I slowly wake up, coming out of a wonderful dream where I was with Danny on the field as he won the Super Bowl.
I half-expect the last few days to have been a nightmare, followed by a beautiful dream, but as I open my eyes, I see that I’m actually in Phillip and Jadyn’s guest room in Kansas City. That, yesterday, I did see Danny for the first time in years.
Some things about the day were better than I could have imagined. Others times, it felt awkward. We had a great time after the game, eating pizza, talking, drinking a few beers. I had high hopes that he might walk me home and kiss me, but he simply muttered something about it being late and getting his kids to bed.
I close my eyes and remember how easily he slid his hand into mine when he showed me to this room. How his eyes drank in my nakedness. How he touched the small of my back at the game. How I longed for him to sneak over and touch me everywhere.
But the reality is, he’s still married. I met his wife. Even though she left him and is newly engaged and happy, I got the feeling that seeing her husband touch someone else bothered her. And I can sympathize. I felt the same way when I saw the photos of Troy.
I don’t want to hurt her. But I do want another chance with Danny.
I roll over and check my texts, hoping to find one from him. But then I remember he deleted my number a long time ago.
There are, however, numerous others.
Troy: Please come home. I miss you. I need you.
Troy: Remember the song I wrote for you last time I was in rehab? I was just listening to it. I poured my heart into those lyrics, but they were all about me. About my struggles. My demons. I wanted you to understand. But I realized today that our relationship was too much about me. Going forward, it’s going to be all about you. I’m going to spend my life making this up to you. If you will just come home.
Troy: Eddy, please come home.
Me: I’m surprised to hear from you. I hoped you would be in rehab. I’m sorry, but I’m not coming home.
Troy: I don’t need rehab.
Troy: I need you.
Troy: I fell off the wagon. I’ve been mostly sober for years. It was just a mistake.
Troy: Please, baby, don’t hold it against me. I love you. Always have.
Me: Mostly is the key word. It wasn’t a one-time thing, and I can’t do it anymore. I wish you the best.
Troy: That sounds like good-bye. Forever. Please don’t say that. I can’t go on if you don’t love me.
I don’t reply.
My father always used to tell my mother that, if she didn’t take him back, he would kill himself. Last time Troy went to rehab, he said I was the only thing that kept him alive. That is a huge weight to put on someone’s shoulders. I told him so, but I didn’t think he understood. The song lyrics he wrote were all about his struggle. I was the light that shreds my soul.
When I first heard it, I was actually offended. I didn’t want to be a shredder of souls. But he explained it meant that my light shredded the darkness in his soul. He also seemed to think it was quite romantic. When he played the electronic mix version at clubs all over the world, he would dedicate it to me. And I always wondered if people thought that I’d shredded his soul rather than fixed it. If I was the cause of his darkness, not the light.
What I should have been thinking about was what being with Troy was doing to my soul. To my life.
I gaze into the facets of the beautiful little chandelier over the bed, determined to get my own sparkle back. I quickly get up, excited to start the day—and to see Danny again.
“I hope I didn’t wake you,” Jadyn says, covering up her phone’s mouthpiece when I slide open the door separating the bedroom suite from her office. She’s fully dressed and ready for the day, talking on the phone while poring over a mess of papers sprawled across her worktable.
“Oh no,” I reply, looking down at my rumpled pajamas. “I was hungry. Thought I smelled breakfast.”
“Breakfast was about an hour ago, but we saved you some. It’s in the warming drawer under the oven. Go help yourself.”
As I pass her desk, I notice the papers are an array of old photos, news articles, drawings, and swatches.
“Yes, I’m looking at that now,” she says to whomever she’s talking to. She pins a photo of an elegantly dressed couple who look like they walked straight out of casting in a 1920s movie to a large, empty bulletin board next to the table.
I make my way down to get some food, and when I get back, she’s off the phone, and the board is half-full.
“What is all this?” I ask, picking up a swatch of a gorgeous teal paisley fabric.
“It’s the history of the hotel in LA. I do an inspiration board for all my projects. As part of the purchase agreement, Tripp got the approval to tear the hotel down. My job is to design a new building. One that would be state of the art but still pay homage to its past. It’s sort of what I’m known for. Mixing classic style and design with modern amenities. But I just had a call with the hotel manager and one of his valets who has been working there for over fifty years.” She slides her fingers across a photo, pulls the pin out, and hands it to me. “This is Robert Lee Andersen. Everyone at the hotel calls him RL. His first month on the job in 1964, both Elvis Presley and Ann-Margret stayed there just after the release of Viva Las Vegas. This hotel has hosted every major film and recording star since the ’20s, not to mention the big hitters in the industries.
“I know I’m going to lose the deal and a whole lot of money, but after talking to some of the staff and reading up on its history, I can’t be a part of demolishing it. I always tell my kids, when someone says mean things, they are just trying to tear you down to their level. That they shouldn’t allow it. That they should praise others, so they can rise higher together. That’s what this job would be—tearing it down to level the playing field.”
“I think you just summed up my life,” I say, starting to get teary-eyed.
“What do you mean? I’ve followed your career. You’re very successful.”
“I make a lot of money, and I love what I do, but I just realized that my relationship with Troy has been nothing but a long series of tearing down and rebuilding. His reputation has affected my career.” I glance at all the architectural drawings on the walls. “Did you design all of these buildings?”
“Yes. And every single one of them was a new build. Don’t get me wrong; our company does renovations, but usually, they are just to make the inside of a facility more up-to-date and fresh for its employees.”
“That was me. I’d swoop in, freshen up Troy’s life, and then wait for it to fall into disrepair again. What do you think I should do? Raze my life and start over or—”
“Restore your beauty,” she says. “From the inside out.”
“What do you mean?”
“Do you think I’ve changed since we first met?” she asks.
“Well, sure. You’ve aged. Your style has changed. You’re a mom. A businesswoman—”
“You’re only taking into account my outward appearance and what I do, Jennifer. The person I am, my dreams, and the core of my being—those things have not changed. Neither has yours. You’ve just been covering them up on the outside. You’re like this building.” She points from a black-and-white photo of the hotel from when it was first built to one of it today. “See how the gorgeous arches got covered with awnings? Look at the tacky marquee for the bar that is hanging over an intricately carved door. And what about its European facade covered by a plastic banner proclaiming that you can stay in a room where a popular movie was filmed? We have to strip all that away and go back to what it was.”
“Are you saying, I have good bones?” I ask with a laugh.
“And a good heart,” she says, causing me to hug her.
“I don’t want it all torn down,” I cry out, emotions overtaking me. Even though I’m talking more about myself than the building.
I hold the hug for too long, but she doesn’t complain.
Instead, she says, “Why don’t you get yourself ready? Today is going to be a busy day.”
“What are we doing?”
“I was going to turn the job down today, but you inspired me to rethink things. If I simply turn the job down, Tripp will hire someone else to do it. If we’re going to save the building, I need to develop a renovation plan. While I do that, feel free to get caught up with some of your work things.”
“I suppose I should at least call my agent and PR team and see how much damage has been done. They have been leaving me messages, all of which I have ignored.”
“Perfect. You’re welcome to make your calls in private, but feel free to use my office here. When I get in the zone, noise doesn’t faze me. Danny will be at work all day, but Phillip is taking off early. The high school’s homecoming game is tonight, and the parade through downtown is this afternoon. We’re planning to meet for a late lunch, pick up the kids from school, and then go watch the parade. Danny doesn’t usually get home on Fridays until around five. I’m going to throw something in the slow cooker on the way out, and we’ll all eat dinner here before we go to the game. You’re welcome to join us for any or all of it. I know you need some downtime, so I don’t want you to feel obligated to do anything.”
“Thanks. That sounds really fun. I’d love to go.” Mostly because I want to see Danny again.
Danny
After practice, I get in my car and head home. I kept Jennifer out of my thoughts as much as possible today, but it was hard. To be honest, I’m not quite sure what to do with her.
I wanted to text her last night after I got the kids in bed, but I deleted her number a long time ago.
When I get to my house, Melvin, the plumber, is loading up his truck.
I park, get out, and give him a wave. “How’s it going?”
“Pretty good, man,” he says, shaking my hand. “All that’s left on the punch list is the install of the shower door. You can still use it. Just wouldn’t turn on the steam. I’ll start on the kitchen as soon as you make the final choices. So, how’s the team doing? Gonna beat Denver this week? You know, I bet on you to win the big game this year. Odds at the beginning of the season were twenty to one. They’re down to six to one now. And those Vegas boys know what they’re doing; that’s for damn sure. So, I’m just saying, you keep playing good, my two grand will become forty.”
“I’ll do my best.”
Jadyn comes flying out of my house, obviously in a hurry.
“Great job, Melvin,” she says to him, causing the tops of his cheeks to turn pink.
“Thanks, ma’am,” he says.
After he heads out, Jadyn turns to me. “Phase one of your house makeover is almost complete.”
“Remind me of what phase one is.”
“Redoing all the bedrooms and bathrooms, your study, and workout room. I’d like to show you the tiles they finished around your tub, but we have to eat and get to the game. You’re home late.”
“Yeah, they were working on my shoulder.”
Her eyes get big. “Did you hurt it again?”
“Not the throwing arm. My other shoulder is a little stiff. It got jarred on a tackle last week. Nothing unusual. Just got an extra-long massage.”
“That’s good.” She blows out a breath of air. “You know Melvin’s got two grand on you winning your third ring. I’ve got to get all the plumbing done in your house before the playoffs.”
“Is Jennifer still here?”
“Yes. Why?”
“I’m just wondering when she’s going home.”
“Is that why you haven’t made a move yet? You’re afraid she’s going home?”
“She was with the guy for about as long as I was with Lori. You don’t get over that in a day.”
“You do when it is the last straw,” she argues.
“I’ve got enough going on in my life. I don’t need to be jerked around by her. It’s cool that she’s here and all. It was really nice of you. And I will admit, it’s great seeing her. But he’s gone off the wagon before, and she always takes him back.”
“Maybe that’s because you were never in the picture before,” she sasses. “I’m shocked, honestly, that you’re not more excited by this.”
“She’s been here all of twenty-four hours! And I can’t just make a move. I have to think about the kids.”
“Danny, so help me.” She stops in her tracks, turning toward me, the smile wiped from her face. “If you use the kids again as an excuse for not allowing yourself to be happy, I’m going to stop being your friend.”
“No, you’re not,” I scoff.
She’s been my best friend since the sixth grade.
“I. Am,” she says, poking her finger into my chest with each word. “One. Hundred. Percent. Serious. Danny.”
We have a staredown, neither of us allowing ourselves to blink. This is usually the part where she starts laughing.
But she doesn’t.
“Fine,” I say, giving in.
She gives me a happy smirk, grabs my elbow, and then drags me to her front porch. “Before we go inside, I’m just going to say one thing. Dani has the cheerleader sleepover tonight, and your son is spending the night at our house. You know, in case you wanted to have a sleepover of your own.”
I gulp.
“Danny,” she admonishes, “what’s wrong with you? You told me that, if you’d slept with her when you first met, you wouldn’t have left the bed for three days. You’ll have to do with about twelve hours this time. Although I can keep the boys busy in the morning, Dani will be back home before her eleven o’clock spa appointment.”
“You don’t think it’s too soon?” I ask.
“Soon? Are you kidding me? You’ve been waiting fourteen years for this!”
“It feels like a lot of pressure. Stop pressuring me!” I spit.
“Danny, calm down. There’s no pressure. You don’t have to invite her over. I’m just letting you know, I’ve opened up a window of opportunity. To use your terms, the offensive line is holding tight, and there’s a crease in the defense. It’s up to you to decide if you’re going to keep the ball or hand it off to someone else.”
“Very funny.” I sigh. “I want to keep the ball.”
“It’s been a while. It’s obvious that it’s awkward for you both because of the baggage you’re carrying behind you, but the sparks are still so evident. Invite her over. Go slow. Get to be friends. She needs a friend.”
“I don’t want to be her friend,” I say adamantly.
“Yeah, you do. You always say you wish you had a relationship like Phillip and I have. He’s my best friend. You and Lori were never friends. I want you to have it all next time around. I want you to feel hot passion, but I also want the woman you are with to really like you as a person. Love, friendship, and respect are important for a long, successful relationship.”
“You’ve always said Lori doesn’t respect me.”
“She doesn’t, Danny. And it kills me to watch.”
“It sounds so old-fashioned.” I smile and then give her a hug.
“Respecting someone has nothing to do with gender roles. There are guys on your team who you respect the hell out of, right?”
“Yeah.”
“And are you friends with all of them?”
“Not like best friends.”
“Respect means you value someone and their feelings. You appreciate them. Even when Phillip pisses me off and I think I hate him, I respect him enough not to do anything stupid. Not to say something in the heat of the moment that I would later regret. I respect him enough to always give him the benefit of the doubt. Even if he doesn’t agree with me, I respect and value his opinion. I truly care what he thinks. He’s smart.” She smiles, wiggling her eyebrows. “Plus, he’s hot. You are, too. At least you’ve still got that going for you.”
I roll my eyes and walk into her house, which is surprisingly quiet. “Where is everyone?” I ask.
“I’m in the study,” I hear Jennifer call out.
“Why don’t you go chat while I do the final meal prep?”
When I don’t move, she purrs in my ear.
“Shut up,” I whisper, knowing what that means—she thinks I’m being a pussy.
I’ve never been nervous around any girl. Ever.
I take a deep breath, push my shoulders back, and walk toward the study with my normal cocky swagger. Like I’m walking out on the field for the biggest game of my life.
That is why I’m feeling nervous. It’s been a long time since I’ve played this game.
“So, what did you think of the homecoming parade?” I ask Jennifer as I walk through the doors.
She’s sitting in one of the big wingback chairs by the window with her feet tucked under her, looking like she belongs.
“It was really fun. The floats were cool, and I have a pocketful of Tootsie Rolls.”
She pulls one out and tosses it at me. I snag it out of the air, unwrap it, and pop it into my mouth.
“Thanks.”
“You can sit down if you want,” Jennifer says, making me realize that I’ve been standing here, chewing and staring at her.
“Oh, um, yeah.” I take a seat.
She immediately gets up, shuts the doors to the study, and then takes her seat again. “Are you going to the game tonight?”
“Yes.”
“And would you be okay with me going?”
“Sure.”
“When we met, we were open and honest with each other. I know it’s been a long time, Danny, but I hope that still holds true. So, I’m just going to lay it on the line. You broke my heart. And that sounds crazy. We spent a total of about forty-eight hours in each other’s presence over the course of a few weeks and constantly texted each other in between. We tried to be just friends, and you were right to break it off. Now, you’re getting a divorce, and I’m single. I didn’t come here, expecting that we’d kiss and live happily ever after.” She stops, shakes her head, and smiles. “Who am I kidding? That’s exactly what I wished for. Because we only live once. And I think neither one of us has been living the lives we should have been. I want you to kiss me. I want to take things further. But I’m okay with getting to know each other again first.”
“Jadyn suggested we get to be friends.” I lean across the chair and then graze my hand across her cheek, almost like I’m checking to make sure she’s real. “It’s just that my life has gotten a lot more complicated.”
“Dinner’s ready!” Jadyn calls out from the kitchen.
I hear the sound of footsteps running up the stairs.
I hold Jennifer’s gaze. “Will you sit by me at the game?”
She kisses me on the cheek. A slow, purposeful kiss that is surely meant to test my willpower.
“I’d love to,” she says, pulling her lips from my skin. “Although should we be worried about being seen together? Like, does anyone even notice that stuff here?”
“Not really. Besides, we have a box.”
“For a high school game?”
“Yeah, a lot of high schools pull in big crowds, and it’s a way to get additional funding when they build the stadiums.” I stand up and then offer her my hand.
I’m rewarded with the kind of coy smile that makes me want to completely skip the game. We might have changed over the years, but the spark and heat are still there, buried under the ashes.
Jennifer
We quickly eat dinner, then load up in SUVs, and head to the game.
“People are tailgating?”
“We take tailgating seriously here,” Danny tells me as the band marches out of the high school, leading a procession to the stadium.
“I’m going to hang out with my friends,” Damon tells his dad and then quickly ditches us.
“And I’m going with him,” Haley tells Phillip.
“Not so fast, young lady,” Phillip says.
She rolls her eyes and then gives her father an angelic face. “I’m meeting Claire and Molly at the concession stand, and we’re sitting together.”
“That’s fine, but I want you sitting and watching the game. Not running around.” He pulls binoculars from his jacket pocket. “I’ll be watching.”
She huffs. “Fine.”
Danny doesn’t take my hand, but he does that thing again where he puts it across the small of my back and guides me through a private entrance to the suites. The suite is pretty basic, but it’s heated, which is awesome. The wind is chilly, and I bet the metal bleachers would be cold to sit on.
“Jennifer?” a voice calls out. Very quickly, I’m being pulled into a bear hug. “How the heck are you? Saw the stuff you’re going through when I was buying a lottery ticket. That Troy guy really fudged up this time. You leaving him for good?”
“Um,” I say, feeling a little overwhelmed.
He releases me from his hold. “Heck, you probably don’t even remember me. I’m Nick.”
“Nickaloser?” I ask, causing him to turn a shade of red.
Jadyn starts laughing. He’s even more handsome than when I first met him at a Nebraska game years ago.
“I haven’t heard that name for a while—thank goodness,” he says.
Jadyn wraps her arm around Nick’s neck. “Also known as Kicky Nicky since he’s a kicker. He got drafted to St. Louis out of college and then played for Baltimore, Denver, Atlanta, and Indianapolis but retired from football a couple of years ago. He’s married to my sorority sister, Macy, and”—she points toward a couple of adorable children—“those are their twins, Kiley and Riley.”
“Are you are just visiting?” I ask.
“No. Macy’s family is from Oklahoma. Mine is from Nebraska. We decided to settle somewhere in the middle. That this one is here,” he says, rolling his eyes toward Jadyn, “had no effect on our decision whatsoever. In fact, it was on the con side of the equation.” He grins.
She gives him a sloppy kiss on the cheek, lets go of him, and runs off to pick up his children, covering their faces with kisses, much to their delight, based on their squeals.
“How old are they?” I ask.
“They’re five,” Danny replies for him.
Danny and Nick hug, and then Nick introduces me to his wife, Macy, who quickly takes off to deal with a now screaming Riley.
“Why are you at this game?” I blurt out. I mean, it’s a high school game.
“Another reason we chose Kansas City,” Nick says, “is because Macy’s sister lives here.” He points down to the field. “That’s her oldest son, Taylor. Number eight.”
“Is he a kicker like you?”
“Yeah, kicker and punter. Plays soccer, too.”
“That’s awesome.”
“Being around friends and family is what’s awesome,” he says sincerely. “We knew that, when our kids started school, we wanted them to be able to go to the same place and not have to move because of my job. Hey, are you going to be around this weekend? We’re all getting together at the Mackenzies’ on Sunday for a Halloween bash. Rumor has it, she’s hired some local high school girls to keep the kids busy with face-painting and games while we drink.”
Danny expectantly eyes me.
“Yes. I’ll be here.”
“Perfect,” Nick says as the national anthem starts playing.
Soon, the home team runs through a large blow-up jaguar head and out onto the field.
“Oh, look at him!” Jadyn says. “I can’t believe he’s in a high school football uniform.”
“I don’t get it,” I say. “Why is Chase out there? Isn’t he in the eighth grade?”
“Kids have always been able to play up,” Phillip explains. “Due to a couple of injuries, the high school team is short on quarterbacks, so they put him on the roster this week and are making him suit up. He’ll probably never be on the field.”
“Does he practice with them?”
“No, but the high school and middle school run the same offense, so he knows the plays,” Phillip replies.
“It’s a big honor actually,” Nick says.
“Except that he’s going to hate it,” Danny counters.
“Why would he hate it?”
“For an athlete who loves the game, sitting on the bench kills you. Not to mention, he’ll be missing running around with Damon and their friends.”
“Probably making out under the bleachers, like you used to,” Phillip teases.
“You’re one to talk,” Danny teases him back.
Once we’re sitting down next to each other to watch the game, I whisper to Danny, “You know, I’ve never made out under the bleachers before.”
He gives me a grin. “Maybe, someday, we’ll have to change that.”
He takes my phone off the table in front of us, adds himself as a contact, texts himself, and then sends me a smiley face. And not just any smiley face. The one with the hearts in its eyes.
“There’s Devaney,” he says, pointing as the cheerleaders cartwheel their way over to their spot on the sideline. “She always looks so grown up when she’s cheering.”
The team does a choreographed stunt with Dani doing a series of back handsprings across the front of the squad.
“Wow. She’s a good gymnast, too.”
“That’s because her daddy has spent a lot of money on private tumbling lessons,” Danny says. “Competitive cheer is really—”
“Competitive?” I ask with a laugh.
“Exactly.” He gives me a little elbow. “Smart-ass.”
“You know it,” I reply.
Nick leans in and whispers, “I’m not sure. Jennifer’s ass seems more hot than smart, but if I tried to verify that, I’d probably get in trouble with my wife.” He flicks Danny on the head as he gets up to get a plate of food. “I’ll leave you to figure out which kind of ass she has, Danny. Report back tomorrow.”
“Nothing is sacred around my friends,” Danny says, shaking his head.
“I know. It’s awesome how you all tease each other. It’s fun but filled with love.”
“They want to see me happy.”
“And do they think I will make you that way?” I ask, trying to whisper so that no one hears this part.
“They already love you,” he says.
And I can’t help but wish he felt the same way.
“Well, the feeling is mutual,” I say. “You’re really lucky.”
He glances back at his friends, all laughing, joking, cheering. “Yeah, I am.”
Danny
It’s intriguing how seamlessly Jennifer fits in with my friends. In fifteen years of marriage, I never felt this relaxed. Lori tended to come off a little bitchy, and it could cause problems. Of course, no one really said anything about it, but now, they all act like they only tolerated her presence because of me, which is probably the case.
When the game is over, we head out to the car to meet up with the kids.
“Dani, you were amazing out there!” Jennifer squeals, giving Devaney a hug.
“Any chance you’d want to meet some of the team?” she asks.
“Devaney—” I start to say, but Jennifer cuts me off, “I’d love to!”
Devaney jumps up in the air. “Yay! Dad, did you remember to bring my bag for the sleepover?”
“Sure. It’s in the car. Do you need a ride?”
“Nope.” She gives me a kiss on the cheek and whispers, “Thanks for letting me go. I promise I won’t disappoint you.”
“Good to hear.”
She grabs Jennifer’s hand and leads her over to where her squad is gathered.
“You should see your face right now, Danny,” Jadyn says, sliding up next to me. She’s patting the back of her youngest, who’s asleep on her shoulder, while Phillip is talking sternly to Haley, who seems to want to go somewhere instead of coming home.
I smile bigger. “Do you think Devaney likes her?”
“She’s a movie star. Her friends are going to go crazy,” she says just as I hear girlie screeches coming from where Jennifer and Devaney are standing. “The more important question is, do you like her? She had fun at the game. Our friends love her.”
“I know. It’s kind of unnerving. Can someone just fit into your life so easily?”
“Maybe they can. So, if you and Jennifer want to ride home with Phillip, I’ll wait for Damon and Chase. I’ll be back. I’m going to put Madden in the car.”
“Hey, Dad,” Damon says, high-fiving me as he walks over. “Pretty good game, huh?”
“You look like you had a little too much fun,” I say, wondering what’s up with his ear-to-ear grin. More than likely, he did spend some time under the bleachers instead of watching the game. I decide to test him. “What was the play call on the passing score in the second quarter?”
“Double Fade from the Power I formation.” He rolls his eyes.
“Where have you been?”
“In the locker room. Trying to talk my way onto the team.”
“Did it work?” I laugh at my son’s boldness.
“Well, I told Coach that he should probably have me suit up, too. Because, if Chase goes in, there’s no one who can catch his passes better than me.”
“Is that true?” Jennifer asks, rejoining us as the cheerleaders have dispersed and are loading into their cars.
“Definitely. I’m going back in the locker room. Chase and I will be back out in a few.” He squints his eyes at Jennifer. “You gonna be here when I get back?”
“Um, maybe.”
“Awesome. Saw you were taking pics with the cheerleaders. You cool with meeting some of the guys? Thought I’d sell tickets.”
“Damon!” I chastise.
“Ah, Dad, I’m just joking. Well, sorta. I happen to know that Coach is a big fan of Jennifer Edwards. There might be a poster of her in his office. I was just thinking …”
“Go get in the car, Damon.”
“I’d love to meet the coach,” Jennifer tells him.
“Sweet!” he says, taking off.
“What did you decide?” Jadyn asks, sticking her head around the car.
“You guys go on home. We’ll bring the boys.”
“You know they’re going to ask you to drive them through somewhere. Tell them I bought a big box of Hot Pockets just for them.”
“We’ll be home in a flash,” Jennifer says, laughing. “I used to love those things.”
When the Mackenzies pull away, Jennifer plops up onto the hood of my SUV like she owns it. “I’m surprised Damon doesn’t play quarterback like you.”
“He doesn’t have the patience for it. He’s fast, he has always loved to run races—well, win races—and he likes the glory of scoring. Even when they were little, Damon always wanted Chase to throw him the ball. Usually, instead of throwing it back, he’d run it back, hand it to Chase, and tell him to throw it again. And it’s sort of how it worked out. They both love it, but they’re young, and you don’t know if they will grow into their positions. Chase is already tall, like Phillip was at his age, and expected to be at least six foot four. So, I think he’ll be fine. The average professional quarterback is six-two. A couple of inches definitely helps with seeing over the offensive line.”
“How tall is Damon supposed to be?”
“Since his mother’s side of the family is shorter, it’s harder to gauge but six foot probably. Six-one, if we’re lucky. He’s really fast, and he has soft hands. We’re working with him this year on body control. He’s actually taking some private ballet lessons.”
“Ballet?”
“Yeah, pro wide receivers have to get two feet inside the field of play. They often go up on their tiptoes and drag them in bounds to make a catch. He won’t be dancing, just working on balance, body control, and flexibility.”
“Will Chase take ballet, too?”
“No, he has a throwing coach. Both boys go to national camps each summer. Colleges are looking at kids earlier than ever before, as are pro scouts.”
“Will they go to Nebraska?”
“I don’t know. They’ve had a string of coaches who haven’t been winning, and recruitment is down. They just hired a former player as their coach, so we’ll have to see how it goes. If your goal is to win things like the Heisman or to go high in the draft, a winning team helps get you attention. Although there are a lot of guys in the league who went to smaller colleges and do great in the combine. We just want them to get through high school with as few injuries as possible.”
“It’s funny how, when you watch a game, you don’t think about how hard the players get hit. But when you got sacked in that Super Bowl game, I was worried.”
“Jadyn always says she wishes Chase didn’t like sports. She made him take piano lessons when he was younger. He hated it. He does like guitar though. He and Damon always say that rock star is their backup plan.”
“I don’t know about him being a rock star,” she says slowly. “It’s a different kind of life.”
“Like being a movie star?” I ask.
She shakes her head. “Not really. With acting, you are mostly in a closed set environment. It’s just you and the cast and crew. A rock star performs live in front of a whole bunch of people who are cheering, screaming that they love you, singing the lyrics you wrote. It’s a big ego kick. Like, how could it not be?” She slaps my shoulder and starts cracking up. “Oh, Danny Diamond, what have I gotten myself into? I pretty much just described your job, too, didn’t I?”
I move to stand in front of her. She instinctively spreads her legs out, giving me space.
“Yes, I perform in front of a lot of people, but then I take off my uniform, put on my suit, and go home. Where I’m just a normal guy.”
“You’ve never been a normal guy,” she says, sliding her hand into the back of my hair. She stares at me, her eyes dropping to my mouth.
I lean forward to kiss her.
“We’re back!” my son yells out, interrupting what should have been a perfect moment.
He and Chase sprint over to us, Coach following behind them, sort of trotting.
“This is Jennifer Edwards,” Damon says as Jennifer jumps off the hood.
After they share niceties and Jennifer offers to autograph the poster in his office next time she’s at a game, we get the boys loaded into the car and head home.
It’s only about a fifteen-minute drive. I have the music on and have my head against the back of the seat, straining to hear what the boys are talking about. I definitely hear the word kissing and the name of a girl in their class. Chase complains about being stuck on the bench.
Once I pull into the garage, the kids jump out of the car. Jennifer and I get out and stand awkwardly, staring at each other.
“What are you doing tonight, Dad?” Damon asks.
He and Chase are standing behind Jennifer, raising their eyebrows up and down at me. I swear, Phillip used to look at me the same way when he knew I was going to get some.
“Watching film probably and then going to bed.”
The last thing I need is for Damon to say something to his mom. I don’t want to give her any reason not to sign the papers on Wednesday.
I walk the three of them to the Mackenzies’ front door and drop them off. “Night.”
Jennifer doesn’t look happy. When Phillip answers the door, before closing it on me, I can tell by the look on his face that he agrees with our sons. That I should be getting some tonight.
I’m not even back to my house when he texts me.
Phillip: You. Are. An. Idiot. Who needs to grow a set.
I let myself in my house, pace up and down the hall, and then decide he’s right.
Me: Any chance you’d want to sneak out?
Jennifer: Maybe …
My kids text all the time. Damon is always sending winky faces to some girl. But I realize I don’t understand the subtle art of textual flirting. The younger guys in the locker room talk about it. Like what dot, dot, dot means. Netflix and chill. There are so many code words for hooking up. I suppose it’s not any different than a girl who wanted to come over and see my trophies or any of the other excuses we’d make up when we only wanted one thing.
The problem is, I don’t want just one thing from Jennifer. I want it all. And that’s not something I can convey in a text. Especially when I don’t even know how to tell her that in person.
My phone lights up with another text. I’m hoping it’s from Jennifer, so I’ll know what maybe dot, dot, dot means, but it’s my daughter.
Devaney: We’re at her house for the night. Thanks for letting me go to the sleepover, Dad. I really appreciate it. I’ll text you in the morning.
Me: Thanks for letting me know. Have fun. Love you.
I jump at the sound of a knock.
When I open the front door, Jennifer’s standing there. Apparently, maybe dot, dot, dot means yes.
Jennifer
“Cookies,” I say, holding out a plate. My cheeks are flushed from running over here in the cold, dark night. “Jadyn gave them to me as a bedtime snack. Thought you might want to share.” I don’t add in bed, but it’s what I’m thinking.
“I’d love to,” Danny says, grinning.
He leads me through the house to the kitchen. My head is on a swivel as I try to take it all in. To see where Danny lives.
He opens the fridge and takes out the milk. “Not spilling it this time,” he teases as he pours us each a glass and then sits next to me at the island.
“These cookies are amazing,” I say after taking a few bites. “What all is in them?”
“Natural peanut butter, vegan chocolate, gluten-free oatmeal, coconut sugar, cashews. For a cookie, it’s actually pretty healthy.”
“Is there anything Jadyn can’t do? She makes motherhood and having a career look effortless.”
Danny laughs. “She gets plenty stressed. Says baking relieves it. You know she’s stuck on a project when she starts baking up a storm. Sometimes, in the middle of it, she just leaves the mess, walks away, and starts sketching. She’s been working on my house along with her other projects.”
I look around. The house seems very formal and a bit stuffy. Everything perfectly matched but not. The living room I passed was completely white with crystal chandeliers and a gold baroque wallpaper. The dining room was a bold pink and green, like a Lilly Pulitzer dress. The table was a gorgeous dark chestnut that you barely noticed in the midst of the matched drapery and chair fabrics. The kitchen I’m sitting in is white with glamorous, contemporary blue light fixtures dripping with crystals and a six-burner stove so shiny and clean, I wonder if it’s ever been used. There are white quartz countertops, an elaborate blue floral arrangement on the counter, blue glass tiled backsplash, and a heavy fabric valance that mostly covers the view of the lake.
“Jadyn designed this?” I sweep my hand around, noting the attached family and breakfast room, which are done in an electric-blue-and-gold peacock motif. “That surprises me.”
Danny starts laughing, almost choking on his cookie. He coughs, takes a big drink of milk, and then takes my hand. “I’ll show you what we’ve done so far.”
He leads me up an elaborately carved staircase and to a double door entrance. Based on its placement, I’m guessing it’s the master suite.
I gulp. He’s showing me his bedroom. Yes!
When he flings the door open, what I see is not what I expected. The paint is the color of sand, the ceiling the color of the sky. The bed in the center of the room is covered in a Bohemian print bedding. There’s a desk with a furry chair.
“This used to be the master bedroom,” he explains. “I just … well, after Lori left, I slept on the couch in the family room. I just couldn’t be in here; the thought of her made me sick. Anyway, Jadyn noticed the dark circles under my eyes and got me to confess that I hadn’t been sleeping in my bed in over a month. Of course, she marched over here, took a few measurements, and asked if I was ready for a change. If I wanted to make the house a place that fit me and the kids’ tastes. The house had a guest suite on the main level, almost a second master, so we decided, since Devaney was getting older and she and Damon were already fighting over their shared bathroom, this would be fun for her. We got rid of all her little girl furniture, and Jadyn helped Devaney plan it all out. When she saw the chandelier in her bathroom, she was so happy, she cried. She has a big, private bathroom, a closet that she loves, and a sitting area where she can hang out with her friends.”
“It’s very cool. I bet she loves it.”
“She took the divorce hard,” he says somberly. “This sort of made it a perk. And the fact that Jadyn let her pick out a lot of the pieces herself made it that much better.”
I take a peek in the bathroom. “Wow. This is massive. I love the chandelier, too, and the sparkly blue tiles.”
“Those are new.”
“Did she choose the bathtub, too?”
“No, that was here. I used it all the time even though it’s too small.”
“You take baths? I didn’t think guys did that.”
“Well, when your body hurts, a good soak in a warm tub before bed helps loosen up your muscles.”
I have to bite my lip to get myself to stop imagining Danny hurting and naked. How I would take care of him.
I’m snapped out of my reverie when he shows me a big closet filled with teen designer clothing and then takes me back into the hall.
He shakes his head. “I have no idea what kind of shape this room is in.”
When he opens the door, I view a boy’s room decorated properly with framed sports memorabilia and an oak furniture suite. Matching bed, dresser, desk, and a bookcase filled with more trophies than books.
“We didn’t do anything to this room. He wanted to keep it the way it was. At first, I thought he was just trying to be a good kid, but then he told us what he wanted was a room that he and his friends could play video games in and how he wanted to decorate it the way he wanted. He pulled a stack of rolled up posters out of his closet that his mom would never let him hang on his walls.”
We walk from the bedroom, through a Jack-and-Jill bathroom, and into another bedroom.
“This used to be Devaney’s room. Chase and Damon helped Jadyn paint over the hot pink it used to be. She ripped up all the carpeting on this level and put in wood flooring. She bought them a big area rug and some gaming chairs, and then she gave them a box of thumbtacks and let them go at it. This is the result.”
I take in the poster-filled walls. Everything from video games to sports heroes to girls in swimsuits.
“It’s pretty awesome,” I say because it is. “It also feels like a big eff you to his mom. What does your wife think about this?”
“Oh, she hasn’t seen it. She would not be happy.” He opens another door and shows me an inviting bedroom decked out in soft colors. “This is the new guest room. And, that’s it up here.”
“Do I get to tour the rest of the house?” I ask boldly, moving a little closer to him.
“Yeah,” he says, “come on.”
And I gladly follow.
“So, this has always been my study.”
“Oh, thank God. Finally, a room that looks like you,” I blurt out.
“Like me?”
“Yeah. I just couldn’t imagine you living in this house, kicking back and relaxing. I mean, I live in LA. I’m used to glitz and glamour, but the house felt stuffy. But let’s talk about this room. The color is amazing. It’s like a deeper version of your eyes. What did it look like before?”
“Well, it was done in a version of my team colors. The wood floor is the same, just stained a darker color. The windows were covered in a red, yellow, and blue check. The chairs were white with pillows that matched the drapes and had red fringe. The ottoman was a coordinating stripe. This is where I like to watch film. Turn on the fire. Lori wouldn’t let me rearrange the furniture so that it faced the TV instead of the fireplace, so it was always a little awkward.”
I take in the rich brown leather chairs, the houndstooth flannel ottoman, and the massive flat screen TV placed above the large wood fireplace. There’s a rich blue-green color on the walls, which is offset by a rug in soft brown, gold, and blue tones.
“And look at this,” he says proudly, opening an armoire. “Jay retrofitted the old TV cabinet into a bar. I have a little ice maker, my good scotch, and glasses right here.”
I take in the bookshelf, running my hand across the spines of the hardcovers, noting the titles. “You like military, thriller, and spy books?”
“Yeah. Sometimes, I need a break from reading playbooks. I’m pretty sure, in another life, I was a spy.”
“Oh, really? Although that doesn’t surprise me. You have charisma for days.”
“Oh, you think?”
I take a step closer to him. “I most certainly do.”
He sucks in a breath and backs away. Nods his head. “Um, I’ll show you my room.”
He slides his fingertips under a bookshelf, opens a hidden door, and directs me through. His bedroom is the same colors as the den, only softer. The bed features a gray tufted headboard and is centered in the room. The mattress is covered with high-thread-count sheets, a simple white comforter, and shams in a rich paisley. A deep blue throw rests at its foot. The walls of the room are dove gray with crisp white trim. It’s both masculine and relaxing.
“I love your bedroom,” I tell him. “I didn’t notice any circles under your eyes. Does that mean you’re finally sleeping?”
“Yes, I am. I spent a ton of time picking out a mattress. I ended up with a memory foam one that just molds around my body. The most comfortable bed ever.”
“I’ve never tried one of those,” I throw out, hoping he’ll offer to let me in it.
Instead, he leads me into a wide hallway. “The bathroom was just completed today. Where my closet and bath are now used to be the guest bath and my wife’s gift-wrapping room.”
“She had a room for nothing but wrapping gifts?”
“Yes, she had rolls of wrap hung on little dowels and a whole lot of ribbons.”
“The color of your study is so unique. And I can see that color is in your bedroom as well, just in a more subtle way. Did you pick the colors?”
“Actually, I sort of did. It was fun. Jadyn took me into my closet and asked me to show her my favorite suit and tie combinations. My two favorite pairs of shoes and one coat. She asked me if there was one piece of furniture, wall color, or item I’d want to keep, what it would be. I said the wood floors and a piece of artwork I bought a while ago that didn’t match Lori’s designs, so it was relegated to the garage.”
“What clothing did you choose?”
We walk into a large closet, full of suits, workout clothing, and a combination of designer and athletic shoes.
“This navy pin-striped suit,” he says, pointing. “This purple-teal-and-gray tie. My favorite brown leather jacket and a pair of brown suede Ferragamo driving shoes. Want to see the bathroom?”
“Yes!” I say a little enthusiastically, thinking about showering with him. But then I see a better alternative. “Now, this is a big tub!” I sit on the side of it and run my hand across its edge.
“It’s got all the bells and whistles,” he says proudly. “Massage jets, air bubbles. And my shower is big enough for my entire offensive line.”
I can’t help but laugh. “If you invited them all, you could probably sell tickets.”
“What if I wanted to be in it alone, with you?” he jokes.
At least, he seems to be joking. He’s chuckling. But that is not something to tease about. I don’t know what to even say. Do I joke back? Or do I strip naked and turn on the water?
“I’m sure I would be amenable to that,” I finally croak out then quickly change the subject. “I like what you’ve done so far. Are you redoing the whole house?”
“I am. It’s funny. The house is sort of following my healing process. Originally, I told Jadyn to just change it. To do whatever she wanted. She chewed me out, big time.”
“Because that’s probably what you said to your wife, and you didn’t love the result.”
“Exactly. As a matter of fact, if you’re still around on Tuesday, it’s my day off. Like, if you’d want to hang out. But part of my day will be spent looking at new kitchen backsplashes, light fixtures, and dishes.”
“That sounds like fun. I’d like to spend the day with you.”
“Perfect,” he says, pulling my hand to his mouth and kissing it. “I guess I’ll finish with the tour.”
And I’m thinking, There’s more? Why does there have to be more? Why couldn’t it have ended in his bedroom? Or that tub?
Danny
Although there is nothing more I would like than to lock my door, throw Jennifer on the bed, and have my way with her, I find myself leading her down the stairs to continue the house tour.
Jadyn’s right. I am a pussy.
“Where are we going?” she asks, looking forlorn.
“Uh, you haven’t seen my favorite part of the house yet,” I reply, showing off the home theater and bar.
It’s surreal, having her in my house. Her shoulder-length blonde hair shimmers under the light, much like it did under the moonlight. I wish I could turn back time. But then I don’t. I love my children and can’t imagine a life without them.
“Oh, wow,” she says upon entering my home gym. “This is like the shrine to Danny Diamond.”
“Lori didn’t want this tacky stuff in the house, so it had been in storage. Jadyn made me put it up on the walls. A lot of guys on the team have game rooms decorated with memorabilia, but I prefer it in my gym. I’m down here every single day, and it helps both motivate me and remind me of how far I’ve come.”
She glides her hand along the chair rail, taking it all in, and it makes me nervous, like she’s somehow inspecting my life.
“I have a little yoga room where I mediate and practice. This is like that for you. Your shrine to all things football. I take that back. It’s your shrine to winning, to greatness.”
“Not completely,” I reply, leading her into the room that houses a sauna and bathroom. I point to the wall above the toilet.
“Tell me about this one,” she says, taking in the photo.
My hair and uniform are soaked, clinging to my pads, covered in mud. My head is hanging low. Defeat written across my face.
“Divisional round playoff game six years ago. Played Pittsburgh at home. It was a grueling game, cold, messy. The weather ranged from rain to sleet to snow; the field was a wreck. I had the chance to throw a Hail Mary to a wide-open player in the end zone to win the game. I threw the ball too high. We lost. We were making a second championship run, and I blew it. So, it hangs over the toilet where it belongs.”
“Yet you chose to hang it. Why?”
“Because I never want to feel like that again.”
Jennifer
“Did you feel like that when you found out about your wife’s affair?” I blurt out because that’s exactly how I felt when I saw the video of Troy and those girls.
He blinks and then snaps his head in my direction. “Different,” he mutters out. “It was more like a blindside sack. Something that seemed to come out of nowhere and knocked me on my ass.”
“But did it really come out of nowhere? I mean, I felt that way with Troy, yet I had known it would happen again. How I found out—which was a call from my agent, who’d heard from my publicist—was awful. The way it spread across the internet was bad. My father is an alcoholic, and I swore, I would never be in a relationship with someone who had addiction issues. But I was. And I loved him. But he loved it more than he loved me. Plus, back when we first met, you weren’t happy in your marriage. Did you get happy?”
“I would say that we had settled into a comfortable routine. The beginning of our marriage was rocky, but we worked out the kinks, learned to deal more effectively with each other, and I did love her. We have a beautiful family. People say no marriage is perfect, and mine was a prime example. There were things that pissed her off. I tried not to do them. We sort of carved out our relationship roles. As long as we followed those roles, our relationship was good. I haven’t had a bad life.”
“Me either,” I say. “Just more downs than ups. Like Troy could be really sweet. He was creative and romantic, and that’s a good combination. He made me feel loved most of the time.”
Danny tilts his head in thought. I love that he’s really talking to me about all of this.
“I think maybe that’s the key. How much happiness do we deserve? When is wanting more wrong? Like, we both have high-paying jobs, doing what we love. We live lives others only dream about. We’re blessed. So when you find yourself wanting more, that missing piece of the puzzle that would make your life perfect, you feel guilty. At least, I did. I felt like I should just be happy with all I had. So, even though Lori didn’t end up being my dream girl, we made it work.”
“I feel the same way. I had a rough childhood; we always had just enough but never any extra of anything. Now, I have so much. Sometimes, I wonder, Why me? And, when you have been given so much, asking for more does feel wrong, but I do want more. I’ve decided it’s okay. We’re similar, Danny. Our careers are golden. We love what we do. We’re good at it. But just because we have so much in our professional life, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t strive for equal happiness in our personal life.”
His blue eyes are transfixed on me, seemingly looking deeper, possibly into my soul, to see if I believe what I’m saying.
He takes a step toward me, possessively takes my face into his hands, and continues to look at me. He breaks eye contact for just a moment, his gaze shifting down to my mouth. He drags his thumb across my lower lip. I close my eyes as a soft moan escapes.
I tilt my face up, waiting for him to kiss me. Waiting for that perfect moment.
Instead, he drops his hands, walks back into the gym, and looks at the walls. “My wife was jealous of all this, I think.”
I let out a disappointed sigh and then follow him. “I was with an international rock star and DJ, who also owns a production company that works with hot young stars. Truth is, I was never worried or felt jealous. Maybe that was a sign that I didn’t care as much as I should have. All I’m saying is that if I were with you, I’d make sure girls knew I was your wife.”
Why did I just say that? I can’t believe I just mentioned being his wife. He doesn’t want to kiss me. He’s trying to bore me with a tour of his house, hoping I’ll finally get the hint and leave.
I mean, we are here. No kids. No ties. No reason not to …
I follow him around a corner and gasp. “This is my favorite photo of you!”
On the wall in front of us is a mural of Danny holding Devaney with confetti raining down on them. On another wall is a similar version from when he won his second ring, only, in this one, he has both children in his arms. Both are equally touching. Even in a picture version, I can practically feel Danny’s joy.
“So do I.” He grins, leading me around a corner. “We took out the game room to expand the gym, which means this is my wall too.”
“Why is it blank?” I ask. “I mean, every other wall is jam-packed.”
Danny closes his eyes for a moment. When they reopen, they are moist, but he’s wearing the same smile from the murals.
“What?” I say.
He grabs me around the waist and then turns me toward the wall, pressing his chest tightly against my back. Having him hold me like this feels like heaven.
“You know how people make dream boards to motivate themselves?” he asks.
“Like, with stuff they want to buy or places they want to visit?”
“Exactly. This is my dream wall,” he explains.
“But there’s nothing on it.”
“That’s because I visualize what I want it to hold. A third mural like the ones over there with confetti raining down, my children by my side, the fans cheering, the team going crazy, the pride and years of playing and practices, the injuries and pain, the pushing my body, the travel, and the missing my family—all culminated in one humbling, thrilling moment of victory. But when I just closed my eyes, I saw something different.”
“What did you see?”
“You in the picture,” he says, resting his chin on my shoulder.
I clutch my chest, my heart racing, then turn around to face him. “I’d love to be in that picture, Danny.”
We gaze at each other. Both of us knowing what it means. That I want to be with him, share my life with him.
I kiss my index finger and place it on his lips then take my phone out of my back pocket.
Danny looks a little irritated, like I just ruined the moment, but I press a couple of buttons, and then I flip the phone around and show him that I have the same photo of him and Dani.
“I’ve had this picture in every phone I’ve had since it happened. I always wished—”
“That you were there with me?”
“Not just wished really, more like I felt like I belonged there but wasn’t.” Tears fill my eyes. I wipe them away and say, “I don’t know why I’m crying so much. I mean, what the heck? How am I supposed to seduce you if all I do is cry? It’s not very sexy.”
“You want to seduce me?” He lets out a whoosh of air.
“I want to screw your brains out, Danny. Then I want to make love to you and have it be so freaking incredible that it wipes every other sexual encounter you’ve ever had in your life straight out of your mind. I want to win the Championship of Sex when it comes to you.”
He presses his fingers against my cheeks, gently brushing away my tears. “I might have just fallen in love with you,” he says.
“I’m pretty sure I fell in love with you that night on the beach,” I confess.
I kiss him hard—a collision of lips, tongues, and entangled limbs.
He picks me up, carries me to a red leather sofa, and lies on top of me, bringing us even closer while never letting our lips part.
Finally.
I frantically run my hands through his hair as I arch my hips toward him.
A phone rings.
We ignore it.
But then it rings again.
He curses, ripping his lips away as he pulls his phone from his back pocket and looks at the screen. “It’s Phillip.” He presses answer and then says, “Yeah?”
I can immediately tell by the look on his face that something is wrong. He’s already moving toward the stairs, leaving me lying here, like an afterthought.
Which sort of crushes me.
Because that kiss, just like our first one, was everything.
Danny
“You need to get over here,” Phillip says. “We just picked up Devaney from a party. She’s a mess.”
I panic, wondering what happened to her. How she ended up at a party. I start up the stairs and then remember Jennifer. Who I just kissed after all this time.
I turn around. She’s still lying on the couch, her lips red from being kissed and her shirt partially unbuttoned with a sexy bra visible, looking incredibly gorgeous. How I would like to stay here and finish what we started. But I can’t.
“Sorry, that was Phillip. There’s some trouble with my daughter.”
“But I thought she was at the cheerleading slumber party?” she asks, immediately getting up off the couch.
“All Phillip said was that she’s a mess.” I cover my face with my hand and rub my eyes. “I’m not sure I will be able to survive my daughter’s teen years.”
Jennifer takes my hand off my face and kisses it. “It’s probably just girl drama.”
When we get to the Mackenzie house, I find my daughter on the couch in the living room, crying hysterically.
“What’s wrong, honey?” I ask, but as soon as I get close to her, I can tell she’s been drinking, and when she slurs her words and makes exaggerated hand motions, I know she consumed too much—which pisses me off.
“Where have you been?” I yell at her.
She cries some more, stringing together words that really don’t make sense. She seems to be mad at Chase. I turn and notice him standing off to the side of the room with my son. Damon has a smirk on his face, like he thinks this is all funny, but Chase’s face is red, and he looks as if he’s been crying. Angel is clinging to his side, hating that Chase is upset.
I take two steps toward him. “What did you do?”
Phillip touches my shoulder, so I turn around, my face feeling like it’s on fire.
“What happened?” I yell.
Even though my brain is telling me that Chase would never hurt Devaney, the anger I feel is overwhelming, and my daughter is clearly upset.
“Chase picked her up from the party,” Phillip says. “That’s why she’s mad at him. I caught him and Damon in the garage, trying to sneak out. They were going to drive my car, go get her, and bring her home, so she wouldn’t get in trouble.”
I march over to my daughter and grab her hand off her face where she had it buried, and I start acting like a dad. “What were you thinking, going to a party? Why were you drinking?”
Devaney sobs harder then throws up all over the floor. And my shoes.
I hear Damon from behind me mutter, “That was awesome,” as she drops her head into her lap and sings part of a song she liked when she was a little girl.
Chase, who has been stock-still in the corner, is next to her in a flash. He puts his arm around her, starts singing the song with her, and tells her it will be okay.
“I’ll get that,” Jadyn says to me, quickly getting up. “Don’t move.”
While Jadyn cleans up, I’m getting angrier and angrier. What the hell was my fourteen-year-old daughter doing, getting drunk?
I start in on her again. “You lied to me, Devaney. You are so grounded. Like, forever—”
Jennifer touches my back. “Now’s probably not the time, Danny. I’d wait to have this conversation when you’re not so upset and … when she’s sober.”
All of a sudden, Devaney looks up at Chase, like she just realized he was there. “Get away from me!” she yells at him very coherently. “I hate you, Chase Mackenzie!”
He gets tears in his eyes and quickly goes back to his corner.
Devaney starts sobbing again—about everything. Her mom not taking her to the spa tomorrow. About stupid boys. About how no one loves her. About cheerleading. About the divorce.
And I’m finding it hard not to sit down next to her and cry myself. Does she really think no one loves her? That I don’t love her? I’ve spent the last five months since her mother left trying to make sure my children know how much they are loved. That our divorce has nothing to do with them. Have I failed?
Jennifer takes Chase’s vacated spot on the couch. She pulls my daughter into a hug and starts rubbing her hair. She’s speaking in a soothing tone and telling her over and over that everything will be all right. Devaney calms a little but keeps repeating the same things over and over. Almost like she’s talking in her sleep.
While Jadyn finishes cleaning up the puke, Phillip grabs me and takes me outside.
“What the hell happened?” I ask as I pace across his front porch.
“Dani called Chase about a half hour ago. She was slurring, and Chase was really worried about her. He knew from some of his older friends that the cheer slumber party had turned into a huge, alcohol-filled blowout. Dani had texted him and was excited because it was her first high school party and because Dalton Michaels had been flirting with her. Apparently, he’d started texting her this week, but Dani was nervous about it because he had a date to homecoming with a girl on her squad. I guess Dalton kissed Dani, and the girl—who isn’t his girlfriend, just a date—yelled at her in front of everyone and called her a slut. But what freaked Chase out and why he was willing to steal my car and go get her was that she said she was going to leave the party with Dalton, who had been drinking heavily.”
“Jeezus,” I mutter. “Then, what?”
“Chase told her not to leave the party. That he’d come get her. I caught him and Damon in the garage. Chase spilled everything he knew, begged me to drive them. I did. There were cars lined up and down the street. I told Chase I was going in with him, but he said no. A couple of minutes later, he texted to tell me to call the cops and then pull up as close as I could to the door because he’d be out in sixty seconds.” Phillip smiles proudly. “Damon timed him. It took forty-seven. He had gone in there and found her with Dalton, who was drunk and all over her. Chase said something and pulled Devaney away. Dalton threw a drunken punch. Chase ducked, and Dalton’s hand smashed into the stone fireplace instead. Chase said he heard bones crack. Anyway, he got Dani out to the car, and we got the heck out of there.”
“So, Devaney is mad at Chase because he rescued her? He kept her from getting into a car with someone who would have been driving drunk?”
“Yeah, that’s why he’s so upset.”
I shake my head. “I’m not ready for this. How are we going to survive high school?”
“We survived it the first time around,” he says with a grin. “Dani is safe. That’s the main thing.”
“She’s drunk as a skunk.”
“She’s drunk, but she was walking okay, and we did get her to drink some water in the car. If I’d thought she had alcohol poisoning, I would have taken her straight to the hospital.”
I take a deep breath. “Thank you,” I say sincerely.
“You’d do it for me,” he says back. “But I’d appreciate it if you apologized to Chase. He looked horrified when you asked what he did.”
“I’m sorry. You’re right. I’ll do that and then take my daughter home.”
Jennifer
Devaney is finally mostly asleep. Every once in a while, she wakes up, sobbing. I’m glad that she threw up and got some of the alcohol out of her system. It’s kind of ironic that I ended up here because of alcohol, and now, I’m consoling Danny’s sweet and way-too-young-to-be-drinking daughter over it.
I guess at least I know that you can’t have a sensible conversation with someone who’s been drinking and that it’s important to keep them calm.
The front door opens, causing me to look up and into Danny’s eyes. They look exactly like they did in the photo of him above the toilet. Defeated. I give him a faint smile, trying to let him know that it will be all right.
He goes over and speaks quietly to Chase then sits on the other side of the couch, next to his daughter. “I’m going to take her home now,” he says.
“Do you want me to help you?”
“No, you’ve done enough already.”
I should take that as a nice thing for him to say. Maybe it’s because he’s upset, but the way he said it makes me feel like, if I hadn’t been making out with him on his couch, none of this would have happened.
Very quickly, he and Devaney are out the door.
I walk into the study off the kitchen and sit in my favorite chair, curling my feet up underneath me, the evening we spent together still on my mind. Angel comes into the study and lies at my feet. Usually, she doesn’t leave Chase’s side when he’s home, but she looks as exhausted as I feel. I lean down and rub her ears. She pushes her head against my hand, like she loves it. Pretty soon, she’s rolled over and letting me rub her belly.
From my perch, I can see Jadyn sitting down at the kitchen table with Chase.
“You know you’re grounded,” she says.
“But, Mom—” he argues.
“Chase, what you did tonight was good, but if your father hadn’t driven you, it could have gone very badly. I applaud the fact that you wanted to keep her from going with someone who was drunk. I understand you had good intentions. But you’re fourteen. You don’t have a license.”
“I told him it was a bad idea,” I hear Damon say.
“Damon, why don’t you go downstairs and sleep on the couch tonight?” she replies in a serious tone.
“Yes, ma’am,” he says.
“And, Damon, don’t forget, you were in the car with him, too.”
I see him walk by the study, on his way to the basement stairs.
“She’s trying to fit in. To be cool, Mom,” Chase says. I feel bad for him. “I don’t understand. She’s already the coolest girl I know.”
Phillip walks into the study with an open bottle of wine and three glasses. He pours a glass, hands it to me, then pours one for himself, and sits in the chair opposite me.
“If Dalton broke his hand, he’s going to hate me because I’m a QB, too,” Chase goes on. “What if I take his—”
Phillip sighs, gets back up, and shuts the French doors. “I’m going to give them some privacy,” he says. “How are you? This is a lot to cope with.”
“We haven’t toasted yet. Can I drink?”
Phillip smiles at me. “You’re getting the hang of it. Well, let’s see. Why don’t you do the honors? My brain is fried.”
“Here’s to your children being safe and to Danny’s empty wall.” I clink his glass and then take a sip of a bold red.
Phillip looks at me kind of funny, but he takes a drink and then grabs a remote to turn on the gas fireplace. Angel wags her tail at him, so he gives her a quick pat and then sits back down.
“Oh, that’s nice,” I say. “I love this room. It’s so cozy.”
“It’s Jadyn’s favorite, too. And the only room in the house that is off-limits to the kids, which might be why.” He laughs. “So, explain why you’re toasting to an empty wall. I take it, you went over to Danny’s house tonight even though you said you were tired and going to bed.”
“I was going to bed,” I say quickly, feeling like I got caught lying and sneaking out, too. “I mean, originally, I’d been hoping he’d invite me over. But he didn’t. I was a little sad about that, so I was just going to go to bed. He texted me when I got to my room.”
“I told him he was an idiot for not inviting you over. So, did you have fun?”
“Probably not the kind of fun you are referring to, based on your grin,” I say with a laugh.
“Seriously?” Phillip slaps his palm to his forehead and rolls his eyes. “What did you do then?”
“He gave me a tour of his house. Showed me the changes that have been made so far. It was fun. We talked a lot. And it was really interesting to see how the parts of the house that had been redone were so different from the ones that weren’t.”
“Lori wanted their house to be a showpiece.”
“It was fun to see Danny in his study. He seemed happy there. But then he took me to his gym.”
“His favorite place.”
“I suppose. It’s like a shrine to his greatness,” I counter as the doors open, and Jadyn joins us.
Phillip gets up immediately and pours her a glass of wine.
“I so need this,” she says. “What did you two toast to?”
“To the kids being safe and Danny’s empty wall,” Phillip tells her.
Jadyn squints her eyes at me as she and Phillip snuggle up together in the chair.
“And Jennifer was just about to tell me why. Danny invited her to come over tonight and gave her a tour of the house. She likes what you helped him do so far.”
“And we were talking about his gym,” I add.
“Did he tell you what the empty wall was for?” she asks, quickly coming up to speed.
“Yes,” I say with a smile, taking another sip of wine.
Regardless of how the night ended, he told me that I belonged on his dream wall, and that made me feel incredibly happy.
“Oh, boy,” Phillip says, eyeing my dreamy state. “I think I’m going to leave the rest of this conversation to you ladies. I need to go talk to Chase now that he’s settled down a little.” He finishes the rest of his wine, kisses his wife, gets up, then grabs the bottle, and sets it on the table between us.
“He’s up in his room,” Jadyn says. “Be gentle on him. He’s had a rough night.”
“I know he has. That’s why I want to talk to him. Even though he’s grounded, I’m very proud of him. I want to be sure he knows it.” He gives Jadyn an adorable wink, gets Angel to come with him, and then closes the door behind himself.
“Sorry you had to deal with all this tonight,” she says. “You did really well with Dani.”
“I’ve had my fair share of dealing with drunk people,” I reply.
She takes another drink of wine and then says, “So, tell me about the wall.”
I sit up straighter. “You know it’s his dream wall, right?”
She nods.
“He told me about how he wants another picture like the ones with his kids.”
“And?” she prods.
“He said, when he closed his eyes, he envisioned me in the picture.”
She leans her head back into the chair, closes her eyes, and sighs.
“What?” I ask. “Is that good or bad?”
“Oh, that’s very good. While he might call it his dream wall, it’s more like a concrete goal for him. He wants to go out on top.”
“You think, if he wins the big game this year, he’ll retire?”
“I think maybe so. His body is still in pretty good shape—”
“I’d say so. Have you seen his underwear ads?”
Jadyn lets out a laugh. “Yes, I have. Danny has a very nice physique. I was referring to the fact that he’s not had many concussions or injuries. Football can be hard on the body even if you’re in top shape.”
“Makes sense.” I take a sip of wine, contemplating whether or not I should even ask the question I’m considering. Finally, I blurt out, “Is Danny really not good in bed?”
“What makes you think—oh, wait, Lori said something like that at the game, didn’t she?”
“Uh-huh. I want to know what you know.”
“Well, I’ve never slept with him, but you’ve seen him play football. You know how passionate he is.”
“Why would his wife say that?”
“Trying to make it look like she traded up when she didn’t. Trying to make you think that, so you wouldn’t want to sleep with him.”
“Was their sex life bad? Like, I can’t even imagine it ever being anything but amazing with him,” I gush.
“Maybe you’ll have to find out for yourself,” she teases. “But, to answer your question, it was good between them at first. Danny never would have married her otherwise. It went downhill when she was pregnant, and then it came and went in waves.”
“Like an orgasm,” I screech out. Maybe I should stop chugging wine. But then I whisper, “He kissed me.”
“Based off the kiss, what do you think?”
“I think it would be incredible.”
