell them we’re not interested,” he says over his shoulder as I continue my way towards the frail framed figure standing on the other side of the door with frosted glass windows.
As I near closer to the entrance, I’m beginning to recognize her outline. I know who is waiting for me on the other side. I swing the door open and smile warmly at her, as does she. “Hi, Mrs. Steel,” I greet Elaine Steel, Carter’s mother.
“Hi, Nick. How are you?” she asks.
“I’m good, come in.” I usher her inside and shut the door behind her. “Is everything okay?” I ask her, wondering why she has come to Haley and TJ’s home for the night.
“I remembered you telling me that you were staying here until you find a place of your own.” She smiles, one that reaches her eyes. It’s a genuine smile, which is rare coming from her.
“Yeah, I haven’t found the right one yet.” I rub the back of my neck, anxiously waiting for her to answer my question. There is no reason for her to be here unless something was wrong. What if it’s Carter? I think to myself. “I’ve been looking around, but nothing has really caught my eye yet,” I confess, only for her to smile with a small glimmer in her eye.
“You’ll know when you’ve found the right one. It’ll feel like it’s been your home from the beginning.” She smiles tightly. “But everything is fine. She’s fine,” she tells me, reading me like a book. “Well, she’s been keeping to herself lately.” I follow her down towards the kitchen where TJ is. Elaine is walking through Haley’s house as if she knows where she’s going. We can hear TJ putting the dishes in the dishwasher. “Such a beautiful home,” she admires the walls filled with paintings and photographs.
“Hi, Mrs Steel?” That was more of a question than a greeting from TJ.
“Hi, TJ! Hi, Haley!” she greets my sister loudly who comes pacing around the corner.
“Hey, is everything okay?” She’s worried about something, just like me.
“Everything is fine. You kids shouldn’t worry so much.” She chuckles and waves her hand to remove the uneasy look we’re all wearing.
“Does Mr. Steel know you’re here?” TJ chuckles with her.
“No, so don’t you dare rat me out.” She winks playfully at him. “I just came here for a chat.” She turns around to face me. It looks like it’s my time.
I can remember Rodger Steel’s words like it was yesterday. “Piss off my wife and you’ll know all about it.”
Fuck.
Please don’t tell me I’ve pissed this woman off.
“Is there somewhere we can go?” she asks and I nod hesitantly. “You don’t need to look so scared, Nick.” She takes my arm and laughs at how nervous I am.
“We can go into the study room,” I say, finally agreeing to this talk. I thought I would have to speak to Rodger. I was planning on what I need to say to get him to think about where I was coming from, to get him to understand that I was young and I never meant to hurt her, but I guess seeing as her mom is here instead, I have to switch my game.
This is going to be a lot harder than I thought, but I’m willing to put myself out there and try.
I love her daughter, and I don’t want to be with anyone else.
“Perfect.” She follows me down to a room while waving off TJ and Haley, who are equally as curious as I am.
I hold the door open for her, letting her know that this is the room we can talk in for some privacy. “How have you been?” She lifts her handbag off her shoulder and sets it down on the table with a clang. She seats herself on the sofa with a light bounce, making her sundress sway a little. For a moment, she looked like Carter.
“Good—I’ve been good. And you?” I ask back. I’m trying to be polite, but I also want to know how she’s been seeing as it’s been a while.
She tilts her head to the side and stares at me, resting both hands on her knees to say she’s not buying my response. To be honest, I did lie, but I want to cut to the chase. I want to know the purpose of her visit today.
“Come on, how have you really been?” she repeats her question.
I run my hands down my face, pulling my skin; the stress that is my own life is getting the better of me. I laugh and shake my head at my own sad life and cross my arms while I think of the best way to put it, but I keep coming up with the same answer; one word.
“Miserable,” I confess truthfully to her. With a pity smile, she leans forward, almost like she wanted to reach out to me. I almost cringe at how desperate I sound, but the truth is, I really am desperate. I’m not ashamed to admit it.
A moment ticked by while we thought about things.
“Why did you leave it for so long? Five years? Not a single word?” she asks softly.
“I didn’t, initially. I called her and messaged her nonstop the first year we ended things to get her to talk to me, but she ignored me every single day and every single one of my messages, so I naturally assumed after some time that she didn’t want to talk to me; that she hated me. Then I stopped bothering her and let her be. She moved on, and I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t sting to see her with someone else,” I try to explain to her everything, one fuckup after another.
“You hurt her with your choice, you can’t fault her for that—”
“I know, I don’t blame her for it. I even hate myself . . . for everything.” I sigh and stare out of the window Carter remained at the other night.
It took everything inside of me to not kiss her. I respect her, and I know she’s not that type of girl, despite wanting her for myself. She’s loyal, and always will be.
“You shouldn’t hate yourself, Nick. All of this is part and parcel of growing up. This is reality, this is life. And unfortunately, it’s sometimes got a mean side. Just, don’t hate yourself. From what Rodger has told me, it’s not entirely your fault. You were young and naive, and couples break up everyday—”
“I know they do, but I never wanted it to happen for us. I never thought she’d ever give me a shot, a chance to fall in love. I never thought I could fall in love, I never thought I’d get the chance to find happiness with another person, and I did. I fell for your daughter hard, and I haven’t stopped falling for her. I can’t. She’s the only one.” I bite my lip, trying to hold back without sounding like I’m whining like a child throwing their toys around. That’s not what I’m doing. I just don’t know what to do to fix this, to get her back. “I left her alone after the first year of not hearing anything back from her. I got the hint that she didn’t want to talk,” I finish explaining why I stopped, even when it was hard. I did it to let her feel some happiness again, even if it meant that I needed to step back. But I was wrong.
I can see the happiness in her eyes when I see her. Even if she hides it moments later, I know it’s still there.
There’s hope.
“Why now?” she asks curiously, but it doesn’t sound like she’s pushing me for any answers. “Why here? Why LA?” she continues with the same tender tone in her voice, one letting me know that, no matter what I say, it’s alright.
I sigh to myself as I peer out the glass pane that points towards the city. “I have been putting in offers and offers to be traded to the Chargers since turning professional, but I knew if Austin was still there, I wouldn’t have had a shot,” I tell her that her son was the reason why it took me so long, but that’s only partially true. “Then I found out he was moving to the Giants and thought I would take another chance and try to get the first string quarterback position for the team. I did, I got it. Now, I’m here.” I begin to think about her once again. It’s hard not to.
“You didn’t answer my question.” She waves the thought away. I thought I got away with it. “Why here?” She wants to hear me say it.
“Because I knew I’d see her here. I knew she’d be out here without Haley ever telling me. And seeing her again, the look in her eyes, her smile, it makes that feeling little bit better.” I change my staring competition with the view to Elaine. “I know it’s selfish of me, but I can’t stay away. I can still see that her feelings are still there for me.” That’s the truth. She was never good at hiding it. Her cheeks would blush uncontrollably, and I melt at that.
“Do you think that it’s fair to her? Seeing you again and bringing up those old feelings? Do you think that it’s fair?” she asks.
“No, I don’t,” I answer honestly.
“Then why?” She pushes me for a more concrete answer.
“Because I still love her. I can’t let her go, Elaine. I’ve tried, numerous times, but I never could. As hard as it was for five years, I always come back to her. I tried to let her be, I did that for her so that she could find happiness, but I can see that she’s not. I don’t know if it’s partially because of me or if it’s because of Ted, but I can see she’s not happy.” I’m picturing her face when we’re around the group, it took me a while to figure out if it was directed at me or her boyfriend. The other night only confirmed that it’s not just me.
There are times when I don’t help the situation with Ted, but it’s hard not to react to another man having his claim on her. It breaks me in two every time I see it.
“I just don’t know what’s going on inside that head of hers anymore. She’s a little lost, and I don’t know how to help her. I can see she’s confused and fighting with her own self.” She sinks into the chair and fixes her dress. “Have you spoken to her since the day of the game?” she queries me for any information—information that I can’t give her.
“No, have you?” I take a deep breath, already knowing the answer.
“No, she’s gone quiet.” It’s a simple answer that tells me a lot.
“She’s thinking,” I comment and she nods; we’re on the same page. She needs the time and space to think, weigh it all out.
“I know, she never stops.” She giggles. “She gets it from me.” She tilts her head to the side and smiles weakly at me. A moment passes by, and when the atmosphere has reached its peak, she gets up from the seat and moves around the coffee table to sit next to me, taking my hand and squeezing it tight. “I know you love her, Nick, but she’s my daughter. I will keep on protecting her.” I can feel her thumb lightly stroke my skin.
“I know you will. I appreciate that too. I also don’t want to cause a divide either—”
“You won’t. Nothing can break our family, it’s made of steel.” She winks and I grin at her reference to the profound and powerful surname she married into.
I am thankful she came around and met with me.
She returns to grab her bag, happy with the quick visit. “Just so you know, my daughter doesn’t hate you. She never has, even when you did her wrong and made that mistake. She never will hate you, but if you love her like you say you do, then . . .” She hesitates to say the next part and takes a deep breath before making eye contact again. “. . . Then don’t give up on her. She’s worth every bit of the fight. Just tell her how much you were hurting too. I can see it in your eyes. They give your pain away, Nick. It’s okay to admit that it was painful for you too. You were two young people so in love with each other, and I believe you both still are. Even if a certain someone is too stubborn to admit it.” She rolls her eyes heavenward, speaking about her own child. I smile into my hand, feeling better after having spoken to her. “And truth be told, I’ve always liked you, and so does my husband despite what he says and threatens. You may have hurt her, but you treated her well when you were with her. We just want to see her happy, and as much as I do like Ted, I just don’t think he’s for her,” she confesses with pity in her eyes, like she never wanted to admit that aloud. She’s just being honest.
“I know you want her to be happy, and so do I,” I agree with her.
“Then make her happy—make my baby smile. Treat her with kindness. We all make mistakes. You’re only human, despite what your fans say. Don’t sit on this mistake for life. Forgive, forget, and move forward. Or don’t, just don’t let that mistake eat you to your grave—”
“It’s not that easy—”
“Yes it is, you’re making excuses. If you want a shot at love, now is your time. Go back home and forgive him. Life is too short to be holding onto grudges. It’s not worth it. I can see that it’s eating away at you the longer you don’t talk to him. Don’t punish him for a mistake, one that you can fix. Forgive him and fix it, both relationships. I can see that you want to in your eyes. I can see the love you have for my daughter too. Every time you see her, it shines clearly.” I can see the water brim in her eyes as she reaches for my hand and holds it once more. “I can see it,” she whispers in the smallest voice I’ve ever heard in my life, “and every time she sees you, it’s there on her face, too, no matter how hard she hides it or how many times she denies it. A mother knows.” She nods back, reassuring me that it’s okay to own up to everything and to try and move on.
The only way I can, is to go back home and talk to my father. I need this. I need to heal from this.
The cold feeling of where her warm hand once was takes me out of my reverie.
Elaine makes her way towards the door we entered in from and leaves me to ponder with my own thoughts. Before she leaves, she leans her body on the door and rests her head along the side, holding on to the handle.
“It’s not too late, Nick. Forgive, forget and fix,” she says simply while parting from me.
I sit and watch the door close.
The sound of the door clicking behind her is familiar in my head.
Forgive, forget, and fix.
