Fire burned my lungs as I turned another corner and then another. Shit, shit, shit! I hadn’t meant to wander into Blu, but my feet had taken me there as if I was on autopilot. I’d tried everything to get Enzo out of my head, but he was always there. I’d convinced myself just one glimpse of him would be enough, and then I would disappear, but he’d seen me too.
Enzo’s dark eyes on mine had made shivers run up and down my spine. One look, and I wanted nothing more than to climb into his bed and ride his cock until he smiled for me. At Blu, I was reminded that he never smiled all that much except for when he was with me.
My heart pounded as I leaned against an alley wall and sucked in a cigarette smoke-filled breath from someone nearby. The woman raised a brow at me, and I nodded. I’d probably scared the hell out of her. I closed my eyes and drew in another long, deep breath until my heart stopped racing out of my chest.
That’s it. I can’t go looking at him anymore.
My only job was to look into the Vitale family. No more little trips to stare at Enzo. No more driving by his place in the new beater car I’d picked up. And no more thinking about him as anything other than my enemy.
I pushed off of the wall, trudging down another set of alleys until I came out near my car. Sliding behind the wheel, I stared off into the distance. My life had been going so smoothly, but now it was a chaotic mess.
Not like it’s anyone’s fault but my own. I should have never gotten into bed with him.
The thought of never feeling his hands on my body or his mouth on mine was enough to send me into a full-blown depression. I opened my glove compartment and snatched the pack of cigarettes. Tapping one out, I shoved it into my mouth and lit up. I hadn’t smoked in years, but I’d turned into a chimney overnight.
I started up the car and drove straight to Chelsea’s. Penelope would be happy to see me, and I him. I needed some comfort.
“Yo,” Chelsea said as she opened the door. “Come on in.”
I stepped into her colorful apartment. “Where’s Pen?”
“Probably somewhere around here, peeing on something. He’s a revenge pisser,” she said as she clicked her tongue. “Pen, Papa’s here!” She turned to me, looking me up and down. “You smell like sweat and cigarettes. Where the hell have you been?”
“Out,” I mumbled.
“Where out?”
I frowned. “Don’t ask.”
Chelsea groaned. “You went to go see Enzo again, didn’t you?” She followed me as I walked through her place in search of Penelope. “Tex, if you keep popping up at Blu, it sends the wrong message. How can either of you move on like that?”
I clenched my jaw so hard it hurt. She wasn’t wrong, but I didn’t want to hear it either. A flash of orange shot past me, and I went after Penelope. I scooped him up into my arms.
“Hey, baby,” I cooed. “Why are you running away?”
Penelope yowled and shoved away from me. I put him down. As soon as he was on his feet, he ran away, disappearing into Chelsea’s bedroom. I stared after him as my face fell. If I was depressed before, it was worse now.
“That cat holds a grudge,” Chels muttered. “Just like his Papa.”
“I do not.” I sighed, wanting to chase Penelope down but knowing that wasn’t the answer. “Got any food?”
“Shower first,” she directed. “I can’t take another three breaths full of you right now.”
I lifted my shirt and sniffed. “Fair enough.”
My shower was quick, mostly because whenever I spent time alone, I thought about Enzo. I quickly stepped out, drying my hair still as I walked back into the kitchen. Chelsea popped two plates on the table, teeming with overstuffed tacos.
“Where have you been staying?” she asked once we both sat down.
I bit into a taco and shrugged. “Around,” I said. “Couch surfing mostly. If I stay in any one place too long…”
“Enzo will find you.”
“Exactly,” I said, trying not to show how I jolted when she said his name so casually. “So far, so good.”
“You can’t keep living like this.” She frowned. “It can’t be healthy for you.”
I shrugged again. “The case is progressing. Sooner or later, he’ll be behind bars, and I can live my life again.”
“Even when he’s locked up, you think this is going to stop? Tex, he’s the kind of man who won’t live this down. Once you send him away, he might kill you. Guys like him don’t care.”
“He’s not that bad.” The words slipped free before I could stop myself. Why am I defending him? I cleared my throat. “He wouldn’t kill me.”
“No?” She raised a brow. “Are you sure?”
I opened my mouth. Images of Enzo fucking me for dear life in his guest room came back to me. That look on his face had held something dangerous, something… powerful. As much as the crazy in him turned me on, I was now on the outside looking in. If that insanity was trained on me, Chelsea was right; no matter how much I didn’t want to admit it, I could end up dead.
“Did you find anything on his hard drive?” I asked, trying to change the subject back to something cold and clinical. The investigation.
“Some stuff, nothing too important. He’s very thorough, but it’s nothing about his job, at least not on the surface. I’m sure he’s encoded some stuff deeper, and I’ll find it. He’s smart.” She nodded. “Give me a little more time? What are you going to do with the information once I find it? It’s not like you can give it to your boss. You got it by breaking into his place.”
“I know,” I nodded, grateful that she’d stopped using his name. “It won’t be admissible in court, but it might lead me to something that is. Everyone’s counting on me now. I have to succeed.”
Chelsea’s frown worsened. “Seems like you’re trying to make everyone else happy. But what about you?”
I blinked at Chelsea. “Being a detective will make me happy.”
“Are you sure?”
“Jesus, Chels. Please get off my back.”
She threw up her hands. “I’m just asking you to look at things, that’s all.” Penelope meowed, interrupting our argument and the tension that had started to grow. “Yeah, your Papa’s here, being an ass.”
I scooped Pen up into my arms, and he was over his hissy fit. “Don’t listen to her. She’s crazy.”
Chelsea threw shredded lettuce at my face. “Shut up, or I’ll kick you out.”
“You hear that? She’ll put us on the streets, Pen.”
“Not him,” she said. “Just you.”
I scoffed. “What a dick.”
Chelsea smiled, and I returned the expression. No matter how hard life was, I needed to remind myself that I gave a damn about her. It wasn’t her fault my life was a cosmic shit show.
I searched under the mat for the key I knew was under there somewhere. Rourke kept my uniform at his place, which was a good thing. I couldn’t let my bosses know I was slumming it. They would think I couldn’t handle my shit. I mean, I couldn’t, but I had to pretend I could.
“Found you.”
I snagged the key and shoved it into the door. Quietly, I shut it behind me. Rourke and I had to work together anyway, but if he was still asleep, I didn’t want to wake him up. I made my way down the hall and paused as I heard a voice.
Guess he’s already awake.
I balled up my fist, ready to knock on his door, but paused. Whoever he was talking to, I couldn’t hear them. He was on the phone.
“No, tonight isn’t good. I need to take care of shit.” Silence. “Get off my ass!” Rourke snapped. “I know what the fuck I need to do. You do your goddamn job, and I’ll do mine! Fucker.”
I jumped at Rourke’s yelling. Since when had he ever lost his temper like that? He’d been getting on my ass since we met, but that was just him. This? It was something different.
I thought better of knocking on Rourke’s door. If he was having a bad morning, I wanted to stay on the other side of that shit. Turning on my heels, I went to the hall closet and retrieved my uniform.
“Caster?”
“Yeah, it’s me,” I called back. I pulled out my uniform, stepped back and found Rourke standing in the hallway. “What’s up?”
“When did you get here?”
I shrugged. “Just now,” I lied. “Need my uniform for work. You almost ready?”
He peered at me closely before he nodded. “I will be in ten.”
“Me too. Let’s pick up food on the way to the precinct. I can’t be late again.”
“Fine. Let’s get moving.”
I paused. “Are you okay, Rourke?”
He turned back toward me. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t know. Lately, you seem a little off, that’s all. I was wondering if you’re okay.”
His eyes narrowed. For a brief moment, I felt ice trickle through my veins before the look on his face dissipated and the fear I felt went right along with it. What the hell was that?
“I’m good, kid,” he said before nodding toward me. “Are you coming or not?”
“Yeah,” I said, still trying to shake of unease that crept down my spine. “Yeah, I’m coming. Sarge wants us to go over the files before the chief gets in and needs to be caught up.”
“Then let’s do it,” Rourke said, disappearing into his room.
“Yeah.”
I stared after him for what felt like ages. What’s his problem? Is he acting like this because I’m staying here more often? Or because he knows I fucked Enzo?
Rourke had never been all that short with me. Straightforward and a pain in my ass, sure. Short and snappy? No. Something was going on with him.
I stepped into the bathroom and closed the door. Whatever’s going on with him, it’s not my business. But partners are supposed to tell each other everything.
Both sides of me warred, trying to figure out the best way to deal with this. In the end, I put on my uniform and swallowed it all down. Rourke would talk to me eventually. The last thing he needed was me pushing him into a conversation he wasn’t ready to have. The same way he respected my privacy, I needed to respect his.
“Ready?” Rourke asked when I walked into the living room, his bad mood gone.
“Yeah.”
He nodded, looking me over before he smiled. “Sorry, I’m in such a shit mood. It’ll pass.”
“I’m sure it will. We’ve all been there.”
“Exactly,” he said, gathering his keys from the coffee table. “You get it.”
“I do,” I said, laughing awkwardly. “I need coffee.”
“Me too!” He grinned. “I’d rather not snap at work and get fired.”
Just like that, we brushed past the situation, but it sat in my gut like a stone. I sucked it up and prepared myself for the day ahead. The chief and Sergeant White were waiting for answers. I needed to give it to them.
Life was so much simpler a few weeks ago.
