I walk in after an extra long training session to find Kate and Emilia on the sofa, watching some chick flick. Emilia looks up and her breath catches. She stares at my body with longing and then drags her eyes away, her expression clouding. She’s mad at me, and she has every right to be. I’ve spent all day pushing her away, and it seems I’ve accomplished what I set out to do. So why do I feel so bad?
I drop onto the sofa next to Emilia in my usual seat. I want to be mad at her for ending things before giving us a chance, but I can’t stay away from her either. I can’t even play hard to get for a whole damn day.
Emilia tries her best to focus on the chick flick she’s watching, but she keeps glancing at me. I don’t think she even realizes she’s doing it, because she keeps catching herself and forcing her eyes back to the screen. It’s endearing as hell. I want to talk to her, but I don’t know what to say, especially with Kate sitting right next to her. I’m scared I pushed her too far away with the way I acted with Gemma today. I was so intent on creating distance between us, but after just a single day I’ve already had enough of it. I miss her. I miss seeing her smile and I miss talking to her. It was really tough to have her so close to me and not speak to her, to let Gemma fawn over me instead. I’m worried I really hurt her when I said that we aren’t close.
I’m still thinking about what to say when my phone buzzes. I grab it from my pocket and unlock it without thinking. I stare in shock at the message Gemma sent me and blink in disbelief. I only snap out of it when Emilia gasps. She looks at the photo of Gemma’s breasts with wide eyes. Her shock makes way for pure agony, and I click the photo away as quickly as I can. Her eyes stay on my phone and she blinks rapidly, as though she’s trying to blink away tears. She sniffs and gets up.
“I totally forgot to do Mr. Johnson’s homework,” she tells Kate, her voice trembling. “I gotta go.”
She walks away and just as she turns, I see a single tear fall down her cheek. Fuck. Emilia rushes away and slams the door behind her.
Kate frowns. “I thought she already did that. I guess she hasn’t finished it yet,” she says, focusing her attention back on the movie.
I run a hand through my hair. I was mad when she said we should forget what happened between us. I wanted to show her exactly what it’d be like if I did just that, but fuck. I never meant to hurt her, not like this. I don’t want her crying over me.
I get up and sneak out the house unnoticed. I walk up to Emilia’s house and fish around for her spare keys. I’ve told her multiple times not to leave it under the plant pot and to pick a safer spot for it, but thankfully she hasn’t done that yet. The house is quiet when I walk in, and suddenly I’m worried she isn’t even here. I walk to her bedroom and pause just outside of it. I can hear her crying right through the door. She sounds like she’s fucking devastated.
I open her door and she looks up when I walk in. She looks hurt and mad as hell. She grabs the first thing she can get hold of and throws it at me, but I catch the little glass globe easily and put it back on her nightstand. She sniffs and rises to her feet, pushing against me with all her strength.
“Get lost, Carter! How dare you come into my house without my permission? You’d better get lost right now,” she shouts, her voice wobbly. I sigh and throw my arms around her while she punches against my chest with her tiny little fists. She’s furious and hurting, and I hate that I did this to her. “Fuck off,” she tells me, sniffing. “I fucking hate you,” she shouts, before a sob escapes her lips.
I stand there, unsure what to do. I don’t know whether I should go, if I should console her, or if I should kiss her. In the end, I decide on the latter. I thread my hand through her hair and tilt her head up gently. My lips come crashing down on hers and she kisses me back. I lift her into my arms and she wraps her legs around me. I place her on top of her desk and push my hips flush against hers. Her skirt bunches around her waist and she moans when my dick presses against her.
“I hate you,” she whispers, biting down on my lip. “I fucking hate you.”
I groan and kiss her harder. “I know, baby. I was wrong. I’m sorry,” I whisper in between kisses. Emilia grabs my t-shirt and lifts it up. I pull away from her and let her take it off. She’s breathing hard and looks at me like she’s drunk on lust.
Her eyes suddenly clear, and she glares at me. She looks away and wraps her arms around herself. Her sudden change in attitude throws me off and I straighten awkwardly. Her expression turns sad and I sigh.
“I’m sorry,” she says, sounding tortured. “I shouldn’t have kissed you back. You’re with Gemma, right? Seems like you’ve been with her for some time. I overheard her saying you took her to some coffee shop a few weeks ago. It’s not right for us to do this.”
I inhale deeply and shake my head. “Baby, no. I swear I’m not seeing her at all. Hell, I don’t even talk to her much. I was mad today, Minx. I was mad at you for pushing me away after the weekend we had. I wasn’t thinking straight and I just wanted to make you jealous. I went overboard. I never meant to hurt you, Emilia. I have no idea what Gemma was thinking sending me a photo like that. I guess the little bit of attention I gave her today gave her the wrong idea.”
I can tell Emilia doesn’t believe me, but she wants to. She looks away and I grab her chin to make her face me. “Look at me, baby. I swear to you, nothing is going on with Gemma. I’ve never touched her the way I’ve touched you.”
I place my hand on my heart to show her I’m dead serious, and her expression flickers. She looks at me with a small amount of hope and my heart races. I need her to believe me. I don’t know why this matters to me so much, but I need her to know there’s no one but her.
“Did you kiss her?” she asks, her voice breaking.
I shake my head. “No, Emilia. I swear.”
She nods and drops her forehead to my chest. I put my chin on top of her head and hug her tightly.
“No more tears, Minx. Please,” I whisper, wiping away the last ones. She nods and shifts to get me closer. She hooks her leg around mine and threads her hands through my hair.
“Carter, it really fucking hurt. The way you ignored me today, seeing you with Gemma, my heart can’t take it.”
I drop my forehead to hers and close my eyes, inhaling deeply. “Minx, I’m so sorry. When you said you didn’t want to be with me, and to forget what happened between us… I get hurt too. You broke my fucking heart. Do you have any idea how long I’ve wanted you? Then it finally happened and you just walk away so easily, like it was nothing.”
Another tear rolls down her cheek and I catch it with my thumb. I hate that she’s hurting. I hate that we’re in this situation at all.
“I’m sorry, Carter. God, I want to be with you so badly. How could you even think that walking away is easy for me? I want you with my heart and soul. You’re all I can think of, Carter. I even dream about you.”
“Then why? Why won’t you be with me? Why would you ask me to forget it even happened?”
She sniffs and drops her forehead to my shoulder, effectively hiding her face from me. “You know why. You know Kate would lose it if we got together. Lately my friendship with her has been strained enough as it is, thanks to Gabby. She’d never forgive me if she found out we got together.”
She wraps her arms around my waist and hugs me tightly, as though she doesn’t want to let me go, but she knows she must. I sigh and rest my chin on top of her head. I don’t want to hurt Kate either, but I can’t see myself staying away from Emilia.
“Carter, I’m serious. We can’t.”
I run my hand over her hair and then cup the back of her neck. “I know,” I whisper. “But I want you, Emilia.”
She leans back and looks at me with a sorrowful expression. “No more, okay? Kate would never accept it. I see your family as my own, and I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize things. I can’t stab them in the back.”
I huff in annoyance. “So, what do you want to do, Minx?” I can’t blame her for picking her friendship with my sister over me because I’ve always admired her loyalty, but it still fucking hurts. Emilia looks torn.
“I don’t know… maybe we can just be friends?”
I pull away from her and turn my back to her. I stare up at her ceiling, feeling lost. I know she wants me just as much as I want her, yet we still can’t be together.
“We can try, Minx. If that’s what you really want.”
She nods, and that’s that.
