squeamish,’ Phoenix says as he sets the deer on the table, a playful grin on his face.
There are lots of windows in here and tons of natural light, but he also turns on the overhead light.
‘No, I did some volunteer work in the emergency room. At one point, I wanted to be a doctor. I saw some pretty horrible things there.’
‘What changed your mind about being a doctor?’ he asks as he starts pulling out different tools.
‘It’s a lot of money to go to medical school, and the more money I borrowed from my parents, the more control they had over me. I was at a friend’s house one day, and her dad did photography as a hobby. He started teaching me, and I fell in love with it.’
I don’t tell Phoenix how upset my dad was when I told him I didn’t want to be a doctor anymore. After that, my dad decided my only use was in marrying me off. But Phoenix doesn’t need to worry about how horrible my parents were. Are.
I spend the next several hours watching in fascination as he skins and butchers the deer. He’s very patient with me as I ask questions, and explains why he does certain things. He always saves the hide and uses it to make blankets or on his furniture. Every possible part of the deer is put to good use.
Phoenix shows me how he wraps the meat ready to store in his freezer for the winter. I love watching him through the lens of my camera. He’s confident with his knife skills, and it’s obvious he’s in his element. I’m not going to lie, it’s sexy as hell.
He keeps looking over at me every so often, like he’s expecting me to faint from the sight of blood. But it doesn’t bother me, even if I did cringe when he pulled out the deer’s guts earlier. I have no clue what I’m doing, but he lets me help where I can.
‘Where did you learn all this?’ I ask, thinking maybe he was taught by a family member like his dad.
‘Well, I watched a lot of videos online. If I need to learn how to do something new, I find a YouTube video or something. Bennett has taught me so much, like how to carry the deer and the best ways to process it. I learned quite a lot about hunting from him, particularly hunting in this area. He’s an amazingly skilled tracker.’
I want to ask about his family because I’m curious, but then I’d have to be open to him asking about mine, and that’s the absolute last thing I want to talk about right now.
As Phoenix works in silence and while his attention is on the deer, I focus my attention on him. His arms are big, muscular, and strong, but he’s gentle as he handles the deer. The way he was able to get the hide off all in one piece was impressive.
He’s very patient, especially with me as I ask so many questions. He’s a little bit awkward from spending so much time out here away from people, but it’s a quality I like about him. It’s refreshing that he’s honest and real, not a fake version of himself.
He’s different from the guys I grew up with, and fortunately, very different from my ex. Where Chad wore a suit to work every day, Phoenix has no problem wearing worn, ripped jeans, and a T-shirt. With his muscular build, he looks so much better in it than Chad ever did in a suit.
Chad paid a hundred dollars for the perfect haircut and spent more than me on hair products to make sure not a hair was out of place. He would shave every morning and was meticulous about his appearance.
Phoenix is a direct contrast to Chad. His hair is a little longer as if he’s gone a while between haircuts. It has a slight curl at the edges. Phoenix will go days without shaving and he looks hot as hell, but I’ve seen him shave his face too, and no matter which way he goes, he pulls it off.
Spending sixty to eighty hours a week in an office meant Chad’s skin was paler than mine. Phoenix’s skin is tan from his hours spent outside, and the rough calluses on his hands felt amazing on my body the other day.
Taking a deep breath, I change my train of thought. Just thinking of our skinny dipping adventure has me turned on, and I’m craving Phoenix’s hands on me again.
‘I just have to put it in the freezer. Would you like to stay for dinner? I was thinking of grilling a couple of these venison steaks. There’s nothing like fresh venison on the day it’s caught.’ Phoenix has a huge smile on his face, and he looks like a kid in a candy store.
‘I’d love to stay if you’re sure it’s not a problem.’
‘Come on, help me get this meat into the freezer and I’ll get dinner going.’
As we step into his cabin, it’s not at all what I was expecting. I knew he had electricity based on what I’d seen in his workshop and the solar panels on the roof. But the interior of the cabin looks like it could be in town and not miss a single amenity.
We walk in the side door, which takes us directly into the kitchen. The kitchen is U-shaped and looks out over the living room and dining area. The logs Phoenix used to build the cabin form the walls, and he’s mixed in stone as a splashback and along the kitchen island.
‘Go ahead and have a look around. I’ll go get the last of the meat,’ he says on his way outside.
Stepping into the living room, I see the fireplace, which is a showstopper with its rustic stone surround. On the far wall overlooking the rear of the cabin are floor-to-ceiling windows that showcase the amazing view of the mountains.
The large U-shaped couch looks like the most comfortable place in the world, filled with pillows and blankets. Depending on where you sit, you’ll have a great view of the fireplace or a fabulous view out the window.
Following the hallway down the side of the house, the first room I come across is a library that also looks out over the rear of the cabin with more mountain views. The walls to my left and right are nothing but shelves filled with books. In the center is another couch that looks just as comfortable with pillows and blankets.
On the coffee table sits the book I assume Phoenix is currently reading. Typical guy, into action and James Bond stories. I walk around to one of the walls of shelves and start looking over the titles. Everything from classic Jane Austen to the complete James Bond collection, poetry, and anything that you could imagine on local animals and plant life.
‘I see you found one of my favorite rooms in the cabin.’
I look up to find Phoenix leaning against the door frame watching me. ‘How many of these books have you read?’
‘On that wall? All of them. And on the other wall, just the ones on the top two shelves.’
My jaw drops because that’s easily several hundred books.
‘Let me show you my favorite place in the entire cabin.’ He holds his hand out toward me.
I take it, following him further down the hall into what I’m sure is his bedroom. When we step into a bathroom, I gasp because this is instantly my favorite place in the house, too.
More floor to ceiling windows look out over the same breathtaking mountain view as the living room and the library. Right in front of the windows is the most beautiful, oversized clawfoot tub I’ve ever seen. It’s positioned so you can gaze out over the vista while you soak. Like the rest of the house, the bathroom is decorated in wood and stone and it’s the most relaxing place I can ever remember being in.
‘When I was building the cabin, I knew I’d want someplace to soak when my muscles were sore after a hard day of work. I considered a hot tub, but that’s a lot of upkeep, and I thought maybe…” He trails off and a blush covers his cheeks.
It’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen. ‘Maybe what?’
‘I thought maybe someday my future wife would prefer a clawfoot tub to a hot tub.” He shrugs his shoulders like it’s not a huge deal.
‘Well, as a woman who loves a nice bath, I can tell you that you one hundred percent made the right choice.’
That causes him to smile, and he seems to relax.
I follow him out as he starts dinner, taking the opportunity to look around the living room some more.
Several photos sit on the fireplace mantle. There’s one of Phoenix taken at the shop in the town with Axel, Cash, Bennett, and Jack.
There’s another of him standing in front of a partially built cabin. But the one that catches my eye is the one in the middle. It’s of him and, I assume, his parents. He can’t be more than a teenager in this photo, and he looks nothing like the mountain man he is today.
They’re dressed up for some event. He’s in smart pants and a button-down shirt. His father is wearing a sports coat, and his mother is in a fancy dress with her makeup and hair done up. It’s easy to see Phoenix’s resemblance to his mom and dad.
‘Those are my parents,’ he says as he steps into the living room and sees the photo that I’m holding.
‘Do you still talk to them?’
‘No, they passed away in a car accident. They were caught in a storm on the way to my eighteenth birthday.’
I gasp. ‘Phoenix, that’s horrible! I’m so sorry. Is that when you moved out here?’
He nods, hesitating for a moment like he’s trying to decide how much to tell me. ‘Not only was I an awkward kid, but I was also an only child. I didn’t have any friends. When they died, I inherited my dad’s company, the one I was set to take over, but had no interest in running. It sold for more money than a kid at eighteen should ever have at his disposal. I used the money to buy two hundred and fifty acres out here and built the cabin. I’ve been here ever since. This life suits me. Even if my parents hadn’t died, I would’ve ended up out here.’
I don’t hear much more of what Phoenix says. All I can think about are the smaller details in the photo–the designer dress, the expensive watch and lavish jewelry.
Phoenix is from the world I’ve been trying so hard to escape. He’s from a world where money is used to control people, where no one cares about your feelings, just what you can do for them.
Even though I know in my heart Phoenix is different, I have to separate myself from that life and any connection to it if I’m going to have a chance at being on my own–truly, completely on my own.
As painful as it might be, that means I have to separate myself from Phoenix.
