Reaching the counter, I’m breathless as I ask, “When is the next flight to America?”
The attendant frowns as she looks at her computer screen. “Where in America?”
“I don’t care. Anywhere.”
Her eyes dart over my face. “Are you okay?”
I nod and squeeze the words out. “I lost…I lost my husband.”
I lost Angelo.
A heartbreaking cry threatens to rip free from my throat.
He sounded so angry over the phone. I just know if he finds me, he’ll kill me.
Oh God.
Another wave of trauma, fear, and heartbreak shake me to my core.
Compassion softens the attendant’s features. “I’m so sorry.” She quickly checks the screen again, then says, “There’s one boarding right now with Swiss Air. It’s destined for Minnesota. Will that be okay?”
I nod frantically. “How much?”
“One thousand six hundred euros.”
I quickly take the envelope from my handbag and give her the cash and my passport. “I’ll take it.”
My heart beats out of my chest, and I keep glancing around me while she processes the purchase.
Don’t let them find me.
Please, Father. Keep me safe.
When the attendant prints the ticket, she says, “I’ve upgraded you to first class at no extra charge.” Giving me the ticket, her smile is filled with sympathy. “Do you have any luggage you have to check in?”
I shake my head. “I’m traveling light.” Because in my panic, I forgot to grab my luggage from the car. There’s no time to go back to the parking area.
“Is that all I can help with?”
I quickly nod. “Thank you so much!” I glance around me again. “Where do I go?”
She points to her left. “Straight down there and through the lounge for first-class passengers.”
My eyes lock with hers for a brief moment, and I swallow hard on my tears. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
When I dart away from the counter, I struggle not to run. Feeling more and more frantic by the second, I keep glancing around me as I hurry toward the area the attendant pointed out.
Entering the first class section, my eyes land on security personnel, and it instantly makes my heart flutter in my chest as my anxiety spikes.
What if they stop me?
What if one of them works for Angelo?
God. Please. Please. Please.
“Come forward,” the security guard says with a nod at me.
My mouth is bone dry as I place my handbag in a container. I step through the body scanner, and when it doesn’t beep, I release a relieved breath.
The guards don’t even look at me again, and I quickly grab my handbag and rush down a hallway.
When I hurry toward another attendant, she smiles at me. “Just in time. They called to say you’re on your way.”
“Thank you so much,” I gasp, my hand trembling as I hand her my passport and ticket.
She checks everything before handing the documents back to me. “Enjoy your flight, Mrs. Rizzo.”
Hearing my married name, my heart squeezes painfully in my chest.
“Thank you,” I whisper before I enter the walkway leading to the plane.
Almost there.
Once I step aboard, I’m shown to a cubicle with a luxurious seat. I slump down and cover my mouth as my mouth trembles from the effort it’s taking not to cry.
My heart keeps pounding as the minutes until take-off slowly creep by.
Please, Father. Help me escape this terrible fate.
Finally, the announcement is made, and the plane begins to move. I glance out of the small window, and as the plane speeds up and everything begins to blur, I hold my breath.
My stomach drops as the aircraft takes flight.
Lowering my head, I stare at the wedding ring on my finger, and now that I’m safely in the air for a while, the trauma and heartbreak overwhelm me.
Silent tears stream down my cheeks, and I turn my back toward the aisle. I wrap an arm around my middle and wipe the tears away as they fall.
When there’s a soft touch on my shoulder, I startle and glance at a flight attendant as she says, “Sorry, Mrs. Rizzo. I just want to pay my respects to you for your loss. My name is Claire. If there’s anything you need, don’t hesitate to call me.”
The other attendants must’ve told her.
Nodding, I whisper, “Can I have some water and tissues, please?”
“Of course.” I watch as she hurries down the aisle, and a moment later, she’s back with a bottle of water and a packet of Kleenex.
She crouches by my seat and rubs her hand up and down my arm. “Are you okay?”
I shake my head, and covering my face, I’m unable to stop crying because she’s being so kind to me.
Claire keeps rubbing my shoulder, then whispers, “I’m so sorry. I wish I could do more.”
Sucking in a shuddering breath, I nod before saying. “Thank you. It’s just…” I glance at her. “I’m just processing the shock.”
“I completely understand.” She gives me a compassionate look. “I’ll be right back.”
I nod, and when she straightens up and walks away, I turn my back to the aisle again.
A few seconds later, she returns with a tumbler of whiskey. “This will help with the shock.”
“Thank you.” I take a sip of the liquid that tastes like gasoline, and when it burns down my throat, a cough sputters from me.
“Can I get you something to eat?”
I shake my head as I set the tumbler down. “I’ll be okay. Thank you for everything.”
I’ll never be okay again.
Claire returns to her duties, and my thoughts are inundated with flashes of Maurizio and me going over the balcony’s railing.
I see his body lying over the boulder and the death stare in his lifeless eyes.
I keep seeing it.
Over and over.
I cover my mouth with a trembling hand, unable to process the trauma.
I hear Angelo’s anger in his voice.
I lost him.
Unbearable heartache shudders through my body.
I lost more than just Angelo. Tiny. Rita. Even Big Ricky. Just as I thought I finally had the family I always wanted, it’s been brutally ripped away from me.
What’s worse is they’ll come after me – not because they want me back – but because they want revenge.
The people I’ve come to love want me dead.
I’ll never know peace again. I’ll have to constantly live on guard and move from place to place.
Why did this happen?
I’ll never be able to return to Long Island. I won’t see Father Parisi and Rosa again.
I’ve truly lost everything that mattered.
Once again, I’m assaulted by the traumatic memory of Maurizio falling to his death.
I killed a man. It’s a mortal sin.
No amount of asking for forgiveness will wash the stain from my soul.
Even God has forsaken me.
My tears fall silent over my cheeks as my grim reality reaps destruction in my soul.
I’m so sorry, Angelo.
In desperate need of comfort, I dig my cell phone out of my bag and open the chat I share with Angelo. I scroll to the very beginning and read all the messages we’ve sent each other. But none of them offers me any comfort. Instead, the texts break my heart.
In this moment of devastation and darkness, I realize I wasn’t just in love with Angelo. I love him.
I love him with my whole heart and soul.
And I didn’t even get to tell him.
Angelo.
As the plane flies toward Zurich, where I have to catch a connecting flight, my soul weeps for the immense losses I’ve suffered.
