Big parties in Westown are usually held in a cornfield somewhere out in the boonies. This party is kind of hard to find, but I can see there are already a ton of cars here. As Lisa parks, my mind is on Jake. Jake and I have been dating off and on for over a year.
I really like Jake, but do I love him?
That’s the big question.
I tell him that I love him, but I’m not sure that he’s, like, the real love of my life. I just can’t really picture myself married to him. I mean, he’s no prince. But he’s a decent high school boyfriend, and we usually have fun.
Well, we have fun when he’s not being a jerk.
That is why our relationship has been as much off as it’s been on.
Jake was quarterback of this year’s football team. Granted, they sucked, but can you imagine how hard it was to follow in Danny’s shoes? To follow a record-setter and state champion? Danny was a great high school quarterback, he’ll be a great college quarterback, and it wouldn’t surprise anyone if he went on to be a great pro quarterback.
Jake probably won’t even go to college. It’s not that Jake’s not a smart and athletic guy. It’s just like he’s missing something, like the drive to succeed. His bangs are always falling onto his face, and you never know for sure what’s going on behind those smoldering, dark eyes. He’s a sexy combination of athlete and bad boy. He has a hot, casual look about him.
Like he’d skip school and say, Who cares? Let’s go on a picnic.
Not that he’s ever done that.
Or, Hop on my motorcycle, and we’ll just ride with nowhere in mind to go.
Okay, never done that either.
I think that’s the big difference between Jake, Phillip, and Danny. Jake has nowhere in mind to go. Phillip and Danny both seem to know exactly where they are going.
When I think about the kind of guy I want to marry, I think I might prefer someone who knows where he is going. I mean, a prince pretty much has his whole life planned out already, doesn’t he? And this is important because I have no idea where I’m going or what I want to do with my life.
I do know some things. I know I want to go to college, but I’m not sure where. I’m not that bad though; I do have it narrowed down to two. I want to have a successful career, but doing what? Maybe be an architect, but how do I know if it’s right? I want to marry a great guy, but I don’t know who. I want to have kids someday and be a great mom, but I’m not sure I’ll know how.
You know, life is weird. There are times I feel so grown-up and like I know everything I need to know, but then I think about the future and realize how little I do.
Sometimes, being a teenager sucks.
But back to Jake.
It’s taking me forever to figure out what to wear tonight. Normally, I would just be in jeans, a cute, fitted T-shirt, and tennies.
But not tonight.
Tonight, I want to make an impression. Tonight, I am finally going to do it with Jake.
Why am I finally going to do it with Jake?
Well, I’m still not one hundred percent sure on that. I mean, Jake definitely wants to, and I have made him wait for over a year. Sort of. It’s like, every time I start to think I am ready, we usually get in a fight about it and break up. But, this time, we have gone a whole month without a breakup, and he is really wanting to. It’s pretty much all he talks about. And I don’t know why I have waited so long anyway. Lisa has been doing it for a long time now. Katie’s doing it with Billy Prescott, and they’ve been dating for only, like, two months, but she is very certain he’s the love of her life. I turned eighteen a few weeks ago, so, I mean, I’m officially an adult and all. I just don’t really feel like one yet. And then there’s the whole am I really that in love with him, and is he really the one thing. So, even though I’m not sure about every detail, I do feel like it’s time. Part of me just wants to get it over with!
Months ago, I told Katie and Lisa that Jake wanted to take our relationship to the next level, so they dragged me to Victoria’s Secret. At their urging, I bought a fuchsia-and-black stretch lace bra and matching low-rise, thong panties. Lisa says wearing the high ones and showing them is so tacky.
I’ve had the bra and panties for months now. They’ve just been sitting there, in my drawer, waiting patiently. They’ve been there so long that, every time I open the drawer, even they ask me when I’m finally going to do it. So, after much deliberation, I have decided tonight is the night.
After many clothing changes and panicked calls to Lisa, she takes pity on me and comes over early. She does my makeup, and I try on more clothes, finally settling on a pair of low-fitting, dark denim jeans, some obnoxiously high-heeled black sandals that she scrounged around and found in Mom’s closet, and a shrunken raspberry cashmere sweater. I love the sweater. It feels so soft on my skin that I keep wanting to hug myself, but I suppose me feeling myself up would look a little weird, so I just keep petting the sleeve a little.
Lisa and I re-gloss our lips, make sure nothing unfortunate is hanging out of each other’s noses, get out of the car, and head toward the party.
As usual, the Warner twins are in charge of the door.
The Warner twins, Gary and Larry, are seniors, too. They come from a big farm family, and, believe it or not, they have siblings named Cary, Barry, Harry, Mary, and Jerry.
Kinda SCARY … get it?
Scary rhymes, too.
Oh, never mind.
They are both huge farm boys, about three hundred pounds apiece, and the pipeline for our football team’s offense. Basically, they are so big that they’ll either knock you down or run you over like a pair of freight trains. To look at them, you’d think big, tough, and dumb as doorknobs, yet they are both at the top of our class academically, crazy practical jokers, and really just great big teddy bears. I love those guys.
Lisa and I say hi to the boys and hand them our money.
I ask, “Is Jake here yet? I didn’t see his truck.”
Gary looks confused. “You’re supposed to meet Jake here?”
The boys exchange pointed looks.
Larry looks me up and down and changes the subject. “Hey, you look hot tonight.” He then gives his brother another weird glance.
“Thanks. What’s going on? Come on, boys, spill the beans.”
“Um, JJ. Gosh, I don’t want to tell you this, but Jake is here, and, um, well, maybe I should start by telling you that I’ve never liked Jake much,” Gary stammers.
I give him a frustrated look. “Keep going.”
He grimaces. “All right. Well, Jake is here, but he’s with another girl.”
“Yeah, some slut from Park,” Larry pipes in. Larry adds with his hands cupped in front of his chest, “And she has got the biggest cans I have ever seen. And you can see the top part of those thong underwear thingies right here”—he turns and points down to his own side—“above her jeans. You know, like …”
“Lar-ry,” Gary interrupts with a don’t say stuff like that scowl to his brother.
Okay, my practical jokers. I’m not that gullible.
“Really?” I say, testing them. “So, what does she look like?”
Gary and Larry blankly look at me.
“We just told you, JJ,” Larry says.
“I mean, her face, boys.”
They look at each other like they don’t have a clue what her face looks like. I know it’s a joke for sure.
“Look, I know you two. Very funny. Ha-ha. Come on, Lisa, let’s go get a beer.”
We head to the keg and find Phillip there. He hands Lisa a beer.
What a sweetie.
Phillip looks so cute tonight in a deep purple polo shirt with a pair of those plaid patchwork shorts. Yes, I picked out his outfit. I must say, the dark purple color looks so good on him. Phillip is really quite cute. And I know he wanted to look especially nice for this girl he has been talking to and is hoping to hook up with tonight.
It makes me kinda wish I wanted to hook up with an adorable boy like Phillip rather than Jake.
But I’m not backing down. Tonight is the night.
For better or worse because I seriously cannot go to college as a virgin.
I grab a red plastic cup, tilt it under the tap, and let him fill it with beer.
He whispers in my ear, “We need to talk.”
“About what?”
“Jake. He’s here with another girl, and she’s all over him. It’s pretty obvious it’s a date.”
Phillip gently touches my arm and tells me this news in a hushed tone, like a doctor who just lost a patient would tell the family.
“Shut up, Phillip. You’re just in on the twins’ big joke, right?”
“Princess, I’m not joking. When did you and Jake break up anyway, and why didn’t you tell me?” He looks at me closer and says sweetly, “You look gorgeous, by the way.”
I melt slightly because that is exactly the look I was going for, and then I say very seriously, “Phillip, we so did not break up. I am—or was—supposed to meet him here tonight. We spoke about it just a few hours ago. I mean, I didn’t tell Jake, but I decided tonight is the night.”
But, in my mind, I wonder. I really don’t think Phillip would joke about something like this. Honestly, he would probably tell me about the joke, so I could play along. I look at the ground. The reality of what this could be is sinking in.
“You’re serious?”
“Come over here.” He takes my hand and guides me away from the keg and everyone’s ears.
“Let me get this straight. He didn’t break up with you? He told you to meet him here and then brought another girl to the party? That’s it. I’m going to kill him.”
“Phillip, calm down. Are you sure he brought her?”
I’m thinking this can’t possibly be true, yet at the same time, there’s this sinking feeling in my stomach.
“Maybe she’s just over there, trying to pick him up. That happens sometimes. Girls like Jake. I’ll just walk over and see what’s going on. Surely, there’s a logical explanation for this.”
I turn to walk toward Jake.
Phillip grabs my arm. “There’s not a logical explanation for this. They came here together. I saw them. The boys up front were really pissed about it, but they thought you must have come to your senses and broken up with the loser. They figured he’d brought her to try to make you jealous. Plus, he’s been kissing her like crazy.” He sighs. “Well, at least one good thing will come out of this.”
“What’s that?”
“You’re not doing it with Jake.”
I roll my eyes at that boy. He has always been very much against my doing it with Jake. He told me, if I wanted to lose it that bad, I should do it with a friend, a guy who would at least treat me right, but I can’t go asking Joey or Dillon to just do me.
How awkward would that be?
So, then Phillip made me a pros and cons list—well, I should say a cons list; I had to add the pros because he couldn’t come up with any pros for Jake.
Maybe he was sort of right after all.
“Where are they anyway?”
He leans next to me and points. “Over there, on the other side of the bonfire. Can you see him?”
I follow his finger with my eyes and say sadly, “Yeah. God, she really does have big boobs.”
Phillip sympathetically looks at me. “You know what? He’s not worth it. Let’s go get you out of here. We’ll go get some ice cream or pizza or something.”
Like ice cream could fix this mess. Well, it can fix just about anything, hmm. You know, it might be worth a try.
No. I need to get to the bottom of this first. Plus, that wouldn’t be fair to Phillip. Even though he’s going to prom with Carrie Sadler, I know he was hoping to hook up with Megan Masters tonight.
“Phillip, let me be clear about this. I’m not going anywhere until I talk to Jake.”
I think.
“Why would you do that?” Phillip asks me, like it’s the stupidest thing he’s ever heard in his entire life.
“Because I think I deserve to know what the hell’s going on. Don’t I? Wouldn’t you want to know?”
“What do you want? Some big confrontation? You screaming or crying or making a fool of yourself while he sits there with that cocky grin of his, ogling his big-boobed date? Who, I might add, has the reputation of being the biggest slut in the whole frickin’ county.”
I throw my full cup of beer down on the ground in frustration, stomp my foot, and say, “No! That is not what I want.”
Shoot.
I need to think.
“I’m gonna go for a walk, Phillip,” I tell him as he walks over to pick up my cup. He could never litter.
“Good. Let’s go,” he says, following me.
“I thought you wanted to hang out with Megan tonight. And it’s not fair for me to mess up your plans just because my boyfriend is a jerk. Well, ex-boyfriend, I guess.”
Phillip grabs my hands again and says in that smooth, adorable voice of his, “Princess, there’s no one I’d rather hang out with more than you. You know that.”
I look at him and feel warm inside. He really is the sweetest friend.
And I really don’t know how to deal with all of this, so I’m not even sure what I should tell him.
I need to think.
“Um, I’m just gonna walk out to Lisa’s car, grab my lip gloss, and think about this.”
Phillip looks at me like he’s not sure he believes me.
“Just give me fifteen minutes. If I’m not back, you can charge out on your horse and rescue me.” I stop and give Phillip a hug. “I love you, Phillip. You’ll always be my best friend. And you must be a very good friend if you are willing to choose hanging out with me over getting laid. Especially when we know I’m going to do nothing but sob and complain about my stupid, cheating boyfriend. So, I just … I, um, I appreciate it, okay?” I back up and lightly punch his shoulder. “I’m just shocked, and I need to figure out what to do. I promise, I’ll be back, and hopefully, when I come back, I will have some sort of a plan. Just don’t go killing anybody yet, okay?”
He nods.
I kind of lower my head and look at the ground, scuffing the dirt with Mom’s strappy sandals because I’m not so good at this part. You know, the admitting-I-might-have-been-wrong part.
“Thanks for telling me. I’m glad I didn’t go charging over there.”
So, I start walking to the car.
In my mind are a bazillion questions.
How could I have been so stupid? Has he been cheating on me the whole time? Some of the time?
What am I going to do? To say?
How could Jake do this to me?
What an asshole.
Okay, Jadyn James Reynolds, pull yourself together.
What’s your plan?
My plan so far is …
Get to Lisa’s car.
Have a big, quiet temper tantrum.
Maybe scream silently and cry my eyes out, somehow without messing up my mascara.
Darn! I knew I should have worn the waterproof kind.
Then, I will put on some stupid lip gloss and go back into the party. I might even confront Jake. I will hold my head up high and stand up straight and tall.
Grandpa used to tell me to do that. “Walk into the place like you own it, JJ, and people will think that you do.” Of course, he also said, “If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.”
I have to admit, I am kind of good at that. People tend to underestimate blondes. They just think we are naturally dumb, and, well, on occasion, I might have used that to my advantage.
But back to Jake.
Can I convince him that the slut doesn’t bother me?
Can I walk in there like I own the place?
I can’t let him know he’s upset me; that’s for sure!
I’m almost back to the entrance and about to walk past Gary and Larry when I see three guys heading our way.
I’d know that strut anywhere.
What to my wondrous eyes should appear?
Danny!
I can’t believe it! He’s here! As a quarterback, he’s known for his perfect timing, and I’m so glad it has spilled over into my life. His timing couldn’t be more perfect. Because he’s just the guy I need to see tonight. Hanging out with Danny is practically therapeutic. I get so wrapped up in having fun, competing, or conspiring with him that I forget about everything else. I think I might need that tonight! And the fact that he brought a couple of hot friends? I mean, it’s pretty much a given that they don’t go unnoticed by me.
So, I try to forget about Jake and Boobs and remind myself that I look damn good tonight.
If Jake can enjoy himself, I think, well, maybe I can, too.
Two can play that game, right?
Maybe one of Danny’s friends will think I’m cute. Maybe I can make Jake jealous.
Do I want to make Jake jealous?
Yes.
Do I want to make him apologize and beg me for forgiveness?
Yes.
Will I take him back if he asks?
Absolutely not.
Hmm.
I’m almost sure of that.
I walk up next to Gary and Larry, who stare at me with concern. I don’t say anything to them.
I just raise my arms high in the air and yell loudly, “So, what? You’ve had enough of hot coeds and wild fraternity parties, and you just wanted to drink from a keg in a cornfield?”
Danny hears me and starts running toward me at full speed. I’m afraid for a moment that he’s going to tackle me, but he stops on a dime in front of me and pulls me into a big bear hug.
Then, he pushes me out to arm’s length, looks me up and down, and says, “Jay. Damn! You look … hot?” He says it in a way that is half-statement and half-question. Like looking hot is unusual for me.
Okay, so it is.
“What, are you drunk already? Danny, I know spring practice is over, but—”
“Sexy as hell actually,” Danny interrupts, nodding his head and grinning lasciviously at me, finally deciding that I indeed look good.
Wow. Maybe Lisa is right. Maybe I should dress this way more often.
“This is John and Michael,” Danny says, introducing me to his hot, muscular friends. “John, Michael, this is Jay. I don’t think you’ve ever met.”
Did I mention that John is quite cute?
“This is Jay?” John says. “Wow. The way you talked, I thought Jay was a dude.”
“Definitely not, boys.” Danny grins, his eyes running lazily up and down my body. “Definitely not.”
Hey, stop that! You’re making me nervous.
“Where’s Jake anyway? I’m surprised that, with you looking like that”—he looks me up and down again—“he’s not attached to your hip.”
Before I can answer, Danny turns to Gary and Larry and gives them high fives and slaps on the back. “How the hell are my two favorite linemen?”
The twins grin proudly.
Crap. Skip the part about picking up one of the friends and trying to make Jake jealous.
I can’t do this.
Can there be quicksand in a cornfield?
I didn’t think it was ecologically possible, but I’m pretty sure I’m sinking into some right now.
No, JJ, you’re just losing your mind. No biggie.
Well, that’s reassuring.
I’ve got to get out of here.
So, I announce to no one in particular, “Jake and I broke up.”
“Sweet. When? Why didn’t you call me, Jay?” Danny smiles and turns back toward me.
“Tonight, apparently, when he brought some other girl to the party.”
Danny’s face has questions written all over it.
Questions I’m not prepared to answer quite yet.
And do I really want to tell Danny my humiliating story in front of two hot guys?
Uh, no.
“Um, the Ringling Brothers here,” I say with a nod toward Gary and Larry, “can give you all the gory details. I gotta go.”
And I just walk away. I must be more upset than I realized because I just walked away from two college hotties.
But, yeah, I actually did it. Just walked away.
You’d think Lisa’s car was my salvation. I just need to keep it together until I get there.
God, this sucks.
First, I was confused about whether to do it with Jake. Then, I finally made the decision, and he does this.
I officially need to give up on him.
Granted, I probably should have a long time ago, but, God, what am I gonna do now?
What am I gonna do every Saturday night? Who will I talk to before I go to bed?
Oh, well, yeah, still Phillip, but I mean, before that?
All right, decision time.
What am I going to do?
I need options.
Okay.
Option one: go in there, make a scene, punch him in the face, and tell him off.
Phillip would like that option—well, except for the fact that he wants to be the one to punch Jake. Either would probably make me feel good, but unfortunately, sometimes, when I get mad, I start crying. And, if I cry, Jake will think he hurt me, and I can’t have that.
Option two: ignore him, like he is of no interest to me. Then, wait and see what he does.
Hmm.
Maybe?
Option three: listen to Phillip, call it a night, and go home.
All options suck!
Okay.
Here’s what I’ll do: I’ll hang out with my friends and completely ignore Jake. I’ll act like I’m having a good time and see if he comes and talks to me.
I’ll listen to my friends bash Jake, maybe get good and drunk, then go home and cry on Phillip’s shoulder, as usual.
The walk to the car is difficult because it’s pretty dark now and hard to see the ground.
I’m trying to walk sexy but nonchalant—you know, in case there are any college boys looking my way—while thinking about Jake at the same time. But, when you walk in a cornfield, you really do have to focus on where you are going, especially in four-inch heels, or you will trip on a clod of dirt or an old, dried-up cornstalk and fall flat on your face.
Finally, I make it to the car.
Now what?
I am cold. I am mad and sad and hurt and embarrassed. I feel stupid. I am mad and …
Is that normal?
Can anyone normal feel this many emotions all at once?
And here’s the big question.
Reality checkpoint.
Am I upset because I loved Jake or because he dumped me?
Just think, JJ!
Danny’s voice calls out to me. I turn around and see him jogging over, noticing he hasn’t once looked at the ground.
Figures.
I lean my back up against the car and take a deep, cleansing breath. You’re gonna have to keep it together a little while longer, I tell myself.
Danny strides up to me. “Hey, don’t leave. Jake’s a dick. He’s always been a dick, and he will always be a dick. You should be glad you’re rid of him.”
“Gee, thanks. I think I know that now.”
“Just be done with him for good this time, okay? He doesn’t deserve you.” He studies my face. “You okay?”
“Yeah, I think so.” Then, I whine, “Could he not have had the decency to a least break up with me first? And did he have to pick a total slut to rub my face in it? Why would he do this to me?”
But, in my mind, I think I already know the answer.
Simple really.
Because I wouldn’t do it with him.
Because, seriously, what girl in this day and age would make a guy wait that long?
What is wrong with me?
Danny looks grimly at me. “The twins told me who he brought to the party. I’m assuming you guys still haven’t done it.”
Excuse me! I know we are friends and all, but do we really need to discuss this?
This is my virginity here. I should have a little privacy, I think.
But I sigh and say, “No, not yet.”
I sigh again and realize that at least I can talk to Danny about this stuff better than I can with Phillip. Danny listens.
Hell, Danny is willing to teach when necessary.
Phillip, on the other hand, got upset with me for even considering doing it with Jake.
“Oh, Danny,” I say, taking a big breath.
And, darn it, if everything I’ve been thinking doesn’t just come rushing out of my mouth.
All in one big jumble.
“We haven’t yet, but he has been bugging me about it so much. Every time we go out, it ends in a fight because I say no, and he gets pissed. So, of course, I’m constantly thinking about it, and I finally decide, why not do it? Why keep waiting? So, guess what, Danny. I decided tonight was the night, and I tried to dress hot, and I’ve got on the greatest underwear, and I’m all mentally prepared, and WHAT?” I say, my hands flying out in front of me. “He shows up with some imported girl, and no one can even tell me what she looks like because they can’t seem to get any further than her boobs and her thong—which I’m also wearing, by the way, but I wouldn’t let it hang out like that. And the whole reason I didn’t do it with him in the first place is because he never made me feel like I wanted to. I mean, come on, Danny, aren’t guys supposed to do something to a girl that makes her want to? I mean, I kind of thought maybe it was just Jake or something, but since he’s obviously doing Miss Teen Boobage, he must be fine, and it’s probably just me.”
I take a big gulp of air, slump up against the car, and look up at the star-filled sky.
Shit. I can’t believe I just said all that.
Danny moves in a little closer to me. He smiles and shakes his head. He’s got a bright, contagious smile. Usually, when I see it, I can’t help but smile back at the boy. But not tonight.
He moves in a little closer.
A lot closer actually.
I’m about to say something else, but as I open my mouth to speak, he puts a finger up to my lips to shush me and says, “Jay,” in the sexiest way.
Then, he kisses me.
And oh. My. God.
The boy can kiss.
He can so kiss.
I almost forgot how good he could kiss. I swear, I can feel it all the way down to my toes and in some other very interesting places in between. And I think I get it. God, I could let him kiss me forever, and I’m pretty sure I would let him do just about anything else.
I never, ever felt like this with Jake. Maybe that’s why I’ve been holding back.
Then, damn it, he stops, and thinking out loud, I say, “Well, doesn’t that just suck?”
“Huh?”
“Oh. Sorry. Not you. You’re great, Danny. I’ve just realized I’ve probably wasted a year of my life on an idiot who is a really bad kisser!” And then, with a gasp of realization, I throw my hand up over my mouth and say, “Oh God, did it rub off on me? Have I become a terrible kisser, too?”
Like I need something else to worry about.
Danny wraps strong arms around me.
Did I mention that, all of a sudden, he now looks, well, like a man?
Wow! When did that happen, and why did I not notice it before?
He’s grown up.
A lot.
He pulls me back in close. “Well, I can’t be sure.” He laughs. “The line judge didn’t have a clear view, the side judge over there was watching the cheerleaders, and since there’s no instant replay available”—he shrugs his shoulders and tilts his head—“I’m just gonna have to call a do-over.”
Real original, Mr. Smooth. But I like it.
“You’re a cheater,” I say.
“Better than being a liar,” he fires back.
And then he kisses me again, except it’s even better this time because there are no thoughts in my mind about Jake.
I mean, Jake who?
Eventually, to my dismay, he stops kissing me.
I bite the edge of my lip and say nervously, “So, what’s the call?”
I get the kind of intense look that is usually reserved for football.
“You kiss fine. Better than fine actually. Uh, how ’bout we go get a drink?”
Uh, no. How about we just stay here and drown my sorrows in your kisses?
“Um, yeah. I need to get back in there anyway—before Phillip sends out the cavalry.”
“You know, Phillip and I really care about you. We hated you dating a guy like Jake. We’ve never had any proof, but I’m pretty sure this isn’t the first time he’s cheated on you.”
Figures.
I grab my lip gloss out of the car, put it in my pocket, and shut the door. I stop, grab the car handle, and start to open the door as I say aloud to myself, “I suppose I’d better grab my jacket.”
“You don’t need a jacket, Jay,” Danny says, taking my hand. “I’m pretty sure I can keep you warm.”
God, am I swooning?
I’m not exactly sure what swooning is, but I might very well be doing it.
He leads me back toward Frick and Frack, who I am sure have been watching everything.
Gary says to Danny, “You know, Big D, the shit’s gonna hit the fan if you do that”—they both roll their eyes in the direction of the car, indicating that they saw us kissing—“in there.” They lean their heads in the direction of the party.
“I’m pretty sure I don’t care what Jake thinks,” Danny states emphatically.
As we walk by them toward the party, Gary smiles, slaps Danny on the back, and says, “Well, Big D, if you need it, the pipeline’s got your back. And, hey, JJ, did we ever mention that there might have been a few times during the season when we accidentally tripped and Jake got sacked?”
I grin at that thought. Looking back, I give those boys a salute. I always knew I liked them for a reason.
Danny and I laugh and head toward the keg where our friends have gathered. Michael and John are standing around it, chatting with Phillip, and seem to have already hit it off with Lisa and Katie. I wonder where Billy, the love of Katie’s life, is.
Phillip leans in toward the keg and pumps it again for Lisa as he suspiciously eyes me.
I’m okay, I mouth silently to him.
He nods his head toward Danny, whose arms are wrapped around my waist, and mouths back, I see that. But his eyes are big with questions.
Accusing-type questions.
I know he’s wondering why Danny is holding me, but he probably thinks Danny did the same thing he would have done eventually. And that is to drag me back in here and help me have some fun.
Or not.
Phillip wanted to take me out of here.
I watch as Phillip and Danny do the whole male back-slap, high-five, fist-bumping stuff.
“Hey, Mac.”
“What’s up, Big D?”
Gary and Larry, done with their door duty, come join our little group.
Larry holds up a big bottle of Jack Daniel’s as he says, “Let’s get down to business,” takes a big swig, and passes me the booze.
Now, I’m not much of a drinker, maybe just a beer or two, but my, this does go down smoothly tonight. I’m standing in front of Danny, who has us both wrapped inside his brown leather jacket.
Did I mention that Danny smells really good? He has an amazingly sexy, crisp, citrusy smell. And I flash back to standing in Hollister with him, helping him pick out a scent girls would die for.
And, now, I am the girl dying for it.
Fate?
Everyone is seemingly having a great time. The guys are telling old jokes and old stories. But I’m having a hard time listening to them because, as they are talking, Danny slides the hair off my neck and peppers it with little ticklish kisses. I think, right now, they are telling about the time Gary and Larry convinced a carload of city boys that they could drive straight through a huge hay roll, and the hay would fly out all around them, just like on cartoons. P.S. For you city folk, it’s a lie. They might as well have run into a tree. Fortunately, no one was severely injured. Everyone laughs, and I almost forget about Jake.
Almost.
The bottle goes around again, and I take a little swig. When Danny kisses me, his mouth feels hot from the whiskey, and the hot feeling of our mouths combined with the cool weather is incredible. I can’t help but wonder if Jake has seen us, but I’m assuming he is too busy with the sleaze. Phillip, on the other hand, is watching us like a hawk. A hawk with a scowl on his face. Or I guess, technically, it would be a beak.
Oh, whatever.
I’m not sure why he’s scowling, and I’m too enthralled with Danny to care. I mean, I know Phillip watches out for me like a big brother, but I really don’t think he needs to worry about Danny. He loves the guy.
Lisa announces that she has to pee, grabs my arm, and drags me off to a remote corner of the cornfield.
I’m sure she has to pee, but I also know that she is dying to know how I’ve ended up with Danny.
Sure enough, as soon as we are out of earshot, she screeches, “Ohmigawd, JJ! Danny! How did that happen?”
“I’m not exactly sure.” Because I’m not. “But you might be right about the clothes and makeup.”
“Told you. So, did you just jump him in the parking lot or what? God, I’ve had a crush on him since, like, eighth grade.”
Her and every other girl in school.
“Do you know how lucky you are? I mean, Danny is one hundred percent pure, unadulterated hotness.”
I laugh and wonder if she even knows what unadulterated means. Probably one of her SAT study words. I’m tempted to ask her, but she’s still gushing.
“I mean, I always thought you were lucky just to live by him because you got to see him mow with no shirt on.”
“Don’t get all revved up about this, Lisa. I practically had a meltdown out there in front of him. He’s just trying to make me feel better. Help my ego,” I say, trying to convince myself that’s all there is to this. It just doesn’t really feel that way.
“Like you’ve ever had ego problems.”
Well, I am usually quite confident. But Lisa doesn’t understand how I have perfected the game face from years of playing sports. And trust me; I’m wearing it big time right now so that she can’t see the hurt and confusion I’m feeling over the whole Jake-dumping-me thing.
“I really think he’s just being a good friend.”
Lisa, not deterred from her fantasy, says, “Yeah, well, you don’t usually see good friends kissing like that. And, come on, you’ve been good friends for a long time and had a lot of boy issues, and you’ve never made out with him before.”
“Uh …” I kind of squint my eyes and look guilty before I realize it.
“Shut up!” Lisa’s eyes get huge. “You made out with Danny and didn’t tell me? When?”
“It’s not a big deal. It was a long time ago.”
“How long ago?”
“Freshman year, but I begged him to. I needed to know how to French kiss.”
“And that worked? I should’ve tried that one because I know you’d kissed boys before that.”
“Not really. I had that date with Ryan Marshall, and I was just a wreck about it.”
“So, he told you how, or he taught you how?” She has a goofy grin on her face, and I know she is dying for details.
“Taught me.”
Her eyes get big again.
“Okay, I give up.” I hold my hands in the air. “Enough questions. We made out for a couple of hours, and it worked. When I went on my date, I knew how to make out properly.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It was really no big deal; plus, he was dating someone at the time.”
“Who?” she asks, like this very old news is some juicy piece of gossip.
“I don’t remember. Some cheerleader, I think.”
“Which one?” She is still enthralled.
“They’re all the same one, Lisa.” I shake my head because Danny’s girls are pretty much all the same. “They just have different names ending with the letter Y.”
She laughs and nods, knowing exactly what I mean. “Okay, so Jake? You were all set to … you know with him. So, are ya bummed?”
“No, not really.”
“Ohmigawd! I have a brilliant idea. You can do it with Danny!”
“I am not going to be doing it with Danny.”
I don’t think.
But I’ll admit this: I feel like I could.
“I probably shouldn’t even be kissing him, but I am glad that I didn’t do it with Jake. I knew it wasn’t right with him. Not enough sparks.”
How did I date him for over a year? Well, off and on anyway.
Lisa nudges my elbow and raises her eyebrows, grinning at me like a Cheshire cat. “Any sparks with Danny?”
“Lisa, with Danny, I might very well burst into flames.”
“Well, the way he was drooling over you, I’m thinking it’s way more than a friend thing. And it’s about freaking time!”
“So, what’s up with you and John? You two are looking friendly.” I nudge her back. “He’s very cute.”
“He is adorable. Did you see the muscles on him? I just want to squeeze them all. And he wants us to come down to Lincoln before school gets out and party with them.”
“Just be careful. He is a college boy,” I warn. Not that it will make a bit of difference.
“Okay.” She wiggles. “Now, I really do have to pee. See you back there.”
I’m walking by myself back toward the party when Phillip seems to step out of thin air.
“JJ,” he says.
Ooh, I’m in trouble when I’m JJ, not Princess.
“How ’bout I take you home? You’ve had a rough night with Jake and all, and, well, you’re starting to drink a lot.” I start to speak, but he holds his hand up in the halt position and finishes, “And you know Danny is one of my best friends, but I’m not sure I trust you with him tonight.”
“What? You think I might damage his reputation? That big stud Danny has to stoop to dating useless virgins?”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Phillip,” I say, exasperated, “can you please let me scrape a little fun out of what is left of my night? Danny is a good guy, and you know it.”
“Yeah, well, tonight, he looks like he could eat you alive. I’m not sure I like it, and I’m really not sure you can handle it.”
“Phillip, I’m fine, and I haven’t been drinking a lot. I’ve had two tiny sips of Jack, but I didn’t drive, and I’ll get drunk if I want to.” Of course, I don’t want to, but he doesn’t need to know that. “And, anyway, what’s so wrong with having someone look at me like that? Maybe I want to be wanted.”
Phillip is getting really bossy, and I hate that, so I say, just to spite him, “You know how I told you tonight was the night?” Okay, I know what I’m about to say is not even close to being true, but I say it anyway, just to give him something to think about and because, honestly, I have been thinking about it, too, “Maybe it still is.” I shrug my shoulders, like my virginity is something that requires very little thought. “Who knows, Phillip? Maybe I’ll just switch the guy.”
Phillip’s eyes get huge at that comment. I know I’m not being very nice to him, but he’s pissing me off. I turn on my heels. They’ve sunk into the dirt, and I nearly trip, but I maintain control and start to walk away.
I stop, turn around, and continue, “And stop scowling at me every time I take a drink. I’m a big girl, Phillip. I can take care of myself.”
I march off in the direction of the keg.
When I get there, Danny runs his hand across the bare skin at my waist, giving me instant goose bumps across my entire body. He hands me the bottle.
I take another sip and pass it on to John as Danny whispers in my ear, “So, tell me about this great underwear.”
That gives me goose bumps all over again.
I don’t get to respond because our conversation is interrupted by Lisa complaining, “I’m cold. Let’s go warm up by the fire.”
Danny looks at me seriously. “Jake’s over there. Can you deal with that?”
Uh, no.
Yes.
Maybe.
“Uh, yeah,” I say as we walk to the bonfire, “although I’m really not cold.”
“Yeah, me neither.” He throws his arm around my shoulders, winks at me, and smiles a devious grin.
Uh-oh. He’s got a wild idea; I can tell. He’s giving me the look. The look he’s given me on so many other trouble-making occasions.
“What?” I say knowingly.
“Ya know, maybe it’d be good for Jake to think there’s a reason you never did it with him.”
I squint my eyes, trying to understand what he’s getting at.
“Like, maybe you were doing it with, oh, say, someone older. Someone you might go to visit often at college.”
“Someone like you?” I say, getting it.
Danny grins conspiratorially.
Hmm. Nice idea, but I’m not sure Jake will believe it. Well, actually, he might believe it ’cause he’s jealous as hell of Danny. And I did kinda lie to Jake about my trips to Lincoln all year. In fact, I might have led him to believe I rarely saw Danny, that I spent most of my time partying with Lindsay, a girl from my volleyball team, who, honestly, I never saw even once.
Jeez, our relationship has obviously been of the don’t ask; don’t tell variety.
Nice.
I carefully study Danny. “You know, I’m not so sure we should mess with Jake’s temper.”
“Don’t worry, Jay, I’d love for him to make a move. Most of the guys on the team would’ve beaten the crap out of him years ago, but Coach would’ve killed us. But for him to believe it”—he stops, pulls me close, and kisses me—“I might have to do a little more than kiss you.”
Sorry, I’m a bit foggy. What were you saying before your kisses wiped all rational thoughts from my mind? Oh, yeah, doing more.
“Whatever.”
“So, don’t freak out and slug me or anything. Deal?”
“When was the last time I slugged you?”
“Uh, eighth grade. Phillip convinced me I should try to look up your skirt.”
“Oh, yeah. Well, you deserved it, and it worked. You haven’t done it since.”
“Not that you know about anyway.” He smirks.
“So, what kind of things are we talking about?” I coo.
“You’ll see, or maybe I should say, feel,” he answers cryptically. Then, he slides his warm hands up the back of my sweater.
He grins, which melts my heart and numbs my brain, and then drags me over to join everyone by the fire.
I swear, if he keeps kissing me, there will be nothing left of me but one big puddle. I’m not exactly sure what we’re getting ourselves into, but Danny always has great ideas, and, well, I’m having fun.
I once read a quote from that said, “Ever notice how what the hell is always the right answer?”
I think that should be my theme song for tonight.
I wonder if anyone’s ever set it to music.
But, hey, as long as I’m warm and Danny keeps kissing me, let’s throw caution to the wind.
What the hell?
Right?
And, speaking of kissing Danny, did I mention how wonderful it is? How I can feel it all the way down to my toes?
Oh, yeah, I think I did.
Did I mention that I feel a little dizzy?
Maybe that’s more the whiskey.
No, it’s not. I mean, I’ve only had a couple of little sips.
I think I’m just intoxicated by Danny.
I mean, what girl wouldn’t be?
And what exactly did Phillip mean by, ‘He looks like he could eat you alive’? Does he think Danny might actually want me? Like, more than just kissing me and trying to make Jake jealous, so I will feel better?
Me?
I’m not even a cheerleader.
And definitely not a C-cup!
He’d be breaking way out of his comfort zone.
What about the fact that I’m having conflicting thoughts about him? I mean, he’s a great guy, and he is older and has more experience than a high school boy, and if the kissing is any indication, then I think we could have a winner!
Unfortunately, he is also my friend.
My good friend.
Would I want him to be more than that?
Uh, yeah! Right?
But I don’t really have time to contemplate that thought because, as Danny and I slide to the front of the group, the bottle of Jack is passed around again. I put it up to my mouth for another sip when I notice Phillip out of the corner of my eye. He’s giving me the eye and ever so slightly shaking his head.
Okay. Fine. So, I pass it along without taking a drink.
I thought everyone would give me a hard time about it, but no one even seems to notice. Evidently, Phillip is the only one concerned about my drinking habits for the evening.
We are now in plain view of Jake and his loser friends. Of course, pre-Boobs, I thought they were my friends, too. I find myself staring at Jake through the fire in a daze. I catch him looking back at me, but before I can read his expression, Danny twirls me around to face him.
The boy wastes no time.
I know he knows that Jake is watching, but I have to wonder …
Is he doing this just to piss off Jake?
Or is it because he’s actually enjoying it?
Danny kisses me thoroughly and very much seems to be enjoying it.
I know I am.
In fact, I feel like my knees could give way at any minute. He puts his hand on my back, between where my sweater stops and my jeans begin, and rubs slowly. Then, while still kissing me, he runs that hand up under my sweater. I find myself thinking about how wonderful it feels, wondering what Jake must be thinking, and deciding that I really don’t care.
I might very well be developing multiple personalities from all this trauma.
My thoughts are interrupted by the feel of Danny’s hand sliding down my back, past the waistband of my jeans, and into thong territory. I don’t move, but I stop kissing him and suck in a deep breath. Danny quickly moves his hand onto the outside of my pants. But then he chuckles in my ear, glances at Jake, and slides his hand down to the bottom of my butt, where it meets my leg, and gives it a little pinch.
I toss my head back and kinda laugh and scream at the same time.
It definitely gets Jake’s attention.
The laugh is not for show though because it really tickles.
I know. It’s a weird place to be ticklish. It’s kind of like when I stand behind Lisa and stick my index fingers into the sides of her waist. That girl can’t help but scream out loud. It is also funny because Phillip and Danny are the only friends of mine who know this about me, having been ratted out by my dad years ago during a particularly competitive Thanksgiving Day game of flag football. Instead of grabbing my flag, Dad pinched me there, which caused me to fumble the football.
Danny and my team lost because of it.
He still gives me crap about that.
Jake does not know this fact about me, and I’m sure what Danny is doing must look bad.
I’m still sort of laughing and thoughts are swirling around in my brain. I bring my head back toward Danny and realize he is, like, right there.
He puts his lips on that little spot right at my jawline, almost up by my ear, where I am even more ticklish.
Believe it or not, this is a spot that Jake, in over a year, has never found.
And I have never told Danny about it.
I giggle out loud and think fleetingly that, if he can find that spot so fast, then maybe we belong together.
You just can’t fight fate. At least, that’s what Lisa says.
I just want to scream aloud, Danny, you big stud. Take me to bed or lose me forever.
Uh. Like, now.
Seriously.
Who cares about making Jake jealous?
But, evidently, our PDA was all Jake could take.
He grabs my shoulder, jerks me toward him, and says, “JJ, what the hell?”
I can feel Danny right behind me. He’s so mellow about this. He just wraps his arms around my waist, pulls my back in tight to his chest, and leans his chin on my shoulder.
Like this is an everyday occurrence.
God, I wish it were.
Of course, that is exactly what he wants Jake to think.
I can only imagine the look he’s giving Jake.
If it were me, I would have my thumbs stuck in my ears with the rest of my fingers waving at him, going, Na-na, na-na, boo-boo.
But I doubt Danny is doing that.
Because my ego has been substantially boosted by Danny’s attention, I look very blankly at Jake and let out a breathy sigh. “Well, Jake, Danny was just kissing a very ticklish spot on my neck. One that you’ve never managed to find, and, well, you’re interrupting.”
I raise my eyebrows at him and shrug my shoulders in a what’s a girl to do gesture.
So many boys; so little time.
Scratch that.
One boy and not nearly enough time.
Jake studies Danny and me, and then he says very calmly, “I didn’t realize the two of you had stayed so close.”
Of course, this is exactly the opening Danny has been waiting for.
“Well, I guess you could call it that.” Danny chuckles. He looks down at me, kisses the side of my neck, and runs the back of his hand down my side, from boob to waist, very slowly and suggestively.
Jake is clearly pissed. His face looks twisted, but I don’t think he’d dare throw a punch at Danny, especially now that the two linemen have come to stand directly behind us.
So, Jake, being the loser that he is, goes for the weaker link.
Me.
Jake speaks very loudly, so everyone within earshot of the North 40 can hear, “Well, hotshot”—Jake snorts—“don’t think you’re gonna get anything from that.” He scowls at me.
Like I am an inanimate object.
“As you can see,” he continues as Boobs magically appears at his side, “I had to go elsewhere.”
Jake tosses his arm around Boobs, and they both laugh at me like I’m some big inside joke.
Sadly, I probably am.
Of course, I’m humiliated by the fact that my alleged virginity is being discussed in front of half the student population.
Do I have a witty comeback?
What should I say?
Maybe I’ll just punch him.
No, bad idea.
But I don’t have to say a thing because Danny steps up to the plate.
He pulls me a little closer. I didn’t think I could get any closer, but, hurray, I could!
He runs his hand across my thigh, sending chills up my spine. He laughs out loud at Jake and says, “Hey, Jake, ya think maybe there’s a reason she’s never done it with you?”
I can see by the look on Jake’s face that the thought never crossed his mind.
Hey, wait a minute. I could be a player, too.
Or not.
Danny cocks his head and shrugs at Jake. “Might explain all them trips to Lincoln …”
He then looks at me in a way that can only be described as hungry, and I give him a kind of slow, sexy smile that I didn’t even know I was capable of.
It takes a few seconds for the implication of what Danny said to sink into Jake’s little brain. When Mr. Rocket Scientist finally puts two and two—well, one and one—together, his head looks like it’s going to explode—or, quite possibly, implode.
He flies toward Danny. I instinctively duck down just as someone grabs my arm and pulls me out of the way of the flying fists.
Of course, who else?
It’s Phillip.
He tightly holds my arm and practically drags me out of the party.
We get to his car, and he orders, “Get in. We’re leaving.”
I can tell he is mad at me, and I probably shouldn’t argue, but I cross my arms in front of my chest and say, “What about Danny?”
I am so not done with that boy yet.
“And me? And maybe I want to see Jake get the crap beat out of him. And, hey, Prince Charming, why aren’t you in there, helping to defend my honor anyway?”
Okay, I might have gone a little too far with that one. Sometimes, my mouth gets away from me.
Phillip is very obviously not happy with me.
“Get. In. The. Car. Now!”
“Okay, okay. Fine,” I say to Mr. Bossy as I slide into the seat. After he slams my door, walks around, and gets into the car, I finish, “But I’m not going home yet.”
