I’m exhausted, so I decide to take a shower and have an early night. I don’t want to unpack my suitcase, so I find a spot against the wall and unzip it on the floor, rummaging for the things I need. The room doesn’t have a bathroom attached, so I know I’m going to need to go across the hall. I say a silent prayer for there to be a lock on the door. This has been a house of men for a while, but maybe they all bring girls home. Maybe my dad was a cool father who let his foster sons treat his home like a glorified frat house. Maybe they’ll have a party tonight or invite their girlfriends over. Maybe they showed their true colors out on Main Street when they were catcalling me. Harley has left a different impression, but that could all be a ruse to prove to me that he’s a decent guy, different from his brothers. If he thinks he can win my trust that easily, he’s got another thing coming.
The bathroom is as clean as my first impression could make out from the hall. It smells lemony fresh, and there is a stack of available towels on shelves in the corner. There are even dispensers on the wall for shampoo and body wash, just like in upscale hotels. This is a far cry from the simple home I share with my mom. Another prickle of resentment passes through me. My father was willing to give these strangers luxuries that I’ve never had the chance to experience.
There is a lock on the back of the door, but even so, I make quick work of bathing. I have no idea how many other bathrooms there are in the place, and I don’t want to be in here when someone else needs to use the facilities.
I bought simple nightwear with me: a blue tank top and some three-quarter-length pajama bottoms. For the first time, I notice that my breasts have gotten a little bigger, and my nipples are a darker shade of rose. My body is changing, even at this early stage of pregnancy and noticing makes me feel even more out of control.
I fold the clothes that are clean enough to wear again and find a bag in my suitcase for laundry. When I’m done with everything, I feel thirsty. It’s time to take my pregnancy vitamins, and I don’t have a glass for water.
Descending the stairs to the kitchen makes me feel like a criminal tiptoeing through someone else’s home. I can hear voices somewhere in the house, and my heart starts beating faster. It was just about okay meeting everyone when Walter was here. I feel comfortable enough with Harley, but the rest of them, not so much. Hopefully, they’ll be in the den and I can rush in and out of the kitchen fast enough to avoid anyone. As I near the back of the house, I realize that my hopes were futile. The den is empty, and voices are coming from the kitchen. The door is ajar enough for me to catch the conversation, and I pause, thinking that I should wait for a good moment to interrupt.
‘She’s pregnant?’ a voice says.
‘But she’s only eighteen, isn’t she?’
I lean in, realizing that they’re talking about me. It’s not really a surprise, considering I’m new news, but it feels weird to hear my story filtering through the group so quickly.
‘Nineteen,’ someone corrects. ‘Not that one year makes much of a difference.’
‘Wow. What about the baby’s father?’
‘I don’t know.’ I think it’s Harley speaking now in his smooth low voice. ‘She said it was a long story.’
‘Well, that doesn’t sound good.’
‘It doesn’t. If she were my girl and six weeks pregnant, I wouldn’t be happy letting her drive for hours to stay in a house with eleven strange men.’
‘To be fair, she didn’t know we existed until today. Walter told me he was going to fill her in on everything in detail when she arrived.’
‘That must have been a shock.’
‘Did you see her face when she walked into the den?’
‘She looked like a deer in headlights.’ There’s a rumble of laughter.
‘You can’t blame her for that. I mean, look at us. We’re not exactly a bunch of average-looking guys.’
‘You mean size-wise?’
‘Yeah.’
‘He means looks-wise. I mean, how many girls get to share a home with eleven guys who look this good?’
‘Always with the big head, Daryl.’
‘If you don’t love yourself, who’s gonna love you, bro.’
‘I love you, man.’
There’s another rumble of laughter, and I smile at the affection in their conversation. I never had a sibling to spend time with, and it is something that I always wanted. To have a brother or sister to share laughs with and to confide in when things aren’t going as planned. How amazing would it be to have someone around my own age who is on my side right now? Someone who wouldn’t judge me for my mistakes.
‘The pregnancy complicates things,’ a different voice says.
‘We promised, Dad. We have to stay true to that.’
‘I know. Of course. I’m not suggesting anything different. It’s just… well, it’s not as straightforward with a baby in the picture.’
‘It’s more straightforward for me. No child deserves to go through what we went through. No father or mother to love and protect them. This baby deserves everything that we didn’t have before Dad.’
‘So, we tell her to stay.’
‘That was always the plan. It’s what Dad wanted.’
‘He wanted us to take care of her. To be her protectors.’
‘Like brothers.’
Wow, was that really what my dad wanted? He must have trusted these boys to ask that of them. It still feels strange to hear that he even thought of me at all. I’m feeling quite overwhelmed that they’d consider wanting me to stay, with a baby on the way. It won’t exactly be a party environment with a child screaming in the night and dirty-diaper smell perfuming the air. I lean in to hear more, the idea of interrupting now way back in my mind.
‘He knew about Danna, though. He knew about her arrangement. Don’t you think that’s what he had in mind for us?’
My eyebrows shoot up. Seriously? How have they gone from protecting me like brothers to that?
‘Sometimes, but he never came out and said it exactly that way.’
I put my hands on my hips, thinking that’s because Dad would never have gone there. He’d never have wanted something so weird for me.
‘He told me he wanted us to find a way to always be together, that family is the most important thing, and we always have to put each other first.’
‘He told me that he wanted Maggie to live a happy and protected life with her family.’
‘Neither of those statements confirms anything other than his family values.’
Exactly, I think. At least there is one man among the group who has some sense.
‘He told me he could see why Danna wanted to live with the Jackson brothers. He loved those guys, and he loved how much they care for and protect Danna. He said that her dad freaked out at first, but now that he knows them all, and he sees how they are with his daughter, he’s over the moon.’
‘Who wouldn’t want that kind of security for their daughter?’
‘Yeah, but love and security come with other things that a father might not be that keen on.’
‘Sex, you mean.’
‘Sex with one guy must be hard enough for a father to consider for his own daughter. Sex with ten or eleven, well, I can see why Dad never went as far as telling us outright that he wants Maggie to be with all of us.’
‘That’s a lot of fucking,’ someone laughs.
‘A fucking lot of fucking,’ someone else says, followed by yet more low fumbling laughter.
‘Well, Danna manages it. That girl rides a horse like a pro. If it was detrimental to her physically, there’s no way she’d be able to straddle anything harder than a cushion.’
‘Whores fuck a whole lot more than eleven times a day.’
‘Can we not focus on whores and fucking? I mean, sex is important, of course it is, but this is about so much more than that.’
There’s a murmur of what sounds like agreement, and my mouth is hanging open. I know that listening in to conversations in secret like this is rude, but I can’t help myself. Eleven strangers sit behind this door, talking about me and my future like they have rights over both. It’s seriously fascinating and disconcerting.
‘We have to vote on this. It’s what Dad taught us to do when decisions needed to be made. It’s the only way to come to a consensus when there are so many of us.’
‘We vote, and we respect the majority decision.’
‘This is big, though. Bigger than we’ve ever had to vote on.’
‘It’s big, but it’s critical. We need to be honest about whether this is something we want. We don’t have time to wait around to see what happens. If we don’t do this right, it’s likely to all go wrong.’
‘It feels strange to vote on something like this… cold.’
‘It’s not cold. There is nothing cold about this decision. This is about Dad and his legacy. It’s about his family and generations to come. This is about respecting everything he did for us, and everything we learned from him.’
‘So, we vote?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Raise your hand if you’re on board with forming a family unit like Danna’s?’ There’s the rustle of bodies moving, and I wish I could see past the door to find out who is raising their hand and who isn’t. Is this an all-or-nothing situation, or would those in favor form a smaller family unit and leave those against to move on? I can’t believe my mind is even trying to process this.
‘Okay, now raise your hand if you want to do this with Maggie, taking the baby into consideration.’
There’s another rustle, and I’m desperate to know what they’ve all voted, but I can’t see a thing. Half of me is completely flattered that eleven gorgeous men are even considering this with me, and the other half is thinking, what the fuck! They don’t know me. They don’t know who I am or what I stand for. I haven’t even been formally introduced to all of them yet. I probably wouldn’t be able to pick them out in a lineup. Seriously, this feels more like some kind of antiquated arranged marriage tradition than anything romantic.
‘That’s decided then,’ someone says, and in my head, I’m screaming, “What has been decided and how the fuck can you decide anything when I’m not even there?”
‘Now we need to come up with our next moves.’
Next moves? What next moves?
‘I don’t think we have long. Maggie’s only here to deal with Dad’s possessions, and then she’s returning home,’ a voice that sounds like Harley’s says.
‘Well we need to help her with that. In her position, I wouldn’t know what the hell to do. She must be feeling really exposed being here with all of us.’
Whoever said that at least has some frickin’ empathy. At least one of them is tuned into the reality of what is going on for me right now.
‘So, who’s going to do that?’
‘It should be me,’ a very deep voice says.
‘Why? Because you’re the oldest?’
‘Nah, because I’m the one most likely to get the outcome we’re looking for.’
‘She’s not going to be an easy nut to crack, Gordon.’
‘I never liked anything easy,’ the same deep voice replies.
‘You’ll need to start tomorrow.’
‘I can do that.’
‘I don’t think it should be Gordon. Maggie doesn’t need the bull in the china shop approach right now. She’s going to need an easier hand, like John or Sean.’
‘John should do it. Definitely John. Sean is more about charming panties off.’
‘Is it wrong that I’m so proud of my reputation?’ The voice, which must be Sean’s, is smooth with a hint of amusement.
‘Shut up, Sean. We need to be serious right now.’
‘I don’t agree that John should do it.’
‘Well, you wouldn’t, Gordon.’
‘Voting for John being the one to help Maggie sorting Dad’s room. Hands up if you agree.’
There’s another rustle as another vote is held. ‘John wins.’
So that’s how I find out that someone called John is going to help me sort through my dad’s things tomorrow and that someone called Sean is an expert at coaxing panties off. And that someone called Gordon thinks he should be in charge of everything. There are eight other brothers in there, including Harley, who held my hand when I felt like I was going to break apart.
‘I’ve got work to do,’ Gordon says. There’s scraping of a chair against tile that jolts me backward. Is he coming out? What do I do? I look around frantically. I’ve got to move before I’m discovered.
