Walking up to the rickety porch steps that I’ll fix next time I’m home; I see a figure rocking on the swing, sobbing into her palms. My heart is instantly destroyed hearing my mom’s sobs, knowing that she’s having to deal with this alone. Without me. Or my asshole of a dad. All of this falls on her shoulders and she can’t handle it.
‘Mom,’ I whispered as I took the first step onto the porch. Her eyes darted up, startled that I’m here. When she called me after practice, I doubt she expected me to come all the way back. Hell, I wasn’t planning on it myself, but when Adam saw my face after getting off the call with my mom, he all but forced me to explain what was happening and told me I had to come home. I didn’t even feel guilty putting that small fortune of a flight on my credit card. I needed to be here. With my mom.
‘Devin. What are you doing here?’ She asked, getting up from her seat and clasping me in a tight hug. She clutched one of Chloe’s toy rabbit’s close as she sobbed in my arms. It was the right decision to come home.
I hold my mom close, letting her cries stain my shirt. ‘I wanted to help you find Chloe,’ I say. This isn’t the first time Chloe has gone missing after a Friday night of illegal drinking. This is the first time, however, that she’s left her phone at the bar she was illegally drinking at and we have no idea where she is. Maybe she left it by accident, or maybe she finally realized we installed a tracker on it, so we knew where she was at all times. Either way, this is the first time we have no idea where she’s ended up and we had to resort to calling the police and reporting her as missing just to get an amber alert issued.
She looks up at me. There’s a moment in all kid’s lives when you look at your parent and you realize they’re just as breakable as you. This was that moment for me. My mom has held back so much. Has tried to be strong for me and Chloe. Even when my father left her with nothing last year, she barely showed any pain. She just got another job and dealt with it. Now, looking into her glazed hazel eyes, I see all the torment and pain these last couple of years have brought her and how I’ve been away for most of it. ‘You didn’t need to come all the way home.’ She tries to put up a stony mask but it’s too late, I already saw the cracks.
‘Yeah, I did, Ma.’ I lead her back to the porch swing, sitting down next to her, never letting go of her hand. ‘I went down to the police station before I came here. They’ve said they’ve had no more leads which is frustrating.’ She nods, no doubt she’s been on the phone with them every thirty minutes. ‘So, then I went down to Chloe’s ex-boyfriend’s house and got a few addresses of her friends.’
‘Chloe’s going to kill you when she finds out.’ My mom says with just a hint of amusement. I can’t laugh though because something constricts tightly in my chest. All I can think is if she finds out. What if I’m already too late to save what’s left of my family?
Shaking the thought out of my head, I look back at my mom. ‘That will be the least of her concerns once she’s back home. I went to a few of her friend’s houses and it seems like she dropped all the good ones right around the time Grace overdosed.’ I explain. Chloe’s been shutting us out for a while, but I didn’t realize just how much until I came face to face with it today. ‘I managed to find out some of her new friends.’ Friends is a term I use lightly. These guys had so much grease in their hair, it looked like they hadn’t showered in weeks. ‘They told me they saw her a couple of hours ago and she was with some guy.’ My hands tighten at those words. I hate thinking that someone is taking advantage of my sister and I’m helpless to do anything about it. ‘I searched all of Willow City looking for her but came up short.’ My shoulders slump at the admission.
‘I’m sure she’ll be home soon. She always comes back.’ My mom reassures me even though I don’t think she believes them either. She placed her palm on one of mine and looked down at my hand with a gasp. ‘Devin Cole Walker.’ She chastised, I know I’m in trouble when she uses my full name. ‘Have you been fighting?!’ Holding my hands up, she shows me my bloodied knuckles as though I didn’t notice them.
‘Nah, ma, it’s from football.’ I lie. I may have had to hand out a few bloody noses to get as much information as I did from the greasy duo.
She squints her eyes at me, knowing I’m lying but doesn’t press me on it. Probably because we’ve got other things to worry about. ‘Come inside. We need to put some ice on your knuckles.’ She scrunches my hair like I’m still a ten-year-old and not double the size of her in both height and width and drags me into the house. ‘Have you been getting enough sleep? You look like you’ve been chewed up, spit out, and stepped on.’
I sat down on the threadbare couch, picking at the string. ‘A redeye flight across the country will do that to you.’
She fiddles around in the kitchen and when she comes back with an ice pack, she says, ‘No sweetheart. There’s more behind those tired eyes than just a flight. You’ve been worrying too much and holding it in. I know you like to pretend you’ve got two back-bones but occasionally, you need to remember you’re only human like the rest of us.’
Sighing, I let her ice my hand. ‘I know, Ma. I just want to make sure you and Chloe are okay.’ As I look around the room, memories of my father come back. We haven’t heard from him since he left us high and dry.
‘What we need is for you to be okay.’ She says. She’s right. The only way we’re getting out of this mess is if I get drafted.
‘I know ma. Have you looked at any of the facilities I sent through?’ I quickly changed the subject. We’ve been looking at different places to send Chloe for treatment for a while now, trying to decide what’s best for her.
She gives me a small smile, the first hint of hope I’ve seen since I got here. ‘Yes. I think you’re right, out of state would be best and I liked St. West’s because you’re close by.’ It’s two hours away from me, but at least it means I could see her on weekends. ‘But, we can’t afford it.’ She says sternly.
‘Let me worry about that.’
‘No, Devin. You’re my son. I need to deal with this.’
‘She’s my sister and I’ve already agreed a generous payment plan with them.’ They agreed to six months treatment payable at the end. Sure, there’s a large interest charge tacked on the end for the pleasure but if Chloe gets better, it will be worth it. ‘Now, it’s nearly 4am and I’m sure you haven’t slept at all.’ I know I haven’t. ‘Go and at least try to get some sleep. I’ll wait out here for Chloe.’
After planting a small kiss on my forehead, she makes her way to her bedroom. This is exactly why I need to focus. I can’t let these two women down. They’re all I have. I checked my phone, and the battery is nearly drained. I didn’t have time to bring a charger or clothes, just the stuff I was sweating in at the gym. I’ll have to wear some of my old high school stuff if I want to change tomorrow.
My nerves are getting the better of me as I sit back on the couch, waiting for Chloe. I’m sure she’ll be home soon, but I can’t help already feeling guilty that I’m not here, supporting her. What if I’m already too late? I’d never forgive myself.
Before I can think anymore, the front door flings open and my head shoots up. Chloe is standing there, back to me waving at some guy driving off on a motorcycle. It’s hot in Texas, but she’s wearing the shortest shorts and her midriff is hanging out. ‘Where the hell were you?’ I ground out and she turns around, nearly tripping as she does.
‘Devin?’ She drawls out, confused. Running up to her, I catch her arms, holding her up and as she looks at me with dilated pupils. She giggles at me, ending it with a snort and I lead her to the sofa. She’s on something other than alcohol that’s for sure. ‘What are you doing here?’ She asks while I get her a glass of water.
I don’t answer, just head back to where she is and sit on the coffee table in front of her. ‘Drink this.’ I demand. ‘You aren’t leaving this room or going to bed or whatever the hell you plan to do until you’ve had this.’
She takes the drink from me. ‘Uh okay,’ She mouths off. If she was in her right mind, I’d yell at her, but right now, all I want to do is convince her that she needs to listen to me. She slowly swigs the drink, and it takes her all of five minutes to finish it. ‘Happy?’ She asks, showing me the empty glass.
‘Mildly.’ I move the glass away from her and take her into my arms.
‘What the hell are you doing?’ She squirms, but she’s a little thing and I’m used to holding back much bigger men on the field so she’s no match for me.
‘Taking you to your room.’ I say, taking one step at a time.
‘I can walk thank you very much.’ Ever the smartass, even when she’s high on something.
‘I know you can, genius. Mom is sleeping and you’re about as clumsy as a newborn calf right now. I’m not letting you wake her.’ That seems to shut her up. After I placed her on the bed, I walked to the bathroom to fill up another glass of water and forced her to drink it too. I then went into my old room, grabbed a pillow and sheet and made a bed on her floor. I don’t leave her side until about 10am when I can smell my mom cooking breakfast downstairs.
It’s another few hours before Chloe wakes up and graces us with her presence. ‘Hey guys.’ She says sheepishly as she comes into the kitchen, looking for something to drink, I’m sure. I hand her a glass of OJ and she sits on the island, wiping her long dark hair from her face.
‘Chloe, we need to talk.’ My mom says. You wouldn’t think that yesterday she was in a heap of distress over this.
‘Yeah.’ Her eyes widen, thankfully her pupils are back to normal, her high having worn off. ‘I think we do.’ She admits, pursing her lips. ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left my phone.’
‘Leaving your phone is the least of your issues,’ I snort out. ‘You do realize we called the police and there was an amber alert on you?’ her mouth pops open in confusion. ‘Yeah, that idiot that dropped you off on his motorcycle could have been charged for abduction of a minor.’
‘But he didn’t abduct me. I went on my own.’ She defends.
‘Doesn’t matter. You disappeared and when you came back, you were high as a kite. What were you on last night? Cocaine? LSD?’ Her head lowers in shame as she watches her fingers twiddle some more. ‘What happened to you?’ I ask, a little more gently this time.
‘I’m sorry Devin. We aren’t all perfect like you.’ She snipes back, but I shrug it off. She’s trying to start a fight to deflect which isn’t going to happen. There’s a stark silence as my mom sits down beside Chloe, holding her hand. Chloe shoves her other hand in her hair, staring down at the linoleum countertop, thinking. I lean against the counter on the other side, hanging my head down, waiting. ‘I’m sorry.’ She finally whispers. ‘It’s just I feel too much, and I don’t know how to stop it without help.’ It’s not a new revelation, we know it’s been tough on her.
My mom and I look at each other. ‘Chloe, Devin and I have been talking.’ My mom starts. ‘And we’ve found a place that can help you…’
Chloe looks up, confused. ‘Help? But…’ She stammers, looking between my mom and I. ‘We can’t afford it.’ I want to ask how she’s affording all the drinking, but I’ve got a feeling that guy on the motorbike is the answer.
‘Don’t worry about that Chlo.’ I butt in. ‘I’ve sorted it.’ I hold my hand up, stopping her from finishing her sentence. ‘All I need is for you to pack a bag and be ready to leave for California in three hours.’
Her brows furrow. ‘California?’
‘Yup. You’re coming home with me. Where you’ll be away from guys on motorcycles and these new friends you’ve been hanging out with.’ She nods, taking this a lot better than I thought she would. Maybe it’s the fact that her brother came all the way back to host this intervention or that the bags under mom’s eyes are noticeably bigger, but something has changed her mind. My mom holds Chloe in an embrace, a single tear rolls down her cheek and as she looks at me, she mouths ‘thank you.’
That night, Chloe flew with me to California, her hands were jittery the entire flight. We finally got to the facility first thing on Monday morning. I skipped my classes for the day, helping Chloe settle in. She looked happier and more relieved than I’d seen her in a long time and that made this whole thing feel right.
I ended up standing outside of the facility for an hour longer than I needed to. The process of leaving her there was harder than I thought but I knew it was for the best. I rested my head against the car seat, closing my eyes for just a second. I’ve barely slept in the last three days and it’s starting to take its toll.
Opening my eyes, I connect my phone to the car and let it charge. The phone comes to life for the first time in three days and I’m shocked to see there are 20 missed calls, all from Reign. Adam probably told the guys not to worry about me but wouldn’t think to tell her. I quickly send her a message, letting her know I’m alive and throw the phone in a cupholder as I start the engine, ready to finally make my way back to campus.
By the time I pull up to my drive, it’s already 11pm. I’ve been gone for days and the idea of dealing with Coach over my absence has my head pounding. Sighing, I open the door, walking into the house as inconspicuously as possible. The guys are playing on the Xbox when I come in. ‘Hey, D.’ Aiden yells, hardly taking his eyes off the TV.
‘Hey,’ I mumble, and the other guys give me a nod in acknowledgment, not one of them questioning where I’ve been. Walking past them, I trudge up the stairs, holding the railing tight because I’m so tired, there’s a very real possibility that I will fall down them if I’m not careful.
As I open the door to my room, my desk lamp illuminates the shadows. I’m startled when I see Reign sitting on the edge of my bed, her shoulder’s moving up and down as she quietly sobs into her hands. Walking further into the room, her head pops up and when our eyes meet, I can see just how tired she is.
She jumps up, stomping her feet towards me. ‘Where have you been?’ She yells in my face, or I should say in my chest because she’s so tiny. I hold back a chuckle because of the fierce look on her face makes my balls shrivel. She’s wearing my sweatshirt and by the way she’s acting, I’m wondering if she took it off at all these last few days. If this were any other time, I would find the fact she’s so worried about me incredibly cute and tease her mercilessly. Right now, though, all I want to do is lie in my bed and forget everything that happened these past few days.
