I arrive at Cal’s doorstep at 8 a.m. with a coffee in hand, ready to talk to Iris. I’m running on limited sleep and a lot of caffeine after an endless night of tossing and turning.
My brother opens the door wearing a suit and tie, which is out of the norm given he doesn’t even have a job to go to.
“Where are you going?”
“Work.” He shuts his front door and locks it.
“Since when do you have a job?”
“Since you needed an assistant.”
My mouth drops open. “What?”
“Iris isn’t coming in today.”
“Like hell she isn’t. Her two weeks haven’t even started.”
He laughs. “Maybe you should check your email.”
I frown as I pull out my phone and scan my inbox. “You’re kidding me.”
“Nope. She’s taking a two-week vacation, starting today.”
“No, she’s not.”
He actually grins. “Are you giving me a ride to work or not?”
“Why are you enjoying this?”
“Because it’s nice to watch someone finally put you in your place. Did you really think you could talk to her the way you did and expect her to go into work for two weeks?”
My molars smash together. “I want to talk to her.”
“She’ll speak to you when she’s ready.”
“Then I guess I’ll be the one to do the talking then.” I steal his keys straight out of his hand and unlock the door before he has a chance to grab them.
“Dec—”
I slam the door in my brother’s face and turn the deadbolt before he has a chance to get in.
“Open the damn door!” He pounds his fist against the wood.
I throw his keys on the side table before following the music straight toward the kitchen. Iris’s eyes immediately latch onto mine.
“What are you doing here?”
“I brought you coffee.” I step close enough to pass her the cup.
She stares down at it like it might be poisonous. “You came here to bring me coffee?”
“No. I came here to talk to you. Coffee is merely a bribe for your time.”
“I don’t want your bribes. Not anymore.”
“Fine. Maybe later.” I place it on the counter.
“Should I even ask how you got in here?”
“I stole Cal’s keys and locked him out.”
“Declan—”
“I miss you.”
“It’s been less than twenty-four hours since you last saw me.”
“The addiction gene runs strong in my family. Take pity on your husband.”
She only scowls at my joke. I refuse to lose hope, although the way she looks at me makes me question it for a moment.
“I miss you so damn much, I don’t know what to do with myself. The house is too quiet and the bathroom is far too clean. Even pasta doesn’t taste the same without you cooking it.”
“I don’t cook. I boil. That’s a big difference according to you.”
“Come home. I’ll cook every day for the rest of our lives so long as you agree to not leave again.”
Her eyes shut. “No.”
I take advantage of her guard being down and walk up to her. Her chin fits perfectly within the palm of my hand, and I stroke her cheek with my thumb. “Please. I’m miserable without you.”
She blinks up at me. “I’m not ready.”
“What do you mean you’re not ready?” The sick feeling in my stomach returns stronger than ever as she pulls out of my embrace. I don’t stop her, although every cell in my body is pushing me toward her like a magnet.
“I need time to think.”
“What’s there to think about?”
“You. Me. Us.”
“What about us?”
“Whether or not there was even an us to begin with.”
My chest aches from her confession. Instead of lingering on the pain festering inside of me like sepsis, I choose to ignore it. “You signed a contract.”
“Our deal never said anything about being in a real relationship. You yourself called it a game.”
“This isn’t a fucking game and you know it.” The idea of her thinking that makes me want to rage, but I hold back. I’ve done enough damage as it is.
She shakes her head. “I don’t know what to believe anymore.”
“So what? You just want to go back to how things were before we fell in love?”
Her eyes dart away, and it’s written clear as day across her face. That’s exactly what she thought.
I release a bitter laugh. “Go ahead and take your time, but nothing is going to change the fact that you and I are inevitable.”
It takes a ridiculous amount of self-control to step away from her, but nothing good will come if I keep pushing her on this. She wants her time, and I plan on giving it to her. So long as it happens according to my rules.
Cal drops off Iris’s official resignation letter at 9 a.m., exactly like Iris promised. After everything I went through to prevent it from happening, she is leaving anyway.
All because of you.
Cal hovers in front of me.
I look up from her letter. “Yes?”
“Are you going to sign it?”
I clutch onto her resignation letter with my two fists. “I plan on it.”
He raises a brow and motions toward the paper.
“You can go back to your desk now.”
“And miss all this internal conflict and angst? What do you take me for?”
“A dead man walking.”
He grins. “Watching you struggle to cope with all this is far too entertaining to pass up, especially given how miserable you made Iris.”
“Can you please leave me alone? I’m not in the mood.”
His brows jump, and I realize my break in character. I asked him to go.
Ever since I entered the office, I’ve been stuck in a constant state of heartburn. No amount of meetings or busy work can steal my mind away from the conversation I had with Iris this morning.
I pass by Cal’s desk instinctively, half expecting her to be there, only to remember she won’t be returning. I’m so used to her being around that I’m not sure how to handle her absence.
“This is for the best.” My brother pulls out Iris’s usual chair, but I point to the other one.
He shoots me a look as he drops into the one opposite of Iris’s seat. “She’s not coming back. Saving her chair won’t change that.”
“She’s still my wife. That chair is hers regardless of her occupation status, so use the other one.”
“Is she still your wife?”
“Get out,” I seethe.
He shrugs. “I’m just asking.”
“No, you’re looking for a fight.”
“Maybe I am. At least that way we can settle this. I don’t like working with all this tension around us.”
“There is nothing to settle. This is between me and her, regardless of whatever impression you might be under.”
“She came to me crying, Declan. I’m not going to sweep that under the rug because you decided a little too late that you made the wrong choice and you want her back.”
My fists clench against my lap. “I’m not doing this with you.”
“Then sign the paper and I’ll leave.”
I grab an ink pen to sign her resignation letter, but stop myself. My hand hovers above the blank signature spot.
Cal clears his throat. “If you really love her, then this needs to be done.”
“Even if it feels wrong?”
“Of course it feels wrong. You’ve both been co-dependent on one another for far too long.”
“At least all that rehab I paid for taught you something.” Even if it didn’t keep him away from drinking again, at least he learned a thing or two about bad habits.
He flips me off. “This job shouldn’t be the thing that keeps you together just like it shouldn’t be the reason that drives you apart. So, if you want a chance at a successful marriage, you need to let her go as your employee.”
I press the pen against the page and sign my name beside hers.
“Here.” I shove it away from me before I have a chance to shred it.
“It’ll be okay.”
“It sure as fuck doesn’t feel okay. Not when it feels like I’m losing her before I ever even had her to begin with,” I snap.
His face softens. “It’s not too late to get her back.”
“How do you know?”
“Because for some goddamn reason, she loves you despite all the reasons she shouldn’t.”
“She never told me.”
“What?”
“She never told me she loved me.” My voice drops.
“That doesn’t mean she still can’t.” He leaves my office with Iris’s signed resignation letter.
I pull out my phone before I can stop myself. I’m not going to go back on my deal to give Iris space, but that doesn’t mean I need to be silent while doing so.
I pull up our chat and text her a single word to express how I feel.
I include a photo of her empty chair to express the suffering I feel at the reminder of how lonely I am without her.
She doesn’t respond. I didn’t expect her to, but it still makes my chest heavy anyway.
I try to get back to work, but my mind keeps drifting back to my relationship. My brain can’t seem to concentrate on any actual work, no matter how hard I try. Instead of pushing myself, I shut my computer off and spend the rest of my workday thinking of how exactly I can get Iris back.
Cal’s words from earlier seem to echo in my head.
She loves you despite all the reasons she shouldn’t.
But what if I gave her all the reasons she should?
1 Noun, Czech: A state of agony or torment.
