I lie here, listening to the sound of my own heart beating. Shadows dance across the ceiling, chasing one another. It makes me think of Ace. Of the way he tried to take control today, to get me to relent.
He doesn’t get it.
He doesn’t understand how deep his betrayal hurt me.
How can he?
Ace has never let anyone close enough to hurt him.
There’s a creak out in the hall. It can’t be Mom, she’s out of town at a business meeting with James. She’d wanted to cancel, but I insisted she went. I couldn’t deal with any more of her fussing.
My eyes go to the window. I’d locked it right before I climbed into bed. The last thing I wanted was Ace showing up.
What if it’s him? I shake the thought from my head. Ace is a lot of things, but he isn’t stupid enough to break into my house.
Oh, who am I kidding? I throw the sheet back and quietly tiptoe out of bed. Everything seems quiet. My heart races as I press my ear to the door, trying to hear anything.
Or anyone.
I’m about to retreat to bed when the door handle rattles. Before he has a chance, I yank it open. “Why am I not surprised?” I grind out.
Guilt softens Ace’s expression. “Desperate times call for desperate measures, Princess.” He places his arm against the jamb, leaning down to look at me. “You really should keep your back door locked.”
I feel stripped bare under this piercing gaze. “This isn’t healthy.” I shake my head, taking a step back.
If I’m going to keep a clear head around Ace, I need space.
I need for him not to be looking at me with that puppy dog expression.
“I needed to see you.”
“What about what I need, huh? Have you ever stopped to think about that?”
“You and me, Remi, we’re inevitable.”
“Inevitable?” I scoff, hating the way his words affect me. Hating the way they unravel some of the steely determination inside me. “Is that what we’re calling it? You filmed us having sex. A sex tape, Ace. What part of that isn’t computing for you? The only inevitable thing about us is that I should have known you would break my heart.” Turning away from him, I force myself to swallow the building tears. But it’s so damn hard.
His big, tattooed arms slide around my waist, folding over my arms and hugging me tight. “I’m sorry, and if I could take it all back, I would. In a heartbeat. But I can’t lose you, Remi. You’re the first good thing in my life, and I’ll do whatever it takes to earn back your trust.”
“Anything?” I tilt my head to look up at him. He leans in, his lips hovering precariously close to mine.
“Why do I get the impression you’re after more than just make up sex?”
I jab him in the ribs and he falls back, grunting in pain. “Too soon?” he stutters.
I spin around, cutting him with a dark look. “That will never be a joke to me.” Tears sting my eyes.
“Shit, baby, I was joking.”
“Well, don’t. I trusted you with…” The words get stuck in my throat and Ace rushes over to me, wrapping me in his arms again.
“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. And you’re right, the way I feel about you isn’t healthy. At first, you just got under my skin. I kept telling myself it would be a bit of fun, but as time went on, you buried yourself deeper until you finally reached my black fucking soul.”
It’s the most real thing Ace has ever said to me.
I crave his words like I crave his touch.
I’m not sure I’ll ever stop.
Because he’s not the only one with unhealthy feelings here.
“You make me so fucking insane,” I admit, clutching his black sleeveless hoodie between my fingers.
Ace lowers his head to touch mine. “The feeling is entirely mutual. Can we fool around now? I’ve missed you.” He grins, but there’s no missing the sadness in his eyes. “I’ve missed you so fucking much.” Ace’s voice cracks with emotion, but I can’t just roll over. I won’t.
I need answers first.
I need to know the truth.
I slide my hands up his chest, batting my eyelids. “If we’re going to do this again, and I mean it Ace…” I lick my lips, power coursing through my veins as his eyes drop to my mouth. “You have to go at my speed… and I need to know everything. Every single fucking thing.”
“Princess…” His expression hardens.
Releasing an exasperated breath, I shove Ace and he stumbles back into the hall. “What the—”
The door slams shut on him, and I drop my forehead to the wood, my chest heaving.
“Princess, open the fucking door.”
“No, Ace. Nothing’s changed. You still won’t let me in, and I can’t do this again. I won’t.”
No matter how much it kills me.
“It’s not that simple,” he says, his voice dropping an octave. “I’ve never had to let anyone in before…”
Try, I want to roar. Try for me.
But I need Ace to arrive at the decision by himself. Because he wants to change. Not because I tell him to.
“You should go,” I add when he doesn’t say more.
“If you think I’m going to walk out of here without…” Ace trails off, and I hear his hand slam against the wall.
“Without what?” I shout, growing irritated by his games.
“Just open the goddamn door, Princess.”
“Why?” I yank it open, glaring at him. “Why can’t you just do as I ask, for once?”
“Because I fucking need you, okay?” His chest heaves as he steps into my space. “I need you more than I have ever needed anything else.”
“It’s a start…” I arch a brow, his words burying deep inside me.
“Fuck, Remi. You’re really going to make me do this? Here? Now?”
I give him a half-shrug, crossing my arms over my chest. “It’s your call.”
He releases a long breath, dragging a hand over his face. “Yeah, okay.”
“No more secrets, Ace. No more lies.” One of my hands rests against his cheek. My anger is already dissipating. I feel it melting away, giving way to regret and frustration.
I want to hate him, I do. But how do you hate something woven into the very fiber of your soul?
It’s like hating blood or water or air. You can hate them but, in the end, you’re going to overlook your feelings because they’re a part of you. Vital for your survival.
“First, you have to tell me what the hell is going on between you and James.”
He inhales a deep breath. “I do this, and there’s no going back, Princess. I’m never going to let you go again.”
“Technically, you didn’t let me go the first time. You—”
“Fuck, I want to kiss that smart ass right out of you.” He leans down as if everything is fixed.
“Nuh-uh.” I press a single finger to his lips. “You have some explaining to do, then we can talk about the rest.”
He groans, dropping his head to my shoulder. A smile plays on my lips. Something is shifting between us. Ace always held the power, and I was fine with that.
In some ways, I needed it.
But I hold the cards now.
Ace is at my mercy.
And I want to toy with him a little longer.
Moving around him, I close the door. His eyes track my every move. It’s the predator within him. “You can take the chair,” I say as I climb onto the bed.
“No fucking way,” he grumbles.
“The door’s right there. If you have a problem with my rules, be my guest…”
“Fine, I’ll sit.” He rolls the chair right to the edge of the bed, his smile a little too smug.
“It’s hot in here,” I breathe, sliding my hands to my thin hoodie. “Don’t you think it’s a little hot in here?” Pulling it off my head, I ball it up and throw it at him.
“I know what you’re doing,” he says, rubbing his jaw.
“Who, me?” I stretch out on top of the sheets, letting my boy shorts rise up my thighs. Ace catches one of my ankles and pulls me sharply so that my foot is in his lap and begins massaging my toes. I smother a moan. It feels so incredible, but I won’t give him the satisfaction.
Not yet, at least.
I shift the pillows until I’m lying diagonally across my bed.
“Comfortable over there?” Ace asks. He seems so different. So playful and, dare I say it, happy.
“Is this real?” The words spill out, and his brows crinkle. “Or it is just another game?”
“You think…” He swallows. “Shit, Remi, it’s real, baby. I swear to you, everything I’ve said, everything I’ll keep saying, it’s all true.” His hand stills as his eyes lock on mine, holding me captive. “Hurting you is the biggest regret of my life, and I’ve done a lot of really messed-up shit, Princess.”
“Have you ever killed anyone?”
The blood drains from his face. “When you said you wanted no secrets between us, I didn’t think…”
“Ace.” My brow furrows.
“Fine. But you have to promise not to run out on me when I’m done?” A dark cloud descends over him and I half-regret asking the question.
I know he’s dangerous, and I know he works for some dangerous people, but there’s still so much I don’t know about him.
Too much.
“I promise not to run if you promise to tell me the whole truth and nothing but the truth.”
He lets out a harsh breath. “Cruz was right about you,” he mumbles.
“Oh yeah, and what did Cruz say?”
“Later.” He brushes it off. “You’ve probably figured out by now that Donny Lopez isn’t a good guy.” I nod. “Well, he doesn’t let just anyone work for him. There’s an initiation process.”
My blood turns cold. “You had to k-kill someone?”
“I had to fight someone, one of Donny’s guys. This older kid I knew from my trailer park. Real piece of shit. He came at me like a bull out of a gate. I’ll never forget the feel of his brass knuckles crunching against my ribs. Fuck, that shit hurts. But I was light on my feet and quicker than he was. I don’t know how, but I managed to turn the tables. We were both a fucking mess, blood everywhere, broken bones… but I was the last man standing. I thought I’d won.”
“What happened?”
“Donny shoved a gun in my hand and told me to finish it.”
My eyes almost bug out of my head as I imagine a young Ace being forced to make a decision like that. I want him to tell me he didn’t do it, that there’s some kind of happy ending to this story. But I know the answer.
It’s written all over his rugged face.
“I was almost fourteen, and we were all out of food. Conner was starving and Cole was always sick. I had no choice… we needed the money. So I pointed at his broken, bloody body and pulled the trigger.”
His words are like a gunshot to my heart. “Oh my God,” I breathe, fighting the tears that flow down my cheeks.
“It was a test.” Ace runs a hand down his face. “It wasn’t loaded. I passed the test and lost a piece of my soul that night.”
I scramble off the bed and crawl onto his lap. He slides his arms around my waist, burying his face into the crook of my neck. “I didn’t kill him, but I may as well have.”
Ace cups the back of my neck as he looks at me. “After that, I lost count of the number of times I might have killed someone. When you run for Donny, you quickly learn to defend yourself. I’ve never shot anyone point-blank, but I’ve put a few bullets through guys. Same with my knife. When it’s them or you… you do what you gotta do.”
I inhale a shuddering breath. “I knew it was bad, but I didn’t realize…”
“Still not going to run, Princess?”
“That depends on your answer to my next question. Why do you hate James so much?”
A wall slams down over his expression, but I grip his jaw, ghosting my lips over his. I’m not playing fair, but then Ace has never had a problem playing dirty, either.
“When I was eight, my dad died. At least, that’s what she told us. I never saw the body. One day he was there, and the next he wasn’t. We didn’t have a burial. Mom said we couldn’t afford it. So we went down to the park and stood in front of our favorite tree and said a few words. I was so fucking angry at the world for taking him. I mean, he was my dad.
“I was surprised when Uncle James showed up a few days later. He’d never been around much when we were kids. He and Dad shared a lot of bad blood, and it was no secret my dad was the black sheep of the family. I can’t remember much, but I remember him bringing this sack of shiny new toys. Cole and Conner were so excited, but I didn’t want his crap. I wanted my dad back.”
Ace’s body trembles and I hold him closer, letting my fingers trail up and down his arm. “They argued. I can’t remember what about, but Mom was crying and told him to go. We never saw him again after that. Mom tried to keep it together, but things went to shit pretty quickly. She was drinking more, snorting fuck knows what to get high, and then when she ran out of liquor and drugs, she’d invite guys over and turn tricks for her next hit.
“I had so much anger and hatred burning inside me. I hated my dad for leaving us. Mom for not doing right by us. And I hated Uncle James for discarding us like we were nothing but trash.”
“What happened then?” I ask when he goes quiet. He’s lost in his thoughts. “Ace, come back to me,” I whisper.
He blinks, startled. “By the time I was fourteen, I knew something had to change. We couldn’t rely on Mom for shit, and I wasn’t a scrawny kid anymore. So I asked Donny for a job. And things were okay. I mean, we weren’t living the high life or anything, but I kept food on the table and had enough to buy Cole and Conner supplies for school. I made sure they did their homework and didn’t act like little punks.”
“You’re a good brother, Ace.” I’ve told him before, but he should hear it more often. The sacrifices he made, although heart-wrenching, are a testament to his character. To how deeply he cares for his brothers.
“Yeah, well, it all went to shit.” He lets out a heavy sigh. “Right before we moved here, before Mom…” He chokes over her name. “I saw a ghost.”
Confusion pinches my brows, and he gives me a sad smile. “My whole life has been a fucking lie.”
“What do you mean?” He isn’t making any sense.
“Charlie Jagger isn’t dead.”
“Charlie? That’s your dad’s name?” He nods. “But how can he not be dead?”
“That’s the first fucking thing I thought when I saw him standing there. I recognized him straight away. Same eyes, same slightly crooked nose.”
“You saw him?” I sound like a parrot, but nothing adds up. Instead of getting answers, I feel like the puzzle is becoming more and more complicated.
“Yeah, I fucking saw him,” he hisses. “And I found out what a real piece of work Charlie Jagger is. Turns out he didn’t die… my uncle paid to have him killed.”
The air whooshes from my lungs as I gasp. “No.”
“Yes, he made sure it was his parting words after he stole the money I’d been saving. But that’s not all.” Pain glitters in Ace’s eyes, so intense I feel it rolling off of him. “He said he was never my dad to begin with.”
