‘Fiori, final walkthroughs are happening in studio rooms in five minutes. Are you still available?’ Mark pops his head in my door.
‘Yeah, of course. I’ll just come with you now.’
He nods toward the hall. ‘Let’s go.’
Shoving my phone into my back pocket, I lock my computer and follow Mark. It’s only been roughly a month since we started everything here. This process has gone smoother than expected. ‘I still can’t believe we are in the final walkthrough stages. This seems like it’s happening so fast,’ I say as we make our way down the hall.
‘Well, demo always goes fast, but your design doesn’t require anything crazy. It’s a gym. We had minimal walls to erect, and you kept your design simple and worked with the space you already had instead of trying to reshape the entire layout. It was smart and saved you a lot of money. Outside of the locker rooms, this place was a breeze.’
Everything he’s saying makes sense, but it hits differently when the ideas that have been on your heart for months come to life in a few short weeks. It is surreal. Maybe I’d see it differently if my head was completely here and not being pulled in a million different directions. As we ascend the stairs, I can feel eyes on me, and I know exactly who they belong to. To shake the desire to meet his longing gaze, I make small talk, asking questions to which I already know the answers.
‘Are we still on track for the grand opening in two weeks?’
‘Yes. The locker rooms should be done by the end of next week, and since most of the design elements in there are clean lines, the style lying solely in the tile and fixtures and not in any crazy buildouts, we should be good…’ he trails off before coming to a sudden halt and facing me to ask, ‘Unless you have something you’re not telling me?’
He rubs his jaw, eyeing me from head to toe before saying, ‘You’ve practically been living here lately, and you’re asking me questions to which I know you already have the answers. Are you scheming something?’
Now, that is a loaded question. I don’t think ‘scheming’ is the word I would use for what I’ve been up to, but he doesn’t need to know that. ‘No, Mark. We are good for phase one. Now, phase two, I have some ideas.’ I pat him on the shoulder as I step by him and say, ‘Let’s go. I wouldn’t want to keep the city waiting.’
We wrap up our walkthrough in the room that will be used for aerial workouts, which is by far one of my favorite rooms. I haven’t done many, seeing as how I tend to gravitate toward weights—letting go of my pent-up anger and frustration by pushing myself to my absolute limit until I’m shaking—but seeing this studio come to life, and knowing it’s mine, has brought a peace I didn’t see coming. A knock on the window pulls me out of my thoughts, and I turn to find Ellis standing on the other side of the glass.
The sound caught Mark’s eye too, and when he spots Ellis in the hallway, he says, ‘Go; we’re done here. Take a break.’
His dismissiveness grates on my nerves. I realize I am paying him to do a job, and he is in charge of the site, but he knows I want to be involved in every detail. I’ve made that more than evident. I briefly take a second to pull in a cleansing breath, reminding myself that he is not the cause of my distress. He is none the wiser that he is inadvertently thrusting me into the lion’s den with his dismissal.
It’s been almost two weeks since I shut down Covet and we shared an intense, unhinged—dare I say—fanatical weekend at the Serra Estate, and for that time, I’ve made myself scarce, not out of fear, but because it’s what I do. I’m a runner, and I had to leave after what happened between Sebastian and me. I couldn’t stay in that house a minute longer. No amount of talking could have resolved anything. Sometimes being alone with your thoughts is the best therapy, even if being alone is the last thing that you want.
My boyfriend set me up. He told me as much, and for days that has been one of the biggest hurdles to wrap my mind around. That he stayed away for me to bond with another man, and not just any man, but his damn brother. The night on the patio, when I allowed Sebastian to take me, I was caught off guard. I’d had too much to drink and zero time to make a good decision. Ellis knows I’m impulsive and reckless, and he was counting on that.
We have had sex more times than I can count. Sex with him is better than any sex I’ve ever had in my life, but that night by the pool, with his brother’s dick in my ass, was more. Ellis was looking at me with wonderment and awe. The way he kissed me and held me after our shared release felt like love. I feel like I made love to my boyfriend for the first time with another man behind me. How fucked up is that?
But where do we go from here? That’s the problem. It’s why I’ve stayed away. When I finally open my eyes and start to walk out to meet Ellis, my eyes collide with his, and the ethereal light that is always there is dimmed. I can see his displeasure in his stance. When I exit the door, he doesn’t make a move. Instead, he stands there looking more than edible in his charcoal gray suit that stretches over his thighs in all the right places. I swear, the man intentionally has his suits made to fit in a way just to tease women and intimidate men. As if his attire wasn’t mouthwatering enough, he wore his long hair in a high man bun just the way I like it.
Neither one of us are good with words. Ellis’s love languages are acts of service followed by physical touch, the latter of which I haven’t allowed since Sebastian left my body covered in bruises.
‘Have coffee with me.’
He leans against the glass wall of the studio and I roll my lips, considering his offer, one I want to take because it’s Ellis. He’s the reason I came back, but I also want to avoid getting into anything here, especially with Tatum lurking.
I’m about to respond when he says, ‘Let me rephrase that since you seem to think it was an option. I have coffee in your office. You’ll drink it with me.’
I shake my head, frustrated by his tone and lack of perspective. ‘Fine,’ I counter, clearly perturbed. I’ll have his coffee. It doesn’t mean I have to enjoy it. I stomp by him somewhat exaggeratedly, ensuring he doesn’t miss a moment of my displeasure. I’m not trying to hurt Ellis. That is the last thing I want to do, but I’m also not ready to lose him, and that feels inevitable after what happened.
As we make our way down to the first floor, I don’t miss how every man in the place takes notice of him. He has a commanding presence, one that isn’t lost on me, but it makes me wonder if it’s not what makes me cave and give in when I don’t want to. My mind was made up when I returned to San Jose, and now he’s trying to flip the script. With my thoughts on the man at my back, I’m distracted as I round the corner that leads to my office and the locker rooms and run smack dab into Tatum. Fuck my life.
‘Vi, I’m sorry. Are you okay?’ he says, as his free hand latches onto my arm to keep me from losing my balance. The other arm is balancing a roll of mats on his shoulder. His arctic blue eyes connect with mine, and I instantly look away. They say too much without saying anything at all, and I hate it.
‘She’s fine,’ Ellis says with an unnecessary harshness as he steps into my back, grabbing my shoulders. ‘You should have called out that you were coming around the corner with a load that big. You’re lucky it wasn’t worse. If she were a few inches taller, that roll you’re carrying would have hit her in the face, and I’d have your ass.’
‘Ellis, I don’t need you to threaten my workers. It was an honest mistake.’
‘It was reckless,’ he corrects.
My eyes briefly flash to Tate’s to offer an unspoken apology for my boyfriend’s rude comments, but he’s not paying me any attention. Instead, his eyes are locked with Ellis’s in a battle of wills. I quickly spin out of Ellis’s bear hold and grab his hand. ‘Come on. The coffee is getting cold.’ I don’t bother to address Tate or offer any further witty remarks because realization sets in, and I feel like shit. Ellis knows he’s the guy.
No sooner has he closed the door behind me does he ask, ‘Is he the reason you haven’t been in my bed?’
My back is to him as I stand at my desk and remove the coffee from the tray holder. Since we returned to San Jose, I’ve slept in my room. Something I rarely do when Ellis is home. From the start I’ve always slept with Ellis, I’ve only slept in that room once while he was there, and it was only because I fell asleep in the closet putting clothes away after I had spent the day moving Charlie’s stuff out. I hate to sleep alone. It’s more than obvious something is up, and I can’t blame this all on Ellis. Sure, he may have set things in motion, but I let them happen.
I pull air through my nose as I let my lungs inflate with all the words I should have given him a week ago. ‘No,’ I say as my lungs deflate and I find my strength. A man making me nervous is a new experience. I’m confident in my skin, but because feelings are involved, I’m acting borderline neurotic. I want everything he’s offering one minute, and the next, I’m pissed as hell.
Strong arms wrap around my waist from behind as his nose nuzzles into my neck. ‘Let me in, Vivian. I thought we talked about this. We said no more running; I told you I’d tell you anything and everything you wanted answers for…’ He kisses my neck before adding, ‘I need you, baby.’
My heart stumbles from his words, and my breath hitches in my throat. Those are four words I’ve never heard, and they scare the shit out of me because they’re everything. I spin in his hold and search his beautiful face, running my finger over the five o’clock shadow he’s let grow into a beard over the past few days. He looks tired, as though sleep has escaped him just as it has me. My thumb finds his juicy bottom lip, where I gently brush over its soft skin before asking, ‘Say it again.’
A low growl escapes his chest as he pulls me close, eliminating any space before crushing his mouth to mine. His other hand finds the back of my head as he dives deep, holding me right where he wants me, and I let him take it. I want him so bad it hurts. I’ve hated staying away, but I haven’t gotten Sebastian’s words out of my head, ‘You think he’ll still want you after he finds out I had you?’ I fucked his brother, and damn it, if I didn’t want every wicked moment, even the parts I shouldn’t. The thought alone has me pushing back on his chest as bile rises up my throat from my traitorous heart.
He releases my mouth, only to find my jaw, trailing kisses as he repeats the words that slowly break my heart. ‘I need you, baby, so damn much.’
‘Ellis, stop. Please.’
He only pulls me tighter. ‘I’m not going to stop, Vivian. You are mine. I’m not going anywhere.’ I close my eyes to hold back the tears that threaten to spill out as I choke on my self-pity. ‘Tell me, Vivian. Stop hiding from me. You can let whatever this is fester like a poison, threatening to steal your sanity, or you can let it free you.’
‘I’m not ready to lose you.’
His hands find my shoulders, and he holds me at arm’s length before saying, ‘What the hell are you talking about, Vivian? This stops now. Tell me, or I swear to god I’ll destroy everything in my wake to find it myself.’
I nod in agreement as nerves threaten to steal my ability to speak. ‘Okay,’ I say in a meek tone that sounds unfamiliar even to me. This isn’t who I am; this is why I avoid emotions. They make you fucking weak. ‘Let me go, and I’ll tell you.’ He squeezes my shoulder, earning my eye and giving me a glare that says don’t test me. I fucking get it. He’s reached his limit.
Turning, I take a few steps back, untucking the black long-sleeved button-down I wore today from my dark blue jeans. I hate collared shirts, but I’ve worn them to hide my bruises and avoid this very moment. Once my shirt is untucked, I slowly undo each button, and as I reach the last one, my hands tremble from the nerves threatening to run away with my consciousness. I feel like I’m on the brink of having a full-on panic attack. Rather than let the button win, I steal my spine and rip it open, only to grasp each seam and wrap them tightly around my body. Fucking pull yourself together, Vivian. You made your bed, now you must sleep in it.
With that last thought, I spin around and open my shirt, revealing the yellow and purple bruises that mar my torso from where Sebastian had his way with me. They were so much worse days ago, but I know I have more. These marks will fade, but one will not. I slip the top off my shoulders, revealing the bitemark he left on my shoulder. It’s still tender to the touch. I haven’t been able to sleep on my stomach or get comfortable in bed for days. The marks and soreness are a constant reminder of him, just like he knew they would be.
‘What the hell, Vivian? Who did this to you?’ He’s at my front, running his hands over my torso. ‘Speak!’ he yells, startling me and making me jump. I’ve never seen Ellis mad, and now I feel awful because I know when I deliver the news, it will only make things worse. The last thing I want to be is the woman who breaks them apart. They’re all the other has.
I swallow my hurt and fear and say, ‘Sebastian.’
He bites his fist hard with a growl. ‘I’ll fucking kill him.’ Then, moving across my office, he knocks one of my chairs over in rage. ‘What happened, Vivian?’ he booms before adding, ‘Don’t even think about leaving anything out.’
I pull my shirt closed tight as I try to find my words. I’m unsure what type of reaction I expected when the truth came out. I was always going to tell Ellis. However, it would be after I’d had enough time to fully process it myself. But now I realize that’s not what I needed at all. It’s what I told myself I needed to avoid this exact moment, because the truth is, I know how I feel and it scares me.
‘No,’ I say firmly. I want my own answers. He started this by throwing us together and pushing our buttons. Ellis has just as much to answer for as I do.
‘What do you mean, ‘no?” He clenches his fists and leans onto my desk, looking me squarely in the eye. ‘Don’t test me on this, Vivian. He crossed the line.’
His last words stoke a fire in my belly and help me find the nerve I had been looking for all this time. I throw my arms wide without care for my marred chest being on full display and say, ‘And who exactly is drawing those lines, Ellis?’
‘You’ve refused to talk to me, Vivian, and because you’re still choosing to be obstinate, you’re forcing my hand.’ He steps around the desk, and his long legs easily have him in front of me in two strides. ‘This,’ he runs his finger down my chest. ‘Is not okay. He’s gone too far. I will not allow him to hurt you.’
I still his hand and shake my head. ‘He didn’t hurt me, at least not how you think he did. This… this was to hurt you.’ His brow furrows as his eyes stay pinned to the bruises on my chest. It’s clear he’s deep in thought, and while I have his attention, I say the words I hate the most. ‘I wanted this, but he used me.’ Finally, I drop his hand and button my blouse, adding, ‘That man hates me something fierce, and he wants me gone.’
Ellis brings his hand to my chin and tilts it up, his steel gray eyes piercing my heart. Those damn eyes have captivated me from the first time I saw him, speaking a hundred sentiments with zero words. But this look right now is new. It’s raw, unfiltered, and looks a lot like love, and things I don’t understand, because how can there be any love after my admissions?
‘You have no idea how very wrong you are.’ He kisses my cheek before adding, ‘I expect you in my bed tonight. No more hiding.’ His eyes hold mine briefly before he turns on his heel and exits my office.
Ellis has consumed me since we met, rolling in like a storm without warning. As soon as I saw him, I couldn’t unsee him. I don’t believe in love at first sight, but if I did ascribe to such fanatical nonsense, it would apply to him. He left his mark from day one. Sure, a considerable part of that was his looks; the man is flawless. But add in his ambiguous personality that always keeps you guessing, and you’re hooked. I believe that’s why, for as much as we connect on some deeper level, our personalities passively war. We’re both trying to fix each other. I want his secrets, his past, and his pain as much as he wants mine, but we’re both too stubborn to bend and let the other in for fear it won’t work out, and we will both be left broken beyond repair.
But I’m not about to let fear steal my future. It’s already taken too much of my past.
