1 YEAR LATER
‘Say, were you able to get the new designs out to production? Are they on track to be in the gyms by fall?’ I ask, making sure I’m remembering everything.
We moved to Seacliff once Caterina was born, and Ellis converted the old movie theater room into my home office so that I could work from home with her. Sayward stays at the Palo Alto condo in case someone is needed at the gym or club. We aren’t that far away, only about an hour’s drive, but if we happened to be out of the area during peak rush hour and were needed ASAP, she could quickly get to Blush or Covet. But today, she drove to Seacliff to help me with Cat.
‘Yes, and Indie really liked the addition of the E.S.T tag on the bottoms of the workout bralettes and the tops of the leggings.
The past year has been nothing short of life-changing, to say the least. It took me a few months after Indie left to come around. My parents’ death didn’t sit right with me. I felt as though, even in their death, I was being held accountable for their lifelong resentment, but I had to move forward. I was tired of being angry and hanging onto my hate got heavy. It made me weak and kept me a prisoner in my own mind. I had to let go to heal and see the strength and beauty behind the ugly grooves of my scars.
Cat opened my eyes to a whole new world. After she was born, I didn’t see my grandmother’s coldness the same. While I disagree with how Indie handled things related to knowing about my parents’ ill-treatment of me, I think she did the best she could. We haven’t discussed any of the past in detail, neither of us caring to rehash things that can’t be changed, but we’ve discussed enough to at least understand each other, and for me, that’s enough.
‘Also, she mentioned dinner this weekend. She’s flying in and wanted to ensure nothing was on your schedule. She asked that I didn’t inform you of her inquiry but…’
‘Thanks for the heads up. If Indie said this weekend, I’m sure that means she’ll probably be in tomorrow, and it’s only Wednesday. She’s been dropping hints about moving here. There’s nothing left for her in St. Louis, and I think she’s impressed with the success of the athleisure line. I have no doubt she wants to get her hands dirty.’ I point at Sayward and add, ‘So, get your big girl pants ready. She’s a shark. Don’t let her push you.’
After I had time to find forgiveness and move forward from everything that happened in my past, I was able to fully embrace my future and be the mother and wife I wanted to be. That also meant making amends with my grandmother. I couldn’t let my relationship with my grandmother hang in the balance and inadvertently continue to foster unrest. She’s too old to have more children. There is no one else to leave her legacy to, but my heart wasn’t in fashion like hers is. I wanted to grow my gym.
Sayward has been a blessing in disguise. It was through her working out with Tate at the gym on his scheduled shift that we found a new niche. A few other women noticed the one-on-one time that Tate took with her to help her slowly strengthen her core muscles, so we started adding physiotherapy to our class lineup. It blew up so much that we had to hire more trainers. It turns out there is a huge market for women suffering from injury, disease, or deformity who avoid gyms altogether because they don’t know where to start and don’t want to be judged. Tatum has always had a passion for working out like me and this called to his heart since he watched Sayward struggle for so long. So he decided to go to school and get certifications that helped him learn more about exercise and therapy related to injury. It’s really helped us grow the gym with a focus centered on healing.
It was during one of those sessions that I popped in to vent about one of my grandmother’s latest emails discussing my future with Fiori that Sayward suggested I could do both. I could still pursue my passion for the gym and please Indie. She proposed that I branch out and create an athleisure line for Fiori. Our name had historically been rooted in high-end fashion and couture pieces. I was nervous about the pitch because once the idea was in my head, I let my heart get ahead of itself and all the doors my namesake could open, but I knew none of it would happen if Indie disapproved. Initially, she was skeptical, but she didn’t dismiss it. If it meant I was going to take part in the company, she couldn’t, and with time, I’ve even managed to impress her.
‘You need to get going. Don’t worry about the Fall line or Cat. I got this.’
‘Yes, you’re right. Okay, Cat’s in her bed napping. Here’s the monitor. We should be back in two hours.’
She takes the monitor and quirks a brow. ‘If you get the news I’m hoping for, it better be more than two hours.”
I breathe nervously and try to speak only good vibes into the universe. ‘If you don’t hear from me, you’ll have your answer. If we’re not back, Sebastian’s plane lands at 5pm so he should be here no later than 6 pm’
She laughs before saying, ‘I know exactly what time his plane lands. He’s already sent three text messages in the last ten minutes since he knew you were leaving her with me. The first was a request for proof of life, the second was his ETA, and the third was a request to FaceTime.’
I can’t help but smirk at her comments. Sebastian is obsessed with Cat, and this is his first time being away from her since she was born, and he doesn’t like I’ll be leaving her for a few hours. He trusts that Caterina is safe in his sister’s hands, but he can’t help himself. Luckily, Say knows his overbearing helicopter dad ways do not reflect his opinions of her. Sayward and Sebastian have grown extremely close over the past year. I’m so glad she decided to stay in California with all of us. She told me the only reason she ever wanted to leave was because the memories were too hard to bear but finding Sebastian and having a niece have brought her so much joy. Sayward is one of Caterina’s favorite people, and mine too. She’s the sister I never had, but old habits die hard, so I ask, ‘You’re sure everything is good? I can take her with me if I need to.’
I never want to cause a problem between her and Seb or put her in a spot that makes her uncomfortable. She’s still working through her own therapy sessions, ones she could never afford or seek help for before finding Sebastian and getting on her own feet financially.
‘Yeah, yeah, go. I’m not worried about Seb. His bark is worse than his bite.’ She shows me with her hands, and I go, not wasting another second because today is important.
‘Baby, I swear if you squeeze my hand any tighter, my fingers will fall off.’
‘Oh, shit. Sorry—’
‘Don’t be sorry. Relax. I’m doing this for you, but it doesn’t matter what the results say. We’re happy. We have our family. I don’t need this.’
I can’t help but drop my eyes to the floor and feel disheartened. I want Ellis to want this. I want him to want a baby with me. He deserves this.
‘Look at me, Vivian. Don’t do that. You know I’d give anything to watch your stomach grow with my baby, but it won’t change anything if it can’t happen.’
A knock at the door grabs our attention, and I can feel Ellis go tense next to me. Doesn’t change anything, my ass.
‘What are you guys doing here?’ Sebastian and Tate come strolling into the room, where we sit on edge, waiting to hear from the doctor. Tate walks straight toward Ellis and squeezes his shoulder in comfort before leaning down and kissing my forehead. ‘I thought you had class?’ I question as he takes my free hand and laces our fingers together before standing to my left.
‘I do, but I can miss a class, babe. This is important.’
‘What about you?’ I question Seb, who’s standing with his hands tucked in his pants, looking at the pamphlets on the wall. ‘You’re supposed to be on a plane.’
‘I got an earlier flight home. We were never going to miss this. You might be his wife, but we are his brothers. We chose this. This is our family.’ Then he turns, giving me those dark, stormy eyes that make my heart beat out of tune every time he looks at me with such raw, unfiltered emotion. Our family has changed him. For the world, he’s still a prickly motherfucker, but for me—for us—there’s only love. ‘You don’t get to do this alone. Every high and every low, they belong to us.’
Before I can even respond, there’s a knock at the door again, and the doctor walks in. Briefly, his eyes flick around the room before he returns his gaze to the notes in his hand, unfazed by Sebastian and Tate’s presence.
‘I have the results from the semen analysis we ran, and everything came back normal. However, you have fewer than fifteen million sperm per milliliter, so conceiving naturally will be difficult. It’s not to say it can’t happen. It’s just harder and less likely.’
I cut in, uncaring what other words the doctor has to say. I’d heard enough. He has good sperm; I just need them to make it to my eggs. ‘So that means if we tried IVF, we could get pregnant?’ I question, unable to hold back my nervous excitement.
The doctor removes his glasses and holds his hands up. ‘IVF isn’t a guarantee, but it will increase your chances. You are still young, so the likelihood of retrieving healthy eggs from you is greater. There’s roughly a fifty percent chance that we would retrieve a healthy egg, and it would be successfully fertilized and result in a full-term pregnancy. I know this sounds low, but the odds are about the same if you think about the chances of a healthy couple conceiving during a fertile window in any given cycle.’
Ellis releases my hand only to lean forward and put his head in his own.
‘Can you give us a minute?’ I ask the doctor.
‘Yes. I’ll leave the results here with the information regarding the next steps if you choose to pursue IVF.’
He places the paperwork on the counter, and I say, ‘Thank you.’
Exiting the room, he says, ‘Take your time.’
Tate squeezes my hand and asks, ‘If there’s a chance that Ellis can conceive naturally, how do we know Cat isn’t his?’
‘She’s mine,’ Sebastian’s tone is somewhat curt before he softens slightly. ‘She looks just like me…’ He trails off and shrugs before adding, ‘Plus, I checked.’
‘What?’ I screech, ‘What does that mean, you checked?’
‘Relax, it was just a cheek swab. It was no big deal. It didn’t change anything either way, but I had to know.’
‘Seb, that doesn’t even make sense, bro,’ Tate adds.
I understand what Tate’s saying. If the results don’t matter, if they don’t change anything, then why do them at all?
Sebastian runs a hand through his hair before looking at Ellis and saying, ‘It does to me. Look, I love you guys. You are my family. This is all I want. I swear it. I’ll protect what we have with my life. But I’ve only ever had Ellis, and seeing my daughter for the first time, holding her in my arms and knowing she was a part of me and my WIFE,’ he accentuates that last word, catching my eye before continuing, ‘It was like holding a piece of my heart outside of my body, and I had to know. I had to be certain. I know I’m a selfish prick, but I haven’t walked in your shoes. I don’t know what it feels like to be the non-bio dad, the guy who isn’t holding his blood in his arms, who doesn’t get to hear ‘da-da’ for the first time, but I knew I wanted that for you assholes. I’ve never fallen so hard so fast. The profound love I instantly had with that little girl is surreal, and I wanted that for Ellis. He deserves it.’
Without a word, Ellis stands, and in two steps, Sebastian is wrapped in his arms for a hug. He holds him tight before saying, ‘I get it, Seb. I do, but I promise I love Cat with my whole heart.’
And because it’s Sebastian and he doesn’t do sentimental well, he slaps Ellis on the back and says, ‘I’m glad you feel that way. I’d like you to show me how it feels on the other side, but I’m not wearing condoms to make it happen.’
‘What? Why would we have to wear condoms?’ Tate questions, wholly confused.
Ellis releases Seb, and I see the slight smirk on Ellis’s beautiful face from Seb’s lighthearted interjection.
‘Because if they don’t do IVF, there’s no guarantee which one of us will get to her egg first.’
Ellis ignores their bantering, his eyes finding mine as he steps to my chair and pulls me up into his arms. He wordlessly stares into my eyes, stealing all the breath from my lungs with that steely blue enigmatic gaze that pierces my soul. He’s my person, my other half. I was always meant to be his, and because of him, I am also theirs. When he pushes a strand of hair behind my ear, I find my words. ‘Baby, talk to me. What are you thinking? This is good news, right? It’s what we wanted to hear.’
‘It’s more than I ever could have asked for. Thank you, Vivian. Thank you for giving me this beautiful life. I love you with everything that I am.’
THE END
