Over the last few weeks, we’ve completed almost half of our allotted spring practices. It’s been sort of a whirlwind, trying to focus on what I need to do, keep up with my classes, and spend quality time with Dani.
I know that I haven’t been much fun lately. I’m crabby, tired, and mostly frustrated. With myself. With the team. With everything.
And there have been days when I’ve literally felt like throwing in the towel and giving up. During the spring, there isn’t a traditional depth chart, as the idea is that all positions are up for grabs. But that’s not how it seems. It’s pretty obvious, based on the lack of reps I’m getting, that I’d be ranked around fourth or fifth right now.
And it’s messing with my head. With how I practice. How I throw. How I feel. It doesn’t help that Bart is still calling me Hype. Saying I’ll never live up to my name.
Because I worry that he might be right.
That maybe I’ll be one of those local high school heroes who never goes on to compete further. That maybe my glory days, so to speak, are over. That maybe I’m really not that good.
I know when I think that, I practice like that. And I’ve been trying not to let it get to me.
But it is.
The other frustrating thing is the quarterback who is getting the most reps played backup last year. And when the lead QB was out with an injury, he wasn’t able to lead the team to a victory. So, why not give someone else a real chance at making a difference?
Probably because he’s the best of the worst.
I thought I would come here, throw my best, play my best, get stronger, learn everything, and come out stronger for it during fall camp.
Lately, I feel like I’ll be lucky to make it that long.
The one bright spot in my life right now is the girl who is lying beside me, her arm tossed across my chest, her cheek smooshed against my shoulder, breathing deeply.
Honestly, I’m probably lucky she’s still here, too. Who wants to date a guy who is pissy and tired every time he comes home?
It’s funny because she’s the person I always confide in. But I haven’t told her about this. Because I’m afraid if I do, that will make it real.
But it’s a wonderful, lazy Saturday, and even though I should work out today on my own, I’m not going to. I’m spending it with her.
And I’m going to start by making her favorite breakfast of chocolate chip pancakes, bacon, and fruit.
“I smell bacon,” she says, padding sleepily out into the condos’ large communal kitchen.
“And pancakes, if you’re ready for them.”
She lets out a big yawn, walks up to me, and puts her head against my chest.
I wrap her up in my arms and kiss the top of her head. “Maybe some coffee first?”
“Maybe you come back to bed first. I don’t like waking up without you.”
“Not even for bacon?” I tease.
“Well, maybe for that.” She laughs. “I’m still not awake.”
“Go lie down on the couch, turn on ESPN, and I’ll start the pancakes.”
I watch her plop down on the couch with a little lazy thud. Like her body is still limp. It makes me laugh. She’s not at all a morning person.
I grab the cup of coffee that has been staying warm in a thermal mug and take it over to her.
“Thanks,” she says. “You’re the best, Chase.”
Her comment makes me wince. Because Chase is clearly not the best right now. In fact, he might be the worst on the team if he doesn’t get his shit together.
But she doesn’t need to know that.
And the good news is that spring break officially starts today.
“Are you all packed?” I yell from my condo to Dani’s, knowing we need to get going to the airport pretty soon or we’ll be late.
She drags a massive suitcase on wheels behind her with a duffel on top of that. She’s also carrying a large handbag.
“Don’t even say it,” she says. “I know it’s a lot of clothes, but Mom was really vague on what we’d be doing.”
“I thought you were wedding dress shopping for her,” I say.
“Of course, but we can’t do that all day. And when we’re not, are we going to nice restaurants, or are we just cooking at home? With my mother, you never know.”
“I’m sure you are going to have a great time,” I encourage, praying that she does. This trip is important.
“I’m sure you’ll have a great time,” she states. “Partying it up with my brother.”
“And our dads,” I counter.
“Knowing them, they’ll want to go to the clubs. Key Biscayne is basically Miami after all. Not to mention, the beach. All Damon has been talking about is the bikinis. You’re going to be staring at hot girls in skimpy swimsuits all day.”
“Your brother does like to people-watch,” I offer.
She scoffs. “Hmph. Whatever.” She stops and looks at me seriously. “Chase, are you going to miss me?”
“I’m going to miss you terribly,” I tell her.
“Are you sure? Because you’ve just been a little off. Is it us?”
I move toward her, feeling like my world, my life, and my plan are falling apart. “No, not at all. It’s just football. And I know I promised to treat it like a job, but I’ve been failing at that during spring practice. I’m sorry.”
She gives me a kiss. “I know. And I can tell you’re tired. Just wanted to make sure.”
We hear a car honk out front.
“That must be our ride,” she says.
At the airport, we are greeted by our families, then board separate planes. One headed for Miami. The other for LA.
The jet door isn’t even closed yet when I text her.
Me: Miss you already.
Dani: My mother is already pouring the champagne. Here’s hoping I remember this trip. LOL.
Me: As long as you don’t forget to come home to me.
Dani: I’m already counting down the days. I love you.
Me: I love you, too.
It was perfect.
Devaney
The weather in LA is sunny and warm, and it feels so good on my face. We spend the rest of our day enjoying the outdoor space and heated pool at the house here. With views of the ocean, it makes for a wonderful, relaxing afternoon, and it’s the perfect first day of spring break.
Mom, Jennifer, and Jadyn are very serious about this shopping trip. And you’d think they were planning a defensive strategy with all their notes, lists, and even film. On the flight here, Jennifer literally had runway footage from the New York, London, Milan, and Paris Fashion Weeks. I don’t really picture Mom in anything as avant-garde as a lot of what we saw, but Jennifer says that the designs are subdued a bit in production. And that in wedding dress shopping, details are everything. Especially if you want something custom.
As the sky is starting to change colors in preparation for sunset, Jennifer brings out a huge charcuterie board that will probably serve as dinner, and Jadyn follows her with a couple of bottles of wine and glasses.
“This all looks amazing,” my mom says to Jennifer. “Thank you so much for hosting us.”
“You’re welcome. And as soon as Jadyn pours the wine, we’re going to go around the circle and talk about our favorite wedding ideas.”
“Wedding ideas?” I ask. “Like for the whole wedding or just dresses?”
“I think it should be the whole wedding,” Jadyn says. “In a way, the dress can set the tone for the decor, or vice versa. So, it’s important to know what you want. Like you might not want to wear a huge ball gown for a beach wedding.”
“And although we know the next few days are about Van and Lori’s wedding, tonight, we are going to offer up all our favorite things. Like our dream weddings,” Jennifer says.
“You had your dream wedding to my dad, didn’t you?” I ask.
“Well, yes, for back then. But I’ve changed. Styles have changed. And I’m sure they have changed even more since your mother’s first go-round.”
“And the second,” my mom says with a laugh.
I love how she can now poke fun at herself. She seems content in her life.
Once we each have a glass of wine in hand, my mom surprises me by being the first to stand up in a toast. “To shopping!”
“I love it!” Jennifer says. “I haven’t been on a shopping trip like this in forever! It’s going to be so fun. Okay, let’s see, who got the glass with the starfish charm?”
“I did!” Jadyn says.
“That means, you’re up first. If you were to marry Phillip again, what would your dream wedding include?”
“We’ve actually considered renewing our vows. We had a big wedding. Big afterparty. We were young. Lots of dancing and drinking. Part of me thinks it would be cool for it to literally be just me and Phillip, all dressed up in a beautiful setting, reciting our vows to each other again. My dress was a full princess style but simple. I loved it, and because it was very classic, our photos don’t look too dated. But today, I think I would want a dress that’s a little more form-fitting, maybe even a little boho, with some color, embroidery, or fringe. After numerous trips out to Asher Vineyards, we’ve really fallen in love with California wine country, and that would be a pretty place to have a reception. Kind of a rustic, casual elegance.”
“Oh, Jadyn, I can totally picture it,” Jennifer says. “Anyone else want a wedding like that?”
I purse my lips and raise my hand. “Me. The rustic, casual elegance part. And I kinda think it would be cool to get married at the resort in the Ozarks.”
“Really?” my mom says. “I thought you didn’t want to go there again—”
“That’s because of what happened after we got back, but it’s where we, uh, got started, you know. And have great memories.”
“It’s always been a nice place for a wedding, but I will admit, with all the changes we’ve made there, it’s truly become a world-class venue that can handle any size party,” Jadyn says. “And I’m obsessed with the addition of a stone chapel overlooking the lake. Tripp and I have been hoping someone in the family will want to get married there. What do you think, Lori? You and Van interested?”
“I’m excited for us all to be together there this summer,” my mom says. “And while Van would probably love it, I’m thinking something less rustic—possibly the country club.”
“I can’t see you getting married in the woods,” I say with a laugh.
My mom has changed, but not that much.
“Me neither.” Jennifer lets out a hearty chuckle, then says, “But I did hear that we are not only doing a joint family reunion in May, but that it will also be the resort’s grand reopening.”
“It will be,” Jadyn says. “And we are in full planning mode. Making guest lists. We’ve even taken your advice and hired celebrity event planner Ariela Ross. Not only will our families be there, but all our friends and their families too.”
“I know Tripp and Van are both really excited about all that,” my mom says.
“Okay,” Jennifer says, “next up is the anchor.”
We all look at our glasses, and Jennifer laughs again. “Oh, that’s me. Gosh. I did have the wedding of my dreams to the man of my dreams. Rooftop venue. In a newly remodeled-by-Jadyn hotel. And thanks to Ariela and Jadyn, it was perfect.” She takes a sip of wine and grabs a melon, wrapped in prosciutto, off the board. “But … if I were to do it again, honestly, it would be right here, where we are now. The perfect view of the ocean. The meaning this house holds for me. For us. Buying it was a huge step for me.”
“How would you decorate?” I ask her. I’m having fun. Also, this charcuterie board is fantastic. From the candied pecans and rosemary Marcona almonds to the combination of an apple, Canadian bacon, and aged Gouda stack, drizzled with chili-spiced honey, I’m in heaven.
“Oh gosh,” Jennifer says. “I’d create an altar out of, like, maybe big bamboo poles lashed together. There would be sheer curtains floating around in the breeze. Decor would be modern minimalistic to allow the view to shine. White orchids. Sushi. Square plates. Touches of gold.”
“What about your dress, Jennifer?” my mom asks, taking a warm, cheese-filled date and putting it on her plate.
Jennifer smiles and pulls out her phone, showing us one of the runway dresses that is tailored with a very contemporary vibe. Angular-cut pieces come across the chest and back to meet on one shoulder, creating a very large bow. “This one,” she says, but then she scrolls to another dress. “Or this one.” She scrolls to another. “I love this one, too. Seriously, you could go so many different directions! Oh, and I think I would like a really small wedding. Just us. Or maybe just us and the kids.” She smiles. “Next up, the seahorse.”
“That’s me. Gosh, I’ve been dreaming of my wedding day my whole life. Chase and I have gotten married so many times. Usually by Damon or Angel,” I say with a laugh. “I always wanted a big wedding with all our friends and family, but when Chase sort of proposed—”
“Sort of proposed?” my mom says.
“I mean, it didn’t count because it was on two knees.”
“As opposed to one?” Jennifer asks, somehow following along.
“Yeah. Obviously, we aren’t engaged, but he did suggest we just go to the courthouse and get married. That we don’t have to wait.”
Jadyn’s eyes practically bug out of her head. “Are you considering eloping? Soon?”
I notice Jennifer put her hand on Jadyn’s arm. Probably so she doesn’t come unglued. I suppose I probably shouldn’t have told them what I just did, but I’m happy about it. Happy he wants to marry me.
“Are you pregnant?” Jadyn asks me point-blank.
“Uh, no. And there’s nothing wrong with getting married at the courthouse. Mom and Van did. Chase said we could get married whenever we want, privately, then do a big wedding later. At first, I was like, Absolutely not. But the idea is growing on me. I think it would be romantic. Best of both worlds.”
My mom and Jennifer both surprise me by nodding their heads in agreement.
Jennifer says, “That’s so romantic. It sounds like a scene from the movie I’m getting ready to produce. Star-crossed lovers, families practically at war. He grabs her hand, and they impulsively run to the courthouse and become man and wife.” She laughs. “Although, when her Mafia family finds out, they put a hit out on him. And it’s hilarious.”
“That doesn’t sound like a funny plot,” my mom says, scrunching up her nose.
“Trust me, it is,” she says before turning to my mom then telling her that she’s up. And I will admit, I’m a little disappointed that they’ve moved on to my mom, and that I didn’t get to gush more about how I picture my wedding.
“Before I start that,” Mom says, turning to Jennifer and me, “have you ever heard the story about when Jadyn was planning her wedding and her future mother-in-law asked what she was going to do about their STDs?”
Jennifer and I share a horrified glance, but Jadyn howls with laughter. “That’s a classic one.”
“I wouldn’t think that would be very funny,” Jennifer says.
“Trust me, it is,” my mom teases, repeating what Jennifer just said about the movie. “Jadyn, you want to do the honors?”
“We might need more wine for that.” She continues to laugh as she refills everyone’s glasses, then says, “I have to set the stage. Phillip and I were newly engaged. Literally, the second you get engaged, people ask if you’ve set a date. Like his mother asked me the day after the proposal. I’d barely gotten used to the idea we were dating, let alone that I agreed to marry him on our first real date.”
“Wait! What?!” Jennifer says just as I’m thinking the same thing.
“Oh, that sounds crazy, doesn’t it?” Jadyn says.
“Why didn’t I know this?” I wonder.
“Because it’s not something you tell your kids.” My mom chuckles. “I mean, of course, your father and I waited to have sex until we were married, too.”
Jennifer breaks out in laughter. “I’m definitely telling my girls that!”
“So, you would lie to them?” I ask. “That seems so deceitful.”
Jadyn shakes her head. “Honey, think about it. You want your children to grow up and make good decisions. To not be rash in their judgment. Saying we got engaged on our first date without the context of knowing how long we knew and loved each other—”
“Heck, Chase and I should already be engaged then,” I tease.
“See,” she says with a laugh. “Anywho, there is so much to consider. The date, the venues, who you will invite, the colors, the dress. I was a little overwhelmed, and without my mother, I felt like I was drowning in it. But when I looked through my parents’ wedding album, I remembered that my mom and I shared a love for purple. She’d used it in her wedding, and once I decided to do so in mine, I finally felt like I had made progress. I started a little checklist that had just six things on it. To get engaged, choose a date, book the ceremony space, hire a wedding planner, choose my wedding party, and love my groom. And I already got to check the first and last ones off, so I was feeling accomplished. And when I got a text from Phillip’s mother, I was actually excited to tell her I was making progress. But what she said was that I really needed to do something about my STDs and fast.”
“I would die,” Jennifer says. “I know this is a delicate situation, but—”
“No, I did not have an STD,” Jadyn replies.
I look over at my mom, who is just sitting there, grinning goofily.
“But,” Mom says, “she started freaking out that Phillip had one and hadn’t told her. And”—Mom starts laughing so hard that she can barely speak—“she texted me and told me that she thought Phillip had an STD. And I told Danny, and he said that Phillip always practiced safe sex in that regard and asked if Jadyn had.”
My eyes get big. I can’t believe we’re talking about Chase’s mom’s sex life. Blame the wine, I’d say, but it’s only the second glass.
“And we won’t go into detail regarding all that, but I was worried.” Jadyn rolls her eyes. “Drunk night with an old flame.”
“And then she decided she might have one,” my mom says, laughing hard. “And started feeling feverish and itchy down there.”
“Oh my God,” Jennifer says, laughing, too.
“And then,” my mom goes, “she starts wondering if Phillip is cheating on her or has one of those secret lives, where they have, like, a whole other family and neither wife knows about it. I told her to chill out. Talk to Phillip.”
“And I said I was scared to,” Jadyn says, “because—”
Mom practically starts hyperventilating, she’s laughing so hard. I’m pretty sure there are even tears coming out of her eyes. “Because then she said it had to be Phillip who had one because there was no way Phillip’s mom could possibly know she had an STD when she didn’t even know herself!”
“Lori was like, Ohmigawd, maybe he does have one and confided in his mom,” Jadyn says. “And I was freaking out. Especially when his mom called me on the phone, wanting an answer as to what I was going to do about them. I’d literally found out about five seconds ago. I was pissed, so I texted Phillip while he was in a board meeting and literally said with the appropriate shouty capital letters that it would have been nice to hear about his STD from him instead of his mother.”
Mom keeps laughing. It’s fun to hear about when they were close. “And Phillip was like, WTF? And Jadyn told him that his mom texted her and said they needed to do something about them.”
Jadyn says, “And then he was like, Are you joking? And I was like, No, but that I was a little freaked out about how he had gotten one. That set him off. I got a shouty text back that I needed to listen to him and that he didn’t have one. And I was like, Well, your mother thinks you do.”
“And Jadyn was all mad at him for getting mad at her for suggesting it,” Mom goes on.
“And then he was like, I’m in a board meeting, I’ll deal with this later. I calmed down a bit and was feeling less itchy, going about my day, when I got a text from him that said …” Jadyn slides her eyes over to my mom.
“That, to his textually challenged and wedding-on-the-brain mom, STD meant Save the Date cards. Then she called me and told me. Danny and I were dying with laughter.”
Jadyn says, “Dani, remember how everyone teased you at dinner in the Ozarks about the robe fire?”
“Yes! They worked the word fire into every freaking sentence.”
“That’s what it was like for me, even though I begged Phillip not to tell his mom or anyone about it,” Jadyn says.
“Of course, he already had,” Mom replies.
Jennifer is laughing along with them. “I totally have to use this in a script someday.”
“Needless to say, I got all sorts of hilarious STD jokes from all of our friends, and Phillip’s parents even joked about it, too. I was mortified. Everyone else thought it was hilarious.”
“It is pretty funny,” I say with a laugh.
I look around the circle of the four of us. The sun has set, a fire is burning in the pit, and I’m here with three women I love.
Not a bad way to spend my spring break.
