I know why she wants me to tell her, I understand all of the reasons, I just don’t fucking want to. This gorgeous woman sits in front of me, and I’m supposed to tell her that I can’t fuck her right? How goddamn embarrassing.
She looks so fucking put together, and I guess it makes sense considering she’s at work right now, but god, I was blown away from the second she sat next to me. Her glossy brown hair is styled and sleek, making me want to grab it in my hands. Her eyes are deep like coffee and keep boring into my fucking soul. She sits next to me in a small strappy black dress that hugs her body in a way that causes me physical pain. There is something about her presence next to me that is almost calming and it’s throwing me off.
She has this energy that is addicting. She knows nothing about me, and yet every step of the way she has waited for me to be ready. It sounds so stupid when I think about it, but I haven’t felt rushed this entire time. She has been understanding and patient and maybe she does this with everyone, but it feels so good to be understood.
That is the main reason I decided to say fuck it and just tell her what is going on.
“I don’t know how to fuck,” I say finally, avoiding eye contact. I wish I was bold enough to look at her while these words fall off my tongue, but I’m not. I feel shameful and awful about having to even admit this, and I don’t want her eyes to switch to pity when she realizes what a sad excuse for a man I am.
She is quiet, making me wonder what she’s thinking. I sit there for a few more seconds, avoiding eye contact, before the curiosity wins out and I glance up at her, wanting answers about how she is feeling now that she knows my worst secret.
“Anything else?” she finally replies when I meet her eye. She looks completely unaffected and it strikes me as weird. I expected a lot of things, disgust, anger, shame, but never this complete lack of reaction.
“Did you hear what I said?” I ask, completely unsure now. Maybe I said it too quietly and she is going to ask me to speak up. Maybe she has awful hearing or something and didn’t catch what I said?
For some reason, the idea that she heard what I said, and just doesn’t find it to be a big deal, is completely unreasonable to me. There is no way she is okay with this information. There is no way that this information doesn’t completely shock and disgust her. I have built this up so tall in my head, and the idea that it has been just that, all in my head, is completely unrealistic to me.
“I did,” she says back, nodding quickly. She studies my face, watching me, making me nervous. “I’m going to be honest with you, most men don’t know how to fuck,” she states simply, easing some of my anxiety. “You are ahead of the game if you know about it. Most men don’t give a shit,” she says honestly with a light smile on her face, and suddenly I believe her.
My anxiety is comforted instantly. I was so worried that she was going to make fun of me or not understand what has been happening, but the fact that she wasn’t even phased by my confession is such a godsend right now, I can’t even believe it.
“I’ve known for a while, and I’ve tried to figure it out, I just… haven’t known where to start,” I reply, trying to explain why I’m here and finally feeling comfortable to bring it up with someone other than Jeremy. I stare into her honey brown eyes, feeling safe for the first time since I realized I don’t know what I’m doing.
“So you hire a professional, that makes total sense,” she says understandingly while scooting closer to me, forcing me to become aware of her. I don’t know what the next steps of this are, but I can’t wait to be alone with her. To feel her skin on my lips and to taste it with my tongue. My cock starts to swell at that thought alone, and I try to push the intrusive thoughts away, but they keep coming.
She places a hand on my thigh, making my eyes dart down to watch her thumb stroke my thigh. It sits just barely on the inner part of my thigh and her thumb moves slowly, drawing circles in my jeans. I audibly gulp, completely affected by her.
“Yeah, I-” I mutter like an idiot, unable to get words out. This woman makes me feel so fucking tongue-tied. I wish she would tell me what the fuck to do next because I can’t wait to be alone with her. I don’t want to rush her, but I’m ready to bury my cock inside of her as soon as possible.
“You want to go upstairs?” she asks, making my cock swell again. Even the thought of being alone with her makes me hard, I can’t imagine how horny I am going to be when she’s standing in front of me naked.
God, I can’t fucking think like that right now or I’m going to cum before I even get alone with her.
“Absolutely,” I say, getting up quickly. I hear her laugh at my speedy response, and a smile fills my face instantly. That fucking sound is amazing. I could listen to her laugh all day.
“You know how to make a girl feel special,” she mutters with a smile, before leading me in the direction of the elevator. She offers me her hand and I take it willingly, loving the idea of everyone knowing she is with me.
“Because I’m excited to fuck you?” I ask, desperate to understand how she is feeling. “I have been thinking about burying my cock inside of you since you sat down next to me, but that seemed inappropriate to say outright,” I confess, taking a shot in the dark.
As much as I don’t want to put myself on the limb and actually try, if I don’t, nothing is ever going to change, and I can’t deal with that reality.
“If you keep talking like that, it isn’t going to take very long to get me to finish,” she says, suddenly very breathless. We walk past tables of people, but my eyes are only on her as she leads me away.
We make our way to the elevator and she pushes the button and we wait for a few seconds. They aren’t awkward seconds, but I’m full of thought during them.
I have slept with plenty of people, but I’m starting to realize that the confidence I had then, was completely fake. I pretended like I had it together, but I wasn’t bold enough to even ask for directions in the bedroom. I just acted as if I knew what I was doing to save my ego and I can’t do that anymore.
She places her hands on my chest and I instantly feel her warmth. She pushes me to the edge of the elevator until my back is against the wall, and I feel my heart rate jump with anticipation. I can’t wait until her lips are on mine, and I can’t help hoping she is going to kiss me and let me taste her right here in the elevator.
“Fuck,” I mutter, too turned on to admit. She stares into my eyes, before her gaze darts down to my lips. Instinctively, I lick my lips in anticipation of our first kiss. I lean in another inch, desperate to taste her tongue on mine.
She leans back with a smile on her face, forcing a groan of frustration to leave my throat before I can catch it. I’m suddenly very aware of who holds the power tonight and it’s definitely not me.
