I wake up early and stretch my arms out. I feel good. I’m super excited to say that I think—hope/pray—that my morning sickness is officially over. I haven’t dared to say it to anyone who asks how I’m feeling, for fear I’ll jinx myself and it will come back.
I hear that Phillip is taking a shower, so I decide to surprise him by getting up and making him breakfast.
I open the pantry to get the pancake mix out.
“Ahh!” I say.
Okay, maybe I screamed really loud because Phillip comes rushing out, towel wrapped around his waist and dripping wet.
“What’s wrong?”
“Um,” I say, feeling ridiculous for screaming. “I, uh, thought I saw something.”
“Like what?”
I let out a big sigh and then open the pantry and show him.
He jumps back. “What the hell is the gnome doing in there? And why is he holding a noose?”
“He’s threatening us!” I say, slamming the door shut. “He scared the shit out of me! How does he keep moving?”
Phillip narrows his eyes. “Danny was in our dining room last night after dinner. He said he was looking at our wedding photos.”
“The ones your mom decided to put into all the frames we got as wedding gifts and display all over the dining room?”
He glazes right over my irritation with his mother. “Yes, exactly. And he was looking sneaky.”
“Do you think he’s the one who’s been moving it?”
“It would make sense,” Phillip says.
“And it’s a whole lot more comforting than the alternative.”
“What’s the alternative?”
“That the gnome is slowly working its way into the kitchen, so it can find a knife to kill us in our sleep.”
“You’ve watched too many scary movies.”
“You and Danny used to make me watch them. I hate them!”
Phillip wraps his wet arms around me. “I loved them because, when you were scared, you always snuggled up next to me.”
“That’s because Danny was just as scared as I was. If I recall, he was snuggled up to you, too. Although I’m sure he would deny it.”
“So, what do you think?” He smirks, holding the gnome in front of me. “Time for some payback?”
“Definitely,” I say, my hand sliding under his towel.
“Let’s put the gnome back in the drawer, so Danny doesn’t know we know he’s moving it.”
Phillip’s brushing his teeth while I curl my hair.
“I don’t know, Phillip. I’m not sure it was Danny. How would he even know to do it?”
Phillip has a mouthful of toothpaste and is talking through it, “I maybe told him you thought it stomped on the wrapping paper.”
“Were you making fun of me, Phillip?”
“I was maybe laughing a little.”
“A little?”
“Fine, I thought it was pretty darn funny. Danny was laughing his ass off.”
“Then, it was definitely him. We need to get back at him by putting the gnome somewhere only he would find it.”
“His workout room,” Phillip says. “It’s going to be done in a couple of days.”
“Yeah, but Lori is going to do yoga and work out there, too.”
“Hmm,” Phillip says.
“Oh! I know! The sauna. Lori said Danny is all excited for it, but she’s bummed she can’t go in it while she’s pregnant due to the heat.”
“That’s perfect,” Phillip says. “You’re brilliant.”
