closed door in shock. What the hell just happened? Not twenty minutes ago, Phoenix was telling me to pack more clothes and was happy to go as slow as I wanted. Now, he’s telling me to go home to the parents he knows I was running away from.
I don’t know how long I stand there and stare at the door, but I only move to sit on the couch when my legs start to hurt. That’s when the tears start, and I can’t get them to stop.
Getting up, I try to find something to eat, but the thought of taking a single bite has my stomach rolling. Instead, I go take a shower and get ready for bed, hoping the water will soothe me. But in the end all it does is remind me of taking a shower with Phoenix, and that starts the tears all over again.
My mind tries to digest everything that happened. I’ve been focusing on him leaving and pushing me away, but now the focus is on the money.
He paid Chad back even after I said I wasn’t going to do so. After everything, he gave Chad the money.
Why would he do that?
The words I said to him come back to me. I was hurt and was trying to wound him but, in reality, I do feel like it’s the truth. Or, at least, some obscure version of the truth.
Before the sun sets, I lay down in bed and I cry myself to sleep.
When I wake the next morning, I have a headache, and I don’t want to get out of bed. My eyes are red and puffy, but for the first time since Phoenix walked out the door, I’m hungry.
Grabbing some cereal without milk, since it’s expired, I sit down to eat dry crunchy cereal and think about what the hell I’m going to do next.
The more I think about what Phoenix said yesterday, the more I wonder if he’s right. I’m lucky enough to still have both my parents. Maybe I felt trapped in the marriage with Chad, and things weren’t as bad as I remember.
Now Chad is marrying someone else, maybe things will be better. By the time I finish the bowl of cereal, I’ve talked myself into going home for a visit to get my head on straight. I need to figure out how to get my stuff I left at Phoenix’s without having to face him.
As if the universe is reading my mind, there’s a knock on the door. I freeze, not wanting to move an inch.
‘Jenna, it’s Emelie!” she calls through the door.
I rush to open it and let her in.
‘Phoenix told me you had a fight and asked me to bring you the stuff you left at his place.’
‘A fight is an understatement,’ I sigh.
‘Want to talk about it?’ she asks.
‘Yeah, I think I could use another opinion.’
Emelie looks over her shoulder, and Axel shuts off his truck before making his way into the house. We sit on the couch, me on one end, Axel on the other with Emelie on his lap. Just seeing how much he loves her has tears filling my eyes again despite thinking I didn’t have any more in me.
I tell them what happened yesterday. From how Phoenix and I were in a good place, my parents showing up, Phoenix leaving, right up to my thoughts this morning.
Emelie and Axel look at each other before Emelie starts talking.
‘Neither of us has our parents in our lives anymore, so I understand his perspective, but I don’t think your view was clouded. Just because you have parents doesn’t mean you have good parents. Bad parents can be worse than no parents at all because that relationship can be toxic, but you feel like you can’t leave them.’
‘Phoenix sees this life he wants you to be a part of but you come from society and want to give it all up for harsh winters in his cabin. He’s doubting it,” Axel says. “With Emelie, I doubted it all the time until she showed me that first winter she could handle it.’
‘Of course, by then we were married,” Emelie adds. “And I wasn’t leaving no matter what.’ They smile at each other before Emelie turns back to me. ‘Phoenix wants to make sure you have no doubts. I can tell you that man is head over heels for you. He looks at you the way Axel looks at me. That said, if you go back to him, make sure it’s for good. Now’s the time to get rid of any doubt because if you go back and change your mind later, it will crush him.’
‘If he even wants me back.’
‘He wants you back. He wanted you back before he even pulled out of your driveway,’ Axel says.
It makes me wonder what Phoenix said to them.
‘Well, I’m going to go home and visit my parents. I doubt they’ve changed, but I need to know for sure. Plus, it would be good to show my face now that everything has calmed down.’ I tell them my plans, so at least someone knows where I am.
Driving into Denver doesn’t give me those coming home vibes you see on that popular movie channel. I’m not excited to see old friends. In fact, I’m dreading it. I’m not smiling about fond childhood memories as I drive down the street I grew up on. I’m just tired and anxious.
This morning, I called my mom, telling her was coming for a visit, and asked to stay in the pool house. She said she’d have it ready for me. Even though I stressed this was a visit, she started making all sorts of plans, including going to the Children’s Hospital charity gala in a few days.
I didn’t get a chance to say no, and by the time I hung up, I figured maybe it would be a good way to show my face. Who knows, things might be different now?
When I pass through the gate, I don’t stop at the main house, going straight to the back and parking by the pool house. I’m carrying my bags into the house when the man who I presume is my parent’s newest butler arrives to help me. He leaves the moment my bags are in the pool house, and I sit down to look around. The place hasn’t changed much since I was in high school when I’d sneak out here to get a break from my parents.
My peace and quiet is broken when my mom walks in without knocking. ‘Why didn’t you stop at the main house, dear? We’ve been waiting for you.’
‘Because I wanted to get my stuff out of the car and stretch a bit.’
My mother looks at me because my tone is short and clipped–nothing like the daughter who used to try so hard to please them.
Get used to it, Mom. This is the new improved me.
She goes on to talk about who’s doing what, and who’s engaged as if I care about any of these people. To be honest, I couldn’t pick half these people out of a lineup. When I stand and begin to unpack, she follows me and keeps talking.
‘So, the day after tomorrow, I have a spa day planned for us before the gala. You need your hair cut, and you’re in desperate need of a facial, so we’ll get that all taken care of. Also, I’m having several dresses delivered for you to choose from to wear at the gala. I’ll have the rest sent back.’
‘Okay, Mom. I’m going for a swim. I’ve been in the car for the last two days, and would love to stretch my legs.’ Desperate to get away from her, I make up an excuse.
‘Of course. Make sure you aren’t late for dinner. Your father is leaving the office early to have dinner with you.’
‘I’ll be there,’ I say, managing to keep my groan to myself. The last thing I want is to dress up for a formal dinner, but that’s all my parents know how to do. Formal dinners, dressed up, hair and makeup done.
Over the next few days, it’s like I never left. My mom packs my schedule and has me up early and out late. She doesn’t leave my side or allow me any free time. We’re so busy, and she wants to fill me in on everything I need to know for our next event.
At night, all I can think about is Phoenix. I dream of our days together, about what winter with him would be like.
The night before the gala, I wake up in a cold sweat. One thing is crystal clear.I hate everything about this life.
