Phillip was the first boy to ever kiss me. We were swinging sideways on the swings out behind school, when out of the blue, he reached over, grabbed my swing, and kissed me right on the lips. Then, he jumped off his swing and ran home. It was one of those perfect sunny afternoons when school was almost out for the summer. I thought it was the best day of my life.
I was in love.
Phillip must have told someone what he did because, today, at school, everyone was singing.
“Phillip and JJ sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G …”
I couldn’t take it.
I was being tortured.
It was the worstest day of my life!
It was such a letdown because the day before had been a GREAT day. I had gotten my first kiss from a boy!
I know it was just Phillip, but still, I was very surprised.
And I had been so excited to come to school—until I had gotten there, and everyone started torturing me with those stupid, stupid songs. Even my friend Lisa was singing them.
That traitor.
And, very quickly, I went from loving that boy to hating him.
At least, that was what I had to tell all my friends, so they would stop singing those ridiculous songs.
Phillip must have started a trend because, later that day, Joey kissed Katie, and everyone forgot about Phillip and me.
They had someone new to torture endlessly.
I noticed that Phillip didn’t tease Joey and Katie.
Neither did I.
Phillip Mackenzie lives across the street from me. We have been friends forever.
I mean it. Since birth.
Our dads are fraternity brothers and best friends. Phillip is five months older than me, and our parents think it is just hilarious to show embarrassing photos of us together as babies.
And we are naked!
It’s just so gross. I can’t even describe it! Phillip and I want to hide—and we usually do—whenever they get out those stupid baby books.
Our parents hope that Phillip and I will get married when we grow up. I totally laugh at that. I have told them so many times that I can’t marry Phillip because I’m going to marry a prince. I blame my obsession with wanting to marry a prince on Disney and Phillip’s sister, Ashley.
Ever since I can remember, our parents have been getting together to play cards on Friday nights. We have pizza, which I love, and I get to play with Phillip. Unfortunately, that also means I have to play with Ashley. Ashley is four years older than Phillip and me and a pain in the rear. (I would say butt, except I’m not supposed to say that B-word.)
Speaking of B-words, Ashley is very bossy. And she always plays the queen. That means, she gives me the choice of being either her servant or her daughter. And who in their right mind would sign up to be her servant?
I told you how bossy she is. It would be unbearable!
So, I always play the princess.
Important Things I Have Learned in My Life So Far:
1. Always be the princess. Princesses have much more fun and not so much responsibility. Plus, you get to marry the prince.
2. Never be the queen. Queens are old and bossy and sometimes even evil. (Remember Snow White?) Queens think they are in charge of everything. Queens are responsible.
3. Responsibility makes you crabby and no fun.
4. When you have the choice, play with a boy. Boys are easy to get along with. They don’t care if your clothes match or if your hair is a mess. Boys don’t talk behind your back or make up stories about you to try to hurt your feelings. They are too busy playing sports or video games.
5. Always trust your daddy. Daddies are incredibly smart and handsome, and they always smell very good.
6. Never kiss and tell. You will get tortured by people who you thought were your friends.
7. Never, ever, ever trust Mary Beth Parker. Even if she says she is your best friend.
Last week, Mary Beth Parker told me I could be her best friend. She got me to play with her on the playground, and Lisa, who is my best friend, got mad at me. The very next day, Mary Beth Parker told everyone not to play with me.
I didn’t do anything to her. That’s just how she is.
She is very mean.
Phillip was the only person who played with me. He didn’t care what that bossy girl said. He acted like a prince that day.
I told him so, and ever since, when it’s just us, he calls me Princess.
And he’s the only person I’d let get away with it!
