“Phillip, we have so much to do. Go to the store. Clean the house. Get the food ready.”
“Why don’t you go to the store, and I’ll clean?” he suggests.
“Really? You’re offering to clean?”
“Yeah, no problem. I’ll take care of it.”
“Phillip, your mom is coming. Her house is always spotless. I’ve been sick, and we haven’t cleaned since we moved in.”
He kisses me. “You’re not sick; you’re pregnant. And don’t worry. I’ll do the upstairs bathrooms and vacuum the guest bedrooms. It’ll all be good.”
I know Phillip is meticulous, and I really don’t want to clean, so I take him up on his offer.
Today, for the first time in weeks, I haven’t felt sick.
And, although I should be rejoicing, I’m worried. Worried it might mean something is wrong with our baby.
Is this what being a parent is going to be like? Constant worry?
Now, I see why my parents would freak out when I was ten minutes late for curfew.
On the way to the store, I get nauseous again, which is oddly comforting, and it causes me to stop for a doughnut. I sit in the parking lot, slowly savoring it. Lately, a very slowly eaten plain white cake doughnut has some sort of magical stomach-calming power.
Already behind schedule, I know I’m going to have to rush through the grocery store.
But, when I arrive, the parking lot is packed.
Apparently, everyone and their mother are shopping for their Super Bowl parties.
At the store by my condo in Nebraska, I knew where everything was and could quickly whip through. This store has a completely different setup.
I think there should be some kind of law that forces all grocery stores to be set up in the same basic order. Instead of running through the store and getting all I need, I’m constantly backtracking.
I get sidetracked in the bakery, buying multiple loaves of bread, muffins, and a couple of cakes. But, when I round the corner, the smell of raw fish makes me gag.
And, even though I didn’t smell it before, now, it doesn’t matter where I go in the store; the scent is overwhelming. I decide I have enough stuff, stand in line forever to pay, and then get the heck out of the store.
When I get home, Phillip helps me unload the groceries.
“Didn’t you get any tortilla chips?” he asks when all the sacks are empty.
I plop onto a barstool and start crying.
“Why are you crying?”
“I don’t know!”
He kisses the top of my head. “It’s not a big deal. I can run and get some or ask my mom to stop.”
“I didn’t get everything on the list, Phillip. I was all excited because I didn’t feel sick this morning. Well, I was worried but excited.”
“Why were you worried?”
“Because, if I’m not sick, couldn’t that mean I’m not pregnant anymore? Or that I’m going to lose the baby? But, on the way to the store, I got nauseous, which made me feel better. So, I was fine shopping—even though I couldn’t find anything—but then I went by the seafood. After that, no matter where I went in the store, I could still smell it. I had to get out of there.”
He pushes my chin up. “You got the beer.”
“That’s all our friends care about. But it’s my first party in our home, Phillip. I want it to be perfect. And that’s not like me.”
“You never stress over parties. You seem to effortlessly throw them.”
“That’s because I always get the beer.” I laugh. “You’re right. The party will be fun because of who is here. It doesn’t matter if the house is perfectly done yet or if there’s a little dust. It’s our friends and family who matter.”
“Exactly right, Princess. Why don’t you stay where you are, tell me what to do, and I’ll make everything?”
“I love you, Phillip,” I say gratefully, knowing I probably won’t be able to cook the hamburger or the cheese dip without gagging.
“Are you excited to open all our wedding presents tonight?” he asks.
“I am. It’s fun that we have room to put everything. I’m so glad that your mom made me keep my parents’ dining room set. It fits the room nicely.”
“Still looks a little bare though.”
“Well, we can’t do everything at once. We spent most of our budget on furnishing our very own sports bar in the basement.”
“Worth every penny,” he says. “It’s an awesome room.”
“It is. I figure we can save up. Do a room at a time. We still need a kitchen table, too. I looked a little online, but I want something special.”
“Special how?”
“I want pieces that mean something to us, not just pretty stuff to fill up the space, if that makes sense. Like my mom’s favorite painting was one she and my dad bought on their honeymoon. I think, when we see what’s right, we’ll know it.”
“The Plaza has an art fair every year. Maybe we could find something there,” he suggests.
“I love that, Phillip. Maybe even a painting of the Plaza itself. Or our fountain. Wouldn’t that be amazing?”
He wipes his hands on a towel and takes mine. “You did all those sketches of what the inside of the offices would look like. Could you do that for our house? Our dream-house book?”
“That’s a great idea, Phillip. I’ll make drawings for each room. And it would be a great way for me to save paint and fabric swatches, decor ideas. In fact, I found a really cool chandelier for the nursery, and I saved a photo from one of the house magazines I was looking at on our flight home from the honeymoon.” I dig through my purse and show Phillip the photo. “See how they did contemporary wingbacks at the heads of the table? I thought that would be so cool, and it’d give the table a more modern look. Hang on.” I grab an empty sketchpad from my office, sit back down at the bar, tape in the photo, and then use a metallic marker to write on the front of the book.
Dream House.
I look at Phillip—really look at him—and my heart swells with love. “You’re pretty smart, Phillip. You’re going to make a great dad.”
I am immediately rewarded with a long, sweet kiss.
I take a nap while Phillip makes a trip to the store.
When he gets back, he gently runs his hand across my face to wake me.
I sigh, feeling blissfully happy. I’m so lucky to be married to Phillip.
“I suppose I’d better get ready. Everyone will be here soon, and I can’t wait to see what we got.”
“We registered for some really cool stuff,” he agrees.
“Phillip, I was thinking we could use some of the money we get to decorate the nursery. Would you be okay with that?”
“I think that’s an awesome idea.”
“I’m excited to decorate the nursery.”
“Do you know what you want?”
“Not yet. Looking at the nursery stores with Lori was both amazing and completely overwhelming. So many directions you can go with decor. Do you have anything in mind?”
“Most nurseries I’ve seen have had bright colors, but it seems counterproductive to me. Don’t we want the baby to sleep in there? Shouldn’t it be calm and serene, like our bedroom?”
“I think that’s a good idea, Phillip. I suppose I should get up and help you put the groceries away.”
“I suppose you should,” he says, surprising me—and not in a good way.
I thought he’d already have it done and maybe want to slip into bed with me.
But, when I get to the kitchen, I see why he wanted me to come out here.
On the island is a beautiful bouquet of flowers.
“What are those for?” I ask.
“No reason really. Although, technically, you’ve been my wife for two weeks now.” He kisses me. “Happy anniversary.”
“Happy anniversary, Phillip. Thank you! They are so pretty. I need to get them in some water. Although I don’t have a vase.”
Phillip runs downstairs and comes up with a pitcher-sized beer mug called Das Boot, which must be German for, Let’s get drunk. He fills it with water while I cut the ends of the stems then arrange them in the glass.
“It looks good,” I say.
“Hopefully, we registered for a vase.” He chuckles.
“Yes, this is looking pretty classy,” I say with a laugh.
He grabs my ass with one hand and kisses my neck.
I raise an eyebrow at him. “Phillip, you didn’t buy flowers for no reason. You want sex, and you’re hoping the flowers will get it for you.”
“Really, going back to the store for you should have been enough, don’t you think?”
“Yes, that was sweet. Did you know you have a sexual tell? Whenever you do this”—I grab his butt and kiss his neck—“it means you want it.”
He gives me a sexy smile but ignores my comment. “And how is my beautiful wife feeling right now?” he asks, picking me up and carrying me into the bedroom.
“Perfect,” I say as he lays me on the bed.
I’m feeling dreamy after our late afternoon romp.
After showering together and getting ready, he checks his phone. “The parents should be here any minute.”
A few minutes later, the doorbell rings, announcing the arrival of the Macs and the Diamonds. After hugs and kisses and questions about the honeymoon, the dads and Phillip are sent out to unload their cars. Very quickly, my hall is filled with bags, and my kitchen island and fridge are filled with more food.
I peek at the roast I put in the oven earlier and see that it’s looking and smelling perfect. I toss in carrots and onions and throw some tinfoil loosely over the top. Then, I get everyone set up with a drink and a chair in the dining room. Lori and Danny join us as well.
Mr. and Mrs. Diamond look at each other and then say at the same time, “We have some news.”
Chuck says, “Mary, why don’t you tell them?”
Mary smiles. “Chuck decided to go into semi-retirement. We want to travel a lot and decided to start by touring the south of France—Monaco, Nice, and the French Riviera. Then, we’re going on a cruise of the Greek Islands. Since Danny is off-season and the baby isn’t due for a few months, we decided it would be the perfect time.”
Mrs. Mac adds, “And I thought I’d travel down here with Doug while he’s on business. Maybe I can help you with the building, JJ.”
“Uh, we have most everything picked out already, but I’m sure Phillip could find you something to do at the office,” I say in a diplomatic way.
Phillip’s sister, Ashley, and her husband, Cooper, arrive midway through the gift opening. This past fall, I was really worried about their marriage.
But, as we open more gifts, I notice that they are sitting very close to each other, the way they did when they were first dating. His hand is on her knee, and she’s beaming.
When we take a break to refill drinks, I pull her aside. “You and Cooper seem so happy. Things going better?”
“Things are going great,” she says. “He was really stressed this fall, trying to finish his master’s degree and studying for his Series Seven license. He graduated, passed the tests, and is back to doing what he loves—selling financial services. He also got a big raise when he got his license, and he’s earning more commission, so he’s taking me on an amazing anniversary trip this spring. We’re going to buy a house soon, and we’re even talking about when we might start a family.”
I give her a hug. “I’m so happy for you, Ash. How’s your job going?”
“It’s good, and it looks like I’ll get to transfer to the school of my choice this fall. I might not be able to teach first grade, but I’ll be in the elementary school in the area where we want to buy a house, so I’m hoping it all works out. What about you? Sounds like the honeymoon was amazing, and I heard you’re breaking ground this week.”
“We are. As soon as we get all the building permits, construction will start.”
“My dad is really excited. Did you hear that he and Mom are going to be staying with you?”
“Like tonight?”
“Yes, tonight, but also while Dad is traveling down here for business. Phillip told him it’d be silly for him to stay in a hotel. While the Diamonds are out of the country, Mom’s going to travel with him. You’re going to have to find some way to keep her busy at the office, or she’s going to be all up in your business.”
“You think?”
“I know. I love my mother, but I wouldn’t want her living with me. You know how she is. Everything has to be done her way. Look,” Ashley says, “it’s already started. See what she just did?”
“Did she just rearrange my water goblets?”
“Yep,” Ashley says, giving me a pat on the back. “You won’t know where anything is in your own house. And imagine what having her here will do to your sex life.”
I wander nonchalantly over to the kitchen cabinet she just rearranged and take a peek. She has all the goblets lined up like little soldiers. She moved the basic ones I use every day to a higher shelf and put the prettier ones on the first shelf.
I shrug off Ashley’s comment because, really, I should use the prettier ones more often. And, once we open presents, I’ll have to rearrange them again anyway.
I’m sure she’s just exaggerating.
They say every couple gets at least one memorable wedding gift. Sometimes, it is good, and sometimes, it is bad, and sometimes, it’s downright ugly.
What we got doesn’t fall into any of these categories. Sure, we got many amazing and thoughtful gifts. Gorgeous sets of china and stemware, everyday dishes, serveware, Christmas items, gourmet cookware, garage essentials, candlesticks, gadgets, table linens, sheets, and towels.
But our memorable thing is a Nebraska garden gnome. He’s small and dressed in our team colors with a cute hat, but I’m pretty sure this gnome is up to no good.
I privately tell Phillip, “I’m not sure about the gnome. Did you see his shifty eyes? He’s looking up at you like he’s good, yet he still looks evil. I think he has a plan to take over the world. Can you imagine trying to bow to a gnome?”
“You’re being silly. I think it’s kinda cute. And, besides, it’s a Nebraska gnome.”
By the time we get all the presents opened, the moms have drunk a fair amount of wine. They help me do the dinner dishes and quickly retire. Lori goes home. Ashley and Cooper can’t seem to wait to get to their hotel, and Danny, Phillip, and the dads are smoking cigars in the hot tub.
I’m puttering around, putting a few of the gifts away.
I decide to tackle the china, proudly opening Mom’s cabinet while imagining her doing the very same thing after she and my dad were married.
I’m emotional, and I might have a few tears in my eyes as I reach for a vegetable bowl.
“Ahh!” I scream because there, behind the bowl, stands the gnome.
Oh my gosh! The gnome moved!
Don’t laugh. I’m serious.
After the gnome was opened and passed around the room, I set the gnome on the buffet table with some other home decor items—beautiful picture frames, crystal candlesticks, and some cool hurricane lanterns.
I judge the distance from the buffet to the table and wonder how he got there.
It’s then that I realize the gnome is smirking at me.
And I know his expression has changed because I clearly remember pointing out his creepy smile.
I walk out to the deck and ask Phillip, “Hey, you know that Nebraska garden gnome? Do you remember it’s facial expression?”
“What?” Mr. Mac says, scotch sloshing.
“I do,” Danny says with a naughty smirk of his own. “It has an O-shaped mouth, like he’d just been pleasured by a girl gnome.”
They all laugh like it’s the funniest thing they have ever heard.
I go back and look at the gnome. He’s wearing the creepy smile again, and he might have just winked at me.
I ignore the stupid gnome, grab the adorable football-shaped chip and dip bowl and a set of stacked stainless steel bowls, and take them to the kitchen to use for the party tomorrow. Then, I grab the mugs that will be perfect for Bloody Marys and put them in the dishwasher.
Time for bed.
But, as I’m brushing my teeth, I can’t stop thinking about the gnome.
I run back to the dining room and look the gnome in the eye. He responds with a blank stare—the kind of stare people give you when they are trying to pretend they don’t care about something very important.
I throw some gift wrap over his head and go to bed.
