My hair and makeup are done, and all I have left to do is get dressed. I sit on my window seat and look across the space between my house and the Mackenzies’.
Both of our front yards are decorated for homecoming.
Lots of crepe paper and signs and beads from the parade. Head Cheerleader and Homecoming Queen Candidate for me. A football player with Damon’s number. A homecoming court nomination for him. Both he and Chase were chosen by their class as homecoming royalty. The parade was Thursday, and last night was the game. It’s hard, being on the sidelines, cheering for Chase.
I still love him.
And I miss him terribly.
Luckily for Chase and Damon, someone recorded the whole thing on video, and the coach understood why the boys had done what they did. He suspended Hunter for the first three games for threatening me sexually.
And it turned out that Hunter had only asked me to make Taylor jealous. They got back together a few weeks later and were crowned king and queen at the dance, just like they’d always dreamed.
Dreamed.
I get up, go to my jewelry box, and look down at the little diamonds spelling out dream. I pick it up and stare at it. I do that a lot.
Stare at it and wonder what would have happened if I had just said no to Hunter last year.
If I had proudly taken Chase’s arm and left the field with him.
This year, I’ve been casually dating a guy named Baker Devonshire. He and his family live up the street from my mother, meaning they are well off and my mother fully approves. Even Damon and my dad seem to like him. Jennifer isn’t quite as sure, but she’s always nice to him.
We went to his homecoming two weeks ago, and tonight, he’ll escort me to mine. And, if all goes as planned—and as per tradition—last year’s king and queen will come back to crown this year’s, meaning it will be slightly ironic if I win and Hunter crowns me. Especially since I heard that even though he and Taylor had happily gone off to the same college together, they’d barely made it through rush week before calling it quits.
And I know it’s horrible of me, but I find a little pleasure in that fact.
I grab my dress and hold it up in front of me. It’s gorgeous. A sexy designer label dress that my mother helped me find, and I can’t wait to put it on.
But it’s still a little early. Baker won’t arrive until five thirty. We’ll have dinner and then go to the dance.
I grab my phone, sit back down, and start to dial his number.
But motion from the window next door catches my eye.
Chase is in his room, getting ready.
Actually, he’s standing in his window, staring toward my room. He’s got on a pair of dress slacks and a belt, but he’s still shirtless, and his hair looks damp. I lean back, trying to hide in the corner, hoping he doesn’t see me watching him, but when he winks in my direction, I know that I didn’t succeed.
And the wink shocks me.
In fact, you could knock me down with a feather right now.
Because Chase hasn’t winked at me since that summer. He’s barely looked at me, honestly.
And I don’t blame him. I broke his heart and ruined everything.
But what he doesn’t seem to understand is that I broke my heart, too.
I trace the letters on the ring and wish things could be different.
Last year, Chase ended up dating—although never officially—Kelsey Jennings. She actually asked him to homecoming with balloons and a pizza after the first game of the season. She did get a lot of crap about it but seemed not to care at first. She would parade him around at school, but rumor has it, the cradle-robbing teasing got to her, and she stupidly told Chase it wasn’t going to work out two days before the state playoffs.
Everyone was worried it would affect his game, but honestly, I think it was just more motivation for him. Chase plays every game like he has something to prove, and he proved it by winning the state championship. Everyone is fully expecting a repeat this year.
A car pulls into the driveway next door.
A car I’ve come to hate.
Which is horrible of me because Lacey is actually a really sweet girl. She’s the same age as Chase, a junior this year, and on cheer with me. She’s well liked and will probably be named captain when I go off to college.
She’s totally obsessed with Chase. And I have to listen to her gush over him all the time at practice. The girls are always asking her when she’s going to lock him down. He seems to refuse to make it official even though they’ve sort of been dating since this past summer.
In fact, they started hanging out as soon as he got back from the second annual family trip to the Ozarks.
A trip I didn’t partake in.
Because I couldn’t.
There was no way I could go back there.
Spend time with him.
Pretend that summer hadn’t meant anything.
I’d begged my mother not to make me go. She and Richard had divorced amicably a few months before, and she already has a new man in her life. She definitely traded up. In fact, she’s dating one of Tripp’s billionaire friends who she met at some charitable foundation meeting. She wasn’t seeing him then, so we went on a monthlong holiday to Europe. I cried when I saw the Eiffel Tower for the first time, remembering how Chase had told me he would fly me there for his homecoming proposal.
And I wished I had been strong enough to go on the vacation, but I just couldn’t. I couldn’t face it. The memories of that place. Of him. Of us together.
I so clearly remember standing on the hill, looking at the water, thinking about how I’d always remember that summer. Only I didn’t imagine in that moment that it would be the summer that ruined us.
Lacey looks gorgeous. Her chestnut hair is pulled back in an intricate updo. Her dress is gold and hugs her petite figure. Next thing I know, she’s in Chase’s room, throwing her arms around him and kissing him.
I turn my head away, just as my phone rings.
“Hey,” Baker says. “So, there’s this party, and I was thinking we could bail on homecoming.”
“I went to yours with you.”
“And it was lame. You even said so yourself.”
“Yeah, but … Baker, you said you’d go with me.”
“Yeah, I know. I’m just not feeling it tonight.”
“I’m up for homecoming queen!”
“Who cares? In the grand scheme of life, nobody really cares.”
“I care.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t. Whatever. I don’t need you hassling me about this. I’m going to the party. You wanna come?”
“No, I don’t,” I say.
“Cool,” is his reply. “See ya later.”
I slam my finger down on the Call button, hanging up on him.
I can’t even believe this is happening.
I’m holding back tears when Chase and Lacey come out the front door, followed by Chase’s parents. They take a bunch of photos, and Dad, Jennifer, and my brother along with his date join them for even more.
Four other couples arrive in a big stretch SUV limo, and they move out back to do professional photos in front of the lake.
I rush out of my room, down the stairs, and to the back windows to watch.
“Why aren’t you dressed yet?” Jennifer asks as I fly by.
I didn’t realize she was back in the house.
“Baker had to cancel. He’s sick,” I lie.
“Oh, Dani,” she says, “I’m sorry. That sucks. What are you going to do? We just took pictures of Damon and Tiffany. Can you imagine if they ever got married? Her name would be Tiffany Diamond.”
I tune her out, watching the group pose and thinking about how handsome Chase looks tonight. He’s got a grin on his face, and he smiles for the camera, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. Really, it hasn’t reached his eyes for a while—fourteen months, to be exact.
“You’re still going to the dance, right?” Jennifer asks.
“I don’t know,” I answer honestly.
“You should get dressed quick and go in the limo with your brother and Chase.”
I momentarily perk up at the thought. But that would be super awkward, and I know I can’t do that to him.
I shake my head. “The crowning is at nine thirty. I’ll just show up for that.” I shrug. “Homecoming dances are boring anyway.”
“You’re supposed to go to Brandy’s party after.”
“Yeah. I probably won’t do that now.”
She comes over and gives me a hug. “I’m really sorry,” she says again.
“Thanks. I’m not happy about it, but he’s got a high fever, so what choice do I have?”
I end up eating dinner with my dad and Jennifer, and then I play with nineteen-month-old Weston while Jennifer puts my new baby sister, Easton, to bed. She’ll be six months old next week, and she’s an absolute joy from a baby standpoint. Happy and easygoing.
I touch up my hair and makeup, and then I put on my gorgeous dress.
Jennifer insists on taking a few photos of me, and then I unceremoniously drive myself to the dance.
I park.
Get out of the car.
Take a deep breath.
Walk in alone.
I find my friends, hug them, and tell them how amazing they look. When they ask where my date is, I lie and say he got sick at dinner. Food poisoning or something. And how, thankfully, I ordered the sea bass and not the oysters.
And I’m doing okay until Megan says, “So, you’ll have to walk up alone?”
Which is something I forgot about.
For the parade and the game, the candidates are paired up in twos, but for the dance, you are formally escorted up to the stage by your date.
I start to panic at the thought.
I look around for my brother but can’t find him. He wished me luck earlier today before I went to my hair appointment and told me that he’d be at the hotel with his date well before the crowning.
But then I spot Chase.
I rush over to him, knowing I don’t have much time.
“My date bailed on me,” I tell him breathlessly. “I need you to escort me up onstage.”
“I have a date,” he says.
“Please. Just escort me up.”
“You should have your brother do it.”
“I don’t think he’s still even here.”
“Well, I can’t.”
“It’s not like I’m asking you to ditch your date. I just need you to escort me. Lacey knows it’s a big deal. She’ll understand. Please.”
“Dani, when are you going to learn?”
“I don’t need this right now, Chase. I know you hate me. I know I screwed up everything between us, but please. Please. It’s my senior homecoming. I can’t walk up there alone!”
“You’re going to be queen. You’re a strong, independent woman. You don’t need a date.”
“I want you.”
He takes a step backward and inhales a breath so deep that it’s like I sacked him and knocked the wind from his chest.
He’s speechless. He looks like he wants to say something. Actually, he looks like he has a million things to say and can’t decide which one it should be.
“I’m sorry,” I finally say.
“Sorry for what exactly?”
“For what happened, that summer.”
He moves in closer, looking down at me, his words angry. “You’re sorry we had sex?”
“No.”
“You’re sorry you told me you meant it when you didn’t? You’re sorry you told me you loved me?”
“I do love you.”
He winces. “What are you sorry for, Devaney?”
“Everything. The way I handled it. The things I did and didn’t do. I should have walked off the field with you. I’m sorry that I didn’t. Really, I am.”
“Here’s the thing. Someday, when what other people think of you is less important than what you think of yourself, that’s when I’ll believe you. Because you’re still lying to me. And, mostly, you are still lying to yourself. You want me to go up there with you for one reason and one reason only—so no one will think the homecoming queen got ditched by her date.”
“See, that’s exactly what everyone will think!”
“That’s because it’s what happened, isn’t it?” He’s looking at me sternly. And he’s pissed. Mad I would even ask him to do this.
And I’m mad I even have to.
“Yes. Is that what you want to hear? That I chose the wrong guy. Again?”
“Basically, yes,” he says, curling his lip up into an almost smirk.
“So, when am I going to choose the right guy?” I say desperately.
He looks at me, sighs, and shrugs. “I wish I knew.”
“My dress is couture, Chase. Like, it’s … it’s supposed to be my Cinderella moment, you know?”
“I’ll think about it,” he says and then walks away.
I close my eyes, give in to the inevitable, get lined up behind the other couples, and get ready to go onstage.
I’m freaking out and actually considering not even going onstage when Chase walks up and holds out his elbow.
“What are you doing? You’re the one who told me I don’t need a man.”
“And that’s exactly why I’m here now,” he says.
“Because I don’t care what people think?”
“Because you were strong enough to come here by yourself without a date. Because I’m proud of you.”
“And Lacey is okay with it?”
“Sure. I was honest with her about the situation. Told her what I was doing and why. Hoped that she understood.”
“And what did she say?”
“That I’m the sweetest boy ever.”
“What?” I ask, my head getting foggy and taking me back to the Ozarks when I went down in lingerie while he was on the phone with Kelsey.
“What do you mean, what?”
“That’s what I’ve always said about you.”
“Yeah, well, unfortunately, you aren’t interested in sweet. So, anyway, because I’m your brother’s best friend, I’m giving you the option. Walk out by yourself or on my arm.”
“In other words, what’s it gonna be—the shame of being alone or the shame of being with a younger guy?”
“Wow. Okay. So, helpful hint—neither one is supposed to be shameful. You still don’t get it,” he says, “and maybe you never will. Congrats in advance. I know you’ll win, but I think I’m gonna grab my date and bow out now.”
“You’re taking her to the hotel, right?”
“Yeah, actually, I am. I think it’s time for me to stop being sweet and start being bad. Apparently, that’s what girls prefer.”
Then, he walks away.
And I know I’ve just ruined us again.
Probably forever.
I want to cry my eyes out, but I hear my name being called to go out on the stage.
And when the crown is placed on my head, I can’t help it—I search the crowd to see if he stayed.
Instead, I see the back of him, holding Lacey’s hand as they exit the dance.
