Four days, and I was still no closer to knowing what I should do with Tex. I wanted Tex under me at all times, but my wants weren’t exactly reality. I knew that more than anyone.
I blew out a puff of air as I leaned against a light pole across the street of the fourth bar Tex had been to. In the time we’d been apart, he hadn’t visited Blu once or shown up at my place. I know I told him to never come back but a part of me hoped he wouldn’t listen.
The night was nearly over, and the early morning was creeping up. It was two forty-five, and the last bar was already emptying. I kept my gaze fixed across the street, waiting for a certain cop to exit. Four o’clock struck, and my stomach twisted. The bouncer who’d been lounging outside went in. Before I knew what I was doing, I was halfway across the street.
“Wait,” I said.
He stopped and glanced my way. “Sorry, we’re closed. Go drink at home.”
“Emerson, come here,” someone inside shouted.
“I’m not here to drink. I’m here to pick up my…” My what? Toy? My chest tightened, but the person inside called the bouncer again.
“I have to go. Maybe you missed whoever you’re looking for.” He attempted to close the door.
I cut the distance between us in two easy strides. With my hand on the door and foot on the ledge, I stopped it from closing.
“I highly doubt that.”
He blew out a breath. “It’s been a good night. Don’t fuck it up. Get out.” He stood taller and puffed out his chest.
If he thought he was intimidating me, that was hardly the case. If anything, it was annoying me. The more time he wasted stood between Tex and me.
“Emerson, I’ve been calling you. We have some guy passed out in the men’s bathroom again,” a woman said. She turned, and her green eyes widened.
“We’re closed. Sorry, come back tonight.” She popped a hand on her hip and looked at Emerson.
“I’ve been trying—”
“The man in the bathroom. I’m here to get him.”
Both of them turned to look my way. The burly bouncer’s gruff eyebrows dipped. “How would you know it’s who you’re looking for?”
“Did he text you or something?” the woman asked.
No. I wish he had.
“Black hair, blue eyes, chiseled jaw. His license number zero one two four four four six three one.”
She shrugged. “Fucking good enough for me. Come get him.” She turned on her heels but stopped just as the bouncer let me in. “His tab.” She eyed me from head to toe. I didn’t have to be a mind reader to know she’d picked out the designer clothes. I bypassed my gun and pulled out a roll of money. “This should more than cover it. “
Her eyes widened only for a second before she took it. “Yeah, third door down that hall.” She pointed and I was already halfway across the small bar. Only two others were cleaning up. They glanced my way but paid me little attention, no doubt rushing to get out of there and back home.
I pushed the door open. Soft snores accompanied the hum of the lights above. The floor was black and covered in unknown substances as I headed toward the last stall. The door wasn’t locked as I pushed it open with my toe. There on the floor next to the toilet was Tex. His head hung between his arms, his back pressed against the wall.
The stench of alcohol had nothing to do with being in a bar and everything to do with Tex. The closer I got the stronger the smell wafted off of him. I didn’t want to touch anything here.
I kicked Tex’s foot. One of his legs slid down, jerking him awake.
“Uh, fuck off.” His words slurred as he leaned over. I caught him before he crashed to the floor.
The muscle in my jaw ticked with how hard I was holding it. “Get up, Tex.”
He groaned and attempted to wrestle free. “No.”
Now he wants to be difficult? I snatched up a handful of black hair and jerked his head back against the wall. “I wasn’t asking.”
Tex’s eyelids fluttered as if he was having a hard time opening them. He groaned as he slowly blinked. I was met with watery blue eyes that captured my soul the moment they focused on me.
His mouth turned down in a frown. “The fuck?” Tex’s gaze hardened the longer he looked up at me. I preferred the desire and fear in his eyes more, but I could work with anger.
“Why are you here?”
“Let’s go.”
Tex knocked my hand away, and his strands slipped through my fingers. He righted himself the best he could but was still leaning heavily to the right. A single breeze would knock him over.
A knock on the door interrupted us. “Hey, I want to go home. Hurry it up.”
Tex pushed himself up off the floor, every movement shaky at best.
“Hey, did you hear me?” A guy stuck his head into the stall.
I stood in front of Tex. “Get out.”
He took a step back. “Look, I just want to go home.”
“And you will, but if you keep coming back here, you won’t.”
He audibly swallowed before turning back around.
“Wow, you’re just an all-around gangster, huh?” Tex asked, laughing.
It sounded off as I turned back to face him. He was standing up, but he hadn’t moved off the wall.
“You knew that when you met me.”
His blue eyes focused on me. “Just like you knew who I was.”
It wasn’t a question, but I nodded all the same. His head fell forward, and his hair hid his eyes away from me.
“Tex…”
“Don’t you mean officer Caster?” He shook his head and lifted it once more. “You shouldn’t be here.” His eyes seemed to water as his teeth dug into his bottom lip.
I moved toward him and pulled it free. He was slow to react, raising his hand to knock mine away but this time I stayed unmoving. “I’m here.”
“You shouldn’t be. We’re enemies.”
When it came to public opinion or even Benito’s opinion, yes, we were. What did it say about me that I still wanted him? “Do you want me?”
Tex’s mouth opened, but he clamped it shut and shook his head. My chest felt as if a blade had pierced through me.
“I shouldn’t, but you make my fucking head hurt.”
Doesn’t he know he does the same to me? I pulled him toward me and draped his arm over my shoulder.
“You’re filthy.”
“Yeah, well, now I’m getting you dirty.” Tex leaned heavily against me as we moved out of the bathroom. I kept him upright to my car a block away. The walk seemed to have sobered him up slightly as he looked around once I had him seated in the car.
“Where are you taking me?”
I closed the door and rounded the car. Slipping behind the wheel, I still didn’t have an answer for him.
“Penelope has food?”
Tex nodded, his head bobbing before he grabbed it with both hands and groaned. “Bought those automatic feeders after my first overnight shift.”
I nodded and pulled off, merging into traffic. Even at nearly five in the morning, New York was bumper to bumper. I caught Tex shivering in the passenger seat and turned the heat on as we rode in silence.
Before I knew it, we were pulling up to my apartment. Tex had dozed off on the drive, and I was reluctant to wake him. Lines creased the corner of his eyes as he groaned in his sleep.
I parked in my reserved spot and turned the car off. We sat there for another minute before I woke him.
“Tex.”
He jumped, his eyes bugging out as he looked around. He slowly settled down once our eyes met.
“Come on.”
Tex didn’t argue as I helped him to my floor and into my place. He took a step toward the stairs, and I grabbed him before he could walk any further.
“What?”
“Clothes off,” I demanded.
Tex sighed as he yanked his shirt off and shoved his pants and boxer down his legs.
“Socks as well,” I said, pointing to them.
“Fuck, you’re so anal.” He crashed against the wall as he attempted to balance on one leg. He finally pulled them off and tossed them onto the pile.
“Do you need help showering?”
“No!”
“Go get cleaned up.”
Tex flipped me off but headed for the steps. I watched transfixed as his firm ass flexed with each step. That stupid tattoo was even pleasing to look at.
I shook my head and went about cleaning up before joining him upstairs. I showered in the guest bedroom, giving Tex some space, although all I wanted to do was go in there and chain him to my bed and tell him he was stuck with me now.
As appealing as that was, it wouldn’t be easy making a cop’s son disappear. There would be too many questions.
I headed for my bedroom and found Tex sitting on my bed with nothing but a towel around his waist. His upper body was on full display as he sat there staring at his hands.
“I tossed your clothes.”
“What the fuck for?” Tex growled.
“You were sitting on that disgusting floor.”
“That’s what washers and dryers are for.”
I shook my head, walking further into the room. “No amount of disinfecting could have gotten them clean enough to my liking.”
“What the hell do you do when you spill blood on your clothes?” Tex’s shoulders tensed as if he’d just realized what he’d asked.
The tension in the room thickened to a choking level, and I forced myself to continue to the closet. “I get rid of them.”
“What?” Tex turned on the bed as I stepped out with a black pair of sweats for him and my blue pajama bottoms. I tossed him the pants as I slipped mine on.
“Keeping them is like asking to be caught. There is a lot of evidence in DNA. Even if I were to clean them, would it be enough?”
Tex’s mouth hung open as he stared at me. “Are you seriously telling me this?”
I shrugged. “Put some pants on.” My gaze traveled from top to bottom of Tex. Heat swirled in the pit of my stomach, and my cock hardened. Even now, I want him.
“Or what?” Tex shot back.
My head tilted slightly to the right as I tried to understand if Tex was testing me on purpose or if he was trying to elicit some kind of reaction from me.
“I will fuck you until you can’t walk away from me ever again.”
His eyes widened, his mouth opening and closing. I turned and headed downstairs, grabbing a glass of water. I handed it over the moment I walked back into the bedroom. Tex was dressed in sweats hanging low on his hips. “I’ll sleep on the couch,” Tex suggested.
“And cover it with your body oils?” My face scrunched up with disgust.
“My what?” Tex’s mouth tilted up in a smile. “But you sit on it.”
“It’s for lounging, not sleeping.” I waved my hand, unwilling to start the same old argument I had with Giancarlo whenever he stayed over. “You will sleep here next to me.”
“That’s….” Tex looked away from me. “Dangerous.”
I hummed as I pulled the comforter back. “And that turns you on?”
Tex’s head whipped around to stare at me. “It doesn—”
“Don’t lie, Tex.” I fixed him with a stare dragging my gaze down his body. A visible shiver wrecked his muscular frame. I smirked at him. “Don’t you have better self-control?”
“No,” Tex answered right away.
I knew the answer, but I hadn’t expected Tex to say it aloud. His eyes dimmed as he looked down.
“Never have,” he added.
I’d been looking into Tex. There were a few incidents when he was a teen hanging out with the wrong crowd, but he’d never gotten in trouble. Expelled three times but nothing past that. I’d wanted to know everything about him but that ran the risk of my obsession growing.
Not that it isn’t already running rampant.
“Get in bed, Tex,” I ordered.
He licked his lips, looking at me and then at the other side of the bed. His eyes were bloodshot, and no doubt he was exhausted. The sun was already breaking the horizon, but thanks to the blackout shades, the room stayed lit by artificial light only.
“What happened to Brycen Grennan?”
All the air in the room was sucked up, and I was left breathless as I stared at Tex. His lips were moving, but not a word reached my ears.
I was dragged back into the past.
“I’m sorry,” Brycen cried.
“Bullshit,” Benito shouted.
His eyes met mine, and I drew back my fists once more. His gray eyes pleaded for me to give him mercy. My heart was firmly lodged in my throat, and my stomach was at the bottom of my feet.
“I messed up.” Brycen’s eyes bore into mine.
What could I say? He hadn’t just messed up. He’d attempted to take my family away.
“Messed up is being called into the police and telling them a few things. Reporting it to Enzo right away would have worked in your favor. But that’s not what you did, was it?” Benito paced, his fists hung at his side.
My brother was always careful what he showed people outside our family, but his pain was visible. Tears slid down Brycen’s cheek, clearing a few spots of blood. I couldn’t find it in me to enjoy this. Inflicting pain on others was a moment of peace for me, and Brycen was robbing me of it along with my heart.
“Hey!” A sharp slap to the side of my face dragged me out of my memory. I blinked and met blue eyes as the gray ones faded to the farthest part of my memory.
“Shit, there you are,” Tex said, letting out a breath. His thumb stroked along my cheek and over my beard.
It was a comfort that not many would give me. My brothers were the only ones to ever do so. Even Brycen had been weary at times. Whenever I checked out, he stayed far away.
Tex, on the other hand, always moved closer. I reached out for him and pulled him down to the bed. He grunted as I rolled on top of him and smashed him against the mattress with my body.
“Hey, what the hell, Enzo?” He slapped his hand down against my side, but I didn’t move.
I pushed my face against his neck and breathed him in. It was calming in the way it quieted the noises around me and grounded me to the spot. Tex wiggled under me.
“Stay like this,” I said.
“Only if you talk.”
Was that a fair trade? Before my mind could make up the answer, my mouth was moving. “Brycen was someone important to me.”
Tex stiffened under me, but I kept going. He asked for the story; I’d give it. There was no phone or recording device on him. It was just the two of us in bed, alone.
“We met at a charity event; his date had left him behind. But that entire night, we kept finding ourselves talking. He was wild, cheerful, and—” Everything I am not.
I could feel Tex’s heartbeat. I closed my eyes, basking in it for a second before I continued.
“One thing led to another, and I took him back to the hotel.”
“The same one you took me to?” Tex asked.
“Yes.”
Tex stiffened under me. I got the sense I might have said something wrong. I tilted my head back, but he refused to look at me.
“Okay, you guys fucked, and then what?” His words were blunt and sharp at the same time.
“He stayed around. Taking up residence in the hotel suite. It soon turned into more. Brycen was what I wanted, and he was happy to hand himself over to me.”
Maybe that should have been a sign.
“We were together for a few months before I realized something was different about him. He always needed money and what I gave him was never enough. Things would go missing at the hotel, and when I asked him about it, he said his sister needed help.”
I took in a breath. “She did. She was in the hospital at the time, so I gave him enough money to pay the bills so he wouldn’t be stressed out anymore.”
Tex’s dark eyebrows scrunched together. “She’s swimming in medical debt.”
Should I be surprised that he’d done his homework? Tex was wildUnlike Brycen, there was intelligence in his blue eyes. There were similarities but so many differences. Maybe that’s why…..
“He wasn’t giving her any of the money. But I overlooked it all.” My stomach twisted as shame reared its ugly head.
Tex reached up and touched my shoulder. I normally hated being touched so much, especially when I was forced to go through my own emotions but Tex’s hand was like a warm blanket.
“After a few months of being together, he started disappearing at random times. I didn’t think much of it. I only visited the hotel once or twice a week.” Looking back on it, there were a lot of signs I should have noticed. “However, I slowed down on how much I was giving him. He was going to overdose if he kept it up. Brycen had sworn to me he was going to get help and slow down. But that never happened. Instead, he started meeting up with the cops.”
Tex stiffened under me one more. This time, I attempted to comfort him in the same way he’d done me. I had no idea if I was doing it right.
“He sold intel on my family, but with me keeping him at the hotel, he didn’t have nearly enough info to keep up with his drug habits. We nearly had New York locked down. All of sudden cops were busting businesses down, storming in on shipments. Things were going bad and fast.” I pressed my face against his neck and took in another deep breath. “We were in constant shootouts with the NYPD and other families.” We’d lost so much and couldn’t find out where it was coming from.
History is trying to repeat itself, but it isn’t Tex. I knew down to my soul that he wasn’t the reason for any of the shit happening. He wasn’t Brycen.
“I wasn’t the only Vitale he was seeing.”
“The fuck?” Tex shouted.
I cocked a brow at his visible anger. Is he mad at me?
“So not only was he a rat, he was a cheating piece of shit too?”
Laughter tumbled free, and I hid my face as I tried to gather myself. When was the last time I laughed with someone besides my brothers?
“Yes, but to be fair, we’d never said that we were together. I’d assumed him staying meant he was fine with being mine.”
“How did you find out it was him?” Tex asked.
Anger rolled through me, remembering all the blood and the pain. “He shot my brother.”
“What?” Tex attempted to sit up, but I forced him back down.
I never wanted to see Benito drained of color or sweating in pain another day in my life.
“Is he… is he alive?” Tex asked.
“You saw the picture.” I didn‘t have to ask him. It was written all over his face. “My brother gave it to me to remind me what happens when I no longer put family first.” It hadn’t been a reminder just for me but the both of us.
“That’s fucked up, but also…” Tex shrugged. “I don’t want to say nice, but it’s clear you guys have each other’s back.”
I nodded.
Tex fidgeted, and I could tell he had a pressing question. I waited for him to finally voice it.
“Did you love him?”
I pulled back and looked Tex in the eyes. My brows dipped as I thought about the question.
“Never mind.” He shook his head and avoided my gaze.
I placed all my weight on one hand, used the other to grip his chin, and turned his head so that he was facing me. “I can’t say that I did. Brycen met many of my needs. He was someone I wanted and even cherished at times.”
Tex stiffened under me again.
“But I could never tell him I loved him.”
Tex searched my face. He must have been found whatever he was looking for because he relaxed under me.
“You didn’t want to do it,” Tex asked.
“Kill Brycen?”
Tex’s face blanched as he stared up at me. His head jerked up and down.
“There is a lot in life we don’t want to do, but we have to.”
Tex bit down his bottom lip, abusing the flesh. I pulled it free and swiped my thumb over it, wanting nothing more than to give in and taste him.
I moved a little, staring into his eyes. “My turn.”
“Your turn?”
“What are you going to do?” I asked. “Now that you know.”
Tex squeezed his eyes shut, and I knew it was too much to ask of him right now. I moved forward and brushed our lips against one another before rolling off him. “Get some sleep. You have today off, so sleep as much as you can.”
“How…” Tex groaned. “Never mind.” He moved and got under the cover next to me.
I grabbed the remote and turned the lights off before hitting another button that closed the curtains. The room was blanketed in darkness. A few seconds ticked by as I stared up at the ceiling. I knew Tex wasn’t asleep yet. His breathing hadn’t evened out.
My stomach clenched. If he leaves this time, will I stop him?
Tex surprised me, moving closer until we were nearly touching. His heat called to me. It was like a moth to a flame. I knew this was bad, yet I didn’t want to pull away. He laid his head on my chest, and I instinctively wrapped my arms around him. He stiffened for a second before relaxing. Silence built between us, neither one of us falling asleep or moving.
Tex’s soothing voice broke the quiet. “Will I end up like Brycen?”
My arms tightened around him. I hope not.
