“Heard you got in late last night,” I say, sneaking into the guest room next to Jadyn’s office and waking Jennifer up.
“More like this morning. The storms really delayed us. I guess it’s officially winter. How’s Angel this morning?”
“Not good. The kids all stayed home from school today. Jay said she took your suggestion and found someone to come into the home this afternoon.” My eyes get misty. Angel has been a part of all our lives for so long. “How are you this morning?”
“Sleepy,” she says, pulling me into her arms. “And I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you, too,” I say, but then she turns her head away.
“Please hold.” She jumps out of bed, wearing the cutest little patterned pajama shorts, and I find myself instantly turned on in spite of everything.
“Where are you going?” I ask as she runs into the bathroom.
“You woke me up. I need to pee and brush my teeth. I can’t have our first kiss after you told me you love me be with bad breath.”
When she comes back out, she basically throws herself at me, her lips colliding with mine. Our bodies quickly heating up.
Desire overcoming us.
And, yes, I know things are sad downstairs, but it’s been two whole weeks since the first time we slept together, which was the last time I saw her in person. And I have most definitely missed her.
So, I lock the door and make love to her.
Twice.
“Wow,” she says when we’ve finished. “That might have been better than the first time.”
“The first time today or the first time ever?”
“Both,” she replies with a content sigh. “I might have just fallen more in love with you.”
I give her side a little tickle, causing her to screech. “I love you, Jennifer,” I say, cradling her cheeks in the palms of my hands.
She gently kisses me. “I love you, too, Danny Diamond.”
“I’m really glad you’re home.”
“Home, huh?” she teases.
“Yeah. I know you just bought a house, and I can’t wait to see it, but I hope that what feels like home is us being together—wherever that might be.”
She kisses me again. This one is different than the one that started things. This kiss can only be described with one word.
Perfection.
She and I together are just that. And I couldn’t be happier.
Except …
“We probably shouldn’t stay up here too long with everyone downstairs,” she suggests, apparently thinking exactly what I’m thinking.
Jennifer
The kids along with Jadyn and Phillip are all in the study. Angel is lying in her bed in front of the fireplace. Chase is lying down, and her chin is resting on his chest. His eyes are red and swollen, and he’s gently massaging a spot behind her ears that must be her favorite.
“We are just getting ready to all tell Angel about some of our favorite times with her,” Phillip tells Danny and me. “Have a seat.”
Danny takes a spot on one of the open chairs, and I sit on the floor next to it.
“Who would like to go first?” Phillip asks.
“Me,” Damon says. “One time, when Chase and I were about seven, we accidentally left the gate open, and when we got back from playing with the neighbors, we noticed it. Angel was nowhere to be seen. We immediately panicked. We rode our bikes all over the neighborhood—on her morning run path and to the duck pond, thinking that might be where she was. We were both crying at this point. And it wasn’t because we were little or because we thought we would get in trouble, but we were afraid she was really gone. She’d been our best friend since we were born. And we were stupid. She could have been hit by a car or kidnapped.
“Anyway, we came back home, and we were going to go inside the house and tell Auntie Jay, but when we slam the gate shut, we see Angel’s head pop up in the tree-house window. To this day, we don’t know how she got up there.”
“Probably after a squirrel,” Chase says, nodding.
“She got up there but maybe couldn’t get back down and was just taking a nap or something,” Damon says. “And we hugged her, and she gave us sloppy tongue kisses. We never forgot to shut the gate again. The thing that’s cool about Angel is that even though I didn’t live here, she loved me. It’s like she knew I wanted a dog really bad and that my mom wouldn’t let me have one, so she tried being my dog, too.”
“Do you remember the times when we were all really little,” Devaney says, putting her hand on top of Chase’s, “and we would make her dress up with us? You always had a whole trunk full of costumes in the playroom from superheroes to firemen and even princess gowns for me. She was the best dog. She let us put her in a mermaid costume. I even put the shell tiara on her head. And she would just wag her tail.” She reaches around and digs in her bag. “I even have a picture.” She’s got tears streaming down her face, but at the photo, she laughs. “Look at her face. You can tell she’s just like, Ohmigawd, what are these kids doing to me? But she never left.”
She sniffles and then says, “And I have one more. It’s recent and personal, but when we came home from our trip and Daddy told us he and Mom were getting a divorce, I came over here, to Chase’s room and cried. And Angel stayed with me. She kept licking my face until I finally started laughing.” She starts crying harder and sputters out, “She is a really good dog. And I love her.”
Chase wraps his arm around her and pulls her close. She lays her head down next to Angel and sobs.
“I’ll go next,” Danny says. “Do you remember the time Jadyn had all the Christmas treats spread out on the kitchen island and had to run upstairs, and when she came down, Angel had eaten over three-dozen peanut butter chocolate chip cookies?”
“Chocolate is supposed to be really dangerous for dogs,” Devaney says, “but it was all the protein in the peanut butter that made her sick, right, Auntie Jay?”
“Yes, that’s correct,” she replies.
“Those were ten grand and a week at the vet’s office cookies,” Phillip adds.
“And what about the time she ate the whole Thanksgiving turkey but left all the bones?” Chase says. “I remember Grandpa Mac was so impressed that she was smart enough to not eat them.”
“When she was a puppy,” Jadyn says, “she would steal my underwear and swallow them whole. One time, when I picked her up from the vet, after they had made her throw them up, they gave me a little paper bag with my underwear back.”
“Oh, that’s so gross,” Damon says with a laugh.
“Ryder, how about you?” Devaney says. “What’s your favorite thing about Angel?”
“She’s my bestest friend,” he says. “She always fetches the ball when I throw it. No matter how many times. She never gets tired. Is Angel tired now, Mommy?” he asks Jadyn.
She picks him up, sets him on her lap, and wraps him in her arms. “Yeah, baby. Angel is very tired.”
“And she’s going to sleep, and she won’t wake up because she’s so tired?” Ryder continues.
“Not because she’s tired. It’s more because she’s old, and her body is just giving out.”
“She’ll go to heaven,” Chase says, “where she can chase squirrels all day. And steal cookies. And Cheetos.” He turns to his mom. “You told me that when people die and go to heaven, their family meets them. Will your mom and dad meet Angel?” He starts crying hard. “I just don’t want her to be alone. She isn’t going to know what to do. She always has people around her, and she needs someone to throw the tennis ball for her and take her for jogs like she used to be able to do.”
I can’t even stop the tears from rolling down my face.
“Of course they will be there. I promise you, my mom will love on her, but she will be strict about treats and make sure she gets exercise. My dad will be a softie and sneak her treats, just like you do. And, you know, I looked a lot like my dad, and you look a lot like me, so Angel will recognize them. She’ll know. She’s a smart dog.”
“I go now,” the littlest Mackenzie, Madden, says, raising his hand. He runs into the kitchen and then comes running back. “I drew a picture of all my favorite things about Angel. She gives me kisses”—he points to the side of his cheek—“right here. She eats my green beans under the table because they are yucky. She sleeps on my bed when Mommy makes me take a nap. One of my most favorite things is when she jumps in the lake. It makes me laugh every time because she goes whoosh”—he makes his hand fly through the air—“and then splat, and then she comes back and shakes cold water all over Daddy.”
“And she’s the smartest dog I know,” Ryder adds. “She can high-five and fetch a beer for Daddy and Uncle Danny out of the cooler.”
“One of the best tricks I ever taught her. What about you, Haley?” Phillip says, turning to his daughter. “Would you like to say anything?”
Haley has been lying in the corner, between the window and the dog’s bed, her entire body pressed against Angel’s.
“I don’t want her to die,” she cries. “I don’t want her to be in pain. She was whimpering this morning, and you said there was nothing we could do.”
“None of us want her to die, honey,” Phillip says. “We gave her pain medicine this morning. She’s not hurting right now.”
“Anyone else have a memory to share?” Danny asks, seemingly trying to take the pressure off Haley.
“I do,” I say, surprising everyone. “Like Dani, Angel was there for me when I was going through a rough time. When I came here to visit you, I was pretty sad. Trying to figure everything out. And I would come in this room where it was so peaceful and sit and look out at the lake, and Angel would just lie next to me. Like she knew I needed her. And it was really sweet of her. And Devaney mentioned that Labs don’t usually live to be so old, but that Jadyn says she has because of all the love she gets from you guys. And I just hope you all know how much that dog adores each and every one of you.” I wipe my tears. “Because it’s so apparent.”
Dani reaches out and grabs my hand and squeezes it.
“Thank you, Jennifer,” Jadyn says. “That means a lot to us. Angel has loved and protected the kids since even before they were born. She was always careful of my stomach when I was pregnant, she slept under all of your cribs when you were little, she’s licked away your tears with those sloppy kisses of hers, and she’s made you all laugh. And every night, when you get tucked into bed, she comes and tells you good night. She lies on your bed for story time, and she tries not to snore. We’re all going to miss her, but we have to be strong. For her. We want her to know that when she leaves us, we’re all going to be okay. Because that’s the one thing that is most important to her.”
The kids seem to take what she says to heart, wiping their eyes with the backs of their hands—or in Chase’s case, the sleeve of his shirt.
“Wait!” Haley yells out. She hasn’t shared a memory and seems to really be taking it hard. “I have to tell Angel something. Last week, when I got grounded because I went home with Maddie after school, I felt really mad. Angel came up to my room and wanted to give me kisses, and I slammed the door on her face. Like, I didn’t hit her; I would never. I just wouldn’t let her in.” She cries harder. “What if she dies, thinking that I don’t love her anymore?”
Phillip gets up, picks up his daughter, and hugs her. “It’s okay, Haley. She still knew you loved her. That’s why dogs are such good friends. They can read our emotions. Just like she helped Dani and Jennifer when they were upset. She understood.”
“Are you sure, Dad? I’ve been lying next to her and just keep whispering in her ear over and over how much I love her.”
“I’m positive, sweetie.”
Angel opens her eyes, holds her head up, and just stares into the girl’s eyes.
Haley jumps out of her dad’s arms and rushes to the dog’s side, bending down next to her. “Did you hear me, girl? Do you know I love you?”
Angel responds with a small lick on the face, which is all Haley needed. Then, Angel puts her chin back down and closes her eyes.
The doorbell rings.
Phillip, who is still standing up, says, “The doctor is here,” and goes to answer the door.
“Do you guys want to be alone as a family for this part?” Danny asks Jadyn.
“Danny, you are our family. And you loved Angel, too. Did you call your dad?” she says. “I meant to call him earlier and then was busy with the kids. He’ll be upset. Not just because of Angel, but also what she represented, you know?”
“Yeah, I know. He still misses your parents. I’ll call him after,” he says.
Jadyn turns to the children. “This is the part where the doctor is going to make Angel go to sleep, and she won’t wake up. It’s okay if you don’t want to be here for that, but if you don’t, you need to go play quietly in your room.”
All the kids stay put. Part of me wishes I could go play, but I know I have to stay and wish Angel farewell.
The doctor enters the room. He’s wearing a white lab coat that makes him look official, and he has kind eyes. “I can see that Angel is a well-loved and special dog,” he says. “I’m going to give her two shots. This first one is a sedative. This will just make her very sleepy. I just need a little space to get close to her.”
“What happens after she gets sleepy?” Chase asks as the kids move to make a little path.
“You can all say your final words and give her a kiss,” the doctor replies. “After that, I’ll give her another shot that she won’t wake up from.”
“My puppy is going to heaven,” Madden says to him.
The doctor nods, gets between the kids, and administers the sedative. Angel was awake for most of the eulogies; she just wasn’t really what I would call alert.
Now, she drifts into a medicated lull. The kids each give her another kiss and hug. The older kids are crying like crazy.
I am, too, as Danny, Phillip, and I pay our final respects.
Jadyn sits down next to her first baby. The dog that wasn’t really an angel but brought her so much joy. And laughter.
And, now, heartbreak.
She leans down and kisses the dog on the head. Whispers in her ear.
“I wrote a little poem, Mom,” Chase says. “Can I read it now?”
“Of course,” she replies.
He takes a piece of paper out of his back pocket, unfolds it, and then reads:
Angel was a special friend.
She wasn’t just a dog.
A tennis ball in her mouth,
Out for her morning jog.
Angel had a heart of gold.
She liked everyone,
And never passed up a treat,
No matter who it was from.
She knew that she was loved,
And that we’ll miss her so much.
Now, go to sleep our sweet Angel,
And when you get to heaven,
Tell Grandpa to feed you lunch.
The last line really makes Jadyn cry. She nods at the doctor.
Phillip gets on the floor with her, and together, they tell her good-bye as the doctor injects the overdose of anesthesia that will ultimately end her life.
When the doctor finally nods his head, indicating that she’s gone, Chase and Damon go into the garage and bring back a wooden casket.
The two of them help lift Angel into it.
Haley and Devaney go into the dining room and retrieve a loose bouquet of brightly colored flowers.
Starting with the youngest, it appears each child is to choose a flower and then place it in the casket with Angel.
Madden adds a picture he drew of himself and Angel in the backyard.
Ryder adds a chew bone.
Haley has a photo of them together, sitting on the dock and sharing Cheetos.
Damon adds a flower and then starts to take off Angel’s collar.
Chase shakes his head and breaks down again.
“No,” Devaney says, “Chase changed his mind. He doesn’t want to keep her collar. He wants everyone where she’s going to know who she is.”
Devaney and Chase approach the casket together. She’s holding his hand tightly. And it’s so very sweet. You can just tell they are always going to be best friends, just like Jadyn and her dad.
But the way she looks adoringly at him, I wonder if maybe they will be more like Phillip and Jadyn. Either way, friends for life.
After they choose a flower and add it, Devaney lays a soft blue blanket that looks like it’s seen better days on top of Angel, tucking it in on the sides, and Chase sets a worn stuffed bear who is missing its eyes along with it.
Danny nods his head toward the door, indicating to his daughter that they should all file out.
Once the kids leave the room, Jadyn stands in front of the casket. “I wondered what he put in there,” she says. “Look, it’s the blanket he wouldn’t let go of when he was a toddler. The one Angel would always steal but somehow knew never to chew up.”
“And Wings, the angel bear whose halo and wings Angel did destroy. But the bear remained,” Phillip says. He wipes his eyes. “This is tough.”
“Yeah, it is.”
Danny walks up behind them, putting one arm around each of their backs in comfort.
For a moment, I feel a little left out, but then he turns and motions for me to join them.
And it means more to me than the heart sign on the television or him saying I love you.
Because with one simple gesture, he literally made me feel like part of the family in the same way Angel did.
