I fucking miss her. It’s only been a couple of days and USC is even more amazing than I thought it would be, but I fucking miss her. Emilia is so ingrained in my life that everything feels odd without her. I miss her touch and I miss her smile. I miss our conversations and I miss the way my hands wrap around her waist. Hell, I even miss the way she smells.
I’d done so well in drawing a line between us, but my leaving party changed everything all over again. It was obvious that she wanted me just as badly as I wanted her, no matter how hard she tried to convince me otherwise. The look in her eyes when I kissed her and the way she moaned when I sank inside her… she couldn’t have been faking that.
I dry my hair with my towel and lean back against the wall. Does she miss me too? We’ve been texting a lot, but it isn’t the same. I toy with my phone and check the time. It’s ten pm, so she might be in bed already. I hesitate before pressing the video call icon by her name.
She picks up almost immediately and I grin. Like I thought, she’s in bed.
“Hey,” she says, her eyes widening. I just got out of the shower and even though I’ve put on boxer shorts, to her it probably looks like I’m naked. I grin and lie down on my bed. I’m lucky to have a single bed dorm room. Though I would’ve shared with Asher, it makes calling my Minx easier.
“Hey,” I reply. I get comfortable on my bed and Emilia’s eyes darken. Even through my small phone screen I can see her looking at me with lust filled eyes, at least that hasn’t changed. “See something you like?” I ask. Emilia bites down on her lip and looks away, her cheeks pink.
I cup my neck the way Emilia always likes doing, and her eyes flash heatedly. I run my palm over my chest and down until it’s out of view. I’m not actually touching myself, but it’s fun to make her think I am.
“So how was your day, Minx?”
She blinks as though she’s struggling to focus on what I’m saying, and her response is delayed. It’s hot as hell to see her so worked up. She tilts the camera so more of her body is in view and she sits up so the sheets fall away. It’s my turn to be shell-shocked now. She’s wearing a flimsy silk top that outlines her tits. It’s so low that I’d be able to see her nipples if she just moved a bit more. She smiles smugly when she sees my reaction.
“Yeah, it was okay. It’s boring without you, to be honest. No one to play pranks on, and Kate has just been sulking. She won’t hang out with me either.”
I don’t think she meant to tell me about Kate, or if she did, she probably assumes I’ll believe Kate is sulking because of me. Like that would ever happen.
“Hmm, I never thought my little sister would miss me so much,” I say, messing with her. Emilia’s eyes widen as though she’s only just realized what she said, and she clears her throat awkwardly.
“Uh, yeah. Of course she misses you.”
“What about you?” I ask. I’m oddly nervous while I await her answer.
“What about me?” she says, a cute little smile on her face. She knows exactly what I’m asking, but she’s being cheeky nonetheless.
“Do you miss me, Minx?”
She runs a hand through her hair, her expression morphing into sadness and loneliness. The look in her eyes mirrors how I feel exactly.
“Yes, Carter. I miss you. I miss you so much more than I thought I would. I miss seeing you every morning and I miss catching glimpses of you from my room. I miss our conversations and I… I miss your hugs,” she whispers, her voice breaking.
I inhale deeply. My heart aches. I’m so unhappy without her — I can barely get through my day without finding something I have to tell her about.
“I miss you too, baby,” I murmur. “Shit, I think about you all day. I wonder what you’re doing and if you’re thinking of me. I keep imagining what it’ll be like when you finally join me here. By then I’m sure I’ll know all there is to know about LA. I’ll be able to show you around and I could walk you to your classes. I can’t believe I’ll have to wait two more years to share this with you.”
Emilia sighs, her eyes filled with sorrow. “I can’t wait,” she whispers. “I’m working as hard as I can to make sure I get a full ride. Thanks to your dad’s endless speeches, USC is my first choice too. I really hope I’ll be able to join you in two years.”
I look away, hesitating. “Emilia,” I whisper. She looks at me and tilts her head in question. “I don’t know. I miss you, baby. I miss you so much. I hate the thought of being so far away and not even being able to call you mine. We can keep it from Kate if you want, but please, please tell me you’ll be my girlfriend.”
She looks at me with wide eyes and I see the flash of excitement in her eyes. I know she wants to say yes, but then rationality overtakes her. She shakes her head even as her eyes are filling with tears.
“Carter, I can’t. We can’t. Kate has been so vocal about her ending our friendship if I ever dated you. I can’t do it knowing that I’ll lose her. She’s my best friend, Carter. I can’t do this, no matter how much I might want to. And you know your mom doesn’t approve. She’s never asked anything of us before. I don’t think I could live with myself if I went behind her back like that. Could you? I think it’ll just destroy our relationship in the end.”
I feel my anger rise, fueled by my helplessness. “So, you’d rather lose me? Make no mistake, Emilia, things can’t stay the way they are now. I’m not going to pine after you, knowing that you can’t even put me first. I need you to trust that Kate and Mom will get over it. They’ll be mad as hell for a while, but in the end, they’ll just want you to be happy.”
Emilia shakes her head, a single tear dropping down her cheek. “No, they won’t. They won’t get over it, Carter. Kate especially will never forgive me.”
I sigh and throw my arm over my face to hide my despair. “Minx… I can’t do this. I can’t go back and forth with you like this. I can’t keep waiting for you to finally realize how good we could be together. I can’t keep waiting for you to finally put me first.”
She looks at me speechlessly. “What does that mean?” she asks, her voice trembling.
I look away, unsure. “I don’t know, Minx. I guess it just means we move on. If you don’t want us to be together, then I guess we won’t be. I don’t want to, but I can’t keep begging you to be with me. You’ve made it clear where we stand and you’ve made your choice. I’ll respect that, Emilia, I’ll move on. I’ll forget we ever even happened, and with time I’m sure things can go back to what they used to be. That’s what you want, right?”
I’m praying that she’ll say no, that she’ll say that this isn’t what she wants. That she’s changed her mind, and that she wants to be with me after all. But she doesn’t. She’d rather lose me than risk upsetting my family. I wish I could hate her for it, but I can’t. It’s my own family she’s putting first.
Emilia nods, and whatever was left of my heart shatters. “Yes, okay. Let’s do that,” she says.
I nod. That’s it — we’re done. Now I just have to make myself believe it.
