“Morning,” Mom says when I enter the kitchen. She’s cooking pancakes, but she doesn’t wear her usual smile.
“Did Ace take you to Sterling Heights on Friday?” She turns around to face me, disappointment glistening in her eyes.
“I told you he was taking me out.”
“Yes, but you never said a word about going to Sterling Heights. Honestly, Remi, do you have any idea how dangerous it can be there?”
“I was with Ace. We went to see his friends.”
“That does not fill me with any reassurance.”
“Relax, Mom. The Heights isn’t that bad.” I’d had fun with Cruz and D. Sure, they teased me about me being from the Bay, but they had accepted me as one of their own. Unlike the kids at Sterling Prep, who go out of their way to make me feel like I don’t belong.
It’s funny, really, that the place I am supposed to fit in is the place I feel most alone, and the place I’m not supposed to fit in is the place I feel most like myself.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart, but I have to agree with James on this one. I would prefer it if you didn’t—”
“Don’t do this,” I say, letting out a frustrated breath. “I like Ace, Mom. And who knows, maybe you’d like him too if you took the chance to really get to know him.”
“Well, it seems you’ll get your wish Wednesday. James has booked a pre-birthday meal for all of us down at The Blue Bay.”
“You’re kidding me?” The Blue Bay was expensive, not to mention a favorite hotspot with Sterling Bay’s elite.
It was also the last place I could see Ace and his brothers frequenting.
“He knows it’s your favorite.”
It used to be my favorite, before my dad ruined everything.
“It sounds lovely, Mom,” I grimace, “but I’m not sure it’s the kind of place Ace and his brothers will enjoy.”
“Well it’s not their birthday, and if Ace cares about you half as much as you seem to care about him, then there shouldn’t be a problem, should there?”
My lips purse. They’re testing us. You didn’t just turn up at a place like The Blue Bay in your best jeans and shirt. You wore dinner jackets and evening gowns.
“Talk to him, please. I don’t need dinner at The Blue Bay, it’s not me anymore.”
Maybe it never was.
And the thought that James might be setting some infallible test for Ace doesn’t sit well with me.
“You really don’t want to go?”
“I’d rather do something low key.”
“Fine, I’ll talk to him. But I can’t promise anything. James dotes on you, you know that. And he just wants you to have the things you deserve in life.”
I gawk at her. “There’s more to life than fancy restaurants and expensive champagne, Mom.” It comes out more harshly than I intend, and her face pales.
“That’s not fair, Remi.”
“Just talk to him, Mom, please. It’s my birthday, and I don’t want any fuss.”
I’ve already decided what I want. My first tattoo… and Ace.
I still can’t believe I was brave enough to tell him I want to have sex on my birthday, but the beers at Sinners might have had something to do with it.
I want him more than I’ve ever wanted anything.
At first, Ace was just my way of saying ‘fuck you’ to everything. But he’s buried his way under my skin, and I want to give him the one thing no one else will ever have from me.
My first time.
A shiver ripples up my spine just thinking about it.
“What are your plans for today?” She changes the subject, and my shoulders sag with relief. That’s the thing about Mom; she never pushes too hard.
“I need to do some homework, and I thought maybe I’d drop by school and see Hadley.” I couldn’t imagine what it must be like to board at Sterling Prep.
“No Ace today?” Her brow rises.
“We’re not joined at the hip, Mom. Besides, I think he and his brothers are spending the day together.”
A strange expression washes over her, and I stiffen again. “What is it?” I ask.
“I think of what they had to survive, and it just breaks my heart. And well, I guess it hammers home how different things could have turned out for us.” Tears prick Mom’s eyes and I go to her, hugging her tightly.
“But they didn’t, Mom. You saw the light and kicked his sorry ass to the curb.”
“I know, sweetheart, I know.” She holds me at arm’s length. “Gosh, Remi, you’re almost eighteen, and it terrifies me. I’m not ready to lose you, baby.”
“Whoa, Mom. Who said anything about losing me?”
“It’s senior year.” She sniffles. “Then you’ll be going off to college and leaving me.”
“You have James,” I say, glossing over her mention of college. I still haven’t decided what I want to do. There’s no way in hell I’m accepting my dad’s offer to pay for tuition. And if I want a scholarship, I’m going to have to work my ass off.
“I do.” Her expression softens. “We haven’t talked about the future much…” she hesitates, and I sense she’s not being entirely truthful, “but he makes me very happy.”
“Are you sure he’s what you want, Mom?”
“Whatever do you mean?”
“I just mean we have a good thing going here. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. Especially not Dad.”
She gasps. “You think… oh, sweetheart. That’s not what this is. James is a good man. But I’ve wanted to take it slow because I want to be absolutely sure before I rush into anything again.”
I stare at Mom and realize I’ve been carrying around so much hate and bitterness that I’ve failed to see the truth.
Dad’s betrayal changed her. Just like it changed me. But where I became detached and cold, she became desperate for attention. All this time, we’ve both been feeling the same thing, we’ve just dealt with it differently.
“Why has James never had a serious girlfriend before, Mom?” As far as I can remember, he’s always lived alone in that big house of his.
She brushes the hair off my face, smiling at me the way she did when I was little. As if I’m the most important thing in her life. “We don’t talk about it much. But once, he told me there was a girl. She broke his heart and he never really moved on.”
“That’s sad,” I say, wondering who she was.
“It is. You know, Remi, I just want what’s best for you. But you’re right, you are almost an adult, which means you’re old enough to make your own decisions. And despite what I said earlier about Ace, even the most broken souls deserve to be loved.” Mom cups my face, placing a kiss on my forehead. Her words sink into me. I know it’s not a blessing, not really, but she’s telling me to follow my heart.
She’s telling me that even if she doesn’t like the idea of me and Ace together, she accepts it.
Because I am capable of making my own decisions.
And I choose him.
I choose Ace.
Monday morning rolls around and, as usual, Conner and Cole are waiting for me. I’m barely awake when I pull the car door open and slip inside. “Ace?” I shriek as he grabs me and pulls me onto his lap.
“Morning.” He captures my mouth in a bruising kiss.
“Get a fucking room.” I glance back at Conner, flipping him off, and notice the nasty bruise around his eye.
“What the hell happened to your face?”
“Ask your boyfriend,” he grumbles, pulling onto the street and taking the coastal road toward school.
I slide off Ace’s lap and land with a thud on the worn leather. “This is a nice surprise.”
“Yeah, well, it would seem Cruz and D were right. You do own my balls, Princess.”
His words, although crass, fill me with happiness. “Is that right, huh?” I tease, but Ace crowds me against the seat, staring at me with those frosty eyes of his. “I missed you yesterday.”
“I missed you too.” I trail a finger along his jaw, loving the way he looks at me with total possession. “Did James grill you about Friday?”
“I managed to avoid him all weekend.”
“So… hmm… he didn’t mention the dinner to you?” I brace myself, waiting for Ace’s reaction.
“What fucking dinner?”
“Princess’ birthday dinner. Uncle James wants to take us to some fancy rich place downtown,” Conner pipes up.
“You know about this?” Ace grunts, looking to his brother. Conner nods in the rear view. “You’d know too, if you hadn’t moved out to the pool house.”
“But you seem to be having so much fun with Uncle James.” His tone is scathing.
“Hey,” I say, sliding my hand against his cheek and making him look at me. “Don’t take this out on Conner. I’ve already asked my mom to talk to him.”
“You have?” He blanches.
“Of course. I don’t want to go somewhere you’ll feel uncomfortable. We could eat at Surf’s for all I care.”
“You really asked your mom to talk to him?”
“Yeah.” I smile. “Why?”
“No reason.” He stares past me, and I know he’s lying.
Ace isn’t used to people taking his side, but I’m determined to show him he’s worth it.
“As long as they serve supersize portions, I don’t give a fuck where we go.” Conner grins at me through the mirror. “Hey, do you think we can bring a date?”
“No,” Ace and I say in unison.
“But you two get to—“
“Con,” Ace barks.
“Yeah, yeah. Keep my mouth shut,” he murmurs, and realization dawns on me.
“Tell me you didn’t hit him because I slipped up the other night,” I whisper-hiss at Ace.
“He’s a fucking traitor.”
“Heard that,” Conner says.
“Keep talking and I’ll black your other eye.”
“You need to talk to your guy, Remi, because he’s grumpier than a bear with a sore head. I thought you were supposed to be happier when you’re getting regular pus—“
He doesn’t get a chance to finish his sentence, because I lean over and slap him upside the head.
“What was that for?” he yelps.
“Remi’s not wrong,” Cole says. “You talk too fucking much”.
“Oh it’s like that now, you’re both taking her side?” I poke my tongue out at him. “That’s some bullshit.”
A minute later and he’s pulling into the school parking lot. Kids swarm the lawns and dread slithers through me. This is the part I hate—the part where Ace and I have to go back to pretending.
“I guess I’ll see you later?” I say.
A knowing smirk lifts the corner of his mouth. “For a prep school princess, you really are fucking dumb at times.”
“What the—“
“Get out of the car, Princess,” he growls, and I do as I’m told, but only because I need space from him before I knee him in the balls.
Ace follows me out, and I’m just about to walk off when he snags my wrist. His fingers slip down my hand, tangling with my own. I gawk at our joined hands and then lift my eyes to his. “But—“
“No buts.” He starts pulling me toward the building. “It’s time everyone in this fucking school knows who you belong to.”
“Ace,” I say, trying to push him away from me. He has me pressed up my locker, kissing my neck in the most delicious way. I guess after one class apart he’s feeling as needy as I am.
Kids are staring but giving us a wide berth. It’s a definite perk of being with the most scary guy in school.
“We have an audience,” I whisper, raking my nails over his skull as he grazes the soft, sensitive skin along my throat with his teeth.
“Let them watch.” His murmurs dance over my neck, and my breath catches with a soft moan.
“So it is true?” a voice says.
Ace takes a deep breath, standing rigid while I slowly slide my eyes to Michaela.
“The gangbanger and the peasant, how fitting,” she snarls.
“What the fuck did you just say?” Ace moves into her space, but I grab his arm.
“Don’t,” I say, slipping around him, putting myself between them. “She isn’t worth it.”
Tension ripples in the hall as kids watch, probably chomping at the bit for the long overdue showdown between me and Michaela.
“I’m worth a damn sight more than you,” she scoffs, folding her arms over her chest and cocking her hip.
Something explodes inside me. I’m fed up of turning the other cheek when it comes to Michaela and her bullshit opinions about me. It’s about time she learned that she can’t always get what she wants and watch me fall.
This time, I fucking win.
“Whatever, Michaela.” I’ve wanted to watch her fall from her throne for so long, but standing here, seeing the jealousy shimmer in her eyes, I realize no matter how much she has—the big house and expensive car, a line of guys all vying for attention, the trust fund account, and Ivy League school offer—she’ll always want more. People like Michaela can never be happy because they spend too much time worrying about things that don’t matter.
I might not have the big, expensive house anymore, or Daddy’s credit card at my disposal, but the truth is, I don’t want or need it. Money doesn’t make people happy, it makes them shallow. It makes them fake. And that’s not who I am. That’s not who I want to be.
“That’s it? That’s all you’ve got to say?” Her eyes widen.
“I don’t need to say anything else.” I shrug, a deep sense of acceptance washing over me. “I spent so long wondering what I did to deserve your betrayal. I’ve cried so many tears over you. Tears that turned to hatred. But now, now I look at you and all I feel is pity.”
“W-what?” She jerks back, as if I’ve physically slapped her. “I’m the head cheerleader. I live in one of the biggest houses in the Bay. I mean, hello, I drive a bespoke Mercedes.”
“And yet you’re still a vapid bitch.”
A collective gasp echoes down the hall.
“You can’t say that, you’re no one. Nothing. You shouldn’t even—“
“Michaela,” I snap, and she swallows her words, indignation flaming her cheeks. “I. Don’t. Care. You were my best friend. And all this time, I thought I was the one who did something wrong. But now I realize it’s you. You’re the unhappy one. You thrive in the misery of others. And do you know what? Until you learn to love yourself, you’ll never find what you’re looking for.
“So yeah, I pity you. Because sure, I might not have a lot, but at least I know the people in my life are in it because they chose it, and not because they want anything from me. Now if you don’t mind, me and my boyfriend,” the word flies out of my mouth, but I don’t want to take it back. Ace is mine. The same way that I’m his. “We’re in the middle of something.”
I turn into him and throw my arms around his shoulders. “I’m proud of you, baby,” he says, leaning down and brushing his nose over mine.
“I’m proud of me too,” I say, kissing him right there in front of most of our class.
“But you can tell me the truth,” he whispers against my skin. “How much do you want to knock that ugly smile off her face right now?”
“One a scale of one to ten, eleven.” I chuckle, sliding my fingers into the hair at the base of his neck and pulling him closer. “You should probably distract me before I really make a scene.”
Ace’s deep laughter reverberates inside me as he spins me around and pushes me up against the locker. “It would be my pleasure, girlfriend.”
