The kids are upstairs, getting their bags packed to go stay with their mother for a few days to celebrate Christmas. She’s moved into her new house, and Devaney is actually excited to spend time there. Which is good. The kids need to have a healthy relationship with their mother.
The doorbell rings, and I open it to find Lori standing there.
She shakes her head at me. “Still here?”
“Yes, I’m living here now actually.”
She lets out an audible sigh. “You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into. And don’t even get me started on Danny’s relationship with Jadyn. You’ll always be second best in his life. Just be sure you’re okay with that.”
“I think his friendship with Phillip and Jadyn is amazing. He’s lucky to have such great friends,” I counter.
“Yeah, I thought that at first, too. Until she was sneaking off to a hotel room with him in the middle of the day. She’s not as perfect as she seems. And neither is Danny. I did my best to hold our relationship together for fifteen years, and it was exhausting. When you’re not competing with his fans, there are his friends.”
“Why aren’t they your friends, too?”
“Because I’m a bitch. That’s what they will tell you, but really, it’s because I thought we could do better. Danny could have been a pillar in the community; instead, he preferred to spend weekends in the neighbor’s backyard, drinking beer and eating off paper plates. You’re a celebrity. You’re used to a different lifestyle. The kind of lifestyle I’ve always wanted. You’ll be bored in a month. Just don’t get pregnant or else you’ll be stuck with them all.”
I stand there with my mouth open, trying to come up with something to say when the kids come down the stairs and head out with her.
I go next door, the conversation still on my mind. I know it’s silly. I know I shouldn’t believe her, but she didn’t seem like she was being bitchy. It was like she really, truly felt that way.
After some pleasantries, I finally blurt out to Jadyn, “Have you and Danny ever, um…”
“Let me guess,” she says with a sigh. “You’ve been talking to Lori.”
“How’d you know that?”
“Because she is the only person I know who would think Danny and I are having an affair. She also thinks Danny should have moved up the ladder from a friend standpoint. Because we aren’t good enough. Not classy enough. We eat buckets of chicken. We have picnics and barbecues that don’t involve waiters and fine china—because, for us, it’s about the relationships and not about the pomp and circumstance.” She studies me. “But only you can decide if Lori’s right. Although you should know after us all being in Los Angeles together that we move just as easily in social circles with celebrities as we do with our friends in the backyard. Do you want to know why?”
“Why?”
“Because, to us, they are no different. When I decide who to be friends with, it’s based on if they are a good person. Not what they do for a living or how much money they have.”
“I feel like I finally belong,” I say.
“And Lori would rather have the illusion of success than actual life success,” Jadyn states.
“Life success?”
“What makes your life happy. That’s not being rich and famous. Although having money is nice, sometimes, it can create bigger problems. We’ve seen it happen with a few of Danny’s former teammates. You want more, you spend more, you get wrapped up in the lifestyle. The lifestyle almost takes on a life of its own.”
“That’s how it was with Troy.” I nod. “Glamorous lifestyle, not-so-glamorous life.”
“Exactly. We live a not-so-glamorous life, but our hearts are full of friendship, family, and the intrinsic joy they bring.”
“Isn’t that kind of a reverse snobbery? You have money. You have your own plane. That’s something most people consider pretty glamorous.”
“Have you ever seen me post a photo of myself flying like a G6? Of me drinking champagne while everyone else works around me? No. We bought the plane because of the importance of our family time. It’s a work-life balance possession that we are incredibly fortunate to be able to afford. But it’s a means to an end; it’s a luxury in that it allows me more time with my family, and that, for us, is the ultimate in fine living. We don’t keep buying bigger houses or own a bunch of luxury vehicles. Any designer handbag I own, which is a total of four, has a purpose and was bought because a successful businesswoman needs to look a certain way. When we packed up Lori’s closet after she moved out, she had over four hundred designer bags. Many still with tags. It’s no wonder she wanted a bigger house. She needed a bigger closet for the stuff she was buying. If I buy another bag, it’s probably because I’ve worn one out. I just replaced my large designer tote because the strap broke from carrying heavy samples. The way you choose to live is no one’s business but yours. I don’t know if it’s true, but I read somewhere that you have a small exotic car collection. That you’re a car fanatic.”
“I am, but I rarely drive them,” I admit.
“Why not? Don’t they bring you joy?”
“They do bring me joy. They are sort of like milestones in my career. My splurge. I should drive them more though.”
“Makes sense,” she says.
“How do you do that?” I wonder.
“Do what?”
“You never make me feel like you’re judging me,” I reply.
She laughs. “Probably because I’m not.”
“But why aren’t you?”
“Who am I to judge your lifestyle? I know Lori thinks that I think I’m perfect or that Danny thinks I’m a saint or that Phillip and I couldn’t possibly be happy all the time, but I believe if you work hard and follow your passion, if you have balance in your life, sometimes, it can feel pretty special.” She sets down her cup of coffee and looks seriously at me. “I don’t talk about this much because the memory is so painful, but when I was pregnant with Chase, I was in a car accident. There were complications, and I flatlined. I had visions, dreams, a near-death experience—whatever you want to call it. I don’t know what it was exactly, but it has stuck with me. It was the ultimate bad dream, and I’ll never forget what I saw.”
“Will you tell me about it?” I’m curious what she saw. Especially since I got the impression she wasn’t into psychic phenomenon.
“A lot of people don’t believe in these types of experiences. I didn’t really used to believe in them, and I can only explain what I saw and how I felt. I was in what I’ll call heaven’s waiting room. There was a TV in that room, and I got to watch a scene of Phillip’s life without me. He was with a pretty brunette and had an adorable child. They were in our backyard. And he looked happy. Happy without me. And if I had died, of course, I would have wanted that for him. But I—” She gets tears in her eyes and wipes them. “I’m sorry. It was just so vivid, and literally every day, when I wake up and see him lying next to me, I think how lucky I am to be living this life with him. And maybe it gives me a slightly different perspective.
“I’m living my dream life. Lori wasn’t. I really think she hated that I was happy. Probably hated that I’d survived. When it happened, Danny never left the hospital. She thinks it’s because he loved me. And it’s true. I love him fiercely, and I know he loves me. It’s just that she couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that you can love people and not want them sexually. You can love your friends. Besides, Danny was really there for Phillip, not just me. Phillip had to take care of Chase but didn’t want me to wake up alone. Danny stayed by my side, so Phillip could leave to be with Chase. They are best friends, too. And they love each other. I’m surprised, as jealous and insecure as Lori was, that she didn’t think they were having an affair, too.”
I burst out laughing. “I’m sorry.” I take her hand. “I shouldn’t be laughing when you’re telling me something so personal, but”—I snicker—“I can’t picture that.”
“It’s okay. And just so we’re clear, I’m not trying to defend my life choices to you. I’m trying to explain the difference between what Lori saw and my intention. I will say though, you’ve questioned me about something Lori has said before. I’m not going to explain or defend again. I put up with that crap because of Danny for years, and I’m done with it. If you’re not confident enough in our friendship or your relationship with Danny to accept that, then maybe you don’t belong together. Because, honestly, you should have talked to him about this, not me.” She stands up abruptly. “If you’ll excuse me, I have to go pick up Haley from dance practice.”
“Um, yeah, sure,” I say, feeling a little like I got scolded by my mother. All my insecurities rise to the surface.
Tonight, I have a dream—clearly influenced by my talk with Jadyn earlier.
I’m not sure if I’m dead in the dream, but I am somehow watching a scene play out from above.
Danny is the backyard of my house in LA. He’s throwing a ball for Angel, who runs like the wind to retrieve it. She runs back to him and drops the ball at his feet, eagerly waiting for him to do it again.
Motion catches my eye. A woman comes out of my house. A woman who is not me. She’s pretty, petite, and although she looks a little like Lori, it’s not her. She’s got a baby on her hip, and another child is holding her hand.
The child sees Danny and yells out, “Daddy! You’re back home!”
“I am,” he says, picking the little boy up.
“How was your trip?” the woman asks after giving him a kiss.
“It was good. I had fun visiting my friends, and look,” he says, showing her his arm. “I got another tattoo while I was there.”
She gently slides her finger over the Roman numerals that now fill his arm. “It’s beautiful. What a beautiful life we have.”
“That we do,” he says, taking the baby out of her arms and kissing her again.
I wake up with a start.
And realize that I shouldn’t ever let anything Lori says influence my feelings.
I’m living my dream life with Danny.
And that’s all that matters.
