For two weeks, we fall into a sort of routine.
I go to rehearsal, and when I get home, I find Adrian waiting with either takeout or home-cooked food he brings over. I know he doesn’t cook here, because he said he brings them from his house.
Then he carries me to the bedroom and fucks me until I fall asleep. Sometimes, he does it on the table, making me straddle his lap as he owns every inch of me. Other times, he grabs me as soon as I step inside, lifts my skirts and fucks me in the entrance.
But it doesn’t end there.
It never ends there.
After that, he takes me in the bedroom or in the shower. Sometimes back to back as if he can’t stop touching me, as if he craves me again as soon as he’s finished.
When I can’t take it anymore, which basically means I’m sobbing through my orgasms, he cleans me up or carries me to the shower. He makes sure I’m fully comfortable and sometimes dresses me, though just in a nightgown or a long shirt so he can touch me as he pleases during the night.
I try keeping my distance from him by scooting to my side of the bed or sleeping with my back facing him. But the moment he stimulates me, I’m right there with him writhing and begging for a release that I’d had not long before.
It’s crazy how I’ve become addicted to the pleasure only he can conjure. How I crave his rough manhandling and savage fucking.
Maybe he’s right. Maybe I am a masochist. Because all I can think about is what he’ll do each night. How he’ll take me, spank me, and set my world ablaze.
In the mornings, however, he leaves. Every fucking morning, he goes out like a thief. Like I’m his slut and he doesn’t want to be seen with me.
Ever since the first time we had dinner at the diner, he’s never taken me out again. I haven’t asked for it either, because that would mean I want some sort of a relationship with him.
I don’t.
The only thing I’m waiting for is for him to get bored and leave me alone.
He doesn’t seem to be getting bored, though. If anything, his appetite for my body seems to be growing over the days to the point where he takes me again almost immediately after he comes. I don’t know if he’s easily stimulated or has a strong stamina, but I do know that I’ve been slowly but surely emulating his rhythm.
He’s made me get used to him—addicted, even—so that all of my lines have blurred.
I tell myself that it’s wrong, that I shouldn’t want a man like Adrian this carnally or with this much abandon. And yet, I also know I can’t stop it. To my doom, it’s not just because of his threats and invisible hold on me.
Ever since he came into my life, my rehearsals have become smoother and easier. I’ve never grasped a character as much as I do Giselle. In a way, I’m projecting my situation onto her. The fact that I had no choice in falling into the hands of a much more powerful man who can hurt me.
The only difference is that I know what I’m in for.
Something that’s only physical.
Adrian’s sole connection with me is stimulating my body so he can satisfy his crazy sex drive. But I’ve been using what we have to grasp Giselle’s character.
Even Stephanie and Philippe have noticed it. The director has been telling me it’s his favorite performance by me yet, and for the first time, I agree. For the first time, I don’t think that I could do better.
Stephanie and Philippe keep chastising me about how I don’t join their night fun anymore. Little do they know that I have my own fun. And honestly? I would rather spend quiet nights at home rather than at a club.
Well, as quiet as they can get with all the sex.
Other than that, nights with Adrian are calm. He keeps his words to a bare minimum, even when he’s the one who strikes up the conversation.
We talk about my rehearsal, or he asks me how I’m doing, and I end up talking more than needed. Ballet and classical music are my only subjects of obsession, the only things I can talk about forever to soothe my nerves. Ever since Adrian figured that out, he asks me how my day went like we’re some old couple.
When I once countered and asked how his day went, he raised a brow and said, “Are you sure you want to know?”
No. I didn’t. I really didn’t want the reminder of what he is and what he does. It makes it easier to have him inside me every night when I pretend he’s just a stranger with whom I have a mind-boggling type of chemistry.
Only a stranger.
On my way home from rehearsal, I stop by a boutique to buy new panties. Adrian has ripped most of mine, even when I told him I’d remove them myself.
I falter in front of a row of red lingerie, reaching out to inspect their low cut and the invisible lace. I pull my hand back before I touch them. God, what am I doing? Am I really thinking about wearing lingerie for Adrian?
I’m about to turn around and head to the comfy underwear section when someone appears by my side.
At first, I think it’s just one of those strangers who get too close, but then I recognize his leather jacket and the black hat he wears too low, while holding a phone to his ear. Then, my nostrils fill with a familiar scent: bleach.
“Luca?” I whisper.
“Don’t look at me and keep inspecting the clothes, Duchess. You’re being followed.”
I stare ahead, running my fingers over the red lingerie. Am I really being followed? I knew Adrian was a damn stalker. I’ve seen a black car and a shadow of his guard, Yan, a couple of times, but I thought those were one-offs. I should’ve known better.
“Bring out your phone and pretend you’re talking on it,” Luca says in his nonchalant voice.
I do as he says, one hand on the underwear and the other holding the phone to my ear. Luca is always careful not to be caught out in public. That’s why we’ve only been talking over the phone lately. Or before Adrian came into the picture, at least.
“Why haven’t you called me back?” I don’t hide the hurt from my voice. I’ve really needed a friend these past couple of weeks and he’s the only one I have.
“I was out of the country. Besides, you’re full of fucking traps, Duchess. You’re as hard to get close to as the president.”
“What?”
“Adrian has you all bugged. Your phone, your house. Even your car.”
The information strikes me deep. Even though Adrian is a stalker, why would he go to the trouble of bugging everything? He has me, doesn’t he? Why would he need to log my every movement? Then another realization hits me.
“Wait…how do you know about Adrian?”
“I know everything about you, Duchess. We promised to have each other’s backs, remember?”
I do. Since the time we escaped our old lives, we said that we would have a new beginning that’s not defined by who we were. Luca chose a completely different road from mine.
“He’s…” I swallow. “He’s dangerous, Luca.”
“I’m dangerous, too.”
“No. He’s really dangerous.”
“I thought you’d need my help to get rid of him. Are you defending him?”
I pause. I do want to get rid of Adrian, but resorting to Luca’s methods isn’t the way to go. That’s not any different from acting like Adrian.
Although Luca has been keeping me out of his world, I know that he’s involved in shady business with shady people. He’s a lot like Adrian, but I’ve known him since we were children. I know he won’t hurt me.
“I’m not defending him,” I murmur.
“So do you want to get rid of him?”
“I don’t like to harm people, Luca.”
“Sometimes you have to or they’ll harm you.”
I remain silent, mulling over his favorite words. Luca has always had that philosophy about life and people.
“I’ll get rid of Adrian.”
His words cause a strange clenching in my chest. “I said I don’t want to hurt anyone.”
“It’s not only because of you, Duchess. Remember the people I work for? They want him gone.”
“But why?”
“Because he knows too much about things, and if he’s gone, the brotherhood will be weakened.”
He really is a higher-up if people like Luca’s random employers want him gone. Just what type of business is Adrian involved in? I’ve made it my mission to not get mixed up in that part of his life, but is that the wisest decision?
“Before I get rid of him, I need you to keep an eye on him, Duchess.”
“What?” I hiss.
“You heard me. I want to know if anything suspicious arises. You’re currently the closest person to him and the only one who can figure out his system.”
“His system?”
“He has a system where he watches everyone and everything, predicting things before they happen.”
Patterns. I recall Adrian said he believes in them. That’s why he’s a strategist.
I shake my head the slightest bit, bunching my hand on the lingerie. “I’m not going to be your spy, Luca.”
“Why not?”
“It’s Adrian. He’ll know.”
“He won’t.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“He’s blinded by you.”
My lips part. “Blinded by me? You must be kidding.”
“I’m not. For the first time in his life, the meticulous Adrian Volkov is letting a woman close. If that’s not a weakness, I don’t know what is.”
I don’t like that, the idea of me being Adrian’s weakness. The more Luca talks, the more I want to shut him up.
“All you have to do is act as you’ve been doing all along. Don’t try to find his bugs and don’t get out from under his thumb.”
“No.”
“Lia…” his voice softens. “Have you forgotten what we promised?”
“I haven’t, but I also didn’t sign up to be a part of this game.”
“You were signed up a long time ago.”
“What?”
“Do you want me to tell you who was behind your parents’ deaths?”
A rapid thump takes over my chest as if a wild animal has been awakened. My limbs tremble and the black box seems to close in on me like when I was a kid. “You know?”
“I told you I’d find out and I kept my word.”
“Who is it?” My voice quivers as the noises from that day filter back in, the silence, the screams, the hushed footsteps. My ears ring with the harshness of them and it takes everything in me to remain standing.
“That’s not how it goes, Lia. Give me what I want and I’ll give you what you need.”
With that, he turns and leaves. The meaning behind his words remains with me.
I’ll give you what you need.
Luca worded it perfectly. He, of all people, knows that uncovering the truth behind my parents’ deaths is what’s been haunting me since I was a small girl.
It’s why I have those visceral nightmares and take those pills. It’s why I’m too scared to live and too scared to die.
And to free myself, to choose a final destination, I need to spy on the devil himself.
